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TwoHeartsBeatOne -> RE: home birth in chains (3/22/2013 5:44:28 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: wintermaster
The midwife is very supportive (she is a big advocate in individualizing birth plans) and says that she had no safety concerns since the chains will be able to be removed easily.
Seriously, when I read your OP, I stopped breathing. It was visceral. I became frightened for the kids, the unborn child, your wife and you; but mostly the kids. The primal Mama Bear woke right up!!!
My first thoughts: Get a better midwife. Something is very wrong here. You deserve better advice!
Then - Nah, a midwife wouldn't risk a baby or Mom like that - nor their own career. Geez, I hope this is a fake post... for whatever reason!
But, I read the posts and gave it more thought. I'm going to assume this is real and that you just have lousy advice from a midwife who is saying things that violate the code of ethics. So, here goes...
I gave birth to my first child in a hospital and to the next three children at home, with midwives. My work had me living on the road (really, hotels and planes and no home base for years). So, being pregnant, in each new city, or country, I was a new patient and saw many, many midwives. I'm good at childbirth. My birthing videos are used for teaching. So, I have that kind of experience and come from that perspective.
Believe me when I say that your midwife needs to no longer be anyone's midwife. You are being mis-guided, so I'm glad you spoke up here. No matter how you proceed, I sincerely hope that you have that conversation with other midwives - many - and now!
This part is to your wife, specifically. One of the beautiful things in parenting is that our love for these dependent and vulnerable people compels us to stretch beyond who we would have been without loving them. It's a sacrifice.
In your case, you are being shown an opportunity to submit in powerful ways, such as:
1) Offering your Master the gift of having a responsible, knowledgeable and protective mother for his children.
-You want to wear chains during your day, but to do so puts limitations on your ability to respond to emergencies, increases your risk of injury and risks exposing vulnerable children to adult dealings. So, it's different than being a child-less couple and you have this chance to let your hearts grow, if only in gratitude, that you get to have kids to love at all. The grownups sacrifice their own "wants" for the children's "needs." So, this conflict is a chance for you to become more loving parents, through sacrifice.
2) Offering your M/s relationship this chance to grow and change and strengthen.
-You both love to live the fantasy and that's fun and all. Now, you can shift your outer/superficial slavery for a deeper and more intimate, inner enslavement. As you both grow into a parenting unit that is strong enough to put children's safety ahead of your BDSM-related desires, that rise in maturity, integrity and flexibility will solidify your ability to love others, as a couple. In this, you both submit to the awesome responsibility to put the little ones' safety and well-being first. This will enhance your ability to submit and for your husband to gain some empathy in submitting because that is what is best for all.
3) Offering you both the chance to shift your minds towards a more consequence-based way of decision-making.
-What, as parents, are your values? Is the slave's desire to wear chains and to have that feeling and appearance more important than the slave's responsibility to be the best protector and care-giver for the little ones? How will you handle it when the other kids aren't allowed to play with your kids, be in your home, attend school trips in which you are the chaperon? When the kids come home with the nickname the classmates gave them, along with the mental anguish that goes with it, how will we as parents, teach them to suffer it? Should we teach our kids to lie (calling it privacy) and let them carry the responsibility, or should we respect their need for boundaries from our adult world and not expose them to it? Do we value children, and if so, how much? If you do, then this shift will give you the gift of humility - and therefore, a better M/s couple.
4) Giving birth naturally and with your full heart.
-There's a book, Spiritual Midwifery. Read it. It's old and it is written in hippee lingo, but it talks about submitting to the universal life energy (labor) and in doing so, eliminating pain. I've done it as have many others... no pain, just intense energy. What it takes to experience this is preparation, practice and commitment. It's about focusing on appreciating your birth team, about being in communication with the baby during labor - and on not focusing on your self. You literally surrender to the energy flow. That is what the baby is doing, too, and it bonds you.
I could go on, but these are the important points, IMHO. There are opportunities here for both of you if you will just take the focus off of "self" and instead focus on love, and others.
About the chains during delivery. As a pregnant woman, I quit smoking, drank milk (yuck, but babies need bones) and I gained birthing skills. Motherhood begins before birth! I did all of that because I was aware I was sharing my body and I respected the baby's right to, and need for, my best efforts. During two deliveries, I had to suddenly shift onto hands and knees. Seconds can mean the difference between life and death; healthy or injured. So, almost everyone here is telling you that they, as strangers, value your child's need for it's Mom to be in optimal form over a choice that makes her "less."
Now, say you ignore all of this and do a chained birth. And, there's a problem. ER. Morgue. Autopsied baby & maybe Mom, too. Child Protective Services. Foster Care. Wake. Funeral. Jail. Court. Prison. Legal bills. Guilt (and rightly so, because it's pre-meditated). Public disgrace. Job loss. Depression. Financial loss. Loss of custody. Baby killers. And the older kids - now known as the Baby-killers' kids - call you into account for the death of their sibling, for their time in foster care, for being that selfish!
I know you asked if any other subs/slaves had these feelings. Nope, never heard of it before. And, to have feelings is fine. Just don't indulge them. I strongly suspect that you are not yet aware of what slavery means, because if sacrificing yourself in loving service to another, does not include the commitment to protect your Master's progeny to the best of your ability, then I can't think of what is going on with you two.
To deliberately choose to limit your ability to respond to your child's needs - why be parents?
OP - My kids deserved my best. They now have kids, so I have a long view here. Your kids aren't being cared for at the same level of dedication that mine were. How do I know that? A mother who lacks the ability to delay gratification to the point of actually wearing chains while she is the one in charge of children, is showing a smallness of heart or a smallness of brain.
-Why, when adults agree that a person in bondage should NEVER be left alone, is your wife in bondage alone? If you want "chained time" then get a sitter and go play. What seems obvious to me is that you both seem to be unaware or complacent about the unnecessary risks here.
-M/s ? I see neither. I'm not meaning to insult you. I just see the lack of knowledge, the lack of priorities and the lack of boundaries to be antithetical to a D/s dynamic of any kind.
Best of luck to you all, especially the kids.
Again, it is my fervent hope that this OP is just BS.
ETA - Please do yourselves and the midwife a favor, and let the midwife read this thread! Then, have that conversation again after the midwife sees how lifestylers view this as a mistake, criminal and selfishly negligent.
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