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RE: patience in relationships - 6/21/2006 11:09:07 AM

MaleModel

Posts: 65
Joined: 6/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The good news is that life is self-correcting. It will force the people involved to slow down and backtrack at some point to go over the important points.

The bad news is that the more this process is skipped in the beginning, the harder it is to process later AND people who aren't able to go through the process will find themslves constantly enmeshed in drama and not a stable relationship.

Do you really believe that life is self-correcting? I know, or know of, a lot of people who make the same mistakes over and over again.......like marrying the same type of inappropriate spouse. They suffer a lot of angst.

Further, the "self-correction" may not happen for 10 or 20 years, so a lot of damage may be done in the meantime, e.g., children born (and then you discover your spouse is not right); wasting a good part of your life (until you figure out what went wrong).

A lot of people "going over the important points" will not necessarily have the insight to discover what they themselves did that was wrong or self-destructive or somehow not fulfilling. After all, aren't we all capable, or even likely, to view ourselves inaccurately? Overlook or downplay flaws?

All that being said, I wish life were self-correcting and that it happened quickly, LOL

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: patience in relationships - 6/21/2006 11:31:16 AM

lisa1978

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Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
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A very large majority of us and, I mean all human beings, think of ourselves as intelligent, rational, honest and responsible. The truth is we cannot give ourselves these values. People learn and mature on a different curve. People act in a different time frame or for reason not everyone would do.

When the heart comes into play, the advice of people close to you let alone strangers takes a back seat. Yes, people in general rush into things and can make the mistake over and over again, but the fact is for most of us by the time we have become adults, whether nature or nurture, are stuck with who we are. For some that is always learning from mistakes. For some that is eventually learning from mistakes and others that never learn from mistakes.

For most if not all of us, patience level in us has already been set. We may be able to nudge it a little bit on purpose or because of events but on the whole it is just who we are as people. In other words, people who tend to take things slower are more likely to be able to set out a longer time table and follow it, while poeple with low patience are likely to have a shorter time table and have a tougher time following it.

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RE: patience in relationships - 6/21/2006 11:35:29 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gardenbluebird

i am seeing a theme in a number of threads that i simply don't understand. It's a lack of patience. Everything from being collared within days (then uncollared just as quickly), getting upset and wanting to leave over a bad mood that lasts a week or two, to moving in with a Dom that one hasn't even met in real time.

To me this kind of rush takes away the value of relationships. Why is everyone in such a hurry? Am i the only one who finds this disturbing?

I sometimes think its part of the general trend in hi-tech societies to want immediate gratification without much work.

It can work for you though if you make the process of finding a partner more formal and slower you can weed out those immediate gratification types really fast... ha ha.

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Post #: 43

RE: patience in relationships - 6/21/2006 11:36:06 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaleModel
Do you really believe that life is self-correcting?

It's a self-correcting process if they allow it to be.

Hence the second part of my post "AND people who aren't able to go through the process will find themslves constantly enmeshed in drama and not a stable relationship."

quote:

All that being said, I wish life were self-correcting and that it happened quickly, LOL

I never said it happened quickly :) However, life is messy enough that, IMO it will kick you in the pants within the first year most likely, and definitely in the first 5.

Yes, that's still long enough to allow people to make plenty of huge wrong moves and that sucks. But it also means that all is not lost just because things happen fast.

This is what I tell myself when I see novices rushing into their collars at least- just take a breath and know that life will show them what they need to see when they can see it.

That probably sounds patronizing, but it's not intended to be.

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Post #: 44

RE: patience in relationships - 6/21/2006 12:36:19 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Life is most times rather like a pond being fed by the rain and a stream. We all swim in our area and get used to the conditions but still get thrown off center when new things enter or the environment changes with no warning. Those who survive have learned to e patient and work with changes even if it is to remove them. In surviving we learn, some learn more than others whilst others learn faster. probably it isreasonale to say that it is not always the quantity of what we absorb that is really important but the quality. I know people who have little formal education but they have street sense. I know others who need to have their hands held when crossing the road and shopping in a supermatket is almost beyond them, and yet in their own specialised section of the pond of life, they are mighty lions and are almost unbeatable....

