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RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/21/2013 7:03:39 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

So, I am not speaking about someone being dishonest. I am speaking about the condition that is put on loving someone. If I love someone, it's (choose your words;) in spite of/because of/notwithstanding all their foibles and "failures".

Peace and comfort,

Michael[/color]

So if she does a Lorena Bobbitt on you, you'll be fine with that? You would continue to love and trust and respect her? Because I don't buy it.

You aren't monogamous. Great. But I know that when you start talking to a woman, you reveal this first thing. Because that's the honest thing to do. And you're not only a good guy, you're a smart one who knows that demanding someone become poly is not how it works.

The dishonest thing to do is what this dude did. Waited until after she committed to say "Whoops, I lied by omission. I need you to find another woman and bring her into bed with us. Otherwise you're not a twue sub".

The sheer fact that he went looking for a much younger, barely legal, female who is still quite naive as is appropriate at her age, in order to get all his prurient fantasies to come to life without openly discussing it first is what makes him a bad guy.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 81

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/21/2013 7:32:05 PM

descrite

Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline

huh. Another funny thing: just about every poster who says the Dom is faulty has assumed that the Dom did not make his request/requirement known before the OP started this thread (or before they became romantically involved).

That could be the truth. But we don't know that-- at least, from what I've read, I don't think OP has made that clear.

So that's a whooooole bunch of presumption and cultural baggage being brought to the table by participants in this thread.

Ain't that odd? For such an enlightened, out-of-the-norm forum, I mean.

Another thing: I think we should drop the "she's so young..." crap. Unless, of course, you're willing to agree she shouldn't be having consensual sex. Or voting.

If people want the rights of grownups, they have to start accepting the attendant responsibility.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 82

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/21/2013 8:04:35 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

He should be more worried and focused on building your relationship than talking about 3 somes and focusing on sex.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 83

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/21/2013 8:13:55 PM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

If people want the rights of grownups, they have to start accepting the attendant responsibility.

I definitely agree with this. If you're old enough to create a profile, buy cigarettes and serve in the military, you should really grow the hell up.

However, at age 19, I was nowhere near an adult. I was reckless. Now that my hormones are leveling out and I've lived a bit, I can look back and see that I was bat-shit nuts at that age. Of course, that's not everybody. Some are wise beyond their years at 19 but OP sounds like she has a bit more growing up to do, no offense.

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 84

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/21/2013 9:13:01 PM

descrite

Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline

quote:

He should be more worried and focused on building your relationship than talking about 3 somes and focusing on sex.

Weird-- you have constructed the sentence as if "relationship" and "3 somes [sic] and...sex" are two different things.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

Post #: 85

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 5:26:26 AM

cordeliasub

Posts: 528
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: cordeliasub

I was being a bitty, sorry. It really had nothing to do with the thread, just a particular poster who gets on my nerves. I blame my hormones....or global warming...or manbearpig.....

I'm not sure what being a "bitty" means, but your comment on photographs was nearly as insulting as the guy calling subs "it."

I apologize. It was not meant to be a general comment at all, and it had no place in this thread. It was a personal thing that I allowed to spill out. For the record, I have no problem with any picture anyone uses ever. It isn't my business. It had to do with a very particular ego and not the topic of this thread at all, and I should have kept it to myself.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 86

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 5:51:35 AM

Notsweet

Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Don't damage yourself to please someone else.

Holy shit. THIS ought to be a Commandment.

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 87

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 6:27:31 AM

intellisubbear

Posts: 26
Joined: 2/11/2013
Status: offline

Genghis Khan reputedly had 10,000 women in his harem, and I'll bet every one of them complained that he wasn't giving her enough attention!

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 88

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 6:43:55 AM

Alic3

Posts: 13
Joined: 2/19/2013
Status: offline

for everyone who was compassionate and caring in your responses, thank you all so much for you advice. I appreciate it all, and have taken some of the NICER things into consideration.
You must be gentle with me because I am very fragile.
for the insufferable assholes who don't know what they hell you are talking about, knock it off. if you have read anything about me, you'd realize that I am VERY NEW to being a sub. When all of these things were being discussed with him, I had no clue what 'limits' were or anything like that. so before you begin saying 'oh if it was a problem for you, you should have told him', I didn't even know where to begin at the time.

God, is nearly everyone on this site incompetent?

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 89

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 7:29:56 AM

descrite

Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline

quote:

if you have read anything about me, you'd realize that I am VERY NEW to being a sub. When all of these things were being discussed with him, I had no clue what 'limits' were or anything like that. so before you begin saying 'oh if it was a problem for you, you should have told him', I didn't even know where to begin at the time.

