Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Being a slave and a parent


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Being a slave and a parent Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 1:10:19 AM   
rawkyslave76


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/14/2013
Status: offline 		Is it possible to be a parent and a slave.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 1:27:31 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Yes.

You know aside from the basic biology (all the master needs to do is impregnate the slave let's face it).

I'm guessing that your question is broader... along the lines of "Would it be possible to have a full m/s relationship where one of the parties was also a parent"

Again the answer is yes.

Making it work would require some adjustment (you can't rock-up to a parent/teachers event wearing only your latex slave knickers and your collar, after all!) but many people manage to maintain a pretty intense m/s dynamic even when the kids are living at home, without exposing the children to anything untoward.

If this question is prompted because you might be about to enter an m/s relationship with someone and you have (or intend to have) a child then I'd suggest you consider the following..

1) Are you both prepared to ensure that the child gets the best upbringing that you can provide? (My personal opinion is that if you can't sign up to this, then you've no business having a child in the first place)
2) What changes do you think you'd need to make to your routine in order to accommodate the needs of the child?
3) Would you both be happy after those changes had been made?


_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to rawkyslave76)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 1:46:55 AM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		You know, I always find it rather unsettling when you post something without the slightest inkling of snark.

OP, do a search on the forum, we've had some awesome kids vs lifestyle threads here that will give you insight into how real couples have made it work at home with their kids, and how they've explained their dynamics to them. The answer is yes, it is possible to be both and many have made it work; the key is that both you and your Master must be committed to being good parents above all else.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 1:51:32 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rawkyslave76

Is it possible to be a parent and a slave.


Our dynamic has been stronger than ever since we became parents.

He is the head of the household. He has the final say in everything. That says, he delegates the majority of the day -to-day stuff to me. I serve him by making sure the house is clean, his child is well-cared for and stimulated, his clothes are washed, his dinner is on the table, his errands are complete - He goes out to work for us, I make sure that when he's at home he doesn't have any obligations on his time, so he can spend it with his child and on things he enjoys.

I've gone from being the breadwinner to being (more-or-less) a stay-home mom. It puts me in mind of the '1950s' stereotype and I find playing the doting wife works very well with our dynamic.

Submission is a state of mind. Sometimes his orders might be for me to take a long bath and a nap because I've been up all night with a poorly baby. It's still submitting to his will. From the outside you might not see much D/s going on, but it's there as a constant undercurrent.

You might not be able to have impromptu mid-day sex marathons, but if you are committed to one another you can still make the time for play. There are quiet toys that can be played with after bedtime, and there's always a babysitter.

Every relationship is tested when people become parents. D/s or not, people have to adapt and WORK TOGETHER to make sure everyone's needs are being met. Really as long as both parents are committed 100% to sharing the responsibilities (and a realistic division of labour, not 'well you're the sub so you need to do all the housework and all the night feeds and all the nappy changes....) and supporting each other, it can be done.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to rawkyslave76)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 1:53:43 AM   
thursdays


Posts: 143
Joined: 7/28/2011
Status: offline 		<ffs> Sorry. Reposting.


< Message edited by thursdays -- 1/14/2013 1:54:47 AM >

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 1:55:29 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Grin. Well... you know... sometimes it's nice to mix things up a bit ;-)

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 3:52:55 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rawkyslave76

Is it possible to be a parent and a slave.


Yep. There are two ways to do it:

1. Become parent. Enter relationship as slave.
2. Become a slave. Then become a parent.

And this isn't what you asked, but you're a woman open to a poly relationship with an existing couple and willing to relocate. Do you have ANY idea how rare and sought-after women like you are?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to rawkyslave76)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 8:21:47 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I'm kind of curious what you envision in the word "slave" that would make you think it has anything to do with parenting. Look, humans have been raising children under all sorts of circumstances for quite some time now. So even in your darkest, fantasy fevered imaginings (which will have zero to do with the reality of being a slave) the answer would still be yes. In the end, you are simply saying that you trust your master enough to be responsible for raising a child. Last I checked, women do this every day constantly. Every women who gets intentionally pregnant has done that.

What is it that you imagine "being a slave" is like that would make having a child problematic?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to rawkyslave76)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 8:41:03 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yup. Been there done it, still do it, although mine is now an adult. But I was a slave when she was a child as well. It was simple. He is head of household. Think of a traditional, old-fashioned relationship. His word is law, he is king of his castle. I didn't sit around all day naked and in chains. I didn't go around calling him "Master". He has the last word, when dinner is served I serve him first. If I did something that deserved discipline, it was either something that I could do in front of anyone, anywhere or it was behind closed doors. See? Simple.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 8:48:07 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Personally, don't believe in the "slave" thing.

