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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/29/2013 9:57:36 AM

VideoAdminChi

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FR,

A number of personal attacks were removed from this thread. If you need help conveying your point without attacking, feel free to send me a draft.

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/29/2013 6:35:15 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSexyBrat

How do i get past the lies, the deceit, the hiding, the omissions?

It makes me sick to my stomach to think i've found a Dom that "appears" to be perfect, but i'm so jaded from past DOMS that have been totally fake. Promising the world and most of all Their Dominance and turning out to be piss poor broke, out of control and not Dominant. THEN to find a Dom that says He's real, that wants me as HIS only to disappear for a week at a time. HE says HE's out of country. Yes for those of US who have been here a very long time this is a *RED FLAG* i've had others use the excuses of "sick" "dead phone" broke laptop", but not all at once. So communication while "out of country?" i so want to be free of worrying about being hurt and lied to yet AGAIN! Is there a website that we subs don't know about that has a list of subs that are easy to mess with? i'm as real as they come and genuine and loving. i so want things to work with this DOM, but the trust issues are very deep for me.

"Princess Brat"

Well, having reviewed your photos (not of course, having paid any attention whatsoever to your post), I can say without any hesitation, I'm not broke, I'm sub, I'm in the country, and you have a rather fine set of tata's.

(I'm fairly confident that's what I wanted to get across).

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/29/2013 7:38:24 PM

Duskypearls

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OP, your question prompted me to wonder exactly from where the term, "jaded," comes. Much to my surprise, here's what I found.

http://voices.yahoo.com/jade-jaded-these-popular-words-came-a-3730042.html?cat=37

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 3/30/2013 9:17:58 AM

IBandit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSexyBrat

How do i get past the lies, the deceit, the hiding, the omissions?

It makes me sick to my stomach to think i've found a Dom that "appears" to be perfect, but i'm so jaded from past DOMS that have been totally fake. Promising the world and most of all Their Dominance and turning out to be piss poor broke, out of control and not Dominant. THEN to find a Dom that says He's real, that wants me as HIS only to disappear for a week at a time. HE says HE's out of country. Yes for those of US who have been here a very long time this is a *RED FLAG* i've had others use the excuses of "sick" "dead phone" broke laptop", but not all at once. So communication while "out of country?" i so want to be free of worrying about being hurt and lied to yet AGAIN! Is there a website that we subs don't know about that has a list of subs that are easy to mess with? i'm as real as they come and genuine and loving. i so want things to work with this DOM, but the trust issues are very deep for me.

"Princess Brat"

First thing I would do is change my approach and take this all a bit less serious. Try to enter & exit it with less expectation. After all, trust is a big thing and trusting the wrong ppl is even a bigger thing. We do live in a world full of liars, players and creepy people. Weeding through that to hold on to the ones good for us is a never ending process of elimination. Indeed there are red flags and we learn them either as we go along or learn them up front. Expecting anyone or anything to be perfect will surely be a let down though things can be perfected as you go along. I learned quickly not to rely on anyone who makes a bunch of promise as well as accidental meetings where "you think" they get you but they don't have a clue. Rely on yourself and then when the time comes to commit, commit. Power exchange can reserve and respect all rights for both or you can let them take advantage in a more selfish way. Trust is THE priority for me as well and it sounds like if you aren't trusting them already, then you need to take some time to yourself, back up, and realize this DOM is most likely not a healthy relationship if they are lying. You could still play but accept it for what it is. I would in no way get serious. I do think you are ready for a relationship but maybe too ready?... and I, myself have learned to accept that not everyone I think is it, is going to "THE ONE". Best of luck in your adventures:)

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 4/6/2013 7:24:26 PM

soulsmusic

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i don't think we can get over the jadded parts of being constantly played around with on internet sites such as this or when interacting with people in general after we have a little experience in life. Its just natural.