One thing I have learned many decades ago is that there walking amongst us Masters of Wisdom on a variety of knowledge and experience. These people have no special identifying marks upon them, they are not heralded with fanfares or parades. The are mostly unknown except top the few adepts who have learned a thing or two. They may appear as a wood sutter or a shipkeeper, they usually are known for understanding things and savy folk do go to listen to them and their home spun wisdom. They do share several traits in common: Humility (even when they are perceived top be leaders or masters in other fields), they dont lecture but nearly always drop important keys in their conversations and await for you to pick up on those keys. They all know that itis useless trying to force feed important keys or knowledge. The student must want to learn and have an open heart and mind. They also know that when the time and circumstances arive, the keys planted perhaps years ago, will sprout roots and start to flourish and bear fruit.... Patience... If you rush, time becomes you enemy and will defeate you. If you are patient and make time your friend, success is yours in at leastthe truly important things in life. Time alone will remove the dross which was holding you back if you allow it to....

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RE: patience in relationships - 6/21/2006 12:45:52 PM

wild1cfl

Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gardenbluebird

i am seeing a theme in a number of threads that i simply don't understand. It's a lack of patience. Everything from being collared within days (then uncollared just as quickly), getting upset and wanting to leave over a bad mood that lasts a week or two, to moving in with a Dom that one hasn't even met in real time.

To me this kind of rush takes away the value of relationships. Why is everyone in such a hurry? Am i the only one who finds this disturbing?

No you are not the only one who finds this disturbing. My wife and I have met many submissives who seem to havae velcro collars. We always try and steer away from them. While we have been married for over 20 years we are both Dominant, so the need to find a submissive that fits both of us has been very difficult at times. Had we not found someone that fits us very well I would havae continued looking until we did. We do not give out a collar lightly it is important to us that anyone that we collar is the right fit and the is in it for the long term. Just as in our marriage my wife and I have had some bad arguments, the whole key is communication and compromise on both of our parts. The same thing works with a submissive that is with us. We have only collared 2 people in that 20 years because of this philosophy.

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My Falcon now is sharp, and passing empty; And, till she stoop, she shall not be full gorg'd, For then she never looks upon her lure. Another way i have to man my haggard, to make her come and know her keeper's call. Wm. Shakespeare

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Post #: 46

RE: patience in relationships - 6/21/2006 9:17:17 PM

Sinergy

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenDragoness

Patience is a virtue and a very difficult discipline. In every religious and/or spiritual tradition i know, patience is necessary to reach understanding.

Hello A/all,

I am a longshoreman. I might have the boss go get the container
marked FUKU324234[9] from GG300 and bring it up to the
crane to be loaded on the ship. He might indicate that we need to
"HURRY THE F*CK UP SO IT CAN GET LOADED NOW."

By the time I get back to the hook, the crane has broken and the boss tells me to "stand by."

4 hours pass. I sit in my truck and read magazines, call my friends
on the phone, throw things at seagulls, take a nap, the usual. Im on
the payroll, so its all good.

The crane gets fixed. I drive the can up. It gets loaded 4 hours
after it POSITIVELY HAD TO BE LOADED IMMEDIATELY IF NOT SOONER.

Im not sure what that has to do with reaching understanding, or
what about sitting in a deisel truck for 4 hours accomplishes in
terms of my attaining spiritual enlightenment, but people are always rather surprised at how patient I am.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

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RE: patience in relationships - 6/21/2006 9:23:14 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: D1961wildchild

"Rome was not built in a day"

Hello A/all,

Technically, Rome was originally built when Romulus pitched his tent on that hilltop and referred to it as "Rome." I suspect this took less than one 24 hour period. If it took longer than that, I would challenge his right to proudly wear the "Camping" merit badge on his sash.

The Rome you see when you visit Italy is about Rome version 14.903 which took thousands of years to develop.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

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"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

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Post #: 48