RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about?

RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (Full Version)

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NuevaVida -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/1/2013 6:06:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kentish Un beleivable All these sexless people on this website.. The formost thing I want is a woman to be at my feet begging and I soon remove her clothes , i cant picture anyone shallow enough to not want sex. I didn't see anyone on this thread say they do not want sex. Just that there are higher priorities in their relationships than sex. Or, as I've said, I don't narrow my relationship down to one component of it. quote: BUT let me throw bit in at this point ,having dated several girls who claimed to be subs then started dictating to me . I have come to realize most of the women are immensley overweight and the only way they could get a man is by submiting ,if in their fantasy they want to be dominated its because of their low self seteem for being obese. Yeah, that little theory gets tossed into the mix quite a bit around here, which is amusing. I submit because it's who I am. And I'm not overweight.

GotSteel -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/1/2013 9:29:34 PM)
It can be about lifestyle. Not that this is my kink but consider 50's household. Nothing forplayish about yelling "Women make we a sami'ch" while sitting in front of the tv, but it's certainly D/s.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/2/2013 6:52:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kentish I copied tha above quote from an earlier post. This person has the strange idea chastity devices ,tease and denial ,ruined orgasms are not sexual.. Notive in huge letters this person clasims these kinks have nothing to do with sex. Well lets see you enjoy that stuff if your castrated.. Get a life.. Sigh. You clearly didn't understand the post. I don't claim that chastity devices, tease and denial, etc. are not sexual. Nor was my point that these are not erotic endeavors that cause arousal. The point was that the OP started the thread on the basis of a revelation that some people don't include orgasms as part of their play. You may want to take a look at the original thread that prompted this one so that you'll have the proper context for this thread. I was trying to show that there is a subset of BDSM that is all about NOT having orgasms. That does not mean that these activities are not erotic. Your castration reference and admonishment for me to "get a life" were both juvenile. Proverbs 4:7 says "With all thy getting, get understanding." You might want to try that.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/2/2013 4:23:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pompeii then what IS your D/s activity about? Tits. Lots of tits. Surrounded by tits. Tits are fabulous. More is good.

EligibleOwner -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/3/2013 5:26:20 AM)
It's not all about sex for me, and certainly not all about orgasms. If someone else thinks that's what this thing is all about, fine - up to them. But I can't understand that view. It is to do with sexuality in the broadest sense, because it is women that I want to dominate, and dominating a woman in a relationship does, for me, also mean having sex with her. But that doesn't mean it's all about sex, or orgasms, any more than love or marriage are all about sex or orgasms. There's much more to both. I think the earlier posts about PMS are good examples of how one partner having authority can be about emotions, and domestic harmony. For me as a man, it's also about respect and control. I need to feel respected, in a way that only comes when I have the final word in a relationship. I really enjoy making decisions, and being the leader, and I get frustrated if I find myself in a competition about that. I also have a strong need for control, I think. I like things to be reasonably predictable and "just so", so (for example) I don't like it if a girlfriend just appears in some dress I've never seen, or just gets up to go somewhere without reference to me. No doubt it's a psychological flaw in me, but I feel much happier to have control over these things. Finally, I think it's about sexuality and not sex (in the sense of orgasms) because to some extent at least, dominance and submission displace sex or satisfy sexual drives. Caning someone, for example, is preceded by psychological tension, it's physical, it leads to a sort of completion and there's a "post" phase of emotional aftercare. I find that just as interesting as sex - which may be why I'm a pervert. I'm totally ready to admit that giving someone permission to use the toilet, say, has a psychosexual component to it. No doubt Freud would have said so. And I find it satisfying. But it's not about immediate sexual gratification. It is I think about "sex in the head", though. I do like sex (which doesn't always have to mean "kinky sex" as most people would think of it), and in the right sort of relationship I enjoy it a lot. But my experience is that the emotional quality of the relationship must come first for it to really work. I've found neither I nor any partner gets much out of sex without dominance and submission being in the background to our life together. Again, I think this is why I'm a pervert.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/3/2013 6:59:21 AM)
This post wonderfully describes the distinction between vanilla and D/s for me. Yay perverts!

