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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/17/2013 12:27:54 PM   
ladyspaz


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/11/2011
Status: offline 		Research. Find out as much as you possibly can BEFORE you engage in building a relationship. Don't take anyone's word for it, and don't wait til AFTER you are committed financially or emotionally. Long story short. Use the brain you were blessed with at birth and THINK for yourself rather than letting online strangers sway your common sense.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/17/2013 5:48:31 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSexyBrat

Hi Ladies... Sorry this was meant for DOM Males really.




Well, it appears that the dom males don't really give a shit about your problems.

Is it shocking considering the sheer volume of drama involved with 2 male non-partnered (ie worked out their dynamic) dominants with one sub?

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/17/2013 6:24:53 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Why don't you ask your husband to talk to these people you are interacting with? I mean, if it's all poly, why are you doing this alone???
I would think my husband would want to be the one choosing a brother and going through all the picking and THEN running it by you to see if you are compatible as well.

But I don't do poly so what the hell do I know.


For not poly, you just named the entire recipe for my poly success. His sub was added for OUR benefit, not just his, not just hers or just mine. Sometimes it takes 2 handlers to tame the beast. In my case perspectives from both sides of the kneel made arguement much less likely.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/17/2013 6:28:49 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Could you use a larger font please? Maybe then I'll be able to see why you're having a problem attracting an emotionally stable man.

But the magnification on the issue did seem to clarify the source of the problem once & for all by any sane viwer of history, confused by profile.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/22/2013 2:06:25 PM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSexyBrat

searching4mysir... *smiles* yes agreed! THIS is what i speak of. When i say i am who i am... TRUTH... When i say i will do what i say... i will. Trusting online is what i'm jaded about.

This is it!! THE issue of how to balance the Online "trust" to the RL meeting that sometimes takes weeks or a month or so. i guess watching catfish does not help!



My only suggestion would be to take even more time to vet these guys out over maybe even months. Speak to friends and family if you can. Then make sure he knows beyond the shadow of any doubt, it is going to be a 'fact-of-life' he'll be...playing 2nd fiddle.

Can't get past the fact that you are and have been married and happily so for all of this time without telling them and making sure you do all you can to be 'all that' to warrant such attention from such a man.

It is a high, tight rope you walk having a husband and seeking another dominant man in your life, so you do set yourself up for a not so small amount of disappointment.

(in reply to HisSexyBrat)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/22/2013 11:26:05 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I never got jaded online.  My theory is that 99% of the people I communicate with online are not who or what they say they are.  So, I went to events and munches and other social gatherings.  I met real people face to face.  I suggest you do the same. 


_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to HisSexyBrat)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/23/2013 7:25:05 AM   
Rasciallymisty


Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		I know I am not a Master or Dom but here is what has worked for me.

One of the ways I have learned to not get into having the "trust" issues is....when I have become serious about someone I ask if he is willing to exchange full names. I let him know up front that I will be checking him out and that I suggest he do the same, as I have nothing to hide. If they are not so trusting most will not be willing to give over that info and yes I always check anyone out that I plan on meeting.

FYI just what has worked for me since at one time I had some trust issues also and I do this before things get to hot between us.

(in reply to HisSexyBrat)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/23/2013 9:32:46 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		I'm always a bit amazed at this. If you were out at a bar, or a church event, and you met someone that interested you and spend the evening or whatever talking (as people do through email and instant message, skype or phone), would you tell him that you wanted his last name so you could run a background check?

Do you not have any instincts of your own to go by?

(in reply to Rasciallymisty)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/24/2013 1:10:23 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline
quote:

How do i get past being so Jaded?


Swing to the outside coming into the backstretch and ride like a maniac.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/24/2013 6:31:04 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSexyBrat

How do i get past the lies, the deceit, the hiding, the omissions?

It makes me sick to my stomach to think i've found a Dom that "appears" to be perfect, but i'm so jaded from past DOMS that have been totally fake. Promising the world and most of all Their Dominance and turning out to be piss poor broke, out of control and not Dominant. THEN to find a Dom that says He's real, that wants me as HIS only to disappear for a week at a time. HE says HE's out of country. Yes for those of US who have been here a very long time this is a *RED FLAG* i've had others use the excuses of "sick" "dead phone" broke laptop", but not all at once. So communication while "out of country?" i so want to be free of worrying about being hurt and lied to yet AGAIN! Is there a website that we subs don't know about that has a list of subs that are easy to mess with? i'm as real as they come and genuine and loving. i so want things to work with this DOM, but the trust issues are very deep for me.


