quote:

ORIGINAL: DominusCaptiva

As much as I dislike being wrong, being an ass about it just adds to mistake. I've been wrong before, I'll be wrong again. Hopefully not for a while.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominusCaptiva

As much as I dislike being wrong, being an ass about it just adds to mistake. I've been wrong before, I'll be wrong again. Hopefully not for a while.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I like people who can admit to mistakes graciously. Speaks volumes about them, well, to me anyway.
And no worries op, the more you're wrong, the more you learn. So look at it like a faster learning rate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominusCaptiva

This a copy from the email history. It's backwards, but I'm at work and don't have the time to clean it up.

Am I wrong about this sounding like an attempt to top from the bottom? I'm asking the subs because I figure they would be better at spotting topping from the bottom in general.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine

Actually, OP, your reaction struck me as excessive and even aggressive. You flew off the handle with "You want me to open up first ...", which is also where you lost me. If you didn't have time to arrange your posts to make them more legible, you should have waited until you did.

She isn't your sub.

She owes you nothing.

You overreacted and made assumptions. No wonder she reacted in kind. You seemed to be in a hurry to evaluate her, rather than letting things evolve naturally. Finding a match doesn't happen that fast.

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

QFT. If a profile states I require "x,y,z" and you are outside of that...then don't expect to be compatible with that person. I find that a lot of disagreements on the other side occur when one person is a bit pushy and longs to be the exception to the other's rules.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nimue1
Pretty much every guy who messages me thinks that they are going to be the one to change my mind about not seeking a relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominusCaptiva

This a copy from the email history. It's backwards, but I'm at work and don't have the time to clean it up.

Am I wrong about this sounding like an attempt to top from the bottom? I'm asking the subs because I figure they would be better at spotting topping from the bottom in general.

Thank you,
DC

I'm a Domme, but putting in my anyway. FYI, I haven't yet read the entire thread. Also, I'm arranging the letters from beginning to end to make it easier for me to read.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominusCaptiva
(Her:)
Well I listed my interests so not sure what else there is.

(You:):
Alright... how about, what do you feel makes you different from other women? What is your personality like? Do you have any opinions on things? I'm interested in getting to know you as more than a collection of activities and kinks.

(Her:):
I'm not different from other women.

Have to get to know someone before i open up.

No on opinions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominusCaptiva
(You:):
I see... You want me to open up first so you have the option to reject me without putting anything of yourself on the line. Not the sort of power dynamic I'm interested in.
This is where you start to fly off the handle. You are NOT IN a power dynamic yet. You are just two equal people getting to know one another. She hasn't agreed to any D/s dynamic with you yet, so you're NOT IN one.

I am flexible on a lot of things for subs, but I don't give over authority to subs in that manner.
At this point, she is not your sub. You and she are equals. Again, just two regular people getting to know one another. Stop acting like Mr Domly Dom because, to her, you aren't yet.

I'm not desperate.
You appear to be though.

I don't need a sub so badly that I will allow one to immediately walk all over me with the "distant Dom" tactic.
Apparently, you ARE a "distant Dom." And, apparently, in her profile she doesn't want someone far away, so why did you write to her?

It is a simple social power play.
You mean like the one you are obviously using yourself?

Thank you for letting me know a little about you. Good luck in your search.
I'm sure she's found out all she wants to know and more about you at this point, too.

(Her:):
I'm not looking someone out of state.
She made a simple statement of fact, not confrontational at all.

(You:)
You could mention that sort of pertinent information in your profile, since this is a global website, rather than a local one.
Well, you can always check to see whether she checked the Willing to Relocate box or not.

(Her:):
Well if you look at my profile it doesnt have the box checked for willing to relocate.
Did you even read her profile at all? Because, if you didn't, that's your problem, not hers.

(You:):
Which is something hardly anyone checks, and most of the time people are willing to move eventually.
Assuming that most people are willing to relocate eventually, makes an ASS out of U and ME.

Also that one check box doesn't cover the possibility of the other person moving.
Your own profile doesn't have the Willing to Relocate box checked, so how would she know you were willing to relocate(if you are)?

I also note that you decided to not make a point of this until after I dismissed your power play. Mail controls can be set up if your not interested in out of state people.
I can see it now. If she did that, then you would, instead, be on here asking why women don't answer your letters. The answer would be because mail controls send them to the bulk folder.

So, what ever you need to tell yourself, honey. It is no concern of mine.
Calling her "honey" is very condescending. She is not your honey. Also, it really must be a concern of yours since you are continuing the assy behavior.

(Her:)
What are you taking about? I answered your questions then said I'm not looking a long distance relationship. Either you are a stupid fuck or just can't comprehend English... either way I dont give a shit.
I can see that you've pushed her into retaliating and telling you exactly what she thinks of the above-mentioned behavior. How's that for an opinion?

(You:)
Apparently politeness and the art of small talk has been lost in the southern subs these days. Have a good day.
How very mature. Had to have the last word, eh?

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl
(You:):
I see... You want me to open up first so you have the option to reject me without putting anything of yourself on the line. Not the sort of power dynamic I'm interested in.
This is where you start to fly off the handle. You are NOT IN a power dynamic yet. You are just two equal people getting to know one another. She hasn't agreed to any D/s dynamic with you yet, so you're NOT IN one.

quote:

This a copy from the email history. (1) It's backwards, (2) but I'm at work (3) and don't have the time to clean it up. (4)

Am I wrong about this sounding like an attempt to top from the bottom?

(Buncha unimportant crap snipped)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine
Actually, OP, your reaction struck me as excessive and even aggressive. You flew off the handle with "You want me to open up first ...", which is also where you lost me. If you didn't have time to arrange your posts to make them more legible, you should have waited until you did.

She isn't your sub.

She owes you nothing.

You overreacted and made assumptions. No wonder she reacted in kind. You seemed to be in a hurry to evaluate her, rather than letting things evolve naturally. Finding a match doesn't happen that fast.