chatterbox24 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/3/2013 7:26:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 quote: ORIGINAL: Alwaysmylove quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS Jesus christ, My husband would be D.E.A.D. if he ever did that to Me...ESPECIALLY if I was in the middle of PMS. And PMS is a HORMONAL thing...not "just being a biotch unnecessarily". If a man can't figure out how to cope with it--in a beneficial way--without violence, then he has no right to be a husband. This attitute that there is something WRONG with a woman if she's cranky during a certain time of the month when her hormones are going nuts is misogynistic. But whatever, if that's your D/s dynamic then fine. Sorry but I'm going to disagree with you here. You may be pmsing but how you react is up to you. Just because you are hormonal does not mean you get to act like a bitch and blame it on pms. Actions are choices. If I was pmsing...even though I don't pms, never have, and Master decided to tell me to fucking grow up or spank me or whatever because I was acting like a bitch, I wouldn't blame him one tiny bitch. I would probably be grateful to him for pointing it out to me that I was acting like a child. I don't think that using a blanket statement here is fair or completely correct. Some people, it seems, can NOT control themselves in the ways that you are able to. There are a spectrum of symptoms associated with PMS: some (like you) don't seem to suffer at all, most seem to have mild to medium symptoms, but there are people at the complete other end of that spectrum. PMDD, or premenstrual dysphoric disorder, afflicts 3-8% of women and those that are severely afflicted may not be able to control their moods and reactions all of the time. Chances are, a lot of those women just consider it PMS, as it's the norm for them, and have not gone on to explore it beyond that. Hormones can cause cancer, they can kill, is it really that much of a stretch to believe that beyond the physical symptoms, there can be neurological and emotional changes that cause reactions that are beyond the control of such a person? Or, that are currently beyond their control, since they have not looked into it more and found coping strategies (because they assume all PMS is pretty much the same)? Telling such a woman she is a bitch, acting like a child, or punishing her is not likely to help change the behavior anymore than those same strategies would work on a person with clinical depression. I am going to have to respectfully disagree with some of this. I am a person with very changeable moods ( anyone agree? LOL) If you dig deep within yourself, alot of these emotional issues can be controlled. Takes alot of control, alot of trials and errors, and you have to really want it. I am guessing here, but lilwonder has a dom who helps her with control, and it may seem she is almost robotic at times with very lil emotional fluctuations, but this is something she has really worked on in life. ANd as Lilpixie said, her dom, gives her care then if she doesnt snap out of it, she gets a wake up call. ANd it works. ITs done out of care not out of abuse. I can relate cause that is what it takes for me sometimes for that wake up call to snap me out of it. A life lesson, not a pill. I think everyone is capable of this kind of control if they want it bad enough, unless they are mentally ill. It might even takes years to accomplish it, but its possible with a mindset. I do agree, in some instances, the severity of hormonal imbalances, are so overwhelming, a woman may not be able to think or navigate through the cloud of the terrible highs and lows this disorder brings on. We are not in their head, or in their body, so its unfair for me to judge who is not trying or who is actually severely impaired and just can't help it. For me, it was lack of control, I had to develop and am still developing that lifeline I can grab in an emotional outbreak. To keep on track of the thread, D/S opens up the very soft, feminine, humble side, of me which is a rare find and has been limited to one relationship in my life. ITs been a joy finding this part of me, it was a seed I wish had been watered long ago. Its roots started sexually, but the flower is the joy of giving, not just for me, but for the benefit of others in my life.

ClassAct2006 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/3/2013 11:05:41 AM)
The root of most relationships / marriages is sexual. I don't seek a sexless relationship.However life is not sex all day and if you are with someone for decades it is unlikely that every interaction has some sexual feeling to it. So sharing interests and having a shared world view and life aims can be wise. On orgasms etc it can be very sexy to do sexual things but not orgasm as it is the control of it which is erotic although if it were always denied then one would just lose the desire for it so the dom has to be careful to control that in a way that works for both sides.

zpenguin -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/3/2013 12:51:28 PM)
In my personal thoughts, D/s is what it is. You have a Dom, and you have a sub. These are natural personality types. Most people associate this with sex because it falls into the BDSM or Kink category, but its just like any vanilla relationship just a little different. Granted the sex/play is anything but vanilla but when it comes to the interworkings of the actually D/s relationship, its a relationship and has its own requirements to make it work from both ends. But this is my own thoughts, doesn't mean they are what everyone else agrees with, which is ok. But to answer the question in a plain answer, my D/s activity is about having someone that I can connect with on every level, emotionally, physically, and mentally.

sexyred1 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/3/2013 1:00:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kentish I have come to realize most of the women are immensley overweight and the only way they could get a man is by submiting ,if in their fantasy they want to be dominated its because of their low self seteem for being obese. Rolls eyes. And you would be incorrect in your narrow views as most of the men who make such assumptive statements are. Just because a sub does not agree with your view of D/s, does not make her wrong. Just wrong for you. To be immature and then make a sweeping generalizations about overweight women, just makes you look stupid. The same people making these comments also make them about overweight Dommes; it is just dumb. Should we then assume, taking your logic, that all overweight men are Doms simply because they cannot get a woman due to their low self esteem for being obese?

JeffBC -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/3/2013 3:00:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006 The root of most relationships / marriages is sexual. You are entitled to define your own life as you see fit. If sexuality is why you get into relationships then more power to you. It isn't why I get into a relationship and it's not at the root of anything for me. In the end it's not surprising that kinky people pin an awful lot on sexuality. What IS surprising is that they somehow think the rest of the world must have the same priority tree.

pompeii -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/5/2013 8:36:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC What IS surprising is that they somehow think the rest of the world must have the same priority tree. The older I get, the more I realize that people are amazingly different - each and every one of us. Yet, at the same time - we fall into amazingly similar groups. Go figure.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/6/2013 5:29:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC In the end it's not surprising that kinky people pin an awful lot on sexuality. What IS surprising is that they somehow think the rest of the world must have the same priority tree. I agree. It always amazes me that some people have so little imagination that they can't even conceive the idea that some people might actually think differently than they do.

ClassAct2006 -> RE: If your D/s activity is not about sexuality - then what IS your D/s activity about? (4/6/2013 12:23:47 PM)
I did not think it was particularly controversial to say the root of most husband/wife relationships is sexual. Usually there is quite a bit of sex particularly at the start and usually it is the attraction that draws them together. For most people that is in a sense what it is rooted in, how it starts. If you don't fancy each other it's a bit hard to get going. I certainly did not mean to imply it was like that for everyone. In fact the world over marriage is often a contract between two families which is about status and money and power and joining families so I suppose in those relationships sex may not be the root - but financial and status issues. Indeed someone said to me this week he knows a lot of his male friends who deliberately seek women who have money (which surprised me as I thought it tended to be the other way round). quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006 The root of most relationships / marriages is sexual. You are entitled to define your own life as you see fit. If sexuality is why you get into relationships then more power to you. It isn't why I get into a relationship and it's not at the root of anything for me. In the end it's not surprising that kinky people pin an awful lot on sexuality. What IS surprising is that they somehow think the rest of the world must have the same priority tree.

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