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Very new - 3/3/2013 2:15:52 PM   
Khalli


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/3/2013
Status: offline 		I have found myself in a relationship with a Dom in a very strange series of events. It was not something I was even really aware I craved so badly.  I am going to be having my first session with him in a weeks time & am feeling anxious! Perfect submission is not expected, is it? He has been so good at answering my questions & allaying my fears, but I am looking for the opinion of other Doms familiar with very new submissives. My gratitude.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 3:25:54 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Sorry to tell you this, but you're trying to fit a lot of stuff into nice neat boxes, that really don't fit well.

Perfect submission - oh boy. What's perfect for one Dom would not be for another. For example, there are a bunch of Dom/mes in Denver that are very high protocol, and it's centered around serving tea. I'm low protocol and don't even drink tea.

And you're likely not going to want to hear this, but if he's not understanding that you're new and willing to go slow, he may not be right for you.

You're fretting and worrying that you may not make the grade, when in reality, you have not accepted him either.

Good luck!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Khalli)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 3:44:27 PM   
Khalli


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/3/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you for your words. You said nothing that I am opposed to hearing, and it was short sighted of me to assume all Dom/mes adopt the same styles & techniques. Like I said, very new & still exploring my own urges & different aspects of the lifestyle in general. Many others have gone before me & I am trying to gain a foothold of my own.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 4:11:01 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Perfect submission will probably be expected. If he's clueless or an ass. Otherwise it should be like most other interactions you have, respectful, understanding, etc. If it's not like that then you should probably reconsider.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Khalli)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 4:25:06 PM   
Phoenixasubbie2


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/27/2013
Status: offline 		He should not be expecting submission at your first meet. Especially "perfect" submission if there is such a thing.

Here's the deal-- you have just as much CHOICE in the matter as he does. You own your power until you choose to give it to another. As you don't yet know your own wants and needs in this life, I would advise you to go slow. If he is a good Dom/Master, he will himself go slow and take your newness into account.

And here's the other thing- Submission isn't always sexy. It isn't always fun. In fact sometimes I hate it. But that is the choice we make and you have to choose the one worthy of that submission, just as much as you should strive to be worthy of his dominance.

Best to you.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 4:29:48 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixasubbie2
you have to choose the one worthy of that submission, just as much as you should strive to be worthy of his dominance.



While I agree with all of what Phoenixasubbie wrote, the above was something that I REALLY agree with.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Phoenixasubbie2)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 4:31:00 PM   
Phoenixasubbie2


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/27/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you :)

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 5:25:05 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		My personal view is: If you're really new, you shouldn't be in a relationship. D/s BDSM brings up a lot of emotions and tingly genitals which frequently gets confused to be something more than it is.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Phoenixasubbie2)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 5:29:00 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		No teeth!
And swallow.

Do those two lil itty bitty things, you should be fine

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 5:31:07 PM   
Khalli


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/3/2013
Status: offline 		I feel fairly confidant I have found someone worthy of my submission and he has been very thorough in his preliminary....questioning? Not sure that is the best way to phrase that. We have gone over very carefully my likes and dislikes sexually, and specifically what is completely out of the question. And I do know that D/s is not all about sex and that is expected AND welcomed. I also know that my relationship with him will not always be sexy, and that is ok. We have discussed what I am expecting to get out of our relationship, as well as what he expects. The roles are being very clearly defined. He is also happy that i have my safety net in place(an old friend who I trust completely, is familiar with the lifestyle, and will know all the details of our meeting place) as he feels it will help me trust and submit to him. He is expecting full submission, and I am not thinking that means perfect. I don't know if that was really the right word to use....

(in reply to Phoenixasubbie2)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 5:33:27 PM   
Khalli


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/3/2013
Status: offline 		I am not worried about getting the parameters of this particular relationship confused. I am married and have also been a mistress to another man for quite some time. My husband is the man I go to for love, cuddling and pillow talk. What I look to get from the relationships outside of my marriage is something completely different.

(in reply to Khalli)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 5:46:39 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Khalli
He is expecting full submission


Well, that would be difficult since you're married to someone else.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Khalli)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 5:51:47 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		why not just meet him for a cup of coffee first and see if you even wanna be around him? If you meet him and you don't like anything about him, you have no obligations to him. If you do like him over coffee then you both can decide from there.

Have no expectations. When I was still single, there was no submitting over a cup of coffee unless I felt that kind of vibe and attraction to him and it was never something planned. I either felt he was dominant or not.

If I didn't like or feel anything towards him, I was able to finish my coffee and leave with no harm done.

Don't be in such a rush.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Khalli)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 5:57:15 PM   
Khalli


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/3/2013
Status: offline
quote:

Well, that would be difficult since you're married to someone else.


