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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/15/2013 10:03:34 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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They dropped the immediate investigation last week. They were never able to come up with enough evidence that they are selling drugs for this guy in jail and they have moved on with their case against this guy without going after my friend. Even though they dropped it I doubt they have shrugged and simply moved on.

My friend has always denied to me anything involving drugs. She told another friend who works in 911 while asking about legal advise, not me. I have flat out asked her if she was selling drugs and she swore they were not. I asked if she was using especially after she told me she was too hyper to sleep at all at night and she said no.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/15/2013 10:06:45 PM

littlewonder

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I know if it was me and it has been me sometimes, you need to cut ties with her. You have a husband and family to take care of. Would you want your children around them? That's usually the 6 million dollar question.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/15/2013 10:20:24 PM

TenderTorment

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OP so sorry to hear of your dilemma. Lots of good advice already and for my 2 pence worth I'd agree with cutting ties and putting you and yours first. No friendship is worth the risk of placing yourself and family in harms way.
Courage and strength to you.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/17/2013 4:56:17 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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You are right and no I do not want my children around them. I have never trusted her husband and when she offered he could watch the kids while we went out I told her no. I had always thought her husband would do something like this but never her. At first I was thinking I could just be careful but another friend pointed out how she could have residue on her hands and touch your kids, or if she comes over and your child goes into her purse and finds something she could be exposed. Then added you are having a baby in a few weeks do you want her touching your baby after she handled drugs.

Sigh. No I dont. I am so sad but I do not see any way around cutting off contact.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/17/2013 5:36:41 PM

Duskypearls

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OP, may I ask your age?

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/17/2013 5:44:19 PM

JstAnotherSub

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Have you talked to your bf? I don't mean giving her a chance to deny, but letting her know that you feel that you have to break off contact with her because you feel your family should not be involved with her family?

If she is a best friend, she will totally understand. She may be able to explain things to you well enough so you both can know this break is not forever.

I have had to stay away from a couple of old dear friends at times, sometimes because of my behavior and sometimes because of theirs, but I always knew that I could call on them in an emergency, even if it was just to meltdown and have them listen. They knew the same about me.

Just saying, do what you have to in order to protect your self and your family, but, I wouldn't necessarily burn the bridge behind me as I walked away for a bit.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/17/2013 5:49:07 PM

TenderTorment

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The end of a friendship is always a sad affair, that sadness may never leave but it will lessen, the flourishing of your loved and more importantly safe family will see to that.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/17/2013 6:29:45 PM

LafayetteLady

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Without divulging all of what the 911 friend told you, you could tell your BF that 911 DID tell you she was using drugs, so there is no point in denying it anymore. Yes, that is betraying the confidence of the 911 friend, but I didn't get the feeling that BF and 911 were really friends to begin with. Plus you aren't divulging about the investigation. Simply tell BF that 911 told you she was using because as her BF, she thought you might be able to help her.

Perhaps doing that will open the door for a discussion of how she can get herself out of the situation. If not, then you did your best and you can walk away knowing you did your best.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/17/2013 6:38:35 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Without divulging all of what the 911 friend told you, you could tell your BF that 911 DID tell you she was using drugs, so there is no point in denying it anymore. Yes, that is betraying the confidence of the 911 friend, but I didn't get the feeling that BF and 911 were really friends to begin with. Plus you aren't divulging about the investigation. Simply tell BF that 911 told you she was using because as her BF, she thought you might be able to help her.

Perhaps doing that will open the door for a discussion of how she can get herself out of the situation. If not, then you did your best and you can walk away knowing you did your best.

I would strongly disagree. Divulging ANYTHING about the investigation, known or "told from a friend" could end OP in jail.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/17/2013 6:44:03 PM

LafayetteLady

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I didn't tell her to divulge anything about the investigation. The best friend admitted to 911 friend she was using drugs. That isn't part of the investigation. Considering you seem to think just being her friend can land her in jail, I don't think she should pay much attention to what you believe will land her in jail.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/17/2013 8:45:31 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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I have talked to her about this guy that started the whole snowball effect. She denied he was still into drugs but he is sitting in Jail right now on a 250,000 dollar bond. She claims the police are out to get him but it does not work that way. The police do not decide bond or go ahead to trial. There is no way I can tell her I know without revealing how I found out so no I will not tell her.

< Message edited by Moonlightmaddnes -- 2/17/2013 9:20:49 PM >

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/18/2013 11:51:32 AM

LafayetteLady

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Well, that is certainly your choice. Like I said, you could easily divulge that the 911 friend mentioned drug friend told her she was using and she told you hoping you could help. All this would not divulge anything else about her legal questions to 911 or 911's information about the investigation. It is simply one friend (who again seems more like an aquaintence) passing on something so that a person can get help.

I've had to back off from toxic friends in the past and it sucks. Some have come back when they got their shit together, others have not. The truth is that over time, we often outgrow our friends or choose separate paths in lives. We tend to keep those friends around out of habit more than anything else.

