Beyond peeve and getting to fury....

Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (Full Version)

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Notsweet -> Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 6:57:46 AM)
Anybody else have this problem? How do you handle it? I'm currently an unattached submissive. This is BY CHOICE. It's because I'm looking for the right one, not one for right now. Why then, do friends or acquaintances who happen to be tops/doms/masters think that they have license to come up and give me orders, or even worse, to put their hands on me? It's the R/L equivalent of the "On your knees, bitch" that we get online. It's stupid, it's rude, and in some cases, it's ASSAULT. Fair warning. If you aren't my dom and you take license to put your hands on me, I will take license to put my hands on you, and it will NOT feel good.

DarkSteven -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 7:01:12 AM)
If it's at a play party/munch/other kink function, inform the venue host.

LadyPact -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 7:06:49 AM)
Don't put up with that, period. The venue host and/or group rules should have something in there about not touching things that don't belong to them and that includes other people. If you don't feel comfortable with telling these people off, get the host/DMs to deal with the situation.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 7:21:53 AM)
No one has a RIGHT to touch you without your permission or invade your personal space for that matter regardless of who they are. They host and or DM should be made aware. Even if you are like me and have no issue telling people not to touch me without permission. IMO if this behavior goes on during their event or function it is a reflection upon them but if they don't know they can't stop it.

Notsweet -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 7:23:52 AM)
Oh, I'm comfortable telling these people off. Loudly, so others know what they did. I'm also comfortable with punishing it. In fact, I may start carrying a safety pin or a taser. <grin> I feel as though going to the venue host is a bit of submissiveness and respect that I don't owe the perpetrator. Last time, my yell of "What the fuck is wrong with you? Get off me!" was interpreted by some as a brat scene, but I think the punch in the pants got my point across. People around who know me know I don't do brat scenes, I just think someone really ought to educate these clowns.

LadyPact -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 7:44:30 AM)
It's not about owing the perpetrator. It's about letting the host know what is happening so it doesn't happen anymore. The host is in the position of providing a safe place to play. When they are not informed, they don't have the best tools at their disposal to provide that environment. We're in the process of building My dream dungeon downstairs. I would be mortified if something like this was happening at a gathering of Mine. Yet, I also know that as a host, I can't see everything, at all times, everywhere. I would hope that a guest of Mine would come to Me so that I could take care of the problem. This is exactly why a lot of clubs/groups have a stipulation in their dungeon rules that if a role play/resistance scene is going to happen, please inform the host ahead of time. It eliminates the confusion of people not knowing the difference between the real thing with what you are calling being bratty or a brat scene.

Switcheroo1983 -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 7:46:55 AM)
Good advice in this thread, and good for you, OP, for standing up for yourself! Sub doesn't mean doormat/object/punching bag! As to the question of "has it happened to me"? No it has not, and I am thankful.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 7:56:55 AM)
I also think that, the situation you described can easily be seen by some as a brat scene. So why would they step in? I wouldn't suggest taking a taser or safety pin, IMO if you think it has reached that point at THIS function or location you need to question why you keeping going. If this is occurring and the word gets out. The host / DM will gain a reputation for allowing it to happen. When in fact they may not be aware that is happening. You NEED to talk to the host / DM privately and tell them what's going on. Regardless of what their "role" is they have a responsibility to their guests or those at the event. If they are not aware a situation is going on.. How can they stop it or correct it?

ForcedDecadence -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 8:07:35 AM)
There seems to be a growing group of men who are convinced a submissive girl is a girl who is easy. It is sad to see such a simple minded response, particularly in an environment in which being an unattached sub is becoming more and more common. To submit is a stage of trust, not a hot spot. I have always held and expected the utmost respect in regards to my pet and anyone else present. The fact that these guys seem oblivious to the possibility that they may not be some insta-Dom that can demand anything is a bit sad. It is my opinion that kids like that should learn to control themselves before they try to control anybody else. I'm glad you didn't stand for it.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 8:16:35 AM)
Men playing grab ass isn't just a "lifestyle" thing. I have more men try to play grab ass and touch me in "vanilla" settings than in lifestyle ones. Heck, even women do this. So it isn't only men.

littlewonder -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 8:16:40 AM)
I have to say I never had that problem in real life. Anytime I was around other Doms I think I always gave off vibes of "if you touch me I will hurt you". Personally if it were me, I would slap them, maybe give them a knee to the groin area and I would probably stop going to the area where that person is. If I decided though that I wanted to be in that area due to other friends being there or whatever, I would probably be getting the police eventually involved or someone to take him out back in the alley......