Once again, my words do not reflect what I mean. I am new to this. I will let his words speak for me.

'very pleased with how it has gone and I want to be very clear with you about how our relationship will be over the course of who knows how many months just so we are both on the same page. When we meet next Saturday I will be coming to you in a very dominant frame of mind and from when that door opens you must be in a very submissive frame of mind and I truly believe you have embraced that as you have not strayed in our communications. What I want you to know is that during the 2 hours of our meeting, there will be absolutely no straying from those roles. There will be no pillow talk or balance of power where we become two normal people chatting. You will be subservient from start to finish.'

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 5:59:46 PM   
Khalli


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/3/2013
Status: offline 		Again, 'in a relationship' may have been the wrong turn of phrase as well. I apologize.

(in reply to Khalli)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 6:06:01 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Khalli

quote:

Well, that would be difficult since you're married to someone else.


Once again, my words do not reflect what I mean. I am new to this. I will let his words speak for me.

'very pleased with how it has gone and I want to be very clear with you about how our relationship will be over the course of who knows how many months just so we are both on the same page. When we meet next Saturday I will be coming to you in a very dominant frame of mind and from when that door opens you must be in a very submissive frame of mind and I truly believe you have embraced that as you have not strayed in our communications. What I want you to know is that during the 2 hours of our meeting, there will be absolutely no straying from those roles. There will be no pillow talk or balance of power where we become two normal people chatting. You will be subservient from start to finish.'


I can tell you that if someone expected that at the very first meeting, there would be no first meeting.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Khalli)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 6:09:45 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Khalli

quote:

Well, that would be difficult since you're married to someone else.


Once again, my words do not reflect what I mean. I am new to this. I will let his words speak for me.

'very pleased with how it has gone and I want to be very clear with you about how our relationship will be over the course of who knows how many months just so we are both on the same page. When we meet next Saturday I will be coming to you in a very dominant frame of mind and from when that door opens you must be in a very submissive frame of mind and I truly believe you have embraced that as you have not strayed in our communications. What I want you to know is that during the 2 hours of our meeting, there will be absolutely no straying from those roles. There will be no pillow talk or balance of power where we become two normal people chatting. You will be subservient from start to finish.'


This is just me, but if I went to meet someone for the very first time and he expected that we would have a D/s exchange "from when that door opens" I'd find that ridiculous. If I am going to submit to someone, I have to meet them first, and know them fairly well over a period of time. This sounds to me like a casual hook-up, if that's what you're looking for then great. It sounds like two people role playing...once again, if that's what you are looking for then great.

The Dominants I have been with don't come from a "dominant frame of mind", they just are Dominant, it's not a suit of clothes they put on for a roll in the hay. I'm not trying to be punitive of what you're doing here, it just sounds like this guy is putting the moves on you for a fuck and you're letting him do it.

Once again, this is just me, but no one tells me to be subservient to them before i've met them. I decide when that happens, not him. If I let any man decide when the subservience happened, I'd be on my knees sucking cock all day long, I happen to be more selective than that. Maybe I've got this all wrong, just sounds like you've decided to do the nasty with a stranger and you're both calling it kinky - that is what it is, but it's not a D/s dynamic between 2 consenting people who have explored each other's compatibility. The guy sounds like any other horny guy on here looking to get laid so he's calling himself a Dom to get at some pussy.

(in reply to Khalli)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 6:13:29 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
just sounds like you've decided to do the nasty with a stranger and you're both calling it kinky - that is what it is, but it's not a D/s dynamic between 2 consenting people who have explored each other's compatibility. The guy sounds like any other horny guy on here looking to get laid so he's calling himself a Dom to get at some pussy.




Nailed it Lizi.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 6:14:00 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Khalli

I am not worried about getting the parameters of this particular relationship confused. I am married and have also been a mistress to another man for quite some time. My husband is the man I go to for love, cuddling and pillow talk. What I look to get from the relationships outside of my marriage is something completely different.


I'm going to assume your husband knows nothing of your "life" outside your marriage.

If so, ignore everything I previously typed.
quote:


the guy sounds like any other horny guy on here looking to get laid so he's calling himself a Dom to get at some pussy.


And you can say the same thing for her as well I'm sure.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 3/3/2013 6:16:59 PM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Khalli)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Very new - 3/3/2013 6:17:51 PM   
Khalli


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/3/2013
Status: offline 		I appreciate everyone's feedback. I will reconsider where I stand with this and move forward from there. That is why I am asking questions on this particular forum. Another fact to clear up here, I did not meet this man on any 'looking for ' website. That is also not why I am on THIS site. I am only looking to gain knowledge and information so that I can make an informed decision. Thank you again to all who have responded.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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