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RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/6/2013 10:36:52 AM   
Zonie63


Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

Calling male subs, for a reason as I have a question to ask of you ;

When you sub what is your motivation for what you do, in that are you there for the sexual gratification or other ?

I ask as the Dom has recently said to me that I am always going on about feelings, it's not sexual with me and I agree, it's not about sex, in fact I can take it or leave it no problem as with me what I do I do because I am seeking feelings, how something makes me feel and though I may hate certain acts I will go there because it is the feeling generated by the act that I need.

So, what of other male subs, is what I have said above something you can identify with, or what is it that motivates you to sub for others ?


I think it's kind of the same with me. I think that, as males in this society, we're socialized by the idea that we always have to be seeking sex all the time, and if we're not, it's viewed as if something is wrong with us.

I'm not really sure what my motivation is. I'm not sure how or why I became submissive, but it doesn't feel like something I can control. Society has taught me how to act dominant and to "be a man," as it were, but at the end of the day when the doors are closed, it would be nice to just be myself and not have to act.

I was never really looking for sexual gratification. That would actually be quite easy, if all I was looking for was a quick and easy lay.

It would be far less complicated if I wasn't submissive, but that's just the way it goes. But if I'm looking for companionship, just as any other human being might do, then certain situations are bound to come up. I didn't really ask to be submissive; I don't feel it's a choice on my part, so it's not like I'm motivated to be a submissive. It just happens to be what I am. Frankly, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Submissiveness is like some sort of "thing" inside of me, and I'm never sure if I want to embrace it or bury it completely.

I've probably tried to bury it more than anything else, and it's not something I would ever admit, except on sites like this where it's acceptable to do so. But even here, there's a stigma about "male subs" which a few in this thread have mentioned. It may be a stigma which is well-earned, as someone mentioned, but it's always something that's mystified me to some degree.

I'm aware of society's overall stigma about submissive males and I know where it comes from, but I'm not quite sure how it affects the behavior of sub males here and the stigma related to that. Maybe there is something wrong with us. I don't know. I certainly hope that I haven't offended anyone or added to this stigma with any of the posts I make here.


(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/6/2013 11:33:54 AM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I'm going to be Captain Obvious for a moment.


You didn't even wait for me to hand you your cape. :(

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/6/2013 11:36:23 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

There very well may be a lot of "kinky, horny boys" out there but, still, there are some actual male subs out there. My sub is one of them. He loves to see me happy and it's not all about sex with him. However, he doesn't frequent the message boards, so here I am tooting his horn. lol

NBMG


That's why I said there are some, maybe a handful at that. You got lucky.


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RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/6/2013 11:41:39 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

In my experience, a given activity can produce sexual gratification without being about sex. For instance, just for the heck of it, I once bought a Mistress an inexpensive* dress. Now I had no expectation of any sexual favors being done as a "thank you" or even having things turned up a notch or two on sexual stuff that would occur anyway. And yet, I had a raging hard-on while buying that dress.



And here's the difference between sexual and non-sexual. It was sexual for you because you got a hard-on. For me, I buy Master things all the time. I like buying him little things that I think he will like. I don't get wet though from doing it. It's not sexual in any way. It's just me being romantic, polite, nice, loving because I care so much for him that these little things make me smile and I know they will make him smile as well. But I definitely don't get off from it.

The same as when I do chores or I do things for him. I don't get wet. I just like making him happy.

So yes, for you it would seem bdsm is a very sexual thing for you imo.


ETA: oh as for the differences between males and females, these are my thoughts. I think the that at one time there were major differences between the genders and there still are some but as civilization moves on I think that gap is growing ever smaller every few years. The more advanced we become the smaller the differences become.

My generation has many more differences than say my daughter's generation. For them the gender thing seems to be non-existent. Anything goes, anyone does everything, there are no differences. Everyone acts pretty much the same. I think both Master and I have noticed this and not just with her but with others younger than us. I've noticed it with the generation right after mine and I've noticed it with my daughter's generation. Each generation closes the gap a little more. I can only wonder about the next generation after my daughter's.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 2/6/2013 11:45:24 AM >

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RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/6/2013 12:13:35 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez
You didn't even wait for me to hand you your cape. :(
That's ok. We'll save the mask for you.



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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to wannapleez)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/6/2013 12:22:09 PM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

And here's the difference between sexual and non-sexual. It was sexual for you because you got a hard-on. For me, I buy Master things all the time. I like buying him little things that I think he will like. I don't get wet though from doing it. It's not sexual in any way. It's just me being romantic, polite, nice, loving because I care so much for him that these little things make me smile and I know they will make him smile as well. But I definitely don't get off from it.

