First time jitters!

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

First time jitters!

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> First time jitters!

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

First time jitters! - 1/13/2013 7:22:19 PM

Looking4uthe1

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/10/2013
Status: offline

Hello, I'm Ashley. Although my screen name says I am new, I have been on this site for about a year under another name but recently deactivated that account so I formed a new one to ask a question. I recently met a Dom on this site and have been having amazing conversations and I feel we have a connection. He is local so we have decided to meet this week! I am beyond excited yet still can not help but be nervous. We have sent many photos to each other, talked on the phone, etc. I am not scared of him not being the real person, I am nervous about meeting someone from online in general. I have never done online dating or anything. We are meeting on neutral ground in a public place. I guess what I'm asking is does anyone have advice for first time jitters? Or maybe even a pep talk? I just feel this is a very vulnerable time. I mean, we could meet and it turns out he's not attracted to me or I'm not attractive to him and it crashes and burns. Advice anyone?

Post #: 1

RE: First time jitters! - 1/13/2013 7:27:16 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Remember he's just another person, just like you. Just relax and be yourself and breathe.

and don't let your genitals do all the talking, unless that's what you're looking for.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Looking4uthe1)

Post #: 2

RE: First time jitters! - 1/13/2013 7:33:29 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

No pep talk. No advice. Because you don't need either one. You're only meeting a guy off the Internet. Things may work, but chances are they won't, so you're getting yourself worked up unnecessarily.

Go in to enjoy yourself and meet some guy, and quit feeling like it's your life on the line.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 3

RE: First time jitters! - 1/13/2013 8:27:23 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Yes its entirely possible you will meet & go "eh he's ok" without the earth moving. This is just meeting a new person no more

DO NOT follow him to a non public location or get in his car even "just for a second" there never was & never will be a submissive BJ test for admission.

Take a few random turns going home to see if for some reason you were followed.

Make sure someone knows you have "a meeting" at ___ & safe call

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: First time jitters! - 1/13/2013 8:33:10 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Have an "out" call...you know, girlfriend calls you...there's an "emergency" at home and you gotta go.

Hey it works when some guys just don't take the hint or even direct words!

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 5

RE: First time jitters! - 1/13/2013 10:53:50 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Have you ever had a blind date or been fixed up by a friend? This is really not all that different. You've already done the smart thing of meeting somewhere neutral and public. As littlewonder says, having a friend who will call you like 30 minutes into the meeting in case you need an "out" can work wonders (I've used it.). If there are no sparks, then simply be honest. Tell him it was lovely to meet him but you think you aren't compatible and move on. If he says this to you, thank him for his honesty and move on. Think of it as nothing more than a first date. Surely you have had those before, right? This is really not all that different.

(in reply to Looking4uthe1)

Post #: 6

RE: First time jitters! - 1/13/2013 11:01:43 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Looking4uthe1

Hello, I'm Ashley. Although my screen name says I am new, I have been on this site for about a year under another name but recently deactivated that account so I formed a new one to ask a question. I recently met a Dom on this site and have been having amazing conversations and I feel we have a connection. He is local so we have decided to meet this week! I am beyond excited yet still can not help but be nervous. We have sent many photos to each other, talked on the phone, etc. I am not scared of him not being the real person, I am nervous about meeting someone from online in general. I have never done online dating or anything. We are meeting on neutral ground in a public place. I guess what I'm asking is does anyone have advice for first time jitters? Or maybe even a pep talk? I just feel this is a very vulnerable time. I mean, we could meet and it turns out he's not attracted to me or I'm not attractive to him and it crashes and burns. Advice anyone?

I have met literally hundreds of people off the Internet. My advice is: don't get too invested. I have had lots of occasions where people I chatted with online or talked with on the phone and we didn't click in person. Such is life. Just look at it as you're meeting someone and you'll see what happens.

(in reply to Looking4uthe1)

Post #: 7

RE: First time jitters! - 1/13/2013 11:20:09 PM

FreeFromSin

Posts: 38
Joined: 8/3/2012
Status: offline

Don’t worry. Bring a chaperone. My friend and old neighbor insisted when I had my first blind date from FetLife. He turned out to be lovely. We had a great time. I never did a second date because we had opposite fetishes and kinks.

I met another from FetLife (he turned out to be dishonest type but I deciphered it right away).

Had two dates with him.

Got a lot of gifts from them.

Then met two blind-dates from Collar Me. Both picked me up straight from my house.

Had two blind-dates with each but again, they were dishonest on different parts of themselves.

I realized I have a lot to offer and cannot accept just anybody.

You do not know if you have chemistry until you meet in person..

It is nothing to fret over. Just trust your gut. Listen to your head. Do not continue dating if it isn't leading to a long-term, meaningful relationship or the connection isn't real.

Be patient. Finding a love match is very difficult and painstakingly rare.

