RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird??

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/22/2013 3:26:09 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

I really think this is the guy from the UK that has come here before with the same anti-BDSM message about 4 times now, although he usually calls himself a submissive or a slave. Don't you guys remember the time before last when he said he got counseling online to help him try to get rid of his kinkiness?

I remember Mr BDSM is Wrong but get a different vibe from the OP, who is way more open to new perspectives.

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/22/2013 3:30:37 PM

cordeliasub

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I think you have to walk before you can run, and your mind has to be open. And realize that just because you don;t understand something doesn't mean it is crazy. I think people who tie a giant elastic cord to their ankles and jump off of very tall things are......a bit touched, but I assume they just find something that I do not understand very enjoyable. The same goes for people who actually like liver and onions....though I suspect most of those are either lying or have no taste buds ;)

I didn't understand how my husband could possibly be so asexual, but that was just who he was. people are different. That is [art of what makes the world interesting.

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/22/2013 3:34:44 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

I really think this is the guy from the UK that has come here before with the same anti-BDSM message about 4 times now, although he usually calls himself a submissive or a slave. Don't you guys remember the time before last when he said he got counseling online to help him try to get rid of his kinkiness?

I remember Mr BDSM is Wrong but get a different vibe from the OP, who is way more open to new perspectives.

We'll see. From what I remember he seemed interested in learning before too up to a point, but then his strong bias comes out.

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/22/2013 3:38:59 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Remember, there are abusers in all walks of life. The vast majority of dominants are not abusers, just like the vast majority of vanilla people are not abusers. Great harm can be done regardless of whether or not one chooses a BDSM type label.

Yep.. The people I have met that have made me the most uncomfortable and scared me had nothing to do with BDSM at all. I have to admit it is hard to get out to events with having small children so I do not go very often. When I do I tend to stick with my friends since I am not looking for any type of relationship but never have I met anyone who alarmed me during any events. Now out in every day life, I see guys that are complete asses and I would not want to be in the same room with them much less alone. A few were abusers but more often they are just jerks who think they are all that and a bag of chips. I see that way more in vanilla life then BDSM.

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/22/2013 4:20:32 PM

TNDommeK

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Ok so for some reason my phone wont let me view Page three. But I would have to go with RS on this one. Im far from sick. I happen to enjoy being a sadist..and I'm sure my victims, I mean slaves, love it.

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/22/2013 4:25:57 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: con8ken

It's clear that it is a wide and varied lifestyle, everyone has freedom of choice and not everybody is an abuser. Its obvious i don't have enough information to build a good enough understanding and make an informed decision. I apologise to anybody who Ive offended. I wish you all the best.

If that is so, then perhaps you should change the verbiage in your profile. You call people here (after 2 days on the site) "nutters who should get help".

Being judgemental about things you know next to nothing about is idiotic.

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/22/2013 5:16:36 PM

TheLilSquaw

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

Ok so for some reason my phone wont let me view Page three. But I would have to go with RS on this one. Im far from sick. I happen to enjoy being a sadist..and I'm sure my victims, I mean slaves, love it.

You are sick!
But in a good way. :)

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 1:37:00 AM

con8ken

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Ive read all the comments with interest, thanks. I understand everybody has the right to freedom of choice and that its all subjective.

I spoke to one sub and what she was saying seemed nuts, she had fantasies about being raped, to me the feelings of a victim who has no inclination towards any of the effects or emotions, and the feelings that a fantasist associates with it can never be equated, which is not to say the reality of rape is any less of a vile act if happened to either. I think some people don't differentiate between reality and fantasy and are damaged by it. Would any of you think that it would be ok for a masochist person to make a choice to put themselves in dangerous situations with a hope to actually being raped, based on their fantasy and the perceived feelings they will get from it?
I think she is delusional and needs to seek help to protect her from herself.
Do any of you believe that if they enjoy the reality of being raped, and as long as they report the crime to the police so this vile criminal can be arrested, that's ok.? I don't, as variables are unknown. So again I believe they need to be protected from themselves.
Just because a person can it doesn't mean they should.
I understand that this doesn't reflect the reality of everyday people in the bdsm community and the vast majority practice within safe limits, however extreme they may seem.

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 2:34:47 AM

LadyPact

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The fact that you use the word fantasist makes Me quite curious.

