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Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 11:17:29 AM   
DominusCaptiva


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/29/2012
Status: offline 		This a copy from the email history. It's backwards, but I'm at work and don't have the time to clean it up.

Am I wrong about this sounding like an attempt to top from the bottom? I'm asking the subs because I figure they would be better at spotting topping from the bottom in general.

Thank you,
DC
(mod edit, user name removed:)
Apparently politeness and the art of small talk has been lost in the southern subs these days. Have a good day.
(mod edit, user name removed:)
What are you taking about? I answered your questions then said I'm not looking a long distance relationship. Either you are a stupid fuck or just can't comprehend English... either way I dont give a shit.

(mod edit, user name removed:):
Which is something hardly anyone checks, and most of the time people are willing to move eventually. Also that one check box doesn't cover the possibility of the other person moving. I also note that you decided to not make a point of this until after I dismissed your power play. Mail controls can be set up if your not interested in out of state people. So, what ever you need to tell yourself, honey. It is no concern of mine.
(mod edit, user name removed:):
Well if you look at my profile it doesnt have the box checked for willing to relocate.
(mod edit, user name removed:)
You could mention that sort of pertinent information in your profile, since this is a global website, rather than a local one.
(mod edit, user name removed:):
I'm not looking someone out of state.
(mod edit, user name removed:):
I see... You want me to open up first so you have the option to reject me without putting anything of yourself on the line. Not the sort of power dynamic I'm interested in. I am flexible on a lot of things for subs, but I don't give over authority to subs in that manner. I'm not desperate. I don't need a sub so badly that I will allow one to immediately walk all over me with the "distant Dom" tactic. It is a simple social power play. Thank you for letting me know a little about you. Good luck in your search.
(mod edit, user name removed:):
I'm not different from other women.



Have to get to know someone before i open up.



No on opinions.
(mod edit, user name removed:):
Alright... how about, what do you feel makes you different from other women? What is your personality like? Do you have any opinions on things? I'm interested in getting to know you as more than a collection of activities and kinks.
(mod edit, user name removed:)
Well I listed my interests so not sure what else there is.

< Message edited by VideoAdminAlpha -- 2/13/2013 4:15:22 PM >

_____________________________

"Reason commands us far more imperiously than a master; for in disobeying the one we are unfortunate, and in disobeying the other we are fools."
~ Blaise Pascal
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 11:19:16 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		This post is against TOS, you cannot post another members name.

And in answer to your question: No it was not topping from the bottom. She would actually have to be your submissive to engage in topping from the bottom.

You made assumptions, accused her of making a power play, thumped your chest in an display of "domliness" and got offended because you decided that not having the box checked on her profile wasn't enough.

She was actually fairly polite considering that you contacted her regardless of the fact that her profile does not have the relocation box checked.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 2/13/2013 11:26:23 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DominusCaptiva)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 11:20:15 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		You can go back and edit it to remove the other person's name within an hour of the original post.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 11:25:46 AM   
agent0fchaos


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/31/2013
Status: offline 		Just looks like a bad match to me. It's not topping from the bottom at all, in my mind, just two people that aren't compatible.

_____________________________

So quick bright things come to confusion.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 11:47:09 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Dude! Yeah, you're wrong. You are so wrong I can even begin with wrong.

You didn't check. You're wrong.

She said only local. You're wrong.

Attempting to dictate how other people should set their mail controls. You're wrong.

If you have any other questions, I'll try to help.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to agent0fchaos)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 11:55:56 AM   
MissKittyDeVine


Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline 		Actually, OP, your reaction struck me as excessive and even aggressive. You flew off the handle with "You want me to open up first ...", which is also where you lost me. If you didn't have time to arrange your posts to make them more legible, you should have waited until you did.

She isn't your sub.

She owes you nothing.

You overreacted and made assumptions. No wonder she reacted in kind. You seemed to be in a hurry to evaluate her, rather than letting things evolve naturally. Finding a match doesn't happen that fast.

_____________________________

Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 11:59:18 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

Since this is just an email message exchange between you and someone else and it seems like there is no dynamic in place to begin with as it is anyway, this isnt topping from the bottom. Just because you may identify as a dominant, it doesnt automatically mean that people drop to their knees at your feet just because you claim to be who you claim to be. It sounds an awful lot like you trying to push an agenda on someone else. Are you wrong? Yeah, have to say that you are if you want my honest opinion.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 12:13:11 PM   
stephINca


Posts: 87
Joined: 1/19/2013
Status: offline 		Sounds like your just a jerk.

