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Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/18/2013 8:42:07 AM

slavy2u

Posts: 17
Status: offline

am living secretly and virtually a submissive life from a long time but my pride and my fears prevent me to do my "coming out" and live

really , my desire . wether it will be just a sexual new experience or a definitive choice of a lifestyle, i want today to dicover the mysterious D/S world

to heal my mind and my soul. What shall i do to get rid of this conflictual feeling ( without warming myself) and live naturally my sweet dream???

Post #: 1

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/18/2013 9:09:03 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Read some self-help books, seek professional attention.

Tell you what....first thing, keep it to yourself for now, and go out to events and munches, and see that you are so very fuckin NOT alone in your desires, and hell you might be weird, but not cuz of this...............and then when you see that you are about normal as hell, then you can come out and perch on the twig a little further.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to slavy2u)

Post #: 2

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/18/2013 9:22:28 AM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

When you first start talking to potential dommes, trust slowly. If you start hearing some party line that d/s is all about trust and if you won't trust her with everything there is to know about you right away then you can't have a relationship... run.

Trust is a process, not an event. Trust her a little, see how she handles what you've entrusted her with. Then trust her with a little more. On the flip side, there must be a quid pro quo. She needs to trust you too.

If you're looking to explore kink, toys etc, go to a pro. If you're looking to explore submission, then you're talking about a relationshp... just one with a hierarchy.

If you have to pay for service or gifts, you get to call the shots in advance because you're buying her time. If the relationship is based on mutual attraction, she gets to call the shots. In either case, you get to make an informed decision about how things will progress.

Go to munches. Theyr'e safe, easy and you'll meet some normal like-minded folk.

Good luck :)

< Message edited by evesgrden -- 2/18/2013 9:23:08 AM >

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to slavy2u)

Post #: 3

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/18/2013 10:17:31 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Honestly the only person who is going to be able to help you bridge the gap between the way you want to live and the things holding you back from living that way is YOU. Its something that you yourself have to come to terms with. I had to part ways with the last submissive (well, lets call him a long time dominant male who was trying to live a new way) for this very reason. He kept looking to me to be a miracle worker to break him out of his shell. No one else is going to be able to do this for you. Only you can decide what is more valuable for you to hang onto....your pride/fears or the way you want to live. Good luck to you on your soul search and I do wish you well.

(in reply to evesgrden)

Post #: 4

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/18/2013 10:49:49 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

How is it that you feel D/S will heal your soul?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to slavy2u)

Post #: 5

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/18/2013 11:07:17 AM

slavy2u

Posts: 17
Status: offline

thank's a lot Madam for ur reply, and yes u're right when u say that's the problem in all this is between me and me. from now on i'll work hard on myself

to finally accomplish what am willing to . Munches and "public" events in D/S (as Mistress evesgrden suggest) could be in fact a good and safe opportunity for me

to make my first steps in this fascinated world and then, i can decide clearly if submission will be just a kink in my life or much more..

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 6

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/18/2013 11:30:48 AM

slavy2u

Posts: 17
Status: offline

deep inside me i feel that D/S fascinate and excite me a lot, but unfortunately , i don't have so much gutts to accept it and naturally assume it.

Am afraid to break the rules and "disappoint" my family and friends by revealing my unconventionnal desire and that's why am really suffering from this

situation , in my mind and soul.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 7

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/18/2013 11:33:18 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

You don't need to decide right away whether you just want kink or you want a bit more. Take your time.

And your family don't need to know what you do in your own relationship. It's your business. Most of us who live in dom-sub relationships look completely normal to the outside world.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to slavy2u)

Post #: 8

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/18/2013 11:42:50 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

You don't need to decide right away whether you just want kink or you want a bit more. Take your time.

And your family don't need to know what you do in your own relationship. It's your business. Most of us who live in dom-sub relationships look completely normal to the outside world.

^^^^^^^^^^ This - in truck-loads! ^^^^^^^^^^

For all of those that are scared about what will happen.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 9

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/18/2013 11:43:14 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavy2u

deep inside me i feel that D/S fascinate and excite me a lot, but unfortunately , i don't have so much gutts to accept it and naturally assume it.

Am afraid to break the rules and "disappoint" my family and friends by revealing my unconventionnal desire and that's why am really suffering from this

situation , in my mind and soul.

How many times has your mother ate your dad's ass?
How many times has your mother used a strapon on your father?

My bets is you will go to your grave (as they will) and you won't be any the wiser on that score...........