The same as when I do chores or I do things for him. I don't get wet. I just like making him happy.

So yes, for you it would seem bdsm is a very sexual thing for you imo.


You over-generalize (particularly in that last sentence), but it's probably my fault. I was merely giving an example of the juxtaposition of something so very non-sexual as the women's department in Target with the fact that it elicited in me a sexual reaction. Thereby trying to illustrate that the OP's original question was too simple.

Yes, that particular incident was sexual for me, when one would not ordinarily expect it to be. But I did other things (similar to what you describe) with no physical or otherwise sexual reaction (also as you describe).

< Message edited by wannapleez -- 2/6/2013 12:25:21 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/6/2013 12:24:23 PM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez
You didn't even wait for me to hand you your cape. :(
That's ok. We'll save the mask for you.



I make a small joke, and you come back with a much better one. You win. :)

(Which I guess is only befitting for a Mistress.)

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/6/2013 12:29:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		At least you are starting to get My sense of humor.

Rule #1 - All of My jokes are funny.

Rule #2 - When they aren't funny, refer to rule #1.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to wannapleez)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/6/2013 1:10:51 PM   
leonine


Posts: 409
Joined: 11/3/2009
From: [email protected]
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

Calling male subs, for a reason as I have a question to ask of you ;

When you sub what is your motivation for what you do, in that are you there for the sexual gratification or other ?
Yes. For sexual pleasure and other. The "other" comprises the vicarious pleasure of pleasing someone else, and the emotional kick of submission.

I've had intense pleasure from serving a Domme who made me eat her for an hour or two while thrashing my arse, then said "That will be all," and sent me crawling out the room with the same aching hard-on I'd had all the time. I didn't expect to get anything from her, and that didn't stop me getting wildly turned on by it.

Admittedly, it helped that I had a sub of my own I could give the same kind of treatment to next morning. It's good to be a switch.

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It's there I'm gonna stay, until there comes a day when this old world starts a-changing for the good.
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(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/6/2013 3:40:23 PM   
SoulAlloy


Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline 		Like others have said, the answer for me too is both.

In some there is an immense sense of peace, everything drifts away and the world is so small, entirely focused on pleasing my Mistress - I usually get this from objectification or cleaning.

From the other end I'm a masochist with a big fetish for boots, a cuff, pinch, kick from her and I'm typically a drooling mess

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(in reply to leonine)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/6/2013 7:32:29 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

Considering the fact that males and females are wired differently, the answers might very well be different!
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Out of curiosity, do you feel that this is likely going to be a different answer for male subs vs. female subs?




This is why I asked for male subs seeing as I am roughly male and I wished to understand what I am in it for is it a male thing or not.

You see, I am not an XY male, I am XXY and there is not a lot of research into XXY and so I as part of a world wide community of XXY males, we compare our experiences in order to understand ourselves where medical science and psychology is impotent. That being it could quite possibly be XXY's are wired differently to XY males and so that is why I ask male subs here what their motivations are to perhaps understand more of myself and maybe aid the XXY community in understanding more about ourselves.

But of XXY we are naturally passive, except perhaps for those on testosterone supplementation that have some side effects.

As it is, the dom reports physically I have female about me in that I have feminine hips and waist but notably my attitude in play is not typically male, what it is the dom is not entirely sure, but I understand it is welcome, so I am doing something right.

As it is in play, I rarely get an erection and to do so takes a great deal of energy and to cum even more, where I am totally drained afterwards, drained to the point of lethargy and the need to sleep, so it is not about sex for me, but I just feel a compulsion to please others in whatever way they desire and this carries on into my day to day life where my motivation in what I do is for others enjoyment, it pleases me to please others.




< Message edited by Aneirin -- 2/6/2013 7:59:16 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/6/2013 10:11:02 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It could be that you are just a people pleaser. I know lots of males and females like that, mostly in the volunteer circles I was always involved with and now that I think about it, it was almost always males in those groups who were the people pleasers, going out of their way to help others.

So I doubt it has anything to do with your gender or condition.


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/7/2013 3:20:35 PM   
InsaneSerenity


Posts: 43
Joined: 2/18/2011
Status: offline 		i am submissive by nature. I am submissive sexually as well, but those are two totally different things.