You have your family to think of, and that has to be your priority. This woman can remain your friend if you limit it to phone calls and meeting somewhere for a cup of coffee, although I don't think you can continue to keep the subject of this OP out of the conversation which will lead to drama you don't need.

I know you are hurt, and I know saying that with time, that hurt will lessen doesn't help, but at this point there really isn't much else to do, is there?

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/18/2013 12:08:12 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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Nope there is not much I can do. I can't make her go back to the friend she was. For all I know she was doing this the whole time and I am just too much of a type to take a friends word to know when they are lying through their teeth. I look back now and feel rather stupid for never questioning but I really did not see it as my buisness.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/18/2013 12:38:19 PM

TheHeretic

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It certainly can be your business, Moonlightmaddnes, but I think they way you have gone about this is completely wrong, and a betrayal of the friendship.

I'm in a wait and see mode right now, regarding the status with my absolute oldest (we were 3 and 5, when we met), and one of my dearest friends. We live far apart these days, but the last time we saw each other, I ripped into him hard, over his drinking, and his drugging, and the choices he is making for himself and his family. I didn't leave it on any kind of stated ultimatum, but I know I pushed all his buttons very hard. I hope it will sink in to the right places in his heart, but there is no guarantee.

It sure as hell didn't involve airing his dirty laundry for anyone else, and certainly not anyone involved with LE.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/18/2013 2:11:39 PM

littlewonder

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/18/2013 5:39:59 PM

LafayetteLady

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At what part did you read that the OP involved law enforcement? People came to her with information that makes her question the friendship.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/18/2013 6:07:41 PM

TheHeretic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

At what part did you read that the OP involved law enforcement? People came to her with information that makes her question the friendship.

Right around the halfway point of the first post:

quote:

Then a friend I have that works in the local emergency management that also controls 911 and police dispatch told me that the police are watching my friend and her husband sure they are selling drugs for this guy in jail and putting money into his account. They are putting quite a bit of money in there I guess which is very suspicious for people who do not work, and yet they have that kind of money.

That's a conversation with the authorities in my book, and would be grounds for permanently severing a friendship, even in this more sedate and boring phase of my life.

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If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/18/2013 6:23:37 PM

WyattC

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Don't walk, RUN away from this. You and your family could be jeopardized by your association, regardless how small, with these people. Think on this: she's not your friend; she's most likely a criminal.

When the authorities think they have something, they will come after whoever they remotely think will have any shred of info. That's why they call it a Dragnet...guess I'm telling my age.

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RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/18/2013 6:43:54 PM

LaTigresse

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OP.......Your friend could be many of the people I've seen around me. Rural Iowa is a meth hot bed. A mile away from my lovely little rural oasis there is a trailer sitting empty. The family that used to rent it was busted for cooking. The county cannot afford to clean up the mess so it just sits, falling apart, weeds taking over. Two houses away from it, an empty lot where a charming house once stood. Burned to the ground because of a meth cooking accident. A few miles in the opposite direct is an operating meth lab. The guy that owns the property is in prison......for cooking and dealing meth. He lost 3/4 of his family farm because of it. I lost a great hay supplier. His property managers are renting the family home to some of his old friends. Their neighbours are afraid of the strung out addicts that stream in and out of the place at all hours. A beautiful old building that has been a landmark in a town 10 miles away is now condemned. So contaminated with the residue of a meth lab that the residents were evacuated and have not been allowed back in to even retrieve personal possessions. About 30 miles away, an elderly couple's house exploded while they were on vacation. A family member decided to use the place to cook up a few batches.

That is just a few instances I thought of, off the top of my head. I could easily come up with dozens more.

Of course your friend would lie and say she wasn't using. Most would.

Something you can do for yourself. Educate yourself on meth. It fucks people up. Educate yourself on the signs of meth use. Stay as far away from those that are using as possible.

As for someone pissing and moaning about you talking to law enforcement........I would report my own sibling or child if they were dealing, manufacturing, or using meth. Fuck it.......I would save a life before maintaining some bullshit loyalty code.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/18/2013 6:45:38 PM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 39

RE: I fear I am loosing my best friend - 2/18/2013 7:37:06 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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Yeah meth is horrible around here. A house a few blocks away blew up and it was found to have been a meth lab and the guy blew up his house while cooking. This guy sitting in jail is said to be a meth dealer in this area. That is what has me afraid to let her around my little girl and later my baby. If even her husband is making meth for him then they have residue in their house and on them.

I have to admit I have no idea what someone on meth acts like or how it is cooked. I never thought I would know anyone on it. I thought all of my friends were normal non drug using people.

Now alcohol I know. I can spot a drunk thanks to my dad.

Yes. call me a disloyal friend, but I am far more loyal to my children and husband then a friend that has been lying to me. It is my job to protect my children, she sure wont if she comes around them high or with drug residue on her to expose them. I would rather loose a friendship then have one of my children harmed or made sick from her choice to make money the easy way.

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