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LadyPact -> RE: suggested addition to FAQ (1/22/2013 2:56:29 PM)
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ORIGINAL: wannapleez
I have no argument with that, though I don't think it's unreasonable to want the veterans to show a bit of patience with the newbie, even if he does approach badly. After all, we don't react the same way to a 6-month-old as we do to a 21-year-old when they're both whining and crying for no reason. But, I'll dispense with my expectations and move on.
We'll have to be at an impasse about that. When I think of the most common criticism that I see for a first post, it's generally telling the poster that genital shots are prohibited by ToS as their avatar. Unfortunately, most people come here thinking that general standards of tact don't apply because it's the net. It is My contention that the posters who apply common sense and politeness do far better than those who do not.
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My point exactly. If you were an ass at a munch, you were "told the people would rather you didn't come back". You were not physically accosted and left for dead in the restaurant parking lot. Yet the internet equivalent happens a lot in this forum.
Yes and no. Frankly, you'd be surprised in the ways that certain people were <cough> asked <cough> not to come back if they couldn't treat people decently. It didn't happen often, but I'm not going to say that all asking was verbal.
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Right. And the forum equivalent is pointing them to a FAQ or other online source, as NiceButMeanGirl said that she tries to do.
I'd bet the farm that when you were recommended that book that the guy two seats down from the recommender didn't roll his eyes and say, "Jane, you ignorant slut." (50 points if you get the SNL reference.)
I get the reference. I'm only two years younger than you.
Just so you know, I was two inches away from owning that farm. I absolutely was told that I didn't know shit about BDSM and another person asked Me if I was really sure I was Dominant. The first was right and I had no idea if the second person was right or not.
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If many, most, or even nearly all newbies were not being ideal in their approach, this still does not excuse the veteran from assuming the worst about the person for whom the veteran has no evidence. Apples and oranges. If the newbie displays "the worst", then you don't even have to assume, and can respond accordingly. But if he doesn't display anything, to lump him in with all the others is just silly stereotyping.
There's the rub, isn't it? You accused folks in general of assuming the worst about the new folks. By the same token, you are assuming the worst of the vets. You really don't know how often the people more versed in BDSM have offered the book list or how to get in touch with the local community.
I'm going to say this one thing more. What happens on these forums with the way people are received aren't terribly different than what happens in the real world. Some newcomers *are* received better than others. This generally has everything to do with how said newcomers introduce themselves into the group. Let's face it. Some people are rude, aren't doing their best with their personal appearance, etc, etc. They don't do as well at being welcomed as folks who are polite, dress neatly, etc, etc. We are social creatures and those with better social skills have an easier path. That doesn't especially change just because we are talking about the physical world or the virtual one.
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