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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 9:26:09 AM

Notsweet

Posts: 873
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quote:

ORIGINAL: masmiss

I don't think you give a rat's ass what other people think. You just wanted to brag about all the pieces of ass you had on the side for the past 15 years.

Dismissed.

This ^ AND

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

So, can we assume all these women you were with her extramarital affairs? If so then not a single one was your sub or slave. She was your piece on the side and nothing more.

AND you're a cheating, dishonest, rutting pig.

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 9:31:55 AM

Notsweet

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OsideGirl--isn't that the stupidest fucking thing? "Oh, it kills me to lie to my wife while I can't say no to burying my dick in every hole that says yes!"
Boo fucking hoo.

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 9:33:36 AM

ARIES83

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http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4365790
One postcard answer...

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 1/29/2013 9:37:37 AM >

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 9:34:29 AM

EsotericLady

Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
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First of all, you are a sock...with the only exception that before, you identified as a submissive.

Secondly, these two comments "the thing I hate most is lying to my wife" and "my wife could not live with the insecurity she would feel if she knew I was unfaithful" could be easily remedied for all concerned by something called a D-I-V-O-R-C-E!!

I have a feeling your wife would find herself with a whole lot more emotional strength without you!

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 9:34:35 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet

OsideGirl--isn't that the stupidest fucking thing? "Oh, it kills me to lie to my wife while I can't say no to burying my dick in every hole that says yes!"
Boo fucking hoo.

"You can trust me, I only lie to my wife."

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 9:40:39 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterJforyou

Ouch!

To all of you who have commented on my 'extramarital' 'affairs' - guilty as charged but know that the thing I hate most is lying to my wife! I never lie to my 'girlfriends' / subs - it would be utterly wrong to let someone spend several years of their life in an affair that has no long term future - if they are living for the moment and go in open eyed that's OK.

If you hated it enough, you wouldn't do it. Plain and simple.

quote:

You should not judge them as 'bits on the side' all are intelligent capable women who did not want long term commitment with me at that point in their lives but, at least in several cases wanted to call themselves 'slaves' and in some sense, both when we were together and in the weeks between, 'belong' to me - if you need to judge me fine - but don't demean them. odd thing to say on a bdsm site but there is a difference I'm sure you understand between their choice to submit to a married guy and any humiliation 'in scene' they desired!

They ARE "bits on the side" whether it was their choice or not. Their being capable intelligent women has nothing to do with it. YOU made them bits on the side. Perhaps you should figure why you can't seem to be as protective and defensive of your wife as you do with them.

quote:

As to how somebody lives like this tell me how you would solve his one:

- first unfaithful when going brought a very rough patch in the mariage - my wife is bi-polar, but refused to seek help - if you have lived with a severe depressive that you love you know what he'll that is.

- at the time she was losing interest in sex whilst my appetite was increasing (something to do with age/career success I guess

- yes started with one night stands - unsatisfying - inevitable I looked for a no strings longer term relationship, unexpectedly fell in love and discovered bdsm

- it seemed to help my mariage in a strange way - lifted the pressure

- was this mid life crisis - of course - that's very real - but I had no intention to hurt my wife whicho honesty would have done

- when my wife discovered the first affair she then demonstrated she did in fact still love me, could not live without me, had a nervouse breakdown that lasted 2 years, could not tokerate an open relationship, but did start therapy, anti depressants etc that destroyed what was left of her sex drive but made her a much happier person - but now hugely fragile and insecure. I discovered I still loved her but still loved my girlfriend! Yes ladies I know a lot of women can't do this love 2 people thing but a lot of men can. However I have been careful to limit emotional attachment to all my girls since - its not fair to the girl!

- I have a very strong sex drive and dont feel I can live as a monk - my wife could not live with the insecurity she would feel if she knew I was unfaithful - she doesn't need to fear me leaving her but would

You got married. You entered a LEGAL contract with this woman. Your first sentence about "going through hell" when she got sick....you bailed! What does that say about you?

She finds out you are a cheating, two-timing jerk, it causes a nervous breakdown, so your solution is to keep it from her.

You have the unmitigated gall and ignorance to behave as though what you do is in her best interest. You don't realize that you have a complete lack of respect for her and the only person's best interest you are looking out for is your own.

