RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you?

RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (Full Version)

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OsideGirl -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/30/2013 8:56:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterJforyou Hi Oside, I'm clearly not going to change your mind on the 'morality' of this, and I understand the subject is a sensitive one with many women who have had bad experiences in this respect - the reason I DO NOT lie about this to my girlfriends, whatever you believe. If I was intending to be dishonest why put it on my profile or in this post? Yes I am risking the happiness of my wife and myself by lying, and that is a constant source of guilt and concern, but I dont see any other option in order to avoid ruining one or both our lives with the available "honest" options. You did ignore the key question, assuming you agree that we all only live once, that this life is all there is, and that we should all strive to make it the best possible for ourselves and those we love and come into contact with, then how would you resolve the situation without lying and without ruining one life or the other? If she knows I 'cheat' it will unessissarily destroy her feeling of security, her happiness, her self esteem and likely the mariage and so our both our financial situations. If I don't cheat then I more or less do with out sex for the remainder of my active sex life - and given I am verry highly sexed and showing no signs of decline in capacity or interest thats not something I am capable of. Catch 22. It's nice to know that your dick is more important than your promises. As for the lying thing: You're a liar, we already know you're a liar. You can tell me that you don't lie to your pieces on the side until the cows come home....but you've already proven that you don't believe in honesty. As for the question: I would either suck it up, find another hobby and stand by my promise - or get a divorce. Cheating is not an option and it's a cowards way out.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/30/2013 10:18:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 quote: ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 Well I have no idea how people can live lies like that, cheating on your wife is just a sign of poor character. And that your word means nothing. I haven't cheated on anyone since I was a horny 20yr old, I assumed it was something people grew out of, when they found that living a lie was pathetic. I'll never understand how some people can be so utterly ruled by their dick. I for one think someone like the OP is very immature. My oldest played those games when he was 15 and in high school. Now at 19 he wised up. Actually when I read that back I can think of plenty of people I've known that didn't "grow out of" that type of thing... but it's something only an idiot would be proud of IMO. I guess it's something I would have hoped wasn't as common, but that may be hoping for too much. It all comes down to a person's character and that's a topic that I'd love more people to take a interest in, but to put it simply, I look at being true to yourself as a strength and something that sometimes requires you to be strong, and I see being untrue to yourself as being a flaw and a weakness. Being a lier in most cases is just the result of not having the strength of character to accept the consequences of owning the reality, but I know it's not black and white. I don't take these views from some ethical/moral high ground, but from the point of view that lying is not only a weakness but in this case, it demonstrates a situation that goes against the essence of what I believe the term "Dom" should represent. By hiding or lying to protect yourself from dealing with the consequences, you not only fail to own your actions but your words as well, your words and manner become something your true self hides behind in order to protect itself from consequence, because the person can't control themselves, their desires and ultimately their actions. If you don't try to master those things or to own them, you are a slave to them. Yes very true. I get used to hearing people telling those that cheat on their significant others that they need to grow up already. But in reality there are kids out there with enough integrity to not lie, steal and cheat.

Notsweet -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/30/2013 2:17:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: graceadieu Or get a divorce and make a clean break of it, since he doesn't seem to feel that being honest with his wife is important at all, so I doubt he's ever going to do this. "Feeling guilty" about bad things you do doesn't mean anything if you just keep doing the same bad things anyway. He already said he can't get a divorce, and in the worthless explanation, he gave away the only real reason--he also doesn't want to give his wife any money. I for one hope she finds out and takes him to the cleaners.

LadyPact -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/30/2013 2:34:37 PM)
Bottom - A person who receives sensations. Submissive - A person who submits to another. Slave - A person who is owned by another. OP, ToS doesn't allow Me to post My definition of you. Be grateful. A fifteen year long mid-life crisis? Hysterical!

littlewonder -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/30/2013 7:06:40 PM)
blah blah blah excuses upon more lame excuses. I really feel sorry for your wife. Hopefully one day she finally gets the nerve to tell you enough is enough and if you don't think she already suspects, then you may be a bit naive. Good thing I'm exhausted beyond exhausted tonight or I would be typing more. Be very, very glad.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/30/2013 7:40:23 PM)
I watched one of my closest friends go through that. It was heartbreaking. I know she suspected for a while because we talked a lot and every time we decided he was cheating she started making excuses. She was either hoping or in denial. Either way she finally caught him it was horrible to watch knowing there was nothing I could do for her. I hope for her sake she finds out sooner rather then later.