_____________________________

The Cat's Meow.

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 8

RE: First time jitters! - 1/13/2013 11:56:03 PM

TenderTorment

Posts: 304
Joined: 12/30/2012
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

Just relax and be yourself, if you two have been talking for a while then I'm assuming you already have some common ground, This is only a first face to face so keep it casual and light hearted, there is no obligation on either of you so just enjoy it for what it is.
You have already agreed neutral ground and a public place, I would second the suggestion of a safe call, just for reassurance if nothing else.
Good luck

(in reply to Looking4uthe1)

Post #: 9

RE: First time jitters! - 1/14/2013 12:27:28 AM

TAFKAA

Posts: 382
Joined: 1/5/2013
Status: offline

Herein, I present the mathematics of the match-up.

There's roughly 3 billion men (give or take) on the planet. Of those, let's be conservative and say only one man in a thousand is just right for you. One man in a thousand! That's like .1 of a percent. That means there's 3 million men who are EXACTLY right for you.

America has one twentieth of the world's population. Give or take. That means roughly 150,000 guys who are absolutely PERFECT for you. If we presume even distribution across 50 states (which there isn't but bear with me), then there's 3,000 guys in your state who are absolutely perfect for you.

3,000! You'll be tripping over the fuckers in no time. Alternatively, just take the population of your state and divide by two thousand. That's how many guys in your state are just perfect for you.

So basically.... relax. Plenty of guys out there and if all else fails, you can just import one.

(in reply to TenderTorment)

Post #: 10

RE: First time jitters! - 1/14/2013 1:31:11 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

A little bit of nerves can be a good thing. Embrace them. A first date is exciting.

You've already thought about safety. Realistically the worse that will happen is that you won't get on well and it'll be a slightly awkward hour. That doesn't sound too bad, huh? On the other hand, the best that could happen is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

But 'don't get too invested' is always good advice when meeting someone online. It's so easy to build someone up in your mind and then be disappointed because you're not a good fit.

Then again, I broke all the rules when I met my husband, so perhaps I shouldn't be giving advice.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Looking4uthe1)

Post #: 11

RE: First time jitters! - 1/14/2013 4:59:21 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

I'm about to break all the rules too; I'm thrilled to do it.
OP, just like he is some guy off the internet, you are some girl off the internet. You sound like a lovely person, and it's just as possible that he is a wonderful man. Plan to enjoy yourself and enjoy the excitement you feel. If you don't feel fireworks the first date but like being with him, give it some time instead of writing it off. The most amazing chemistry can grow over time.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 12

RE: First time jitters! - 1/14/2013 8:09:37 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

My advice is to get a grip on reality. You are already worrying about whether IT will "crash & burn". There is no IT yet. There's nothing except for some long distance communications. Neither of you love each other. Neither of you even know if you like each other more than "at a distance".

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Looking4uthe1)

Post #: 13

RE: First time jitters! - 1/14/2013 8:19:33 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Meet for coffee or similar.

Do not have sex or play.

Do not go anywhere near his car or get into it.

Do not have an overtly sexual or BDSM-y conversation.

Get to know each other as people rather than a sex partner.

At the end of the meeting go home. Then decide if you actually like who that person is, before you agree to go out with them again.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 14

RE: First time jitters! - 1/14/2013 10:58:11 AM

Looking4uthe1

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/10/2013
Status: offline

Thank you, thank you! I really appreciate all the positive advice and tips! I will definitely have a friend call and check on me! Great idea! And don't worry, I'm not putting all my eggs in this one basket. Just needed some help to make it through the first time. I will treat it as a first blind date. I can't help but be excited, even if I just gain a new platonic friend. Thank you so much!

(in reply to Looking4uthe1)

Post #: 15

RE: First time jitters! - 1/14/2013 11:52:46 AM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

Best of luck OP, you'll do fine.

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to Looking4uthe1)

Post #: 16

RE: First time jitters! - 1/14/2013 1:05:29 PM

DrakLuna

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/13/2013
Status: offline

Just make up a pack of raving lies like 99% on this site, if you havent already

Failing that before you meet him ask for his home telephone number (don't give him yours)
Take it from there meet somewhere public and not in his cellar

(in reply to Delilya)

Post #: 17

RE: First time jitters! - 1/14/2013 1:06:19 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DrakLuna)

Post #: 18

RE: First time jitters! - 1/14/2013 1:06:24 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrakLuna

Just make up a pack of raving lies like 99% on this site, if you havent already

Failing that before you meet him ask for his home telephone number (don't give him yours)
Take it from there meet somewhere public and not in his cellar

butbutbut I have CANDY in my cellar. For REALS.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to DrakLuna)

Post #: 19

RE: First time jitters! - 1/14/2013 1:18:05 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Do not stab him in the eye with a fork. After that, everything will be ok.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> First time jitters!

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109