"Princess Brat"

Welcome to the net.
How do you get past this?
Grow the fuck up, that's how.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to HisSexyBrat)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/24/2013 3:45:30 PM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Hang up the fucking phone.

_____________________________

Walking nightmare...

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/24/2013 3:56:33 PM   
Rasciallymisty


Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		Actual yes I would if he wanted to see me again. Instincts are not always right. LOL and once again I said it works for me didn't say it had to work for anyone else. Also in person ....it is in person, here on the net you can be whom ever you wish to be.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/24/2013 6:57:45 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		heh...I can't even remember most of the men I met at bars and such. I don't even think I ever got their names to begin with.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Rasciallymisty)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/24/2013 11:17:01 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:


How you get past your history is by getting past it. That's going to require some work on your part. For starters, you are going to need to own up to the fact that it is YOUR history... it is the results of YOUR decisions. Then you can figure out why your decision making process was so fucked up. Then you can fix that. From there, you can safely get over your past because it isn't going to recur.

Jeff, you always give the most constructive response. Big fan of your posts.

OP, I think there could not be more constructive step by step instructions on what to do, than exactly this above.


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 3/24/2013 11:19:27 PM >

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/25/2013 9:52:15 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		It's a date, not marriage, not commitment, shouldn't even be sex if you are that unsure of the guy.

Personally, if someone was looking to do a background check on me, just to meet for coffee, I would tell them they could have coffee by themselves.

By the way, my instincts are, more often than not, correct. When unsure, I don't get in to deep until I figure it out.

All relationships, vanilla and BDSM, have to have trust. Doing a background check on someone just to meet for coffee shows no trust.

And the guy in person can be anything he wants to be as well. The only thing he can't embellish are his looks, age, height and weight, and of course, gender.

(in reply to Rasciallymisty)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/25/2013 12:25:39 PM   
Rasciallymisty


Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		I was telling the op what has worked best for me. I am glad that the most wonderful men in my life have either been introduced to me through friends, who knew who they where or have agreed to such. I have been talking with a Dom who actual thought it was a great idea as he himself is a cop.

HisSexyBrat I hope you find that which works best for you, as many have given some great advice here. Best of luck to you.


< Message edited by Rasciallymisty -- 3/25/2013 12:32:40 PM >

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/25/2013 12:51:39 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:


By the way, my instincts are, more often than not, correct. When unsure, I don't get in to deep until I figure it out.

My instincts on the other hand are totally unreliable.
I do find it difficult to tell the good guys from the bad guys even after meeting up a few times and talking alot.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/25/2013 3:49:57 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		My point is that it is a bit intrusive to do a background check for a first date/meeting. If you really like the person and are interested, that's different (although I still would never do it).

BTW, the dom/cop? Of course he will say that, he wants to meet you. It's not that someone has something to hide, it is more an invasion of privacy that you should feel entitled to. I'm 48, you are 53. We were dating and meeting people prior to the internet and cell phones. What did you do then? Invest in a private detective to do the background check for you? Without the internet, background checks weren't some $50 a year subscription for an unlimited amount.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/25/2013 4:18:42 PM   
Rasciallymisty


Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		I think you meant this post for me and not Greta75. I will not debate this with you. You are now taking this off topic from what the op asked about. I have said what works for me and that was all my post was for. By the way he really is a cop, I only check out those I am very interested in and none of that really matters to the op. Holding my tongue on the rest of what I was thinking. Once again I hope the op has gotten something from all the good advice that she was given from those who actual gave her just that..... some advice.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/25/2013 7:19:42 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Yes it was meant for you and it's not a debate. I am stating my opinion, which is that since the dawn of the internet, people have become so suspicious of others that they have no internal gauge anymore. I don't doubt that he was a cop, I pointed out that he (and most men) will say anything to appease a women they are hoping to get with.

Incidentally, if you are only exchanging messages and you become "very" interested, there is more wrong than I initially thought.

Oh yea, I couldn't care less if you hold your tongue or not. Perhaps I should give you all my info and you can run a background check on me before you let loose since you can't trust your own instincts.

(in reply to Rasciallymisty)
Profile   Post #: 60
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