Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Pulling the plug


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Pulling the plug Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 3:56:06 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I must admit, jali is one of my favorite posters here.  There was a thread similar to this one a few days ago.  Although I agree that some are just plain mean. I think part of it is frustration and trying so hard to get one's point across.  I see it in my son.  We start out discussing something...he has his opinion and I have mine.  We discuss it and I know I am not going to change his mind but he is determined to change mine come Hell or high water.  Of course, he can't and that frustrates the you know what out of him.  I think it is the same here for many.  I just figure, I'm going to state my opinion and be done with it.  I got sucked into arguing once...it won't happen again.  In fact, I sent the person an email telling him that I was sorry if I came off like a jerk and he said the same to me. 

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 4:00:53 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Yesm, she is very good at "smoothing the rough waters" so to speak. I am going to try to be more like her in the future. Plus, she's just a nice person.  I apologized more than once tonight. It doesn't help if someone is dealing with someone who is hell-bent on fighting. It's a game, for them - that's why I think some of these people have deeper "issues". Somebody, somewhere along the line, must have taught them that's the way to relate to other adults. Okay - I'm not doing it that way, though. I just leave. Usually not before I have "expressed myself" in return, though. I could probably skip that part. - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/22/2006 4:05:21 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 4:20:39 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
A good message board is a like swimming in a rough ocean. You have to know which waves you can ride, which breakers to dive under, which ones you can float over, and you have to be able to cope with the undertoes. All the action, though, makes for very fun swimming, and a real ocean swimmer doesn't toss in the towel after a wave pounds him into a shoreline.

I think you would be much unhappier if these boards weren't truly reflective of how people really are. The real fear of CMMB isn't "mean people" but is rather what the MB would look like if it resembled some corporate luncheon or church picnic.

IMO, the MB is better rough and salty than if it were calm and tranquil. (boring)

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 4:29:00 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		I love passionate debate, but i do notice that people tend to take personal offense to those  of differing opinions.
I don't think they realize that once the derisive comments or name calling starts....then the point they are trying to make becomes moot, and all people see is the negativity. 
Some times reading the forums  brings to mind  old episodes of Saturday Night Live when Chevy Chase and Jane Curtain used to debate, ..."Jane you ignorant slut!!"...comes to mind and makes me laugh
We can exchange opinions....and sometimes make others actually ponder what we've said. But if we do so offensively then that becomes the focus, and the lingering impression we leave with others stops being about the subject at hand.

That was a great quote jali......and i can agree with others that your posts (whether i agree or not ,i usually do agree with you) are an example to others by always being calm....concise and empathetic. 

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 4:39:28 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe.You are probably right, and I do think so. Don't ever go away. I don't think everyone should agree - but they could be a little nicer, sometimes. - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/22/2006 5:14:49 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 4:52:28 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, I know people get really bound closely with their own opinions.  I finally said: It's my opinion - And - I don't recall asking for anyone's approval of that opinion - and for anyone who might be wondering, I'm still not.

Yes, tonight things got rather heated on the "Submissive in a Sexless Marriage" thread. I decided I was giving up trying to be "reasonable" (it wasn't working). And was just going to say what I really thought. I am now embarrassed (a little)- but at the time, I was really angry. When I am that mad, not much intimidates me, certainly not the thought of someone else disagreeing or getting mad back at me. I grew up in a house where there was almost constant bickering. The thought of someone not liking what I say just doesn't affect me if I am "riled up". I also know, though - that giving back someone what they are giving you just leads nowhere - it's a losing battle - completely futile. It raises one's blood pressure, makes one look like an idiot, and most of the time, I try to be really nice to other people.  I just let it all out, I guess, tonight. It's not something, however, I can picture some other people even thinking twice about - so maybe I am still "intact". Hope that wasn't the real me (hope not too often anyway). -Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/22/2006 5:18:15 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to spankmepink11)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 5:08:45 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah, it can be tough at times when you don’t have the real life control of social pressures to behave in a civil manner. I can see some of us standing in a group at a party and rolling out eyes and ignoring some who walk up with humorless, rude behavior, but, on a message board they can posture. I do think it is a sign of being in control if you can debate and handle direct, name calling, personal assaults with humor and without falling into the same. When I have been confronted with unsupported, name calling, diatribes, I will just say “back at ya” and move on to discuss the issue at hand. A level, calm personality in someone who exercises social courtesy and control will be recognized and rewarded the same as it is in real life. Those standing in the group will listen to you.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 5:15:47 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Good advice, thank you. - Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 5:30:06 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		<strikes a Mean pose>

*chucklez*   you're funny....

