Poloboi234
Posts: 61
Joined: 5/29/2012
Status: offline
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Am I strange?
I didn't even look at porn at all(not kidding)until I was in my mid 20's, I recall us as boys looking at my buddy, Zach's dad's "Play Boys" (Ms. March 1995, ohmigod) and we were intrigued... I got a hard on, but my buddies had to go masturbate. I didn't.. my "hard on" would go down later, and that was that... I got bullied a bit, and did some bullying, then I was the older boy that picked on my friends younger brothers, or other kid's in the neighborhood, but it was different. It was more in a "hazing" type situation, and then went over to the mentality of "Only we can mess with our pledges" type mentality as I was a protector, confident and looked out for all the kid's in my neighborhood when we went in school and throughout high school. Though I became a football player, baseball player guy. I always looked out for my buddies, on the team, younger guys (in neighborhood) and tried to guide them, we would pick on them, or tease them, or mess with the younger guys on the team it was for guidance and to correct the mistakes... for example. When I was a captain, we had this "sac tap" game that if someone had too many false starts during practice, or off sides, we as captains were going to give them a "random hard sac tap", whenever we deemed right, and the younger player had to(after he got up), to shake our hand, and give us a kiss on the cheek, and say, " Good show!" (we were more like a rugby team) and that was that...
Then later on in my life, I always had girls (not to brag) I was an alpha male, and I liked girls, and I never masturbated... that changed when I turned 25... I wasn't doing well in my life, depression, school wasn't going well, and two of my ex's that I basically threw away I found out were engaged.. I didn't have many friends, and then I started to explore the net... I watched porn, but I liked the humiliation, then that went to S/M, to ball busting, to BDSM... I was shocked, scared, a bit in awe, then intrigued...
That intrigued lasted for 2-3 years as I read everything I could about it, and would read blogs, take notes, speak with people, and try to "understand" the mentality of those that were "subs" and those that were "doms" and the dynamic.. I at first just wanted to watch, I didn't see myself as submissive enough to "submit" to anyone, and I always considered myself "chivalrous, or a good guy" and thought I wasn't sadistic enough to be a "Dom"... but I was wrong... the more I read and learned, I had been dominate all my life, with friends, with people, and the few times I wasn't dominate (during mid school, bullied) is what increased my tenacity at that age to workout, join the football team, baseball, track to be the "manliest" man I could be(Brazilian Jui Jitsu, bar fights), I was an "Alpha Male"... but then reality hit me in the "real world". When I was going to a very high level school (ivy league), being the "Alpha Male" wasn't as embraced, and I found that many were back biting, and conniving, and the old adage "Less is more" was true.. but without my "Alpha Male" Identity, that I felt, I spent all my life trying to be.. I was lost... I was depressed, then I would masturbate to porn, and I always loved BDSM...
Here is the weird part. and I want someone to try and help me clarify this.. Because I was always raised to be a "Man of Chivalry", I couldn't really stomach the Male Dom/Female sub dynamic. I know that it is all fantasy, and that both are consenting adults, but cropping, or whipping a female to my "Small town, Catholic raised" mind is just not appealing... plus an Alpha male doesn't dominate a woman... he dominates another man... that's why I loved, Cuckold as that is exactly what I loved. Being the "Bull" coming in and taking another man's wife, lover, GF, and him relenting, and bowing down to my "manliness" is what truly turns me on...
When I joined sites to chat, people saw my profile and many felt I should be a "master" as I was told this over the years, I decided to try it out, and I learned and read many books, the psychology of it (is the most important) as well as I want to please whomever my "sub" is to their fulfillment as that is my goal(there mental fulfillment) as I, being in charge should know what they want, and secretly do want...
I had some run in's on craigslist...but the dilemma...most of the guys that would seek a Male Dominant are gay... their sexuality doesn't matter. But for my own stimulatence of what I want to accomplish they need to be "Masculine, straight, or straight acting (90%)" men, as what gets me to my own, mental "space" is them submitting to "me". I love to turn a "straight masculine" male into my "pet", "toy", "my bitch" etc... if the person is already "submissive"(almost to 100%) then it does nothing for me, I'm not being "Alpha" already submitting a person that is submitted...
Think of it like "breaking a wild horse" is what it's like in my mind. That's is what I like to do, or see for my subs and I don't think my dynamic is really "known" or is shown with many people.
Most that seem be BDSM (from what I have researched or seen) that is straight or masculine, would like a "female" to do it, for there, I perceive complete "humiliation" that a woman is spanking them, or belittling them, or feminizing them... it makes sense as for it to work, a woman must be present for the true "humiliation" to take affect... those that are BDSM that seek male Doms and are Men, usually take on a "boy" or "sub" that is sexually attracted to the master, and that is the desire to submit in all its variations...
I'm not gay at all(I've gotten head from a couple guys, during the role play but there is straight porn on, and I can't cum without it, or pulling out and jacking to a picture of a woman etc...) to the point, I once had a "sub" older guy (40yrs old) that I did role played with, and he insisted on serving me as I was his master. I relented and he was giving me head for 45 plus minutes, and I wasn't cuming, or coming close to it. To which he exclaimed..." You're not gay, you're not gay at all..., as I replied that, I just like the "role play"". So this isn't some anti gay, proving I'm straight post.
I think it's more of the dilemma of being a Straight master to a Straight sub, and how to humiliate him. I have found innovative ways for my current "sub" that is a "wild burly buck" (6'3 275pds) and he is fun to play with, I guess he is my "pain slut" and he loves doing anything to "please me", but sexually advances are out of the question, as well as he just likes to "service me" when I allow it, or likes to help me service a woman as if we were in a "cuckold fantasy"... I guess my question to the group of dominates, and mistresses is this.. Am I an anomaly? Is my experience, sexual wants, or even mentality for doing BDSM strange or normal? (I mean in general, everyone has their own niche fetish)
And have you seen this in the BDSM lifestyle which is mainly sexuality based. I just like the power and control of another masculine male, and I like to humiliate him in-front other males, or especially in front of a beautiful petite, blond, brunette, ebony, Asian, etc... (any) gorgeous woman to show my Alpha Male dominance...( guess there are pain slaves, but my pain is more mild, like nipple clamps, ball tapping, funny things, anything with blood, whips, needles, hardcore CBT etc.. is a No... Not into that at all..)
Those subs I have engaged with, I do take it very serious to fulfill their needs, and desires, and if it requires sexual contact, or something of that nature I find a suitable host or replacement that the sub agrees to beforehand, and has met. (tested, clean, in the scene, and discreet)
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Am I strange? or is what I want, unreasonable? - 
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