Pulling the plug (Full Version)

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SusanofO -> Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 12:57:38 AM)

For anyone who has heard this probably tired topic before, feel free to pass it by.

I have, I think, found a quasi-solution to some of the mean-spirited comments that pass for 'opinion and discussion' on some posts. I am not referring to being hurt myself here (I couldn't care less. Plus, I really can give some a run for their money in that regard - geez how proud my mom would be)! I could (truly) care less what other people think of my opinions (thanks, Sir Kenin, I finally got it)!  

I have to say that it is (big surprise) my observation that some folks on some posts just love argument for argument's sake. Which wouldn't be so bad, if they were not so nasty about it. I really mean it when I say this is not something that hurt me (well, maybe for a split second - before I came to my senses. Then I just became angry (yes submissives do that, too) - and yes I AM complaining (like I said if you've heard it all before, just pass it by, please). I cannot believe how hurtful and judgmental some people can be. I am not stating this on my own behalf here - I see people hurt all the time by judmental, mean-spirited comments - I just see this over and over and over again. What's the deal? How much do some people need to have invested in "being right"? Are their egos really that thin?  I know - if don't like it I can leave. That's a constructive and possible solution. Maybe I will. I think mean people should go rent their own planet elsewhere, frankly.

I may be submissive but I have developed a pretty tough hide - especially when it comes to mean-spirited commentary. I (yawn) suppose some might think me standing up for myself isn't being "submissive enough". Oh. Really? Someone else going to do that for me? Even if they were, I have years of practice doing it for myself. Trying to "outwit me" in this regard simply won't work - because I truly don't (anymore)give a damn what someone who is just plain mean to someone else thinks (I am speaking of outside a scene or consensual bdsm relationship of course, for heaven's sake, so let us not become confused about that).

If you don't understand what the word mean really means, or can't conceptualize beyond the "concrete" here, as far as the concept - then it's back to Kindergarten for you.

I really couldn't care less what someone is mean to me (or anyone else), thinks. It's even more vile when it's couched as "just  my opinion" (attempted to be shoved down someone else's throat). I have thought this over carefully, and I truly think some of the damage some people can do to others in this regard borders on evil.
Think that's an over-reaction? Maybe look a little closer at how some are reacting before judging that, is all I can say. 

I am not referring to myself here. As far as I am concerned, I don't care (don't believe me? I don't care, hehe). But - sometimes other people really do care. I am sure these self-righteous and opininated folk don't think of it that way - they have a right to their Godforsaken opinion and by God, they're going to exercise it - no matter who it hurts. Wow - that's impressive. I think they should know better. Maybe those of you out there who do care what people who do this think (or think you do) should re-think it. Really anyway, just how can one argue with mean-spirited stupidity? How can one care what a person like that could possibly ever have to say? It's not possible. 

Deliberately Mean is the absolute end (for me) of a conversation. I am done (most of the time not without tossing in my 'two cents' either - so watch it - I can be as nasty and viscious as the so-called "best of them" What a claim to fame to have. My mother would be so proud.

When someone becomes really mean (or just deliberately bull-headed and stupid), I am -  Gone. I simply do what I call "Pulling the plug" - I simply bow out. I state I am not participating (but feel free to continue on without me). It works. It's also easier on the psyche and the soul. It saves one hell of a lot of time. And it doesn't matter what the topic is, really.  I highly recommend it. - Susan




Kedikat -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 1:32:59 AM)

Well. It's all very subjective to a point. But pulling the plug is a perfectly good option. Keep in mind there are those that simply take that a s " HA HA I win! ". But if you have pulled the plug, who cares?

Occasionally I can become vicious in ways, in arguement. It often comes from frustration, not actual anger or intent to attack the other. Good decent people can become ranting when their passions are stirred in an arguement where they really feel they have some stake in it. It isn't always an indication of who they are in general. Heat of the moment and such.

Yep. Pull the plug. It works, when all else fails. Sometimes I pull my own plug ( I see the masturbation pun ) before I go too far.




SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 1:38:55 AM)

Who cares about "winning"? "Winning" what? The "I can be a bigger ass than you can" contest? I'll pass, thanks. It gives me a headache. - Suzanne




meatcleaver -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 1:41:02 AM)

If you didn't care you wouldn't have written this.

A quick scan through the threads on CM and you would have realised there are a lot of people here with concervative values. For all the platitudes about tolerance, honesty, integrity and every other cliched virtue that raises its ugly head, there are not really many of those virtues around.

I've been called all sorts on my short time here, misogynist and repugnent immediately spring to mind from someone who hasn't a clue about me but likes to think of herself as one of the world's righteous. Does it worry me? Hell no, it just shows her up for what she is. People have feet of clay and if remember that, you won't allow people you perceive to be mean to hurt you. After all you don't know them and they don't know you.

No one really knows about your situation because no one but you is you. Some people I think were trying genuinely to give you advice and maybe it is advice you don't want to hear. But yes, some are genuinely mean and love a feeding frenzy.

Only worry about what the people that really know you think in r/l.




enigmabrat -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 1:46:28 AM)

I can say that I have been hurt by things people say here I dont know why but some people go out of their way to be nasty to me because I voice my opinion and i swear when I say stuff here the furthest thing from my mind is hurting someone els and Ill say here that Im sorry if anything I have ever said here has hurt anyone becuase my far that is not my intention.. I personaly dont get why people have to get nasty here about things the only time i ever get nasty is when I feel im personaly attact im very sensative and i take things to heart so beleave it or not what you say here to me DOES have an impact on how I feel!!! I know Im not the only one that is hurt by what people here say even if im the only one who will admit it, I just think that people shoud read over what they have written here befor they click the ok button and really really thing "is this something I need to say... might how I reply here hurt the persom im replying too" some people may hurt others here (like Im sure things I say may have unfortunetly) and dont mean too but many people just dont seem to care and are out for blood and tears!!