I don't get all this spewing all this over coffee cake with the rellies, shit.

Goddammit, it is just sex, it ain't serial murdering. (Which, if you swing that way, please talk it over with the family over carrot cake first, I beg you).

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to slavy2u)

Post #: 10

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/18/2013 12:04:45 PM

slavy2u

Posts: 17
Status: offline

U're absolutely right Madam, this is my own life and i must live it the way i want to. i will enjoy every single minute of it respecting only my desires and my

choices. Thank's for ur helpfull contribution Mistress, i really appreciate ur advice.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 11

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/18/2013 2:14:48 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

You are a 46 year old man living in France. Forgive me if I'm making wild assumptions but France has always struck me as very open about sexuality. So what's the problem?

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to slavy2u)

Post #: 12

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/19/2013 1:07:31 PM

slavy2u

Posts: 17
Status: offline

The real problem i think it's me?, cause i don't have so much courage to assume my real sexual position. Am afraid that my conventional catholic family and friend's will let me down once they discover my sexual kink (consider as perversion by all of them.).l have to make a choice , sooner, between living completely my desire, even if i'd be forced to sacrifice some friendships or continue my boring classic life

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 13

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/19/2013 1:10:15 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

You don't have to flounce around hysterically like some peri-menopausal drag queen about it, save it for the bedroom, unless you blather about it to all and sundry, who will know what you do in your bedroom?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to slavy2u)

Post #: 14

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/19/2013 1:10:27 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Look, nobody can help you with this problem but you. We could all make suggestions until we are blue in the face, but until YOU make the decision to do the things that you want to do (and I can already tell that you need an education about it) none of it does any good.

Get up off of your tail and DO something about it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to slavy2u)

Post #: 15

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/19/2013 1:17:05 PM

Notsweet

Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

I will never understand why people think their families have a need to know what they do sexually.

When I consider each and every one of my relatives, I can say that without a doubt, I would NEVER want to know as much as I already do.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/19/2013 3:35:39 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet

I will never understand why people think their families have a need to know what they do sexually.

When I consider each and every one of my relatives, I can say that without a doubt, I would NEVER want to know as much as I already do.

That's true. No one needs to know what you do behind closed doors and, chances are, they won't unless you choose to tell them. I wish I knew less about the sex lives of my family, but it seems that some of them have this weird need to broadcast it.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to Notsweet)

Post #: 17

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/19/2013 4:52:01 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavy2u

Am afraid that my conventional catholic family and friend's will let me down once they discover my sexual kink (consider as perversion by all of them.).l have to make a choice , sooner, between living completely my desire, even if i'd be forced to sacrifice some friendships or continue my boring classic life

Wait just a sec. Back up. You don't take out paid advertising to blare your sex life all over your town. That's between you and your partner.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to slavy2u)

Post #: 18

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/19/2013 4:53:47 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavy2u

The real problem i think it's me?, cause i don't have so much courage to assume my real sexual position. Am afraid that my conventional catholic family and friend's will let me down once they discover my sexual kink (consider as perversion by all of them.).l have to make a choice , sooner, between living completely my desire, even if i'd be forced to sacrifice some friendships or continue my boring classic life

Dude, I'm a practicing Catholic. Why the hell would you tell your family about your sex life?

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to slavy2u)

Post #: 19

RE: Need some help from a real Mistress.... - 2/19/2013 9:38:39 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavy2u

deep inside me i feel that D/S fascinate and excite me a lot, but unfortunately , i don't have so much gutts to accept it and naturally assume it.

Am afraid to break the rules and "disappoint" my family and friends by revealing my unconventionnal desire and that's why am really suffering from this

situation , in my mind and soul.

This isn't coming out as gay, its having a "girlfriend with opinions". If you don't discuss the how, where & play by play of "normal sex" with your family...why would you imagine the need now?
Imagining this as bad, scary & a problem...is how you manifest problems!! Try imagining meeting a woman that understands your deep desires to please, respects & values that...guessing it feels a lot different huh?

Just this last week had a potential I was starting to appreciate fail himself (& me) with this defeatist "what if people find out" thinking. Much like coming out as gay, those closest finding out will probably go "well duh nice of you to finally catch on". People around you likely suspect, they are just waiting for you to stop torturing yourself & fully embrace doing & being what makes you happy.
...Or you can continue torturing yourself...because its worked so well making a loving & forfilling relationship happen.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to slavy2u)

Post #: 20

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