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 5:53:02 AM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		I've noticed some that seem to enjoy arguing and being right more than anything else.  Those are the ones I glance at and then skim past.  They aren't worth my time.  If a thread degenerates too far for my taste, I simply abandon it.
 
zuma

edited to note that this: "Yes, tonight things got rather heated on the "Submissive in a Sexless Marriage" thread." is the exact thread I was thinking of, although I abandoned it two days ago.

< Message edited by zumala -- 6/22/2006 5:58:25 AM >

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 5:54:33 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		Heh.  Considering My sig line I can not help but post here.

You are still letting it get to you.  It inspired this thread in fact.  To Me that is a no go.  Do not let them win.  The block feature is your friend.  Post with conviction.  Post with an air of individuality.  Stand out from the crowd... And remember... "There's only one 'um, and that's fuck 'um" (Iron Maiden).

So, when I added that to My sig line I meant it.  I never post threads about it or complain about other's treatment.  Fair is fair, after all.  I just plain old do not give a damn if you like Me or My contributions or not.  And funny enough I even have the T-shirt (it is green, long sleeved with white lettering on it. hehe).

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 6/22/2006 5:57:20 AM >

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 6:14:06 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Pulling the plug? Just leaving? I just read the thread that prompted this and I didn't see any pulling the plug or just leaving. I would think that those would be decisions made early on....not after 9 or 10 pages of steadfastly holding your ground and arguing your opinion. Pulling the plug and just leaving isn't accomplished by saying "Fuck you" and name calling when you have gone through all of your other coping mechanisms and found them to be ineffective.

It takes two to argue. If you didn't care, as you said, I don't see why you would have wasted so much time and energy trying to argue your point. I don't see why you would have bothered to start this new post to tell everyone how you don't care. I'm sorry but I didn't see all of the mean spiritedness that you are referring to....well other than when you stomped your feet and threw a foul mouthed tantrum. What I saw was other people indeed stating their opinions that you didn't agree with and you were bound and determined to convince them of the error of their ways and get them to realize that you were right. Maybe there just wasn't enough sensitivity and coddling for you and you see that as mean spirited?

Personal responsibility and accountability......ah......the little words that seem to spark so many arguments here. I'm not sure why they are such hard concepts for some to understand or adopt. Whenever a poster uses those words here they are pretty much guaranteed an argument and being labeled as insensitive, arrogant and uncaring. But that doesn't change the fact that personal responsibility and accountability are indeed the place where the victim mindset stops and the healing begins. That may be tough to swallow but that doesn't make it less true.

As adults we all have choices in life...all of the same choices as every other adult. If we choose to volunteer to be someone's victim and put ourselves in or stay in a situation that is miserable or damaging to us....the responsibility for that misery or damage then becomes our own. We CHOSE to embrace it and own it for ourselves. We may do so for a multitude of reasons such as lack of better options or commitment to our own moral codes as but a few examples....but it doesn't erase the fact that we still made a choice. The responsibility of it then becomes ours.

Until that day of enlightenment....we will continue to be someone else's victim and look for sympathy and understanding. We will be the victims of sexless marriages...the victims of abusive partners....the victims of overbearing employers....the victims of how our parents raised us...or the victims of the opinons of other "mean spirited" posters....and we will seek out sympathy and validation and stomp our feet and throw temper tantrums when we don't get it. It is only when we stop volunteering to be victims (notice the tag line) and take responsibility for ourselves and the situations that we put or keep ourselves in that we can rise above that "I'm a victim" mentality.

Just to clarify...... this is my opinion...and there is no "meanspirited" intent behind it. 


< Message edited by mistoferin -- 6/22/2006 6:16:06 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 7:04:47 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I know you are right. I am not (contrary to what dear cloudboy may have thought) "throwing in the towel". if I was that kind of person, I would probably have been dead years ago. I am making too big a deal out of this. And that remark about me wondering who reised some of these folks porbably sounded "superior". It is. I make an effort to be polite - even if I disagree with someone, 99.9% of the time.

And, for the life of me, I don't see what is so hard about doing that. I think some peope just must really take their own opinions much too seriously. I still think believeing, even a little bit - that own's own life experience is very, very similar to someone else's is unlikely - even if it sounds like that to someone. The whole premise makes no sense, because we are all different, grew up in different parts of the country, had different families, friends, experiences.