I hate taking the lead in anything. I don't want power, i don't want control. i avoid it to the point it hurts me in many normal human activities, like finding a job, or existing in a group etc. There are times i can see the best course of action for something or other, and yet i won't speak up or take any form of leadership role, even when i know i am more experienced than others. Or i can see a ship sinking, but at that point it is too late to start taking a leadership role.

when society came around to " teach me how to be a man," i told it to blow its brains out. i'm not aggressive in relationships. I'm not aggressive in dating. as above, to the point where i see it negatively impacting me as a human being, and i still can't do it.

male submission is totally misunderstood by the majority of people who encounter it. They give it connotations of stupidity or other such things. They simply don't get it.

it is probably the worst in dating. we have an entire society based on males as the aggressor. And an entire society based on women who want to be powerful, strong, confident, etc. And yet even women who believe in all this, who act that way in all other forms of life, won't take the lead in dating. It is quite entertaining.

i apologize if i come off ranting or raving. it is not my intent. i simply intend to show the world through my eyes.

i am submissive because it is who i am. it has nothing to do with my sexuality. i am not a people pleaser either. i have zero problems standing up for myself, ignoring people, etc. I am simply submissive in the relationships i choose to engage in.


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/7/2013 8:08:25 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


For me personally, I like to see the Domme dance a little....squirm if you will.

I want to see her put out some effort.

I'll bend a little, but cash always makes me weak in the knees.

If not...I'll send a drone after her ass.

Oh bitch please!!! Get back in your closet till we tell you its ok to come out

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 2/7/2013 8:23:11 PM >

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RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/7/2013 8:12:28 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I think the thing is we all see the "male subs" who come around and want things their way, who are only in it for the sexual gratification and after that, they are no longer submissive in any way and really not all that concerned with the other person. That person is just there to fulfill their sexual kinks for awhile.

This is the stigma that "male subs" have to overcome. I personally don't see those types of men as subs but just as kinky, horny boys. I think there are actually extremely few male subs out there. I doubt you would even find a handful on this site or even at parties and munches.


I don't know that I agree. I think there are quite a few men that "believe" they are subs, I just sometimes think they aren't sure WHAT that actually means beyond porn. I would agree 85% on here are "do me boys"

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/7/2013 8:21:07 PM   
icarus020


Posts: 21
Joined: 11/16/2012
Status: offline 		Back to the original question. Whilst I would consider myself submissive, it all started for me with Bondage. There is a wonderfully safe feeling that I get from being bound. It's warming and easy. It never started as a sexual thing for me. I was introduced to bondage in a non-sexual setting.

That said, for me when I'm bound and following instructions/orders then it becomes about someone else. Honestly, it's not always about doing things to please that other person. For me it can be about not having to think. If I'm bound in some way and carrying out household chores that's a different feeling again. It was at this point I was introduced to being a submissive as it were.

Then of course, if I'm bound in a sexual setting (i.e. being made to 'service' someone sexually), then the focus is drawn away from the the simple service or bondage elements.

Point is it starts and continues with bondage. I'd be quite happy to find someone who'd just bind me up on occasion and leave me alone with my thoughts, or some set tasks. If it encroaches into a bedroon setting so be it...but for me the sexual is not as big a part of the submission.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/7/2013 8:32:57 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl
There very well may be a lot of "kinky, horny boys" out there but, still, there are some actual male subs out there. My sub is one of them. He loves to see me happy and it's not all about sex with him. However, he doesn't frequent the message boards, so here I am tooting his horn. lol

NBMG

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I'm responding for clip because he's busy doing the dishes.

No, for him, it is not sexual motivation. It really is tied up in making Me happy and pleasing Me. Literally, if I'm happy, he's happy.
  

Oh, good! Now we get into male subs versus male slaves.

I've got a male slave under consideration as I type. Lives 60 miles away and has weird-ass work schedule, but managed to get tomorrow night, Sat., Sun., Mon, Tues., and Wednesday off to be able to visit me.
"What will you do while I'm at work, boy?"
"Plenty of things need to be done here, Sir."

ETA: He loves going to the "bath house" where "I can be myself," which I interpert as BOTH sexual and submissive in my service.


< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 2/7/2013 8:44:37 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/14/2013 7:37:25 PM   
alphaminuz


Posts: 38
Joined: 7/14/2012
Status: offline 		Hello

I am an unowned sub, who when serving seeks to please the Domme first and foremost, because when I seem Her happy and content I feel as if all the world is at peace (now don't get me wrong I love the intimate part about it).

Humbly

alpha-

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/16/2013 9:22:58 PM   
slavedavid01


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/20/2013
Status: offline 		I'm turned on by dominant women and I like to make them happy. In a session, live or online, I'm not interested in sexual gratification for myself but only in pleasing the domme. The only sexual gratification I get is when I think about the experience later and masturbate. In real time, my own sexual pleasure is not any part of the equation.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Calling Male subs.... - 2/17/2013 4:29:18 PM   
Tuub


Posts: 79
Joined: 2/5/2013
Status: offline 		Its not sexual for me, its more like a way of life;)

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 40
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