Calligraphy -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/30/2013 7:55:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterJforyou You did ignore the key question, assuming you agree that we all only live once, that this life is all there is, and that we should all strive to make it the best possible for ourselves and those we love and come into contact with, then how would you resolve the situation without lying and without ruining one life or the other? This was someone I loved enough to marry, to make a vow to share the rest of my life with. Even if that had changed over the course of the marriage and the years spent together, I would still be able to remember a time when that person still held my heart, and I his. Even if I'd become embittered, or apathetic, or any other range of difficult emotions that come with a relationships end, I would still hold the memory of a time when things were different, and I thought this person to be beloved. I could never deliberately cause that person the harm and devastation that comes with cheating. I have always ended a closed relationships before I allowed myself to become involved with another person, and have always discussed any potential partners with my Primary when I was interested in having fun while in an open relationship. I believe in being a responsible adult, and a lover with both honor and integrity. And yes, I have had to make the choice you were faced with, and broke off an engagement with a man who I adored, but was no longer sexually compatible with. Divorce can ruin a life, but so can finding out that your spouse has betrayed you in the most elemental way possible. You sent this poor woman into a two year long 'nervouse break down' after the discovery of your first affair. Knowing full well that the knowledge of your affairs had caused her such severe harm, you continued to betray her. A real man would have either honored his word, or set her free when he realized that he could not keep his commitment, so that his actions could no longer devastate her. What you did, and continued to do, is inexcusable. *If you were really* worried about not ruining her life, you would have never continued to cheat knowing the damage it had, and could again, cause her.**

OsideGirl -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/30/2013 8:46:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Calligraphy You sent this poor woman into a two year long 'nervous break down' after the discovery of your first affair. Knowing full well that the knowledge of your affairs had caused her such severe harm, you continued to betray her. *If you were really* worried about not ruining her life, you would have never continued to cheat knowing the damage it had, and could again, cause her.** Exactly.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/30/2013 10:38:15 PM)
A bottom receives sensations. A submissive submits to another person. A slave is a person who is owned. As far as comments go, I can tell the OP that he is most assuredly NOT looking forward to mine. quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder So, can we assume all these women you were with her extramarital affairs? If so then not a single one was your sub or slave. She was your piece on the side and nothing more. [sm=applause.gif] quote: ORIGINAL: masmiss I don't think you give a rat's ass what other people think. You just wanted to brag about all the pieces of ass you had on the side for the past 15 years. [sm=agree.gif] quote: ORIGINAL: masterJforyou To all of you who have commented on my 'extramarital' 'affairs' - guilty as charged but know that the thing I hate most is lying to my wife! ..........You should not judge them as 'bits on the side' all are intelligent capable women .......... my wife is bi-polar, but refused to seek help - if you have lived with a severe depressive that you love you know what he'll that is. - at the time she was losing interest in sex whilst my appetite was increasing (something to do with age/career success I guess - yes started with one night stands - unsatisfying - inevitable I looked for a no strings longer term relationship, unexpectedly fell in love and discovered bdsm - it seemed to help my mariage in a strange way - lifted the pressure - was this mid life crisis - of course - that's very real - but I had no intention to hurt my wife whicho honesty would have done If you hate lying to your wife, then you shouldn't be doing it. Those women you were/are cheating with cannot be that intelligent, else they would not be getting hooked up with a lying cheater like yourself. If you lie to your wife, WTH makes them think you won't lie to them too? I don't see how they can trust you, as you've already shown you're a liar and a cheater. So you're using your wife's mental illness as an excuse for your cheating?? How low can you go?? She's mentally ill, she's not stupid. I'm bipolar(on meds) and I certainly knew when my ex was cheating. You think you're not hurting her because she supposedly doesn't know? Says who?? So you're saying your sex drive is more important than your marriage?? Also, just because your marriage sucks, that's no reason to step out on your wife. And you know how you could have avoided "unexpectedly falling in love?" Just don't fuck around. Problem solved. NBMG

masterJforyou -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/31/2013 2:47:14 AM)
Ok ladies I give up - last entry then you can have your last words! No doubt you are correct and the love I feel for my wife is unreal and the happiness I bring her is not real? No doubt I should tell hr all this and destroy her once and for all? No doubt when I wrongly thought she didn't love me but couldn't get her to talk about it I should have walked out and divorced her? No doubt 15 years ago I should have given up on 25 years together, folowed my dick as you put it it and I should have let her commit suicide when she tried, left her the house as I offered at the time and gone. Maybe she would have become a bag lady as she promised, maybe not.

