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RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/23/2013 3:11:51 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maruhatsune

well for starters, start off with a very confident and strong demeanor. you don't act like a tough, evil, violent dom in order to show authority. all it takes to start is a bit of certainty.


And if he can't fake a "very confident and strong demeanor"?

(in reply to Maruhatsune)
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RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/24/2013 3:51:49 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		then imo, good luck with anyone seeing you as being very dominant.


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RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/24/2013 4:00:50 PM   
MarcEsadrian


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quote:

ORIGINAL: firestarter93

In the past I've never been able to be the Dom that women in past relationships wanted. I've had a problem showing authority. What are some suggestions?


You seem to be approaching this from a service-oriented perspective—not that this is unusual in the world of BDSM. Forget about what "women want" and focus upon your own wants. What do you want? And then, of course, there is the problem with showing authority you mention. That and the "what you want" question are related, I'm quite certain.

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RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/24/2013 6:40:26 PM   
JeffBC


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From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
then imo, good luck with anyone seeing you as being very dominant.

the situation was more than a little shaded between Carol and I. I can guarantee that there were several points along my path in which I was about the exact opposite of "strong and confident". When I was weak, Carol was strong.

My answer to Harry's question (that I didn't actually write) was:

Then he needs to find himself a real partner who sees him as a person rather than a role and wants to work WITH him rather than against him to accomplish a joint goal.

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(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/24/2013 7:28:00 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I guess for me if I was attracted to a man he had to be the epitome of confident when I saw him. When I met Master, just the way he walked screamed confidence. The way he ordered, the way he sat, basically everything about him just oozed confidence. It was the same way when I met my husband.

Yeah, I understand that not everyone is confident 24/7, but if someone is constantly down on himself and has no idea how to take control of a situation and doesn't show that from the offset, I could never imagine that person being a dominant personality. I might see him as being play material, someone to fuck in the bedroom but that would be as far as it goes.

Now there are times when I have to be the strong one when he's having his days and vice versa but personality wise it's him with that just imbued in him.


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RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/25/2013 1:40:20 AM   
xxxxxTreasurexxx


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/15/2013
Status: offline 		Heya Fire starter93, my Dom (who I met through my first Nimhneach and are now engaged) only shows my authority when we are alone in his house, or when we're at a bdsm party. He felt the same at the start as you do too. The second Nimhneach we were at he told me a few days later that a guy he knew from the place came up to him and made him feel really crap by saying: you should be more in charge of what your sub is allowed to do!I mean ha, ha. What have you guys changed positions, are you not the Dom anymore haha makes sense.? eah My master was really annoyed but said in the most courteous way."I allow my sub sometime to go and talk to her friends and to mingle like we are very alike in that we don't want to play the whole time we're here and she knows I'm in charge! The guy looked at him with a cocked eyebrow and walked off. There's no need to be a torturer or a mean person to give authority. Just have it sometimes coz otherwise you'd go bonkers crazy! Everyone needs a time out. Like practise on say a chair, I mean talk to the chair like there is someone sitting there. Don't ask/tell them to take their clothes off but not in a mean way. If you want you can bring in the fact that you want to be wanked off now. Say that you'll show them how to do it and then when you've come ask the pretend girl to wipe it off. Now that'll be your job now but go over what you'll say to them when their swallowing your cum.Do this a few times and it'll give you the ability to act more athoritive.

(in reply to Maruhatsune)
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RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/25/2013 4:26:57 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Now there are times when I have to be the strong one when he's having his days and vice versa.

Heresy!
Oooh, someone is soooo gonna burn at the stake for this ort

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(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/25/2013 4:43:16 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: firestarter93

In the past I've never been able to be the Dom that women in past relationships wanted. I've had a problem showing authority. What are some suggestions?


Authority is a combination of what you expect, and what they will give.

You can question yourself, take advice from your other half, and all sorts of other nonconformist things. Keep the goal in mind (which varies by partner, and is not derived solely from your own wishes). Consider the communication and expectations that any relationship requires.

Best of luck.



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(in reply to firestarter93)
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RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/25/2013 4:44:57 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Now there are times when I have to be the strong one when he's having his days and vice versa.


Heresy!
Oooh, someone is soooo gonna burn at the stake for this ort


Make sure you include mood music.



_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/25/2013 4:47:43 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Now there are times when I have to be the strong one when he's having his days and vice versa.


Heresy!
Oooh, someone is soooo gonna burn at the stake for this ort


Make sure you include mood music.



I was thinking something more along these lines...

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to RemoteUser)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 2/25/2013 6:47:50 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Now there are times when I have to be the strong one when he's having his days and vice versa.

Heresy!
Oooh, someone is soooo gonna burn at the stake for this ort


But but but I'm still healing from the last burn.

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Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Being a Good Dom? - 3/5/2013 6:24:56 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Yes, be selfish, it works for most of us.

Seriously, the culture has been swinging women's way for a while, and that cuts both ways, we're all expected to be everything for everybody, but you can't please everybody all the time, at some point you have to say fuck it and ask whats in it for you.

Other suggestions:

Some physical activity might help, it tends to drive up your testosterone levels.

Find some random slut who's into it and pimp fuck the shit out of her.

If you do this, do everyone a favor, and wear a condom.

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(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 32
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