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crazyml -> RE: suggested addition to FAQ (1/24/2013 2:38:11 AM)
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Hey there wannapleez,
I promise that I wasn't asking for examples out of snark. I'm genuinely interested.
I tend to think that there's far less hostility to newcomers than people sometimes suggest. That isn't to say that some newcomers don't get a hard time (quite a few get a good kicking) or that we shouldn't try to be more welcoming, but it bothers me a little that it gets overstated.
While I was watching one of the "the boards are shit" threads I made a point of keeping an eye on newcomers, and how they get on and, you know - by and large I think this board is pretty welcoming.
That said, sure, I think an addition to the FAQ along the lines of "Tips on starting out..." would be handy.
If I were writing such a thing it would be something like this...
Welcome to the Forums!
You're joining a pretty eclectic mix of people with a huge range of kinks, preferences, outlooks, and communication styles. But that range of different points of view is what makes this place so fucking awesome.
So, you're new. You're walking into the bar for the first time... you'll see a bunch of regulars, they'll look you up and down, they might not be super chatty at first - but hey, that's natural isn't it?
If you weigh into a discussion, and for pete's sake - we hope you do! - then expect your point of view to be challenged, prodded, poked.
Some people will do this in a gentle, almost pleasant way, and others may come across as abrupt, or even snarky.
If you get a response that seems abrupt or snarky to you - Don't assume that the person making it is an asshat... read what they've said.
Bear in mind that while you may have a ton of experience, the chances are that there'll be someone else who has every bit as much, if not more, than you. So don't assume that you're always going to be the expert. Isn't that awesome? There are likely to be people that have more (or different) experience than you... what an fucking awesome way to learn and grow!
Now, like every bar, there are a few nutjobs. You know, the drooling drunkard in the corner who wants to pick a fight with every newcomer. Conveniently, there's an "ignore" function for these idiots. Over time every fucking tactic under the sun has been tried in order to deal with these buffoons - in general the best thing to do is just ignore them.
Just as it's good advice never to get into a debate with a drunk, these people are best left to splooge their madwaggery without any additional encouragement.
And, from time to time you're going to fuck up. I can say this with absolute certainty, because everyone fucks up. So if someone gets the wrong end of the stick, then do the big thing and say "Sorry, my bad... I didn't explain myself properly". If they're still snippy then either roll with it, or use that lovely ignore button.
Back to the broad mix of kinks thing.... there are going to be people who love doing stuff to people who love having that stuff done to them that you might think is rather odd. You might think it's wrong, you might even think that stuff is properly fucked up. If that happens, here's some advice for you -
You don't have to understand everyone's kinks, you don't have to like them, you don't have to not feel "squicky", but it is beholden on you to try not to judge others.
Sure... there are some properly clear boundaries..... but be very careful about saying things like "Dominance is..." or "A real Dom would...." because shit like that is a red rag...
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