Life with wife gets tough...solution: bail and be with other women.

She loses interest in sex because of her illness...your solution: your sex drive is more important.

"It helped the marriage" Likely the help was you weren't continually making your wife feel bad whining about sex, so of course YOU thought things were better.

You have a mid life crisis? Really, you don't even have enough control of your penis and sex drive to qualify as an adult, let alone one having a mid life crisis. Just another excuse to justify cheating.

It's laughable how you seem to think you actually know something about women. There are plenty of women here involved in poly relationships who love all the people in their relationship. The difference is, they are open and honest with everyone about it. And when one of their partners becomes ill for any reason, they don't think the right thing to do is lead with their genitals and only worry about their needs. They all work together to make sure everyone remains healthy and happy.

Your only interest is in what makes YOU feel good and happy.

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 10:02:03 AM

Notsweet

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I suspect he's into humiliation, and comes here to get a dose.

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 10:47:44 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
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~FRing it~

Meh, read the original post and think its a huge load of wanking bullshit personally. All these drawn out details about women that odds are exist only within the confines of the OP's imagination. And the followup message just kind of sealed the deal. Hate lying to your wife (if she exists), but obviously not enough to stop you from being some slimy dude who will bury his dick in any hole that would have it. But I still have my doubts as to whether this is all true or just figments of an overactive imagination. All I can say, OP, is that when you start whacking a beehive like it was a pinata at a kid's party...expect the bees to be pissed off. And you knew full well what the resulting reaction was going to be before you hit submit to post this swill publicly.

And if in fact your wife does actually exist in reality, all I can say is thank God for psychotropic medications killing off sex drive because God knows what creeping crud you might bring home as you hump your way around the globe. Quite frankly it makes my skin crawl. And as for these women who apparently knew you were married and still slept around with you anyway...all I can say is that if you elect to lay down with a filthy dog, expect to get his fleas and whatever else he might have.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 1/29/2013 10:50:00 AM >

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 10:57:09 AM

thishereboi

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I just love it when someone comes on here, admits he's a lying cheat and then tries to blame it on his wife. Seriously dude, grow a pair and own your mistakes.

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 11:06:57 AM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
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I'm thinking fiction, myself. Perhaps someone thought he'd get a pat on the back for being a sleazebag...

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 3:32:33 PM

breagha

Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity
And if in fact your wife does actually exist in reality, all I can say is thank God for psychotropic medications killing off sex drive because God knows what creeping crud you might bring home as you hump your way around the globe.

love the term creeping crud... so appropriate. i have to agree with everyone else here. is it any wonder she had a break down and lost interest in sex? i would lose interest in sex with my husband too if i knew he was out roving about with anyone and everyone. the man my mother was married to for a huge chunk of my life did exactly this to her... including bringing home the creeping crud. bringing this info to a forum where many relationships are based on strong trust and respect... probably not the brightest thing to do.

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 9:46:45 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Well I have no idea how people can live lies like
that, cheating on your wife is just a sign of poor
character.
And that your word means nothing.

I haven't cheated on anyone since I was a horny
20yr old, I assumed it was something people
grew out of, when they found that living a lie
was pathetic.

I'll never understand how some people can be
so utterly ruled by their dick.

I for one think someone like the OP is very immature. My oldest played those games when he was 15 and in high school. Now at 19 he wised up.

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 10:37:22 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterJforyou

To be honest in my 15 years as an active dom (remember being turned on by the image of a chained Dejah Thoris on a John Carter novel as a kid, not to mention all those pre-raphelite princesses chained up for dragons) I haven't spent much time in forums like this or reading lifestyle literature. So these terms are pretty interchangeable to me. I notice in the discussions here a lot of subs seem to draw a distinction between the various terms in the title - what do hey mean to you? How would you describe my various 'slaves' below?
.

I stopped reading after the first paragraph. Sub, bottom, slave are the same to me. As are domme, top, etc. It gives me a general sense of a person's BDSM leanings, and then all that matters is the specifics of the individual.