And, for some reason, your local library and the Internet were all broken at the same time you started searching for something that would be an integral element of your life.

Luckily, you found resources like this site AFTER you'd already created a situation where problems are involved. Whew. Well done, Responsible Adult.

A favor? Consider giving voting a pass, on the next go-around of election time, mmkay?

(in reply to Alic3)

Post #: 90

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 7:42:27 AM

Alic3

Posts: 13
Joined: 2/19/2013
Status: offline

go screw yourself. i've done nothing wrong to you for you to act this way. you're being a VERY responsible adult yourself by picking on a teenage girl. Congratulations.
I made a rookie mistake. Forgive me for not knowing anything about this world/lifestyle before meeting this man. He did not let me know what he was seeking or that he was a Dom before meeting him. He sort of dumped it all on me after I began feeling emotions for him. I decided I wanted to learn more about what he had experienced in his life, and liked what I saw. Therefore, I want to learn more.

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 91

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 8:08:07 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alic3
You must be gentle with me because I am very fragile.

We're rarely gentle. 1) Most people need to have the blunt facts put in front of them and 2) it's a forum full of sadists.

quote:

I am VERY NEW to being a sub. When all of these things were being discussed with him, I had no clue what 'limits' were or anything like that. so before you begin saying 'oh if it was a problem for you, you should have told him', I didn't even know where to begin at the time.

I've given you a pass because you are new and young, but I'll be honest: You got involved in a situation that you knew nothing about...and still got involved in the situation anyway. You need to gain some knowledge and some perspective. Attend some Next Gen events, read some books (There's an excellent book list here) Take some responsibility for your own well being and actions.

quote:

God, is nearly everyone on this site incompetent?

Considering your glass house, I wouldn't be throwing that stone if I were you.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 2/22/2013 8:09:08 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Alic3)

Post #: 92

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 8:59:25 AM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alic3

go screw yourself. i've done nothing wrong to you for you to act this way. you're being a VERY responsible adult yourself by picking on a teenage girl. Congratulations.
I made a rookie mistake. Forgive me for not knowing anything about this world/lifestyle before meeting this man. He did not let me know what he was seeking or that he was a Dom before meeting him. He sort of dumped it all on me after I began feeling emotions for him. I decided I wanted to learn more about what he had experienced in his life, and liked what I saw. Therefore, I want to learn more.

don't worry, you'll learn that descrite thinks he was born the font of all knowledge.

chill out. some of us (usually the ones that have children, and the responsible D/s M/s people) haven't forgotten what it's like to be young and not know it all. as others have said you've made some mistakes, and been thrown in at the deep end. the best thing to do is take some time and work out what you want for now, what you may be willing to consider in the future, what you certainly don't want, and whether this guy is really all that.

it's hard when emotions are involved to the best thing. sometimes you just have to play it out to the end, no matter how bad that end maybe. you are a young lady, and pretty, and he's not the only man in the world. he's certainly not the right man if he insists on you doing something you don't want to.

alot of life is a sequence of compromises. you have to decide whether the gain is worth the compromise to you.

you've had alot of good advice in here, but there is always going to be differing views that you don't like. read them anyway because as you get older you may find that some of it will apply then. you also need to learn that in this game you need a thick skin. people are not always polite, they don't always agree, and some are so far up their own arse they've forgotten what the day smells like, and can only spew forth the sewage they smell. pick and choose who to read, and who to ignore.

needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to Alic3)

Post #: 93

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 9:31:27 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alic3

go screw yourself. i've done nothing wrong to you for you to act this way. you're being a VERY responsible adult yourself by picking on a teenage girl. Congratulations.
I made a rookie mistake. Forgive me for not knowing anything about this world/lifestyle before meeting this man. He did not let me know what he was seeking or that he was a Dom before meeting him. He sort of dumped it all on me after I began feeling emotions for him. I decided I wanted to learn more about what he had experienced in his life, and liked what I saw. Therefore, I want to learn more.

Well said Alic3. You see? You aren't quite as fragile as you thought. Now needles gave you some great advice:

quote:

you've had alot of good advice in here, but there is always going to be differing views that you don't like. read them anyway because as you get older you may find that some of it will apply then. you also need to learn that in this game you need a thick skin. people are not always polite, they don't always agree, and some are so far up their own arse they've forgotten what the day smells like, and can only spew forth the sewage they smell. pick and choose who to read, and who to ignore.

A lot of us were much gentler than normal with you because it was so clear that you really were naive, but coming here trying to figure it out. Good first step.

