RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (Full Version)

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Greta75 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/19/2013 10:57:50 PM)

As I am somebody who enjoys submission as sexual arousal for me, I can't imagine a D/S relationship without any sexual intercourse at all, and what kind of pleasure and fulfillment will come from that?

The pleasure and the fulfillment is intimacy, closeness, being able to put so much trust and give so much of yourself to someone, internally and physically.

Just mentally will never be good enough for me.



Blankpain -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/19/2013 10:59:20 PM)

If it's not sexual, it's just talk.



Greta75 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/19/2013 11:02:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Blankpain

If it's not sexual, it's just talk.


Well, not just talk. It's like slavery without sex. So just the kink of ordering someone around, and someone else have the kink of following orders.

So no sex.



thracia -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/19/2013 11:11:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
So no sex.


For all the women who say it's not about sex, I ask, did none of the men with you ever get a hard on or have pre cum leak out?
For all the men saying that it's not about sex, did none of the women ever get wet?

If the answer is yes, well then, there you have it. You're a lousy partner but at least what you're saying is true.

If the answer is no, then you do not speak the truth, whether you know it or not.



LadyPact -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/19/2013 11:17:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thracia
For all the women who say it's not about sex, I ask, did none of the men with you ever get a hard on or have pre cum leak out?
For all the men saying that it's not about sex, did none of the women ever get wet?

If the answer is yes, well then, there you have it. You're a lousy partner but at least what you're saying is true.

If the answer is no, then you do not speak the truth, whether you know it or not.
That would make it sexual for them. Not necessarily make it sexual for Me.

Believe it or not, women don't necessarily get wet just because somebody's dick gets hard.




LadyPact -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/19/2013 11:18:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blankpain

If it's not sexual, it's just talk.
I'm going to remember that one the next time I post a pic of clip with whip marks on his ass. [8D]




ARIES83 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/19/2013 11:22:14 PM)

Well I'd only be participating in dominance/
submission type activities with my significant
other ideally, unless I ended up in prison
somehow... [&:]

So it would only be a woman.
Your question was: "what are my D/s activities
about, if not sex?" (mockwotation)

Well I think you'd have to understand the
person to understand their answer, but to keep
it short and sweet, the "D/s activities" I get up
to revolve around my idea of gender roles, the
type of home environment I prefer, aspects of
control dictated by my personality and also the
fact that I believe in many ways a D/s dynamic,
while sometimes challanging, is far more
rewarding than tha nilla, in my experience.

So about the "would gender matter?" question.
As I personally am a more "traditional"/"gender
roles" type of Dom, who is is not on an alpha
male trip, the question doesn't really apply.
My D/s activities are more husband and wife
type stuff than dungeons and whips.



TwoHeartsBeatOne -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/19/2013 11:36:48 PM)

Relationships - Lots of vanilla relationships are full of kinky sex, so a D/s relationship is not necessary for those kinds of sexual thrills. D/s is about the harmony and intimacy that may be experienced when a power dynamic has been agreed upon. To even get to that agreement, lots of honest and open communication is required. Sex is only a part of the bond. Even in relationships, D/s activity may or may not be sexual.

"D/s activity" is what you specified, but that happens both inside and outside, of bonded relationships. Could you clarify the context of your question?

I'm wondering if a part of what you are exploring in your mind sounds something like this:

"I think D/s is a type of sexual expression. If that isn't what it is, then what is it and why is it found on a fetish site? If D/s play is not sexual, then what is going on between the players (for lack of a better term)?"

IMO, what is "going on" that is powerful, alluring, addicting and simultaneously non-sexual - it's called, "power exchange."



RaspberryLemon -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/19/2013 11:48:35 PM)

Dominance/submission is a core part of my relationship with my Master--he is always in charge. Sexuality is also part of our relationship, because I would not want a Master who was not also my romantic partner. Which means that sometimes D/s is about sex, and sometimes it's not about sex.

Mainly, for us, it's about ownership/belonging and intimacy. My Master and I work well together where I am submissive to him and he is in charge. It makes us happy and we feel connected and content. We enjoy it. Sex is part of it, but not all parts of our lives together are sexual in nature. All parts of our lives together ARE, however, conducted with him in charge.

Example: If he orders me to do xyz in a sexual context, I do it and that power/control/authority he's expressing over me turns us both on. That is sexual. If he orders me to make him a sandwich, I do it and I'm happy to serve him, but it wasn't something in a sexual context, so it's not a turn-on for either of us. That isn't sexual. It's just part of our everyday life.



Ptesticlees -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/20/2013 12:13:35 AM)

Simple test.

If it's about power or art or any other BS that some people seem to think it's about, then ask them if elbows and knees feature prominently as much as tits and cock.

Another simple test, if it's not on a porn site, then it's art. Otherwise, it's sex.

Anyone who says otherwise is fooling themselves, or trying to fool you.



LadyPact -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/20/2013 12:28:11 AM)

Simple answer. No good tissue for a target for BDSM play.

I'm really blown away by all of the responses. Are you literally saying that you've wanted to fuck every single person you've ever flogged or been flogged by?



FrostedFlake -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/20/2013 1:05:07 AM)

If you are hitting me, and it isn't sexual, I'm hitting you right back, much harder, and you ain't no friend of mine.