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 4/6/2013 7:44:05 PM

littlewonder

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If you take internet sites that seriously then I say you really need to shut off your computer and breathe some fresh air.

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 4/6/2013 8:06:58 PM

DesFIP

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If you didn't have unrealistic expectations you would not suffer the pangs of disappointment. By expecting some guy you've met once at a party to be your forever soul mate when you drunkenly stumbled into bed with him, you are going to be disappointed and rightfully so.

Same with online stuff. Real relationships take work, require shared history, and come about over time. By seeking short cuts, you can't build shared history, determine compatibility, and establish good communication.

Don't try to take short cuts and don't have foolish expectations and you won't become jaded. Need help relating to others in a healthy manner? Get some therapy. Which is another thing that requires time and there are no short cuts for.

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 4/7/2013 5:53:49 AM

soulsmusic

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Scratches head??? Wonders who said we are not investing, time, effort and not having many real time meetings ? Some folks seem to be so very critical of others experiences...

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 4/7/2013 6:18:43 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: soulsmusic
i don't think we can get over the jadded parts of being constantly played around with on internet sites such as this or when interacting with people in general after we have a little experience in life. Its just natural.

I won't make any guesses about your experiences, but I'll tell you about some of my own. I went through a period of a few years where all the women I met "of a certain age" were jaded and broken. I pissed off the women on this message board because I explained that was part of the reason men (including me) liked to date younger. Just recently, as in the last few months, I've met a few women in their 40s who seem genuinely happy with life, and optimistic about the opposite sex. But the "can't help but feel jaded" is a very common theme among women approaching middle age, not just something you have felt in your own life.

My suggestion to you is: be careful about creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more jaded you are, the more likely it is that emotionally mature men will avoid you. Then your dating pool will be limited to insecure men, who will treat you in ways that make you even more jaded.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 4/7/2013 7:17:08 AM

Duskypearls

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: soulsmusic
i don't think we can get over the jadded parts of being constantly played around with on internet sites such as this or when interacting with people in general after we have a little experience in life. Its just natural.

I won't make any guesses about your experiences, but I'll tell you about some of my own. I went through a period of a few years where all the women I met "of a certain age" were jaded and broken. I pissed off the women on this message board because I explained that was part of the reason men (including me) liked to date younger. Just recently, as in the last few months, I've met a few women in their 40s who seem genuinely happy with life, and optimistic about the opposite sex. But the "can't help but feel jaded" is a very common theme among women approaching middle age, not just something you have felt in your own life.

My suggestion to you is: be careful about creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more jaded you are, the more likely it is that emotionally mature men will avoid you. Then your dating pool will be limited to insecure men, who will treat you in ways that make you even more jaded.

Red, you hit the nail on the head with this entire post. Thanks for putting it out.

No doubt there is much to get jaded about, and it may at times be hard not to. As you say, the question is, will one let the disappointments damage them, their perspectives and future relationships or not.

You point out this is a common female malady, and I do not disagree, however, it would seem to me I see and hear a lot of it in men these days, as well.

Learning not to excessively focus on the negative, on what doesn't work in people, and not taking things personally is the trick. To do otherwise nearly assures one will become angry, resentful, suspicious and closed off which is not attractive, or fun to be around.

Wounds, physical, mental or emotional, left untended, tend to fester.

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 4/8/2013 11:52:19 PM

divinebaby2

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I could so relate to the OP in her feelings of being jaded in a sense. I often wonder where are the genuine people, like me. .... then I read this thread. There are many pearls of wisdom that have made me think and evaluate what I may be doing wrong. What kind of energy I'm putting out there, etc. It was a real eye-opener. I really appreciate the honest responses and i'm going to work on showing more of my optimistic hope vs the jaded 40-something year old.