(in reply to DominusCaptiva)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 12:24:35 PM   
muhly22222


Posts: 463
Joined: 3/25/2010
Status: offline 		Just because somebody selected the word "submissive" in describing their orientation doesn't mean they're on the bottom whenever somebody messages them. If they aren't on the bottom, then they can't top from the bottom.

Besides, it's not topping from the bottom when a sub is calling a person on their shit.

That whole "social power play" thing was a load of BS. If you want to get to know her, open up about yourself. There's no rule about who has to open up first. I get the sneaking suspicion that you have a tendency to do what she did; the sub opens up, says something you don't like, and you either start arguing with her or decide she's not right for you, without ever opening up yourself.

(in reply to DominusCaptiva)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 12:32:50 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Fast reply

Nope, not topping from the bottom. A sub having an opinion, disagreeing with you, or not being interested in you is not topping from the bottom. Topping from the bottom is when a bottom or sub attempts to take control of the situation by manipulating. That's not the case here, because there was no agreement in place to submit - you were just two equals talking - and there was no manipulation. She was pretty straightforward and clear.

I'm guessing from context that your first email was something along the lines of 'tell me about yourself' and she didn't want to do that. She wasn't looking for someone out of state and she didn't feel comfortable. You lectured her and told her she was wrong. How did you expect that would make her feel comfortable enough to open up?

You come across as unreasonably demanding. Remember - up until the point she agrees to be your sub, you have no authority and she is entitled to any limit she wants, regardless of whether or not you agree. What was with that part about you don't give authority to subs in that manner? Sorry but every person has the authority to decide they don't want to answer your questions. Even people under arrest have the right to remain silent. This isn't about her trying to take power, this is about you trying to control and dominate a non-consenting stranger.

PS. Also coming here to complain about her and hoping we will take your side doesn't reflect well either.


_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to stephINca)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 12:40:51 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline 		I agree with the others, you are wrong. Wrong for thinking she was topping from the bottom, wrong for thinking she owes you anything, wrong for saying she wasn't polite (you, however, were rather condescending), and wrong for posting her username.
I would have immediately been insulted when you stated this:

"I see... You want me to open up first so you have the option to reject me without putting anything of yourself on the line. Not the sort of power dynamic I'm interested in. I am flexible on a lot of things for subs..."

If it were me, and open up to the possibility of relocation, I probably would have said I wasn't just as a polite way to tell you I wasn't interested and there's no way in Hell I'd relocate for someone who was going to treat me like that right off the bat.

(in reply to DominusCaptiva)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 12:47:41 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		I agree with all the other posters too.

Just so you are aware of where I think you are in the wrong, I'm going to pick your post apart -

quote:

ORIGINAL: OP
This a copy from the email history. It's backwards, but I'm at work and don't have the time to clean it up.

Am I wrong about this sounding like an attempt to top from the bottom? I'm asking the subs because I figure they would be better at spotting topping from the bottom in general.

Thank you,
DC

As others have said....
If you don't have time to do it properly, wait until you DO have the time before you post.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OP
OP:
Apparently politeness and the art of small talk has been lost in the southern subs these days. Have a good day.
***sub:
What are you taking about? I answered your questions then said I'm not looking a long distance relationship. Either you are a stupid fuck or just can't comprehend English... either way I dont give a shit.

It is pretty obvious that she isn't interested and she says why.
By keep pushing like you did, that is being obstinate, obtuse, bad mannered, rude, unwelcome... etc.

Most people don't like small talk when it is obvious they are not interested in you.
Where are your manners??

quote:

ORIGINAL: OP
OP:
Which is something hardly anyone checks, and most of the time people are willing to move eventually. Also that one check box doesn't cover the possibility of the other person moving. I also note that you decided to not make a point of this until after I dismissed your power play. Mail controls can be set up if your not interested in out of state people. So, what ever you need to tell yourself, honey. It is no concern of mine.
***sub:
Well if you look at my profile it doesnt have the box checked for willing to relocate.

No, your assumption is very wrong.
Most people DO NOT relocate unless it says they are willing to do so.

Simple case of "ASSUME" makes an ASS out of U and ME

Your comment of "Also that one check box doesn't cover the possibility of the other person moving" is radically wrong indeed!! That is precisely what that box is there for!
And also... "I also note that you decided to not make a point of this until after I dismissed your power play"... Could that be because it isn't on her profile?? How rude of you to make that assumption!

quote:

ORIGINAL: OP
OP:
You could mention that sort of pertinent information in your profile, since this is a global website, rather than a local one.
***sub:
I'm not looking someone out of state.

