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RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 5:38:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Over the past five years, I have become aware of a thrend toward new subs, both male and female coming into the lifestyle claiming they finally found "home" after all these years. some I have kept track of and was able to determine they went back to vanilla. was D/s just a passing fancy?
Many come after a failed marriage hoping to find what did not happen in a vanilla marriage

those that are submissive as a matter of core, are always there, sometimes in different relationships but always safely on the path.

Any thoughts?

CP

It's nothing new. Heck it's half the reason sub-cultures get formed in the first place- people unsatisfied with what they have so they turn to form something new...only to find out it's STILL not right for them.

On the one hand, it's fine. Life is supposed to be about exploring and learning. What works for you now might not be what works for you in 10 years. Nothing wrong with that.

The problem tends to be when people come expecting "Ds" to simply solve everything, they get loaded up on a lot of illusions about the scene. And then they realize that Ds really doesn't make anything simpler, get disillusioned and fall back to their old habits.

Seeking anything EXTERNAL to yourself for fulfillment and understanding never works in the end. You have to figure out yourself and what works for you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 21

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:01:50 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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CD,

You bring up some excellent points, thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 22

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:09:50 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

ZWD,

Thanks for the post and your insight into the matter, yes it is possible to overvet, and perhaps scare some off that might well enjoy the lifestyle.

I believe that is it a kindness to be frank with them when they come to me as to what the lifestyle is , with the reality as well as the perceived strange romance.

Just too many waste their time and the time of a Dominant that does not pay attention to the sign the way he/she should.

CP

(in reply to kiska)

Post #: 23

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:13:51 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

LA,

Thanks for your thoughts and I agree with your main thrust, but my thrust was the change that is occuring in the last 5 years or so, not for the life of the lifestyle.

CP

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 24

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:16:06 AM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

None of this is new to this life or different because of this life.

People come to D/s just like they come to swinging, changing careers or any other significant change in their life. Everyone has different reasons. Some is a true calling and they find a home, some for titulation, some over compensating from a previous event and other reasons. I seriously doubt that the percentage has changed from people staying in the life than years gone by, but the perception of it because we are more aware through the Internet of people coming and going and the frustration some have with it.

Go to any regular social interaction group. There are the core people who never change. People who are active for a period of time then vanish and people who show up once or twice and then vanish. Just what us humans do.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 25

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:23:17 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

kiska,

thanks for the input and partisipation on what caused you to leave the path. While you do not say so, I believe you serve as a model of what occurs on the path when infact it is the want of a solid relationship that drives you.

CP

(in reply to shyfem)

Post #: 26

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:29:10 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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reticence,

Sounds like alot of mind changing going on with those in your circle which was the thrust of the post.

Thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Post #: 27

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:35:49 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

lisa,

thanks for your input, but, I do disagree that the number have not changed most recently, and I do not believe that the internet is just making us more aware, at least from my viewpoint.

My comments are based on both on line as well as r/t.

The number of passing fancies are increasing in my view.

CP

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 28

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:41:28 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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enigmabrat,

smiles, good to hear that girl.

thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Post #: 29

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:48:12 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

cinful,

"yo yo effect" grins, sounds like a whole new thread there girl.

Thanks for your thoughts.

CP

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 30

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:50:03 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I have a question: If I think I am a Submissive but - I have only had one Dominant in my life (for a little over a year - and I loved that). But - how do I know if it's a "passing fancy" or not?

This isn't the exact same topic, but of anyone knows I'd appreciate some feedback. I seriously don't think I am a Switch, and I don't think I am a Domme. But right now, I have a huge crush on a Submissive Male friend of mine and am wondering if maybe I am having "secret doubts" about the whole Submissive thing? Or maybe it's just this guy I am really liking (that's probably it. I'd "Domme him", I guess, from the standpoint of telling him what to do, but I doubt if I could whip him or anything (ouch)!

**How often do people switch their bdsm orientation preferences? Very often? Not that I am going to do that - I am just wondering if it's unusual.
-Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/21/2006 11:52:49 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 31

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:51:59 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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akisha,

Good to hear from another core gal, thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to D1961wildchild)

Post #: 32

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:53:39 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
I think for some, it is a passing fancy...on both sides of the coin but you speak here only of submission...

Being a natural submissive, (in my experience), it has never been a fancy...just who and what I am.

Then...you are not the one being addressed by the OP nor by me.

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 33

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:56:50 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
But right now, I have a huge crush on a Submissive Male friend of mine and am wondering if maybe I am having "secret doubts" about the whole Submissive thing? Or maybe it's just this guy I am really liking (that's probably it. I'd "Domme him", I guess, from the standpoint of telling him what to do, but I doubt if I could whip him or anything (ouch)!

I think you should make LAM's advice on your other thread into your mantra- there's no need to push an answer/label right now. Slow it down, see where things take you.

quote:

**How often do people switch their bdsm orientation preferences? Very often? Not that I am going to do that - I am just wondering if it's unusual.
-Susan

Depends on the person. Someone who switches widely in a short period of time is sketchy and likely still searching (in the same way that a novice to a website can go through many profile/screen names as they go through their settling down period). Someone who switches over a long period is more likely to just be going through the process and discovering.

There's no limit of course. It took me two years of active exploration before I decided to go with the "switch" label and I still only use it because it's the best word I've got so far.

However, no, it's not unusual. It's far more common than people seem to think.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 34

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:59:01 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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Thank you LA - for what it's worth I think you give excellent advice.Plus, I think it's nice the way you look up threads for people.

-Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 35

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 11:59:39 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

twicehappy,

I think you hit on a key point in your post. it does take a tremendous amount of effort on your side of the slash. Many after finding that out choose to slip back into a less effort style of relastionship.

Thanks for your input

CP

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 36

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 12:01:27 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
Thank you LA - for what it's worth I think you give excellent advice.Plus, I think it's nice the way you look up threads for people.

-Susan

I appreciate it. Hope you continue to get worthwhile experiences from the boards.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 37

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 12:02:55 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
I think you hit on a key point in your post. it does take a tremendous amount of effort on your side of the slash. Many after finding that out choose to slip back into a less effort style of relastionship.

Thanks for your input

CP

Vanilla is no less effort a style of relationships. However, it tends to be what people know and are comfortable with, so it's easier to return to.

In the end, if it's who you are, it's who you are- whatever relationship that ends up being.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 38

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 12:06:07 PM

missgiveNTake

Posts: 673
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

I am new to the lifestyle, and looking for a Dom. I am very careful in my search and it seems to keep me in the no rt experience phase. Although I feel I am a sub, I won't deal with a lack of respect or anything that puts my gaurd up even more.

I truely get tired of these games so many people play. I just want an honset person to explore with, yet that seems like an impossible quest in CO.

_____________________________

I am a very good girl, very good at all I do.

Highly intelligent with a generous pinch of the absurd! (Thank you Crouchingtigress)

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 39

RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 12:06:49 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Thanks. They have been very helpful (not to mention interesting). - Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 40

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