Moved without meeting?? (Full Version)

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HisTicia -> Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 12:50:29 PM)

I am getting ready to move this next weekend (if nothing else happens) to be with my Sir.  We have never met..and I am a bit nervous.  Not about Him.. I know with Him I am very safe...but about starting over..and leaving my family and such behind..I grew up around here..and haven't lived anyplace else.  I am packing and sorting..and just trying to keep myself as busy as possible.. to try to calm my nerves..but nothing is really helping with it.
 
I guess this could apply to anyone moving to their Sir.. whether they had met or not....
 
How did you calm those fears and jitters....and keep from going a bit nutty while you waited?? 
 
He isn't cutting me off from anyone.. nor stopping any of my interests..so there isn't any fear on that part.. it's just the normal.... I am moving a few states away in a matter of days and I just want to throw-up part. 
 
                             Thanks, Ticia



Tikkiee -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 12:51:41 PM)

You have never met, and yet, you are moving to be with him?
 
Ok
 
 



Littlepita -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 12:58:27 PM)

I never met my Dom until I moved in with him. We both moved from our homes to a new state and we were both very nervous and excited. Just try to breathe and remember why your doing this. Make sure to take what you really love and dump the rest. It's just stuff and we have found it to be a blast to build a home together with new stuff that had no emotional ties. Best of luck! [:)]



carolsea -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 12:58:27 PM)

If you are that nervous about it, and if you have to put it out here for scrutiny, then there must be some question in your mind other than how to get rid of the jitters.

No, you're not asking to be judged by posting this here, and I wish you all the happiness in the world, but just be prepared for the barrage.  I think you are asking the wrong question.

Carolsea



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 12:58:51 PM)

Given that you've made your choice and that's not going to go back now no matter what I say- I'd say you should be crazy with packing and plans, you should be going out to all the restaurants and visiting all the people you won't have as easy access to when you move. 

If you don't have a job in your new area and your master expects you to work, then send out about 5 resumes per day.  Research your new area, what are the good places to hang out?  Clubs?  Restaurants to try?  Is there a hobby group nearby that you can start to hang out in?



KatyLied -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 1:11:53 PM)

Wow, talk about taking a huge risk.



littleone35 -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 1:31:19 PM)

I agree it does seem like a risk but you seem very sure of your Sir so i would just say stay busy. Lucky gave you a lot of good advice also.  I wish you much luck and happiness.

Matt's littleone



MisPandora -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 1:31:21 PM)

I can't say that as a dominant, I'd allow a slave to relocate without having at least MET me. That'd be a risk that I would want to control myself, not leave to the universe.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 1:42:44 PM)

I trust you have planned for you success as well as you can. Have you planned in the event of failure as well?

If you have and after ongoing communication your shared you've determined your goals are compatible, enjoy your adventure! If not, I hope you have a history and have enough self confidence to make the correct life altering decisions on the fly with no outside support; and you can still enjoy the adventure.

My hope is that you know yourself intimately so you can answer your own concerns with honest objectivity.

GOOD LUCK!



lisa1978 -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 1:44:03 PM)

I echo everyone elses concern of not ever meeting.

My question would be how much is this truly about living with the person and how much of this is for the excitement and adventure of doing something drastic in your life? A kind of now or never type thought.

My only advice is to have some money saved up that he cannot touch so you do not get trapped.







bandit25 -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 1:47:31 PM)

I didn't know that you hadn't met.  Jeez...  well, good luck.  I agree with Mercnbeth, tho, make sure you have some sort of contingency plan.



zero69u2 -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 2:11:24 PM)

Dear Ticia,
I'd definately want to meet before loading up the dishes and furniture and moving in with someone. I took 2 years of dating with one and long road to realize i did'nt want to move. Not that any of us in the forums could talk you out of your decision. I've seen some of these long distance move in's workout but they all met each other before packing up the car and hauling themselves 2000 miles to be with each other.

There is no speedy way to love expressway. its a long road of dating and finding out the person's personality. I guess this will all workout great but your taking chances and great risks. Is the distance to far for casual get together before loading up the u-haul ?



SweetSlaveGirl -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 2:16:01 PM)

I have to agree, watch your ass...in otherwords, have a back up plan. 
I know how people can go from nicey nicey, to complete and utter satan once they get you in in a house all to yourselves.  My late husband was that kind. Fine around other people, fine while we shared a house with another couple, BUT a complete and utter abusive asshole after we'd found a place all to ourselves. I was also pregnant too with our first child.  It wasn't a BDSM relationship, it was vanilla.