-da enigma-




slavejali -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 1:49:46 AM)

Desiderata
-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --
Not "Found in Old St. Paul's Church"! -- see below
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.




BitaTruble -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 1:52:14 AM)

If something said on a cyber forum by people who don't even know you can effect you that much, you really need to step away from the computer and assess what's most important to you. It's simply not worth allowing your reactions to get away from you. Yes, mean people suck.. but you have options here.. block button being the first and foremost so as not to read those whom you allow to cause you grief.

Celeste




SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 1:53:45 AM)

They can be as conservative as they want. And I can be as un-conservative, and as verbal, as I want. I appreciate you trying to understand what I am saying here, though, I really do. I really don't care. I stated that tonight on a post. I am truly starting to believe some of these people suffer from just simply wanting to rope people into their petty little arguments. I stopped participating in this "discussion" tonight, and about two paragraphs (comments) later I see this woman trying to rope me right back into their "discussion'. I almost said: "What part of "I simply don't care  what you think" did you not understand? But decided it was a waste of time.

I really don't care. But it's tiresome to see - over and over and over. I am going to ignore it. Excusing it as "just discussion" and thinking it is not doing damage (to others) is pretty high-falutin' self-excusing for people who spent half the night discussing "how responsible" they are (on this particular post)...I am sure that will not make it "go away" - but it's the best solution I can think of. Again it truly is no skin off my nose - but I am so disgusted and so sick of seeing this. I am also disappointed at some of the people I see who let themselves (myself included) get roped into these inane "discussions".

- Susan




sabswife -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 1:53:54 AM)

 

public forums are like grocery shopping, you take what you need and leave the rest on the shelf. you put information on a public forum, you invite EVERYONES opinion.  if you can't handle that pulling the plug probably is the best option.


best of luck to you





SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 1:55:58 AM)

I am using the block from now on, trust me. - Susan




Kedikat -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 1:56:51 AM)

Desiderata.
Condensed version.

Shit Happens

[:)]




enigmabrat -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 1:57:28 AM)

ah yes but it isnt just cyber people that effect me like that.. as a whole I am a very very sensative person people with rode rage that say nasty things to me get me upset too... Im just saying is you never know who you are saying things to and how they will take them... what does it really take to be nice??




SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 1:58:59 AM)

Thanks, slave jali. I needed that (you're so sweet and such a peacemaker. I admire that, I really do).I actually keep a copy of "Desiderata" in my purse, believe it or not. I should probably get it out. - Susan




SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 2:02:16 AM)

I agree. It takes as much energy to be nice as it takes to be mean (but people actually get positive endorphins form being nice). Did you know that?-Susan




SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 3:31:09 AM)

Yes, it does. It doesn't probably have to happen as often though - all it would take is for someone to maybe hold their thought or tongue a bit more. I am not too good at doing that once I am riled up. It takes (usually) a lot to get me going, though.

I tend to give most people the benefit of any doubt until they prove beyond a shadow of a doubt they are a flat-out idiot. I see many people don't do that, though. It makes me wonder what kind of people raised them - I almost feel sorry for them. I would, if I didn't think they weren't doing damage to anyone else. Plus, I have a right to defend myself (and anyone else I think needs defending. Tonight I saw plenty of those folks). Plus, people here are supposedly adults - they can "not have to be right" just once - if it means saving someone's feelings. Or can they? Perhaps not.

I am beginning to think some people are sufferring from personality disorders or plain emotional instablilty. I am sure they see it as just "expressing themselves". I see this rush to judgment, complete with no room for any doubt they could be wrong at all of others, with no basis whatsoever. Who ever told these folks that being "right" is more  important than being kind? That being defensive in a very mean-spirited way is going to prove they are anything other than the kind of person they are maybe trying to defend themselves against? 

And - as far as it making anyone look more "Domly" (or more gracious, if they are a submissive or want to be viewed that way for whatever reason) - it's quite the opposite, in my opinion. I've been thinking all along that any good Dominant knows they are not "always right", right? What does it prove to anyone to just act like a know-it-all, especially when one has no pertinent experience on the topic at hand? It's useless and hurtful is what it is. It certainly is not what I would describe as admirable in any way. Well, enough said I guess. 

- Susan  




MsIncognito -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 3:47:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kedikat

Desiderata.
Condensed version.

Shit Happens



With one slight addition:

Shit Happens. Deal with it.




MsIncognito -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 3:48:56 AM)

Feeling better now that you got all that out? IMO, if you didn't care and if it didn't bother you then you wouldn't post about it. It's that simple.




SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 3:49:35 AM)

I am dealing with it. You deal with me dealing with it. If you don't appreciate this post - don't participate. - Susan




SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 3:51:07 AM)

Wow, your maturity is astounding. I am bowing out.  Of course sometimes it bothers me. Should it not?  What kind of person would this not bother? Gotta go - got better things to do - like sleep. - Susan  




meatcleaver -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 3:53:48 AM)

Mean people are usually the ones that cry the loudest when they are on the receiving end. You have to feel sorry for them and I know that is hard, the alternative is to end up as mean as them and I've been guilty of that and it doesn't feel good.




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