masmiss -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/31/2013 4:06:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterJforyou Ok ladies I give up - last entry then you can have your last words! No doubt you are correct and the love I feel for my wife is unreal and the happiness I bring her is not real? No doubt I should tell hr all this and destroy her once and for all? No doubt when I wrongly thought she didn't love me but couldn't get her to talk about it I should have walked out and divorced her? No doubt 15 years ago I should have given up on 25 years together, folowed my dick as you put it it and I should have let her commit suicide when she tried, left her the house as I offered at the time and gone. Maybe she would have become a bag lady as she promised, maybe not. How fucking noble of you to stay with your wife so she doesn't kill herself. How omnipotent that must make you feel! Your wife would be dead this very day if YOU had left her. How could we have not seen the magnanimity? I swoon in your powerful presence. [8\|]

DarkSteven -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/31/2013 5:20:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterJforyou Ok ladies I give up - last entry then you can have your last words! No doubt you are correct and the love I feel for my wife is unreal and the happiness I bring her is not real? No doubt I should tell hr all this and destroy her once and for all? No doubt when I wrongly thought she didn't love me but couldn't get her to talk about it I should have walked out and divorced her? No doubt 15 years ago I should have given up on 25 years together, folowed my dick as you put it it and I should have let her commit suicide when she tried, left her the house as I offered at the time and gone. Maybe she would have become a bag lady as she promised, maybe not. You're right. It is shameful that all these women insult you. I'm a man. Lemme do it too. You're a dick. My bullshit detector is screaming at me. You're pegging the meter.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/31/2013 5:58:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterJforyou Ok ladies I give up - last entry then you can have your last words! No doubt you are correct and the love I feel for my wife is unreal and the happiness I bring her is not real? No doubt I should tell hr all this and destroy her once and for all? No doubt when I wrongly thought she didn't love me but couldn't get her to talk about it I should have walked out and divorced her? No doubt 15 years ago I should have given up on 25 years together, folowed my dick as you put it it and I should have let her commit suicide when she tried, left her the house as I offered at the time and gone. Maybe she would have become a bag lady as she promised, maybe not. Or more like you are worried she would find out and throw your ass out. You could have tried something thousands of men including my husband manage to do every day, Don't cheat on your wife.

Notsweet -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/31/2013 6:13:59 AM)
No, you DON'T tell her. You get yourself tested for STDs and you remember your vows, as though you meant them. REPEAT--NO, YOU DON'T TELL HER. YOU live with the guilt, you DON'T tell her so you can share it. You're deliberately being obtuse, and now you're boring as well as glib and deceitful. and just plain stupid. But you came here for abuse. Haven't you got enough to wank by now?

Toysinbabeland -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/31/2013 6:23:13 AM)
Op actually you did ruin her life. you have been wasting her time since the moment you reached for another woman. your wife deserve someone that believes in her and her alone, because that is what you continue to allow her to believe that you represent. if you were honest and caring enough for her, you would stop wasting her time. you seem selfish because when it comes down to it its probably just all about money.

peppermint -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/31/2013 6:27:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterJforyou Ok ladies I give up - last entry then you can have your last words! No doubt you are correct and the love I feel for my wife is unreal and the happiness I bring her is not real? A person who loves another person does not cheat. The person learns to masturbate if they have sexual needs. How do I know this? Dude, you are not the only person in the world who has had a spouse who is not capable of a sexual relationship. However, not everyone else in that circumstance feels the need to lie, cheat, keep 2 fuck buddies on the side, and brag about having the fuck buddies. My vibrator was my only sex partner for years. I could have cheated. In fact, he told me to go out and find someone. However, the vows I took when we married said for better or worse. It would not have been right to cheat no matter the circumstances. I do believe you must love your wife. I also believe that even if she didn't have problems you'd still find some excuse to have fuck buddies.