Just make sure others that you trust have your number, address, name of your new master, and make sure you keep contact with these people. If master says you cannot do this anymore, then those are red flags. You can also tell him they have orders to call the police and send help if they don't hear from you by "so n so" times every month, week, whathave you.  But I'd only use that if he tries the "you are not allowed contact anyone you know, ever" crap.

Have money saved away, where he can't get to it at all no matter what he says.  That way, if you have to flee you have money to do so.



missturbation -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 2:42:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia

I am getting ready to move this next weekend (if nothing else happens) to be with my Sir.  We have never met..and I am a bit nervous.  Not about Him.. I know with Him I am very safe...but about starting over..and leaving my family and such behind..I grew up around here..and haven't lived anyplace else.  I am packing and sorting..and just trying to keep myself as busy as possible.. to try to calm my nerves..but nothing is really helping with it.
 
I guess this could apply to anyone moving to their Sir.. whether they had met or not....
 
How did you calm those fears and jitters....and keep from going a bit nutty while you waited?? 
 
He isn't cutting me off from anyone.. nor stopping any of my interests..so there isn't any fear on that part.. it's just the normal.... I am moving a few states away in a matter of days and I just want to throw-up part. 
 
                             Thanks, Ticia


Firsly you are moving a few states to be with a man you have never met? Crazy.
You know you are safe? How do you know this if you have never met?
The fears and jitters should be the last thing on your mind. What if you move there and he is not what he seems?
Please please rethink this.
If  you go though i wish you all the luck in the world - you may need it!!



Taylore -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 3:01:09 PM)

I moved to Texas from California 3 months ago to be near Master ( we do not live together though, something we both agreed upon ). However, I would never have contemplated such a move without first meeting him in person.
 
Like many have said, it is important to have a backup plan in place. Money of your own.  A job of your own, outside the relationship. Without these things, you could become trapped in something that you do not want to be trapped in.



MisPandora -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 3:08:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lisa1978
My only advice is to have some money saved up that he cannot touch so you do not get trapped.

Absolutely fantastic advice.  I think I recall hearing Master Steve Sampson talk about his requirement of a slave coming to him with a $10K account only in the slave's name in the event of something unfortunate -- that could include his death, their separation, or some other unforseen disaster.



vessel111 -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 3:21:56 PM)

sweetslavegirl, I couldn't agree with you more.
I have been there and done that. My exboyfriend lived with a month and then I told him he had to go. I told I didn't care where he went as long as he got of my house. He wasn't abusive. He was just a liar. He was controlling and not in a good way.

As for me I wouldn't move to be with someone unless we have spent some offline time together. As it has been suggested I would spend more than just a weekend with them also.

Good Luck Ticia...trust your gut instinct.



sabswife -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 3:29:43 PM)

wow i didnt realize you hadnt met either, you are much braver then i am.  there is no way to help those jitters that i know of-- the first time i met Sab i was shaking so hard i had to put my coffee down because i kept spilling it all over my hand. 

all i can say is good luck and like others have said-- be sure to have a back up plan, just in case :)



fullofgrace -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 3:31:49 PM)

be very, very careful you haven't sold everything and cut all ties at first. a dear friend of mine moved here to marry a girl he'd met online but had been with offline for five years, long distance, and met offline many times, even lived with for short periods. she backed out. he was deported (he lives in england). he had sold everything - his car, everything. just be careful.

and...really honestly go through what you have and let go of things you don't need/don't use. i'm a bit of a packrat...moving for me was a great experience, because i don't even have storage space where i live now, so i had to get rid of all my extraneous stuff. (this was moving on my own - i have not yet moved in with my dominant, we are waiting awhile before that happens though we live about 10 minutes apart.) focus on moving being a cleansing experience. make packing a meditation. maybe that will help you to be calmer :)

and i'm with la...GO SEE PEOPLE! go to restaurants that are unique to where you live, and local coffee shops, and have fun doing the things you can only do where you are. :)

*hugs* good luck to you.



trippingdaisy -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 3:49:32 PM)

Okay...

i'm not going to reiterate what everyone else has already. :)

i can, however, tell you that what you're feeling is totally normal.

When i moved away from my home state (Oregon), i was leaving -everything- behind. Family, friends, everything. i was going to Arizona to move in with some friends, because i knew that if i stayed in Oregon, i'd end up back in the relationship i'd just left.

That being said....it's easier than you'd think. i got super homesick sometimes, but the key is keeping in contact with the people that you know, so they can help you feel better. Also, the busier you are in your new home, the better it'll be. :)

i wish you luck!





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