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 5/7/2013 8:14:17 PM

Somuchmoreinsc

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how do you stop being jaded easy suck it up and move on. look im not saying that's easy the master i thought was " perfect" ignored me for two weeks put me in sub drop then released me so he could play with a bedroom "sub" that lived closer to him so i know the pain. but if you give up and don't try again to live then they win. and as for this dom your talking about you can get online no matter where you are now adays so something's not right there. stop settling and wait for the right one for you. sorry i was just let go a week ago so still raw but i know it was his loss not mine and that he couldn't be a real master because he put his needs and wants first look for things like that when you talk to someone new ok. but don't let them win ever. i found this online. (oh btw ive only been in the lifestyle from last july). "A good Dom will put you FIRST. Even if you’re the one serving him, he makes sure that your needs are met. That your mental, physical and emotional health is in good shape. Those rules about taking your meds and working out? They’re not for his benefit. They’re for yours. Making sure you eat well? Another way to make sure you’re healthy. A good Dom understands the importance of Aftercare and will move mountains to make sure you get every minute of it that you need. Autumn" good luck and don't give up your worth it :-)

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 5/18/2013 4:29:05 PM

DrJohnSea48

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSexyBrat

Hi Ladies... Sorry this was meant for DOM Males really.

Oside... So wrong on the NOT ready for a relationship. This has been the issue for quite some time. Finding a Dom that is honest and OPEN about who He is. Just as DOMS have issues with finding a real submissive or a poly of submissives. Ones who get it.

Breagha... it's not up to anyone to get the Poly life except those in the poly life. If You don't see why serving two Doms is good then you need not worry about it. Just be happy with serving yours! :) i have never been lied to so much as on this site. i think it's crazy how much false information people put into themselves here. subs lieing about who they are as much as Doms lieing about who they are.

my profile is not rocket science. It speaks well for who M and i are as a poly triad... We are very real and genuine and open and honest... We just look for OTHERS to be the same! When Doms and subs alike start to falsify who they are as humans it throws everything and everyone they come into contact with off kilter!

Any Dom or sub that posts here and says that they've never been lied to on this site is either the liar or hasn't been here long enough yet! Read profiles or journals of people here. Most get so frustrated....so jaded... That they leave! It's crazy they non sense that happens for no reason. Just looking to find that someONE to add to Your life! The one/ONE that gets YOU and loves the idea of who Y/you are and wants to make Y/you THAT better sub/Dom.

:) Justa thought!!

FYI, the site maintains that anyone can post wherever they like- so wherever you post you'll get whoever feels like responding.

Seems like you're blaming the site for your disappointment, which confuses me. I think the games people play, or the way they represent themselves, pretty much follows the same patterns from site to site. It's not limited to D/s, people are people no matter what they like to do in the bedroom. What would it matter anyway if this site was the mecca for players? If you choose to use it then you're going to have to deal with what you encounter. You can stay or you can go, you can't make the other users do exactly what you wish them to do.

You're looking for a poly situation, that's traditionally a tough row to hoe. It may take a while. If it bothers you to deal with things that frustrate you, then stop coming to use the site and search in other ways, like going to real life events, or give up the poly idea.

Killerangel is dead on. People are people no matter where you find them. Anyone who has had an internet connection for any length of time knows that the world is full of basement-dwellers and people who are just bored in their daily lives, but there are genuinely good people out there too. No matter how you choose to seek a connection there will always be dead ends, missed opportunities and the occasional bad seed, but that's just the nature of human interaction. Maybe we are so accustomed to the worship of instant gratification that it is easy to think finding the right partner will work that way? It doesn't, but that isn't a bad thing either. Few things in life have any real value if you didn't have to strive for them.

John

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 7/6/2013 1:17:24 PM

15speed

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I will never engage in online not even during the getting to know each other period. If he can't or won't accept you in his home, my somewhat opinionated opinion, is RUN.

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RE: How do i get past being so Jaded? - 7/8/2013 5:48:54 PM

MyWay1954

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I don't know about jaded
Once bitten , twice shy maybe though I might have come up with a better similie ;)

Normal human nature

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