Now here are some important thoughts to keep in mind going forward. You met a much older man, who you say is "damaged" and still feeling the sting from the end of the last relationship he was in. At 19, you don't need someone with that much baggage. I'm not a big fan of the old men who seek young girls, so I admit that my opinion is biased, but still, he has massive baggage even for someone my age!

He misled you. This is an enormous red flag that you should give very careful consideration to moving forward. In my opinion, his behavior was a bit predatory (ok, not a bit, a lot). The up side is you discovered something that is of interest to you. The downside, if you haven't figured it out from this thread, is that honesty and trust is paramount in D/s. What he did was not honest or trustworthy. You need to decide whether it is worth it to go back to him with your new knowledge and give him a chance to rebuild that trust. That's right, you get to tell him. He fucked up, and just because he is the dominant doesn't mean he gets no consequences for his actions.

Personally, I think you should send the guy packing. Ok, actually I think his shit should be thrown on the front lawn and set ablaze. He knew what he was doing when he kept this information from you and then started springing things like threesomes on you under the, "I'm the dominant and want this" umbrella. It's bullshit.

However, if you choose to stay with this man, I suggest you sit his ass down, and tell him that since he really didn't explain things to you, knowing that you were completely oblivious to the lifestyle, he can now read your list of limits, and tell him they aren't negotiable, and that he still needs to work to rebuild trust with you, and you won't engage in many activities until you feel he is being completely honest with you.

And make that list! When you made your profile, there is a section with "interests" for you to fill out. There are three BDSM and one "Lifestyle." The others might also include some BDSM stuff, I don't quite remember. In any case, go to those sections. It really does list a great majority of activities involved in D/s/. If you click on the activity, it give you a brief explanation of what it is. This would be a great place to look to start your list. You can figure out what you are and are not willing to do, whether it is just right now, or ever.

As to the whole threesome issue. You did it before and found that it really didn't work for you. I would suggest you make it a hard limit, at least for now. I also don't think that at this time, any type of polyamory activities. Poly, if you didn't know, is involving more than just two people in a relationship. There is a lot more to it, and threesomes don't really fall under that category, but for now, in general leave it there. There is a section here on Poly relationships that you can read and see if that is for you. You will see the positives and negatives discussed there.

I wish you luck, and I hope that you stick around and participate more. Most of us will always be happy to answer your questions, and you can ignore the fuckwits. You have to learn somewhere, somehow, right? Asking questions here, is a far cry better than letting a dominant tell you, since he has a vested interest to be biased in his explanation. Oh, and attending those munches for young people, if you are comfortable with it is a great place to learn as well.

(in reply to Alic3)

Post #: 94

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 9:45:13 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alic3

go screw yourself. i've done nothing wrong to you for you to act this way. you're being a VERY responsible adult yourself by picking on a teenage girl. Congratulations.
I made a rookie mistake. Forgive me for not knowing anything about this world/lifestyle before meeting this man. He did not let me know what he was seeking or that he was a Dom before meeting him. He sort of dumped it all on me after I began feeling emotions for him. I decided I wanted to learn more about what he had experienced in his life, and liked what I saw. Therefore, I want to learn more.

Here's that book list that Oside mentioned. http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

I'm going to tell you something that I've said before on this site. You either want to be treated like an adult or you want people to coddle you with kid gloves because of your age and treat you like a child. It's not going to be both. You thought you were mature enough to handle this relationship and that's what brought you here, so I'm figuring that it's the former. If it's not, keep trying to play that little girl card and see how far that gets you. Personally, My opinion is that if you want to be on an adult site, expect to be treated like every other adult member here.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Alic3)

Post #: 95

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 11:02:47 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
You met a much older man, who you say is "damaged" and still feeling the sting from the end of the last relationship he was in.

I questioned in the other thread whether she knows for sure about how the other relationship ended or if she was just was taking his word for it. Two thoughts popped into my head with the statement

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alic3
Wouldn't you be if you fell in love with the person & their kids, raised them like your own for four years, and suddenly out of now where she sends you a text saying she's been cheating and is leaving?

1) It's unusual for a woman with children to just "suddenly out of no where" up and leave for another man. I realize it happens, but it's not all that common.

2) A study came out in the 90s asking people why they cheated. The majority of men cheated for sex. They liked the thrill of the hunt, the clandestine nature and being involved with a woman that they wouldn't consider relationship material. The majority of women cheated for emotional reasons. ie: He made me feel loved. He made me feel attractive. He made me feel like he listened to me. In other words women were making up for shortcomings in their relationship.

So, it seems like he could be playing the innocent victim about his role in why his former relationship ended and playing the sympathy card.