Errm... It IS part of the profile!

You couldn't be assed to check first and made a very BAD assumption.
If it ain't checked, they don't want it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OP
OP:
I see... You want me to open up first so you have the option to reject me without putting anything of yourself on the line. Not the sort of power dynamic I'm interested in. I am flexible on a lot of things for subs, but I don't give over authority to subs in that manner. I'm not desperate. I don't need a sub so badly that I will allow one to immediately walk all over me with the "distant Dom" tactic. It is a simple social power play. Thank you for letting me know a little about you. Good luck in your search.
***sub:
I'm not different from other women.

Most are like this when someone makes such a hash at communication and is pushy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OP
Have to get to know someone before i open up.

No on opinions.

OP:
Alright... how about, what do you feel makes you different from other women? What is your personality like? Do you have any opinions on things? I'm interested in getting to know you as more than a collection of activities and kinks.
***sub:
Well I listed my interests so not sure what else there is.

You are being very pushy.
I would have just blocked you at this point.
The list of interests are there for you to read.


IMHO, you are indeed very very wrong.

(in reply to DominusCaptiva)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 12:53:50 PM   
leonine


Posts: 409
Joined: 11/3/2009
From: [email protected]
Status: offline 		Yep, you're wrong. You made the noob mistake of trying to come the mighty Dom with someone you only just met. That can sometimes, maybe, with luck, work IRL where you can awe her with your overwhelming charisma. But online, it works like a lace condom.

Next time, go away and learn from your mistake instead of coming wanting to be told it was all her fault.

_____________________________

Leo9


Gonna pack in my hand, pick up on a piece of land and build myself a cabin in the woods.
It's there I'm gonna stay, until there comes a day when this old world starts a-changing for the good.
- James Taylor

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 12:56:48 PM   
TheLilSquaw1


Posts: 16
Joined: 2/13/2013
Status: offline 		OP,

She wasn't topping from the bottom.
Why?
Simple answer...

You and her do not have a d/s relationship.
You are just 2 people exchanging emails.
So how is she topping from the bottom??

Plus...
YOU did not READ her profile.
That is your issue not hers.
You don't get to dictate shit to people who are not your's.


_____________________________

Lil Squaw

Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model & Website Owner

This nick is being used because I can't log into TheLilSquaw on the chat side.

My Blog

(in reply to DominusCaptiva)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 12:57:30 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Dude, when she says what she wants, live with it or move on. Posting and asking for everyone's opinion just isn't Domly.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 1:03:41 PM   
msjustlooking


Posts: 28
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		Yes you are in the wrong. You are not her Dom. To her you were just another random guy from CM, trying to get with her. You cannot approach women in that manner (Domme/sub or whatever) and expect positive results. You probably scared her. People you don't know thinking they have authority over you....little bit scary.

< Message edited by msjustlooking -- 2/13/2013 1:05:05 PM >

_____________________________

"How To Serve Dominant Women"- Its a Cookbook!

(in reply to DominusCaptiva)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 1:08:03 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		How wrong are you? Let me count the ways.

Naw, that would be too much work for me. Read ALL the posts above mine. Count up all the ways they've told you you're in the wrong. Then multiply by 1.25 to get any that anybody forgot to mention.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 1:08:27 PM   
lilcracker


Posts: 243
Joined: 4/14/2012
Status: offline 		LOL I probably would have responded the same way---if you wanted to call it topping from the bottom, I wouldn't have cared about that either---but I would have turned you in immediately for posting my chat name on the forums.

(in reply to DominusCaptiva)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 1:12:14 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Posting and asking for everyone's opinion just isn't Domly.


And I'm guessing that he's not getting the response he expected.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Am I in the wrong here? - 2/13/2013 1:22:19 PM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		W
R
O
N
G


She does not wear your collar.
She has the right to put whatever she wants on her profile
Until
She is collared.

you don't decide anything for her.

Imho:

I pity anyone who would allow control from another who is a chest thumper.
It rings hollow.

Want respect?
Be respectful.

Want to Dominate?
Earn it.
Be worth it.
Don't just act all high and mighty Sir Master Twue Dom,
Know your subject.

Dude, this is a bond of trust, a form of art.... insert flowery words here....
you can't just run in like a bull in a china shop.

Yes
You were wrong.

what's the worst thing that you did was to post someone's name. Do you think that anyone will ever trust you again after seeing that?


_____________________________

*Smitten fox* that's all you need.

(in reply to msjustlooking)
Profile   Post #: 20
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