Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Being a Good Dom?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Being a Good Dom? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 6:09:11 AM   
firestarter93


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/21/2013
Status: offline 		In the past I've never been able to be the Dom that women in past relationships wanted. I've had a problem showing authority. What are some suggestions?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 6:29:57 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		First you have to figure out why you have trouble showing authority. Then you need to look at these past partners. Not all doms are the domly dom authoritarian type. There are many ways to lead. Perhaps you are choosing women that you aren't compatible with and who are looking for a style of dominance that is not your style.

(in reply to firestarter93)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 6:31:10 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Find different women?

Not all women want the same style of dominance. Be selective and make sure you have similar goals before you start the D/s stuff.

It might also be an idea to elaborate on what you mean by 'having problems showing authority'. If it's because you don't like shouting and yelling, don't be a shouty yelly dominant or go out with subs who want/need shouty yelly dominants.

Or if it's a problem telling someone what to do and then following up to make sure it's done to your satisfaction, maybe you're just not cut out to be dominant.

We really need more info if we are to help.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to firestarter93)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 6:34:10 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		This is a very excellent question and I applaud you for asking it.

It's my opinion that authority stems from two basics: natural leadership ability, and the self confidence that comes from knowing and mastering yourself.

If you weren't blessed with natural leadership ability, you can still learn leadership techniques. It may take you longer to apply these techniques, but the info is out there for you to acquire, so that's step one.

Step two is much harder, gaining the self confidence that comes from knowing and mastering yourself. I suggest you being this journey by signing up for martial arts lessons, and take the time to learn the philosophy behind them.

There are no easy steps to becoming a great dominant, but if you are truly motivated, you can accomplish this goal in time.

_____________________________



(in reply to firestarter93)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 6:52:29 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You might wanna check into Daddy Dom/little girl interactions.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 7:32:13 AM   
firestarter93


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/21/2013
Status: offline 		Where do I find that

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 8:12:14 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

You may not have been the "right dom" for those women of past relationships, but I dont think that means you arent a good dominant in general. While you might not have been "good" for them, there may very well be someone out there who you are perfect for. The others have given you great advice on how to begin your journey, so there isnt much to add with the exception of this:

Embrace YOUR dominance and grow within it. Be true to yourself. Dont try to adopt qualities that just arent you because you might think those are qualities a dominant should have. There is no one true way as far as dominance goes. Find your way.

(in reply to firestarter93)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 8:13:59 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: firestarter93

Where do I find that


Google is a good place to start.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to firestarter93)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 10:08:32 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: firestarter93

Where do I find that


Seriously, you need to take some initiative. If you're not willing to put in the effort and have everything handed to you.....part of the problem becomes glaringly obvious.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to firestarter93)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 10:42:15 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: firestarter93

In the past I've never been able to be the Dom that women in past relationships wanted. I've had a problem showing authority. What are some suggestions?


What is it about being a dominant that you are drawn to?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to firestarter93)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 2:26:41 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: firestarter93

Where do I find that

Fetlife.com has some good groups:
Daddy Doms and baby girls
Daddy ~ girl Relationships
Daddy Dominants
Daddy Doms and Their Little Submissive Girls
West Michigan Bigs and Littles
This is a start.


_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to firestarter93)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 4:48:42 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You might wanna check into Daddy Dom/little girl interactions.



I'm curious. Why would that specifically help him?


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 6:23:42 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Daddy doms are much less...domly? Interactions are more affectionate control & limits than strict protocol & discipline

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 7:33:01 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Why do you think you are a Dom? Before I give advice, I would need to know what is it that makes you tick.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 9:16:24 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You might wanna check into Daddy Dom/little girl interactions.


I'm curious. Why would that specifically help him?



I get the sense that his women are saying he's not that strict and tough. Daddy Doms IMO are more cuddly, etc., than many other Doms.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/21/2013 11:20:38 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		I tried to lead him into telling us a bit more, but apparently, that isn't going to happen. So I guess we should just say, if you are a dom, go be a dom. If you are doing it wrong, buy a book and stop bothering us if you can't give us enough info to help you beyond telling us previous partners didn't like your style.

Although as Oside pointed out, so far he has already shown why he isn't such a good dom. Not initiative, no follow through.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/22/2013 8:51:19 AM   
DV1970


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/14/2013
Status: offline 		As a general rule, for the OP as well as everyone else, I think it's important to figure out who you are in this lifestyle. What kind of Dom or sub you are. That takes time and experience. You have to know what you like and don't like and what you have to offer before you can be something for someone else. It's vital that your bdsm personality matches up well with prospective partners. If it doesn't, then it will never work. Know who you are and have confidence in that. Never try to be someone you're not because of someone else. IT's just an act and will never last.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/22/2013 2:56:59 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Get some authority.
It's on sale cheap at Target.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to DV1970)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/23/2013 7:46:33 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: firestarter93
In the past I've never been able to be the Dom that women in past relationships wanted. I've had a problem showing authority. What are some suggestions?

Find different women.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to firestarter93)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/23/2013 1:42:20 PM   
Maruhatsune


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/8/2012
Status: offline 		well for starters, start off with a very confident and strong demeanor. you don't act like a tough, evil, violent dom in order to show authority. all it takes to start is a bit of certainty.

(in reply to firestarter93)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Being a Good Dom? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109