Something just seems off to me.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 96

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 4:18:49 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Honey, if you feel you are fragile, the internet, especially here, is not for you. This is an adult site. Most sites online are not going to treat you like the child you may think you are. At 19, you are legally an adult and you will have to learn to toughen up. I'm not saying any of this to hurt you. I'm telling you that this is the way it is in the world. I have a daughter a little older than you and when she was 19 and moved out on her own, she was the exact same way. She felt everyone was ganging up on her, she always felt hurt or picked on and just very sensitive...then she grew up. Life toughened her up. Getting a job, paying bills, driving and getting into a minor accident, having relationship issues at first, all make you grow up. I don't think you have experienced those things yet but you will and maybe when they do, maybe then you should make your way back here. I just think that right now you aren't' prepared for it.

Everyone has given you good advice and hopefully you listen to it. This won't be your first or last relationship and won't be the first time you have been hurt or confused. It will happen many times before you become the person you will be. It's all a learning experience. You will hopefully learn from this.

I would also say that if your sensitivity is due to other mental issues then you may want to seek a therapist who you can talk to and give you help where you need it.

Best of luck to you.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 97

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 4:24:08 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

quote:

if you have read anything about me, you'd realize that I am VERY NEW to being a sub. When all of these things were being discussed with him, I had no clue what 'limits' were or anything like that. so before you begin saying 'oh if it was a problem for you, you should have told him', I didn't even know where to begin at the time.

And, for some reason, your local library and the Internet were all broken at the same time you started searching for something that would be an integral element of your life.

Luckily, you found resources like this site AFTER you'd already created a situation where problems are involved. Whew. Well done, Responsible Adult.

A favor? Consider giving voting a pass, on the next go-around of election time, mmkay?

Des usually I give you a pass on the douche baggery...BUT just because she's hot & not into you doesn't give you an excuse to be this much of a shit!

Yes hopefully this will be kept so future subs can see your charming & helpfull side

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 98

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 5:59:37 PM

descrite

Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline

quote:

go screw yourself. i've done nothing wrong to you for you to act this way. you're being a VERY responsible adult yourself by picking on a teenage girl. Congratulations.
I made a rookie mistake. Forgive me for not knowing anything about this world/lifestyle before meeting this man. He did not let me know what he was seeking or that he was a Dom before meeting him. He sort of dumped it all on me after I began feeling emotions for him. I decided I wanted to learn more about what he had experienced in his life, and liked what I saw. Therefore, I want to learn more.

quote:

Des usually I give you a pass on the douche baggery...BUT just because she's hot & not into you doesn't give you an excuse to be this much of a shit!

heh. Okay.

OP, step back for a second and look at what you're saying, and what I'm saying: you said you moved into a new thing that is very important to you, without any foreknowledge, and your sole source of information was the person you were going to be involved with.

Imagine, for a second, this was a business transaction, and not a romantic relationship. Someone comes to you with a proposal ("I have a gold mine") and they offer to cut you in for a reasonable investment.

I'm assuming you don't know anything about mining, or the market for gold. For the sake of argument.

Now, you think it might be a good idea, and you have the capital to make an investment, but you know nothing about the field or the topic...so you can gather some info about the venture in several different ways:

1) Ask your prospective partner to explain everything. Ask questions.

2) Go to external sources, get a variety of expert opinions, and do some research.

3) Get the agreement in writing, then take it elsewhere and have it valued by other potential investors.

What you did was 1. That's okay, and it's a start, but you would be an idiot if you only took your prospective partner's word for everything, in a deal that means a lot to both of you, and has a potential to harm both of you.

You should have also done 2. Which is what I was saying. 3, too, but that's a bit more advanced.

Here's the thing: if you've gone to high school in America, they've taught you to do 2. They even taught you how. So when I ask you not to enter the political realm, it's because you've demonstrated, concretely, by your actions, that you are not interested in performing your due diligence (1, 2, and 3) prior to engaging in a transaction-- I'm fairly certain you made no effort to look up any information about any of the candidates on the ballot, or did any research whatsoever about the issues of the day. I apologize if I'm wrong, and please feel free to bitchslap me if I'm way off, but if the entire extent of your investigation into something your boyfriend "experienced in his life" was to ask him about it, then I think I'm safe in guessing that you didn't put forth much more effort in choosing elected officials.

But I am glad you shared more about how the situation developed. You had not done that previously, leaving commenters to make assumptions. It's good to include more info.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 99

RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/22/2013 10:27:55 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

That's great des, next girl you manage to get to date you you need to submit an essay of no less than 1500 words on who she is, where she came from, what any & every limit is & submit noterized affidavits of her BDSM checklist. All verified in triplicate on first meeting

Do you seriously listen to yourself sometimes??

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 100

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