littleone14 -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/31/2013 6:43:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterJforyou Ok ladies I give up - last entry then you can have your last words! No doubt you are correct and the love I feel for my wife is unreal and the happiness I bring her is not real? No doubt I should tell hr all this and destroy her once and for all? No doubt when I wrongly thought she didn't love me but couldn't get her to talk about it I should have walked out and divorced her? No doubt 15 years ago I should have given up on 25 years together, folowed my dick as you put it it and I should have let her commit suicide when she tried, left her the house as I offered at the time and gone. Maybe she would have become a bag lady as she promised, maybe not. I was with a bipolar man for years. I had many opportunities to cheat. Our sex was sporadic at best during the majority of our years together, totally nonexistent for the last 5 or so years. But I didn't cheat. Alot of what you are saying about your life together and what your feelings are towards her and how you don't want to walk away from her or your marriage are similar to what I felt. But I didn't cheat. Have I mentioned yet that I didn't cheat?

OsideGirl -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/31/2013 8:52:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterJforyou No doubt you are correct and the love I feel for my wife is unreal and the happiness I bring her is not real? She's in a situation where you've already kicked her in the teeth and she gets to live with the possibility that she's going to find you doing it again. It's a situation that kills your self esteem, makes you feel like an idiot and makes you very insecure. While there may very well be moments of happiness, she's living a life where she spends every day waiting for the other shoe to drop.....and you did that to her. quote: No doubt I should tell hr all this and destroy her once and for all? No, you should either get your shit together or get a divorce and allow her to heal and move on with her life. quote: No doubt when I wrongly thought she didn't love me but couldn't get her to talk about it I should have walked out and divorced her? I would have gone for counseling first. You instead decided that cheating and kicking her in the teeth was a better option. quote: No doubt 15 years ago I should have given up on 25 years together You've made it clear that your sex life is more important than your marriage, so why bother to stay in a situation that is toxic for both of you? quote: folowed my dick as you put it it You've already proven that you've followed your dick by your serial cheating which you try everything in the world to justify. quote: and I should have let her commit suicide when she tried No one suggested that you allow her to commit suicide, but nice try. As someone who has had a suicide in the family, I find your snideness on this topic to be completely tasteless. quote: left her the house as I offered at the time and gone. At least she would have had the opportunity to deal with the way she has been living her life, get some help and heal. Now she's just living in a constant realm of fear with small spurts of relief that the pain hasn't happened today. That's no way to go through life. quote: Maybe she would have become a bag lady as she promised, maybe not. Wow....an amateur attempt a guilt trip.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/31/2013 9:46:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterJforyou Ok ladies I give up - last entry then you can have your last words! No doubt you are correct and the love I feel for my wife is unreal and the happiness I bring her is not real? No doubt I should tell hr all this and destroy her once and for all? No doubt when I wrongly thought she didn't love me but couldn't get her to talk about it I should have walked out and divorced her? No doubt 15 years ago I should have given up on 25 years together, folowed my dick as you put it it and I should have let her commit suicide when she tried, left her the house as I offered at the time and gone. Maybe she would have become a bag lady as she promised, maybe not. Ah, so this is what talking out your ass looks like. Ive heard of this mythical orifice speaking method, but havent ever seen a real life example of it until just now. [8\|] There comes a point in life, OP....where you should just drop the shovel and quit digging the hole deeper. The goal in life should not be to make a box of rocks look smarter than oneself. Just sayin'.

littlewonder -> RE: What does bottom vs sub vs slave mean to you? (1/31/2013 9:51:05 AM)
the fact that you said she has depression and that's why she won't have sex with you and it is causing your problems in your marriage is just an insult to me. I suffer from clinical depression. I have my entire life. I still seem to have a wonderful relationship with my Master. You know why?? He is here for me. He comforts me, he pulls me through, he has integrity. I had that with my husband as well before he passed on. You Sir, and I'm using that term condescendingly, have none of the above. Stop using depression as your way out. You insult all of us who go through with it and live with it everyday. I think your wife suffers from depression not because she suffers from clinical depression but because she knows she's married to you and you make her life a living hell.

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