quote:

ORIGINAL: jezmw

Hello. I am a new submissive (literally, but always figuratively). I met and became completely loyal to a wonderful man who used and played with me in ways that I have always dreamed. He promised to teach me the Dom/sub lifestyle, and held true to his word. Until tonight. Through a text, he cut all ties. I am devistated. I don't know what to do with myself. I was sure that this man was a caring Master who would help to guide me on my new journey and now I am left feeling completely in the dark. I feel like a child abandoned. I am confused. I cannot stop crying. So many new things were opened to me and now they have been completely cut off. Can anyone help? Any advice will be helpful.

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

Breaking up with someone is rarely easy, especially when they take the coward's way out and finish it by text.

This person you were with is not a Master, caring or otherwise, if he cannot take the responsibility of ending a relationship in an adult manner.

You are not a child yourself - you are 37 years old (according to your profile). Treat this like any other relationship that has gone south. Cry, grieve a little, pull up those big girl pants and move on.

When you consider your next partner, take it slower. Get to know the man before you submit to him. You need to prove to each other that you are what your profile says you are, and that takes time to figure out. He needs to know you're the right fit for him, and you need to know that he's really what you want or need.

I kissed a hell of a lot of frogs before I found Master. Most of the heartache I had was caused by me rushing in and assuming a D/s relationship before we'd even decided we were compatible on a day to day level. With Master, we chatted online for a while, getting to know each other non-sexually. We had a lot of interests in common and we had a similar sense of humour. We met in real time, and dated. We went out to dinner, went to the cinema, went for walks - all of it as equals.

After a few months of dating, we decided it was time to move to D/s.

By the time we got to this point I knew all about his family, I knew where he worked, I knew about his life before he met me, and we'd talked about our hopes for the future (together, or apart, depending on how we worked out).

Without the 'getting to know you' phase, we would not be where we are now - nearly 3 years on and planning on moving in together.

Slapping a label on yourself on a kinky website does not make the relationship stuff any easier or any quicker. You need to learn about the man before you can even consider calling him Master.

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

and would like to add. if you keep your profile text the way it is now, you will be flooded with those who see you as easy prey to a quick blowjob.

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ORIGINAL: Alwaysmylove

Sometimes, even those with experience get taken in. Don't be so hard on yourself. Let yourself feel the pain, the anger, as it's justified. While there are two sides to every story, he treated you badly with how he ended things.

Also, since this is the first time you have experienced the emotions that can be part of this lifestyle, you were likely more vulnerable than you have been in the past. So, this hurts more (or seems to) than the usual break up. Which is exactly why you feel like an abandoned child. When the person you trusted for strength and intimacy, the person you gave power over you, just ups and disappears? It can feel like the universe is off kilter.

Take some time, do a lot of soul searching, and move on wiser and better for it. You can grow from this experience and, if you handle it in a healthy way, you will.

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ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
No doors have been closed to you. The whole big world of BDSM is still out there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jezmw

But I think that all of that trust building is what has made this all so difficult. I opened parts of myself to him that I have never shown to any other person before. It IS different than a vanilla break-up. There is a level of vunerability that comes from such deep communication between two people.