ARIES83 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/20/2013 1:20:41 AM)

I think some people are only here when and
because they are horney, that may have an
effect on some of the responses in my view, and
I don't want to come off as insulting but from
what I've gathered, for a lot of people, anything
D/s is inseparably related to their libido.

All that aside, the OP's question was specifically
asking for peoples thoughts on their own D/s
activities, I think the problem that has arisen here,
is due to people taking what they do and why they
do it, as a good enough evidence to decry the
statements of people of differing opinion.

People will have different motivations, M.O's and
experiences, and I'm pretty sure that when each
of us pictures D/s, we see something different
anyway.

OP, could you elaborate a bit on what exactly your
hoping to understand for yourself?
What are your D/s activities?




Greta75 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/20/2013 3:14:18 AM)

quote:

Are you literally saying that you've wanted to fuck every single person you've ever flogged or been flogged by?


Since I am a bottom, I would not agree to be flogged by a person who will not want to fuck me after, because flogging makes me very very horny.



JeffBC -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/20/2013 4:41:25 AM)

What you're asking is akin to asking "what's being male about?" Uh... I dunno... I'm just male.

For me, it's not about power, sex, control, or really any of those things. It's about being me. I know every dom on the face of the planet says this but here I go anyway. I'm the natural born leader type. Carol is a doormat (or natural born follower). When you put the two of us together there's only one way the pieces fit. And because i see your questions about male/female, you should know that I don't think of all this in terms of my relationship. This is how I interact with the world. I am in charge of every situation I want to be in charge of and I am always in charge of myself. Carol will always seek to find whoever IS in charge them support them. But yes, I lead lots of people that I'm not sexually attracted to. I do so at work primarily but also other places.



chatterbox24 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/20/2013 5:49:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: thracia
For all the women who say it's not about sex, I ask, did none of the men with you ever get a hard on or have pre cum leak out?
For all the men saying that it's not about sex, did none of the women ever get wet?

If the answer is yes, well then, there you have it. You're a lousy partner but at least what you're saying is true.

If the answer is no, then you do not speak the truth, whether you know it or not.
That would make it sexual for them. Not necessarily make it sexual for Me.

Believe it or not, women don't necessarily get wet just because somebody's dick gets hard.




Aint that the truth! If I am not into someone, they could get a hard on, perform right in front of me, and I would paint my toe nails, watch a tv show, yawn, and it would be nothing more to me then if they were quietly sitting reading a book. IT would provoke nothing from me. It is the power one holds over another. The provoking of drive and motivation from within. And not just sexually. One person might say clean my tiolet, and Id say kiss my ass do it yourself, another might say clean my tiolet and I would smile sweetly and actually do it joyfully.
For some it is the inspiration another provokes out of you, the change, the rarity that person has over you to happily perform actions you otherwise wouldnt. The inspiration might even be chemistry or sexual attraction, it might be the undertone, but sex might never enter into the relationship. Unless you have experienced such a relationship its hard to understand how D/s is not always sexual. If one is wired at a kink level only, then I dont think one gets the whole depth of what D/s can be to others.



searching4mysir -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/20/2013 6:15:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii


quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
I wouldn't think those things are sexual in and of themselves


Again, I am forced to ask, because it is central to the entire question, would it matter, in your case, whether it was a He or a She?

It _is_ a critical question, and the answer is (nearly) meaningless w/o that key bit of information ...



I'm straight, so it would only be a He.



JeffBC -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/20/2013 6:37:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ptesticlees
Anyone who says otherwise is fooling themselves, or trying to fool you.

You know there is another alternative. That other alternative is that your tiny little world view does not encompass the breadth and depth of human experience.

The question asked was about "D/s"... that is "dominance and submission". In case you hadn't noticed that is a thing which occurs between humans outside of the relationship context and outside of sexuality. In your entire life you have never observed people who are "natural born leaders" and/or people who are "meek" or simply prefer to support the leader rather than lead themselves? I don't really know how that's possible even at your stated age of 18 (with the grey beard). The VAST majority of humans are natural born followers... some where about 90% give or take by my unscientific count. Some people make good leaders. Anyone who has ever been a hiring manager knows this.

This is why I distinguish "social D/s" from "sexual D/s" and "BDSM D/s". There are different meanings for these terms and they play out in very different ways. Perhaps I'm not trying to "fool you". Perhaps I just understand more about the human condition than you. This is also why I like LadyPact's view that D/s is not BDSM. BDSM IS about sexuality... whips & chains and all that. D/s may or may not be depending on what sort of D/s we are talking about.



Greta75 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/20/2013 7:07:59 AM)


quote:

natural born follower

LOL, I think it's a good distinction. Sometimes doms like to argue that somebody is not a sub.

I think we should start having distinction between natural born followers to non-natural ones like myself.



experiment2 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (3/20/2013 7:24:51 AM)

quote:

Q: If your D/s activity is not about human sexuality, then what IS your D/s activity about?


in answer to the question, i believe the actiity is really about control and who exercises it. as much as i like having an orgasm, it is not this activity that makes me want to be a submissive. the desire for a strong Domme and learning and practicing pleasing Her is the activity that is the real turn on. knowing i have pleased her is the major "reward" i can receive. i suppose there is a lot of human sexuality involved but any orgasm is secondary and at times is used as reward, or in some situations (such as a ruined orgasm) as a punishment



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