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 11:11:40 PM

MrMarqui

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Joined: 1/7/2013
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From my understanding a bottom is referred to some one who takes the passive role (feminin/submissive) usually in a same sex relationship. As far as the difference between subs and slaves, a sub is someone who wants and seeks to be dominated by what they perceive to be a more powerful force, sexually. It is usually based on a sexual need to be ravished. To feel that their sexuality is so overpowering that the one in power (Dominant), is overwhelmed with the thought of having them. Ensuring to the sub that they are the most desirable being on the face of the earth. They want to be the captured tiger. I think subconciously they want to have the freedom to experience their deepest and raunchiest desires, but wanting the safety to say," I was overpowered by the dominance. I was forced to do the things that I really wanted to do." A slave is some one who wants to relinquesh full control to a Master. They want to be guided they want to be taught and trained to do the things that their Master desires. They are fully aware of the total power exchange and they crave it. They want to do the wrong things so that they receive discipline.Wanting to releive themselves of having to constantly make decisions about every little thing is quite exilerating. To be able to have the ability to mold oneself into the perfect being for the most Dominant of individuals, a Master, is the best experince for a slave. To feel the total comfort of being taken care of and properly guided is more exilerating and more deeply sexually gratifying than just being dominated sexually. It is complete submission to total domination. It is an experience that surpasses all. But do keep in mind I am a Master, so My opinion may be biased. But I have talked with many who list them selves as slaves when in all acutuallity, they are submisive. Big difference. One wants to be controlled sexually, the other wants to be completely controlled. Just My two bits. It's more than two cents! Ha! I made a funny.

No. I am as no other, and no other is as I.

Please pardon the improper grammer and misspellings. I'm not asking you to, I'm telling you to...... >;-}

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/29/2013 11:40:38 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMarqui

From my understanding a bottom is referred to some one who takes the passive role (feminin/submissive) usually in a same sex relationship. As far as the difference between subs and slaves, a sub is someone who wants and seeks to be dominated by what they perceive to be a more powerful force, sexually. It is usually based on a sexual need to be ravished. To feel that their sexuality is so overpowering that the one in power (Dominant), is overwhelmed with the thought of having them. Ensuring to the sub that they are the most desirable being on the face of the earth. They want to be the captured tiger. I think subconciously they want to have the freedom to experience their deepest and raunchiest desires, but wanting the safety to say," I was overpowered by the dominance. I was forced to do the things that I really wanted to do." A slave is some one who wants to relinquesh full control to a Master. They want to be guided they want to be taught and trained to do the things that their Master desires. They are fully aware of the total power exchange and they crave it. They want to do the wrong things so that they receive discipline.Wanting to releive themselves of having to constantly make decisions about every little thing is quite exilerating. To be able to have the ability to mold oneself into the perfect being for the most Dominant of individuals, a Master, is the best experince for a slave. To feel the total comfort of being taken care of and properly guided is more exilerating and more deeply sexually gratifying than just being dominated sexually. It is complete submission to total domination. It is an experience that surpasses all. But do keep in mind I am a Master, so My opinion may be biased. But I have talked with many who list them selves as slaves when in all acutuallity, they are submisive. Big difference. One wants to be controlled sexually, the other wants to be completely controlled. Just My two bits. It's more than two cents! Ha! I made a funny.

No. I am as no other, and no other is as I.

Please pardon the improper grammer and misspellings. I'm not asking you to, I'm telling you to...... >;-}

WOW! and No.

Especially THIS part: "To feel that their sexuality is so overpowering that the one in power (Dominant), is overwhelmed with the thought of having them." Double no.

1. You don't need to be sexually attractive in any way to be a good submissive. You just need to have an eager desire to BE a good submissive and please your Dominant. Attractiveness does not equate degree of submission, nor level of skill.

2. Many subs and slaves seek a NON-sexual relationship, the CONTROL, the GUIDANCE, the DISCIPLINE...perhaps HUMILIATION as well. Sex is only one POSSIBLE PART of a relationship and many D/s relationships contain no sex at all...think of all the gay males serving female Dominants for instance. Many D/s relationships go FAR beyond sex into purely psychological and/or non-sexual servitude such as "domestics".

--MM

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/30/2013 12:27:54 AM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Well I have no idea how people can live lies like
that, cheating on your wife is just a sign of poor
character.
And that your word means nothing.