Rape fantasies are actually quite common. It's not just BDSM folks who enjoy them. There's a lot of psychological mumbo-jumbo behind the reasons for it but some of that has to do with one being able to release themselves from their personal inhibitions. We, as humans, have put a lot of barriers up as far as getting away from the primal enjoyment of sex. When you talk to people about their rape fantasies, none of it is the devastating occurrence that happens with real rape. Part of it is about skipping the societal norms. For the fantasy, the person being taken can let go of whatever they feel is expected from them that is connected with sex

Looking on the surface, it's not that difficult to understand. Who doesn't want to let go of all of their 'proper' thoughts and just be the sexual being that is hard wired into their instincts?

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 5:09:09 AM

TheLilSquaw

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quote:

ORIGINAL: con8ken

I spoke to one sub and what she was saying seemed nuts, she had fantasies about being raped, to me the feelings of a victim who has no inclination towards any of the effects or emotions, and the feelings that a fantasist associates with it can never be equated, which is not to say the reality of rape is any less of a vile act if happened to either.

As Lady Pact pointed out, rape fantasies are not uncommon even among "vanilla folks".

I personally love rape play. I like telling my partner, you can do a-l and having him surprise me and forcefully do anything from a-l. And respecting those things that are off limits.

For ME it is about not being in control, it is about being taken, about that shock and surprise. It's about the adrenaline rush. I admit I love that fight or flight kick. Even though I know I agreed to do a-l not knowing exactly what he is going to do or when. Oh damn!

That isn't me advocating rape.
Lets be clear, rape isn't about sex.
It's about power.
Rape isn't consensual and I am consenting to have him take me by surprise and do anything from a-l to me.

So obviously there is a difference.

I find it sad though, that after speaking to 1 submissive woman you form blanket general statements about specific activities or relationship dynamics.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/23/2013 5:11:51 AM >

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 5:41:08 AM

con8ken

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If you read what I wrote, I wasn't talking about a sub and her Dom, the point was about masochist who actually seek to be raped for real, by a stranger.

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 5:42:46 AM

TheLilSquaw

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quote:

ORIGINAL: con8ken

If you read what I wrote, I wasn't talking about a sub and her Dom, the point was about masochist who actually seek to be raped for real, by a stranger.

I did read what you wrote.
Several times in-fact.
You stated that you spoke to a sub who had fantasies about being raped and how she was nuts.
In-fact THAT is what I quoted if you paid attention.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/23/2013 5:43:16 AM >

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 5:45:47 AM

con8ken

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When I wrote " I talked to one sub" , it was meant generally as in " A person"

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 5:47:18 AM

con8ken

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I'm afraid you seemed to have missed the point of it altogether. I understand the point your making and its entirely different

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 5:49:39 AM

con8ken

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In actual fact I said I spoke to one sub and what she was saying seemed nuts

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 5:53:28 AM

con8ken

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The main point is, do you believe that the masochist in the scenario I set, that being actively seeking to raped for real, needs protecting from herself.

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 5:58:16 AM

TheLilSquaw

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quote:

ORIGINAL: con8ken

The main point is, do you believe that the masochist in the scenario I set, that being actively seeking to raped for real, needs protecting from herself.

IMO if someone is "actively seeking" out someone she is seeking out the fantasy not the real thing.
Why?
IMO she is consenting to what is happening.
She is saying, I want you to take me by force.
So IMO that isn't "rape" that is someone living out a rape fantasy or seeking to live out a rape fantasy.

And no I don't think someone who is seeking out to live out a rape fantasy "needs" to be saved from themselves.

I do think that this simply isn't a fantasy that YOU are comfortable taking part it.
But eh.... that's ok.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/23/2013 6:02:42 AM >

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 6:01:04 AM

con8ken

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I understand what the fantasy is about an I also understand that even some people who are raped for real enjoy it to some extent. What I haven't seemed to sheet across clearly is, do you think that a person actively seeking to be raped for real needs protecting from themselves.

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 6:04:48 AM

TheLilSquaw

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quote:

ORIGINAL: con8ken

I also understand that even some people who are raped for real enjoy it to some extent.

THIS is so false.
RAPE victims do not enjoy being victimized, terrorized or raped.
Even if their body reacts (by having an orgasm) that doesn't mean that they enjoyed it.
That is a reaction that they cannot control which has been proven many times over.

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RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? - 1/23/2013 6:10:10 AM

con8ken

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I ask the question because IMO a person who has a rape fantasy doesn't actually have a fantasy of being raped for real, its more about the feelings that they associate with it, so then should be another to describe what they seek, as the act of rape and fantasy can not be equated. And to actively seek to be rape for real is dangerous and they need protecting from themselves.

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