Here's the reality: You can still engage in a D/s relationship when you have a child. As long as the Dominant understands that the child's needs come before his/hers. The responsibility of being a parent trumps D/s.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 9:47:20 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I'm kind of curious what you envision in the word "slave" that would make you think it has anything to do with parenting. Look, humans have been raising children under all sorts of circumstances for quite some time now. So even in your darkest, fantasy fevered imaginings (which will have zero to do with the reality of being a slave) the answer would still be yes. In the end, you are simply saying that you trust your master enough to be responsible for raising a child. Last I checked, women do this every day constantly. Every women who gets intentionally pregnant has done that.

What is it that you imagine "being a slave" is like that would make having a child problematic?


Jeff makes a really good point.

My husband is a great man. He's sensible, reliable, intelligent, consistent, moral and caring (all those things on top of the sexy-dom parts of his personality). I made sure he was all of those things before I agreed to become his, because although no-one is perfect, I wasn't going to settle for any less than 'pretty damn close'. SO since I already know he is all of those things, I can trust that he will dominate in such a way that also creates a safe happy environment to raise a child. Even when I obey his every order without question, I still know without a doubt that the bills will be paid and the children will be fed. He's not some selfish fantasist or clueless brute, so he's not going to demand I wander round naked with a butt plug when the kids are home, nor have me miss parent-teacher events because I'm chained up to a cross. As such, there is no conflict between the role of 'slave' and the role of 'mother'.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 3:47:06 PM   
RedRabbit


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Personally, don't believe in the "slave" thing.

Here's the reality: You can still engage in a D/s relationship when you have a child. As long as the Dominant understands that the child's needs come before his/hers. The responsibility of being a parent trumps D/s.


Ditto. Kid ALWAYS comes first. Any dick-dom who gets his panties in a wad over that is out.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 4:02:37 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedRabbit
Ditto. Kid ALWAYS comes first. Any dick-dom who gets his panties in a wad over that is out.

*laughs* yeah well, not everyone sees it that same way. I can guarantee you that if I was taking on a 2nd and she had children it would still be "obey or get out". One would hope that any potential slave getting into that situation would have solid trust that the master in question knows how to prioritize reasonably. Witness Athena's comment. Her master seems to be able to understand the idea that "children are important".


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to RedRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 6:01:52 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Interesting. Someone I used to know put his needs before his slave and her family. She was married with kids. Was. His needs demanded that she go in for training for their ceremony after her job, and her return home ended in her in a ditch. Husband first? No. Kids first? No. Master first. End result, one accident, and master needing a new slave.

I would say obey or get out? Adios muchaco.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 6:11:17 PM   
AllisonWilder


Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline 		It's always hard on a relationship to raise a child, but it can certainly be done in a D/s or M/s dynamic as well as a vanilla relationship. I have a two-year-old and am in a D/s relationship. He might be the submissive, but we certainly share the responsibilities of child-rearing evenly.

I will admit though, he's absolutely done more diapering than I've done.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 6:33:27 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yes, children come first, but so do you, so does your man who you are with and trust with your life. If you can't you're with the wrong man. For me, all three are of equal priority. If any of those three are not well, then no one is. There's a time and a place for each one of equal importance even if you have a baby.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to AllisonWilder)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 8:00:45 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		How it works here in practical ways is that I don't cook peas for dinner because he hates them. Also brussel sprouts. I can promise you that my kids do not feel deprived of brussel sprouts.

He decides if we're going to the hardware store before the grocery store. But he isn't going to decide nobody will get to eat dinner by refusing to let me grocery shop.

Basically, the answer to this is that it can work very well if you don't pick an abusive prick for a master.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 11:24:14 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		heh...sounds like me when my daughter comes over for dinner. She loves brussel sprouts, Master hates them and I'm good either way because I'm very flexible, so I end up making both lol. See? Equal priorities.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 11:33:44 PM   
FindommeJinx


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/14/2013
Status: offline 		I would suggest adding your boundaries with regards to your child into your contract.
E.g Making sure you both want whats best for your child, limits as to how much the child will know about your relationship etc.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Being a slave and a parent - 1/14/2013 11:41:13 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Or ya know, they could actually talk to each other and find out if they are compatible together when it comes to child rearing and then spend actual time getting to know each other.

Gawd, I'm so old fashioned. I should probably be ashamed of myself for thinking like this. Sheesh.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to FindommeJinx)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Being a slave and a parent Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.098