EsotericLady -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 8:26:57 AM)
I totally agree with what LilSquaw has pointed out! Not only that, but you could well be doing someone else a favor that is experiencing the same problem. quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw You NEED to talk to the host / DM privately and tell them what's going on. Regardless of what their "role" is they have a responsibility to their guests or those at the event. If they are not aware a situation is going on.. How can they stop it or correct it?

Notsweet -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 8:31:09 AM)
It's not a particular venue--it's a "friend." And there have been a couple of them. Sometimes it's just easily handled with, "Hey, what the hell?" But two of them do this consistently--or in the case of the punch in the pants, DID it. But today, I heard from a friend who has had it up to here with the "Unattached subs sub to everyone" deal, and she got me cranked up. Just wondered what others do when a private word with the perp doesn't work. Let me point out a minute--these aren't people I don't know!! The two I'm referencing, in fact, I've known for YEARS!

Notsweet -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 8:34:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw Men playing grab ass isn't just a "lifestyle" thing. I have more men try to play grab ass and touch me in "vanilla" settings than in lifestyle ones. Heck, even women do this. So it isn't only men. I wish I was talking about grab ass. I'm talking about "grab my hair and pull me with it."

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 8:38:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Notsweet It's not a particular venue--it's a "friend." And there have been a couple of them. Sometimes it's just easily handled with, "Hey, what the hell?" But two of them do this consistently--or in the case of the punch in the pants, DID it. But today, I heard from a friend who has had it up to here with the "Unattached subs sub to everyone" deal, and she got me cranked up. Just wondered what others do when a private word with the perp doesn't work. Let me point out a minute--these aren't people I don't know!! The two I'm referencing, in fact, I've known for YEARS! My FRIENDS respect me and my boundaries. Again regardless of the "labels" they where as far as the lifestyle. Not touching me without permission. Not invading my personal space. THAT is a respect issue. Now if someone I called my "friend" wasn't respecting me or my boundaries. They would no longer wear THAT label. I would also make it VERY clear to them why I no longer consider them my friend.

EsotericLady -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 8:39:15 AM)
Then it sounds to me like they think they are being "cute" and/or "teasing" when they do this to you! People who are like this (normally) just don't get it, until you find just the right way of MAKING them take notice! However, I would still complain to the host. quote: ORIGINAL: Notsweet It's not a particular venue--it's a "friend." Let me point out a minute--these aren't people I don't know!! The two I'm referencing, in fact, I've known for YEARS!

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 8:43:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Notsweet quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw Men playing grab ass isn't just a "lifestyle" thing. I have more men try to play grab ass and touch me in "vanilla" settings than in lifestyle ones. Heck, even women do this. So it isn't only men. I wish I was talking about grab ass. I'm talking about "grab my hair and pull me with it." I don't mean to sound harsh but... Someone is grabbing you by the hair and pulling you by the hair. Without your permission. And you are still calling this person a "friend"?

Notsweet -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 8:43:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EsotericLady Then it sounds to me like they think they are being "cute" and/or "teasing" when they do this to you! People who are like this (normally) just don't get it, until you find just the right way of MAKING them take notice! However, I would still complain to the host. That's exactly it, ELady. In particular, there's one who I think takes our way of life very seriously. Why then, he thought he could do it to me, I don't know. I think he's gotten the point, but I wish they'd just get educated enough not to do this shit to start with. I hate whining to the management about it. LOL...maybe I should whine to his sub/wife, lol....

Notsweet -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 8:45:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw I don't mean to sound harsh but... Someone is grabbing you by the hair and pulling you by the hair. Without your permission. And you are still calling this person a "friend"? Well, we WERE friends. This latest episode changed things pretty quickly. Wish I had been more effective in stopping him before it came to this.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 8:56:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Notsweet quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw I don't mean to sound harsh but... Someone is grabbing you by the hair and pulling you by the hair. Without your permission. And you are still calling this person a "friend"? Well, we WERE friends. This latest episode changed things pretty quickly. Wish I had been more effective in stopping him before it came to this. Have you had a conversation with him and told him what's bothering you and why? Not confrontational but blunt and honest? If you honestly think that to HIM this is a joke and acceptable, Perhaps the issue is that you have not communicated to him that it isn't acceptable and why. Btw.. you said you hate to whine to management but you might whine to his sub/ wife. I think having an honest discussion with HIM would be far more effective. If he can't respect your boundaries then you have choices to make.

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