Why anyone would presume to take their own experience and use it to judge someone else's situation is just something I don't understand. in fact, I think it's just plain weird. - Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/22/2006 7:07:44 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 7:06:27 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I'm really pissed off - that's why. Go ahead an judge that if you want to - it just doesn't matter to me.Oh. I said I wasn't upset? Well I am. Are you going to tell me to "get over it"now - and offer more of the oh so helpful similarly styled "advice" I keep hearing thrown at other people in other posts? It's working wonders, after all. - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/22/2006 7:11:22 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 7:14:17 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I'm really pissed off - that's why. Go ahead an judge it if you want to - it just doesn't matter to me.- Susan


I thought you said you did not care?  Maybe you did not get the point of My sig line after all.  To not care means you do not get pissed off at what others say.

I believe it ok to stand your ground and debate a point.  I do it on a semi-regular basis.  However, there is a difference.  When I say I am "out", that is it.  I am done.  I do not go back.  I do not make new threads about it.  I do not lose any sleep over it.  I just simply walk away.

Further to this, I have no problem throwing a punch when need be.  I can be real mean when someone crosses My line, both in real life and in this fantasy world we call the internet.  The other difference is that when they throw a punch back, I do not complain about it.  All is fair in love and war.

Soooo.  To live up to the line "Hi.  I don't care.  Thanks", I believe that you have to keep these things in mind.  It is one thing to say it.  It is quite another to actually live it.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 7:22:36 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
I'm really pissed off - that's why. Go ahead an judge that if you want to - it just doesn't matter to me.Oh. I said I wasn't upset? Well I am. Are you going to tell me to "get over it"now - and offer more of the oh so helpful similarly styled "advice" I keep hearing thrown at other people in other posts? It's working wonders, after all. - Susan


Well I guess by your response that you perceived my post to be judgemental and mean spirited. Because my opinion doesn't coincide with yours? Because I had the audacity to suggest that you have a responsibility in your own reality?

Well then go ahead and be pissed off. It's obviously what you want to do. It's obviously the choice you are making. So don't blame it on me or anyone else here for that matter. I'm not going to tell you to "get over it" because I really don't care if you do or not. I don't have to live inside your head and be miserable. If you want to keep hanging on to it and keep yourself in that miserable "I'm a victim and nobody understands" mindset...by all means do so. Just stop blaming your attitude, your reactions and your miserable reality on everyone else here.....they're yours honey. Keep em.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 7:35:24 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Yesm, she is very good at "smoothing the rough waters" so to speak. I am going to try to be more like her in the future. Plus, she's just a nice person.  I apologized more than once tonight. It doesn't help if someone is dealing with someone who is hell-bent on fighting. It's a game, for them - that's why I think some of these people have deeper "issues". Somebody, somewhere along the line, must have taught them that's the way to relate to other adults. Okay - I'm not doing it that way, though. I just leave. Usually not before I have "expressed myself" in return, though. I could probably skip that part. - Susan


  If someone is *hell bent on fighting* they have to have an opponent to do so.......all the time you're willing to provide that, it continues. The one handed hand-clap comes to mind.

You have said you don't care, you have said you just leave ......but neither of those seem to be the case.

agirl

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 8:09:44 AM   
HisTicia


Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline 		I myself have been involved in a thread here and there...that didn't end up going as I had hoped.  I guess..that is life..it just never does what we expect..especially when we open ourselves and our hearts up to so many ppl..with so many different outlooks and opinions. 
 
The problems fall not with those of us that can take it.. or respond back..standing up for what we think..and our ideas..it comes with those that get hurt easily..here and r/l..those are the ones I worry about.  I have seen that happen a few times...and my heart does hurt for them..maybe I think...this will make them thicker skinned..but more than likely..it will bother and hurt them..which is usually not necassary in order to answer their question.  No, answers should not be made all goodie-goodie..if that happened..then why even answer back at all.. they won't learn anything..and neither will you..yet.. I do think that sometimes.. respect and a thought to maybe....How would I react if someone answered me back this way?  Tough love doesn't have to be down right mean...when ppl read that.. it's when they shut down..or get defensive..not when they open up and think about what it is you said. 

If you are saying something just to be mean.. go find a mirror and do it there.... if it's real advice meant from the heart... just check yourself a bit...and keep in mind the person asking the question...you want them to listen..and think about your response...even if they don't agree..at least they took it in.
                                        Regards, Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha


(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 8:20:42 AM   
BreakMeShakeMe


Posts: 339
Joined: 6/6/2006
Status: offline 		<Fast reply>

Fresh pot of coffee..... settles down to watch... because this is gonna be another interesting thread... I can tell already.


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do, Skill is knowing how to, Virtue is just doing it.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Pulling the plug - 6/22/2006 8:22:17 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Okay; I will repeat after you: I don't care. I really don't. I just don't care. Furthermore, I am hoping other people stop caring what purposely rude people think, too. I see so much abuse that passes for "advice" on some threads. It's truly sickening. - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/22/2006 8:24:19 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Pulling the plug Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094