RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue

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RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 12:14:47 PM

CelticPrince

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Padriag,

To begine with the post should be read as a complete thought, not two separate points for consideration.

The main point is that the number of short time leavers are on the increase or appear to be so to this D

I was not attempting to answer my own question but rather in invite comment on the subject, which you have so many thanks.

How do you get arrogance from a comment of "safely on the path' and further I see no possiblility that it could be read as condeming those that leave that leave the path is beyound me, but we all read into what is printed with our own thoughts

CP

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RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 12:18:49 PM

CrescentLuna

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From: Upstate NY
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I think that are plenty of people who are "submissive" in their relationships outside of this lifestyle, and ones that are but don't seem to "fit the mold" - they might not be painsluts or heavily into bondage but nevertheless, respect their prospective dominant person in a different way.
Personally, I've played the switch for a number of years, but when I was dominant I knew it was just to please who I was with. Submissive felt right. How far it'll extend into the rest of my life, well, I'm stll new at this. we'll see.

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RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 12:24:21 PM

CelticPrince

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ClassAct,

thanks for your thoughts, it is refreshing to to read one that knows precisely where she is at, and perhaps it might serve as an inspiration for fence sitters.

Your point ref the Dominants is a good one that also exists, but might make a good connected thread.

CP

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RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 12:30:19 PM

CelticPrince

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CresentLuna,

Well new that you might be, it appears as though your aware of some of the ups and downs of the path. That being said, here is to hoping that it becaomes a core issue for you.

Thanks for your input,

CP

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RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 12:34:07 PM

CelticPrince

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meatcleaver,

An excellent thought process, you ought to post it on other boards for all newbies to contemplate.

Thanks for your input.

CP

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RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 2:22:41 PM

ClassAct2006

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

ClassAct,

thanks for your thoughts, it is refreshing to to read one that knows precisely where she is at, and perhaps it might serve as an inspiration for fence sitters.

Your point ref the Dominants is a good one that also exists, but might make a good connected thread.

CP

If someone knows the kind of submissive/dominant that they prefer there are probably key tests you can apply. My list includes (substitute dom for sub) things like when did you first realise you were dominant, have you dominated a submissive woman before, have you tried to dominate all women you have been with and then try to tease out of if it's occasional BDSM kinky play they like or whether they are powerfully aroused by taking control in a more general sense which is all that I am after. Pity we can't just test the DNA (if it's there lurking in the DNA) in a few seconds or develop some hidden tool as we go to vanilla parties/events which vibrates when you're near someone who is dominant or submissive.

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RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 2:24:42 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Over the past five years, I have become aware of a thrend toward new subs, both male and female coming into the lifestyle claiming they finally found "home" after all these years. some I have kept track of and was able to determine they went back to vanilla. was D/s just a passing fancy?

Do you think that it is only Submissives persons that enter into the lifestyle and depart? Exactly what is Vanilla anyways? Just because you don't see someone in the community doesn't mean they have closed the door to The Play or to D/s Power Structures in their life. Some have, but some haven't. I would say that it has always been the case that the people come and go. It is alot more noticable now because there really is more people coming out to the community events than before.... the lifestyle is indeed alot more um popluar than it was before in the mainstream. Even if most don't know much about it. The percentages really haven't changed all that much, just the numbers are larger.

quote:

those that are submissive as a matter of core, are always there, sometimes in different relationships but always safely on the path.

Any thoughts?

Yeah this is a rather self-rightous comment. Just because they don't travel in the community circles or the path as you think it should be done, doesn't mean they don't travel a lifestyle path. I know it's hard to believe... but people have been having a lifestyle of their own long before there was a community of so-called like minded individuals or even before they came into the community. Frankly, just because someone is attending all the events and is a good little trooper to promote community togetherness doesn't make them any better of a Submissive or Dominant than the person that is very content to live their life privately. Frankly, what do you know of those that choose to live it privately. Nothing! It' like looking at that Jar of Jelly Beans. You can see some off them... but oh many there is alot behind that you can't see. Shake it alittle some come to sight and some you loose. But yet they are still in the jar. Of course, you just might shake the jar enough that some fall out of the jar. That's life. But don't judge the many because you happen to know 1 or 2 or maybe 5 that left the community.

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RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 5:36:39 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missgiveNTake

I am new to the lifestyle, and looking for a Dom. I am very careful in my search and it seems to keep me in the no rt experience phase. Although I feel I am a sub, I won't deal with a lack of respect or anything that puts my gaurd up even more.

I truely get tired of these games so many people play. I just want an honset person to explore with, yet that seems like an impossible quest in CO.

It is difficult. The breadth of our state compared to the available public sources for meeting other like-minded individuals makes it challenging. In the time that I have been dominant, I have formed friendships with a couple of other dominants and a few submissives but, due to the distances involved, we don't get together often. It's even more difficult if you live in a smaller town in Colorado. Those of us who do can attest to the dearth of partners and open minds.

Good luck to you.

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RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/21/2006 6:31:45 PM

CelticPrince

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susanofO,

In my experience your situation is not as odd as you might expect. The have been many path walkers who started out as a submissive and as they found their way moved into the other side of the slash.

He may well become a D given time and experience.

CP

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RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/23/2006 2:04:28 PM

genvieve

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From: SF Bay Area
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To the Original Poster:

Thank You for posting this topic, it certainly made me think long and hard. i have been in the lifestyle for many many years and, being only 22 myself, i'm a controversy. However, that is not the topic for which W/we are here to discuss. i consider myself to be "in it for the long hall." i have tried vanilla relationships and they, on the whole tend to just not work for me. They do not satisfy my needs.

However, if i found someone who had all the qualities that i loved in a D/s relationship but was not himself a Dominant, would i be with Him?

Hmmm...i'm not sure. There are many aspects of the lifestyle that i cherish that just simply are not carried into the vanilla lifestyle...but the basics: love, honor, respect, trust, communication...those can be carried through by any self-aware individual. So, yes...i could be with someone vanilla if he or she possessed those traits and were free of all the vanilla games and the like.

i am, of course assuming that this person had Dominant tendencies. ie, this person would have to naturally take the head of the relationship, whether he or she was able to propperly diagnose the feeling.

Hmm, it seems i am babbling. i suppose the conclusion i have come to here is that, for now, i need D/s. i am not willing to settle for anything less. i am not comming from a divorce or a bad relationship, i just need D/s. However, i do not wish to state that somewhere in the future, i might need something else...

make sense?

-shuts up now-

-genvieve

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RE: submission / a passing fancy or a core issue - 6/23/2006 5:20:47 PM

KennelDeSade2

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Ten or twelve years ago when I was coming in, I noticed that the vast majority of submissive women I spoke with had just gotten out of abusive relationships and where now looking for a Dom. What happened in most cases was when they went looking for a partner they knew what they wanted in the way of qualities, but back then almost no information on the lifestyle was available to the general public. If you don't have the words, you can't define a concept, so many of the women not knowing what to ask for went with their feelings and wound up with a beer bar bully, instead of a dominant male. After all, on the surface, the look can be very similar.
Some are tourists, and I never expect them to stay. But those who are serious and ask, I'll tell them that the lifestyle is like a one way street, where you can stop, but you can't go backwards. I've yet to meet any who got past the tourist phase, then later decided to leave the lifestyle, that didn't return eventually.

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