I haven't cheated on anyone since I was a horny
20yr old, I assumed it was something people
grew out of, when they found that living a lie
was pathetic.

I'll never understand how some people can be
so utterly ruled by their dick.

I for one think someone like the OP is very immature. My oldest played those games when he was 15 and in high school. Now at 19 he wised up.

Actually when I read that back I can think of
plenty of people I've known that didn't "grow
out of" that type of thing... but it's something
only an idiot would be proud of IMO.

I guess it's something I would have hoped
wasn't as common, but that may be hoping for
too much.

It all comes down to a person's character and
that's a topic that I'd love more people to take
a interest in, but to put it simply, I look at
being true to yourself as a strength and
something that sometimes requires you to be
strong, and I see being untrue to yourself as
being a flaw and a weakness.

Being a lier in most cases is just the result of not
having the strength of character to accept the
consequences of owning the reality, but I know
it's not black and white.

I don't take these views from some ethical/moral
high ground, but from the point of view that lying
is not only a weakness but in this case, it
demonstrates a situation that goes against the
essence of what I believe the term "Dom" should
represent.

By hiding or lying to protect yourself from
dealing with the consequences, you not only fail to
own your actions but your words as well, your
words and manner become something your true
self hides behind in order to protect itself from
consequence, because the person can't control
themselves, their desires and ultimately their
actions.
If you don't try to master those things or to own
them, you are a slave to them.

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 1/30/2013 1:01:09 AM >

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/30/2013 5:03:56 AM

masterJforyou

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Hi Oside,

I'm clearly not going to change your mind on the 'morality' of this, and I understand the subject is a sensitive one with many women who have had bad experiences in this respect - the reason I DO NOT lie about this to my girlfriends, whatever you believe. If I was intending to be dishonest why put it on my profile or in this post?

Yes I am risking the happiness of my wife and myself by lying, and that is a constant source of guilt and concern, but I dont see any other option in order to avoid ruining one or both our lives with the available "honest" options.

You did ignore the key question, assuming you agree that we all only live once, that this life is all there is, and that we should all strive to make it the best possible for ourselves and those we love and come into contact with, then how would you resolve the situation without lying and without ruining one life or the other? If she knows I 'cheat' it will unessissarily destroy her feeling of security, her happiness, her self esteem and likely the mariage and so our both our financial situations. If I don't cheat then I more or less do with out sex for the remainder of my active sex life - and given I am verry highly sexed and showing no signs of decline in capacity or interest thats not something I am capable of.

Catch 22.

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/30/2013 5:08:50 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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Keep telling yourself that.

/pats head/

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/30/2013 7:53:39 AM

Notsweet

Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterJforyou

Hi Oside,

I'm clearly not going to change your mind on the 'morality' of this, and I understand the subject is a sensitive one with many women who have had bad experiences in this respect - the reason I DO NOT lie about this to my girlfriends, whatever you believe. If I was intending to be dishonest why put it on my profile or in this post?

Yes I am risking the happiness of my wife and myself by lying, and that is a constant source of guilt and concern, but I dont see any other option in order to avoid ruining one or both our lives with the available "honest" options.

You did ignore the key question, assuming you agree that we all only live once, that this life is all there is, and that we should all strive to make it the best possible for ourselves and those we love and come into contact with, then how would you resolve the situation without lying and without ruining one life or the other? If she knows I 'cheat' it will unessissarily destroy her feeling of security, her happiness, her self esteem and likely the mariage and so our both our financial situations. If I don't cheat then I more or less do with out sex for the remainder of my active sex life - and given I am verry highly sexed and showing no signs of decline in capacity or interest thats not something I am capable of.

Catch 22.

Uh....
Stop cheating and spend the time with your wife that it takes to build a fucking relationship?

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RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? - 1/30/2013 8:48:29 AM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet
Uh....
Stop cheating and spend the time with your wife that it takes to build a fucking relationship?

Or get a divorce and make a clean break of it, since he doesn't seem to feel that being honest with his wife is important at all, so I doubt he's ever going to do this. "Feeling guilty" about bad things you do doesn't mean anything if you just keep doing the same bad things anyway.

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