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grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 9:28:21 AM

defiantbadgirl

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Just fifteen months after the death of a family member she was close to, a teen's parents force her to stand at a busy intersection and hold a humiliating sign. Defiance and bad grades are normal reactions for teens suffering from grief. While the humiliation got the results the parents wanted, what will the long term effects be? How long will she be made fun of by her classmates? Did her parents not realize taking her to a counselor would be far better than setting her up for possibly years of bullying? Once something is published on the internet, it NEVER goes away.

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/parents-force-girl-to-hold-sign-as-punishment-for-being-disrespectful--tough-love-or-too-much--184517447.html

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 9:40:28 AM

theshytype

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I have seen similar public humiliation stories of misbehaving teens and have agreed with them. However, those stories never mentioned the teen losing someone and also, unlike this teen, were typically being punished for illegal activities.
I don't feel this punishment fits this "crime" and doesn't really sound like the parents explored many other options.
Our streets would be littered with teens if every parent were to do this for a teen acting disrespectful.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 11:43:30 AM

LafayetteLady

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Well, first off, it might prevent teens from being disrespectful, now wouldn't it?

Also, while there is nothing that says the parents didn't seek counseling for their child, it also doesn't mention that they did. So that information is unknown to us, the readers. However, it does say that they tried other punishments, none of which worked.

Just how long does one get to use the excuse of grieving to be a prat? Fifteen months? Fifteen years? Grief is not an excuse to be rude to others. I've lost many people in my life, and I grieve that loss every day of my life. But I don't take it out on others, and I certainly didn't let it prevent me from getting passing grades in school. Actually, the contrary would be more accurate. Wanting my parents to be proud of me, I excelled.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 1:23:55 PM

DomKen

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Teens are disrespectful that is the nature of the beast. While a parent should strive to maintain discipline this seems a gross over reaction to the situation.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 1:26:28 PM

Phoenixpower

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I am glad that I never had to see such a way of disciplining and know that over here....I would not be able to do that with the kids at my work places....and their behaviour has often been way worse than what the article is saying...

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 2:00:27 PM

LafayetteLady

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Yes they are, and as a parent of a very challenging teen, where no form of discipline, counseling, therapy, medication, talking, positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement served to change his behavior, I can honestly say that had I thought for one second, I could actually enforce this type of punishment, I would have.

Oh, and my son lost his grandmother at an early age, and that is part of when his troubles began. He wasn't 11 like this girl, who should have a better conception of death and be able to verbalize her feelings. He was 5 and found his grandmother dead in the middle of the night when he went to her room to ask her for a drink of water.

So yea, I know a bit about grieving kids. Her grief is not an excuse for her behavior.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 2:19:40 PM

DomKen

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I know quite a bit about being a child dealing with grief (my mother died suddenly when I was 12).

I had no way of dealing with it. I acted out and didn't know why. It took years for me to work through it on my own. My father punished me a lot and that didn't improve anything except to build a wall between me and him.

The child in question needs counseling and less humilating punishment when needed.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 3:57:49 PM

defiantbadgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Well, first off, it might prevent teens from being disrespectful, now wouldn't it?

It could just as easily lead to suicide or a mass shooting from the resulting bullying, now couldn't it? Since when is it ok for parents to make their children targets of bullying. Public humiliation nearly always leads to pictures being taken and posted online. Unless her parents are mentally retarded, they knew that. Saying they didn't is equivilent someone shaking a baby and claiming they didn't know it would cause harm. The truth is, they just didn't care. They were determined to force her to submit to their authority, no matter what the cost.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 4:04:15 PM

JstAnotherSub

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Even the child knew it was coming. Maybe not this particular punishment, but she knew she had earned a good one.

Grief is part of life. So is being respectful.

I see nothing from the family that indicates anything negative coming from this. The only folks who have a problem with it are outsiders looking in.

I say yay for parents trying to help their child. Yay for dad standing with her the entire time. Yay for parents realizing that shame is not necessarily a bad emotion for a person to feel when they have done wrong.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 4:23:35 PM

defiantbadgirl

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The point is, public humiliation of a teen causes bullying. Worse case scenerio, bullying leads to suicide and/or school shootings. Best case scenerio, it leaves long lasting emotional scars. Any punishment that causes a child or teenager to be bullied is abuse.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 4:31:49 PM

Winterapple

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FR
I have sympathy for parents of teenagers especially single parents
who are raising a challenging one. And it's a good thing to feel shame
when you've done something wrong, shows you're not a sociopath.
But I don't know if feeling shame from a humiliating punishment is
the same thing. What these parents have done may have had short
term results but I wouldn't count on it ridding her of other and
who knows worse actions in the future. The child needs counseling
and a healthy outlet for her anger and grief. Her parents could probably
use some counseling to.

I think putting a child at a busy intersection whether father was there
or not was very reckless. Was it worth being risked killed over?
Parents humiliating a child publicly or for that matter privately seems
an assholish thing to me. Adolescence is difficult for everyone, add a
trauma to it and of course the child is going to start acting out.
But surely there are better ways of dealing with it.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 4:35:29 PM

cordeliasub

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I have only followed this story peripherally, I admit. Is the girl being bullied as a result?

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 5:14:19 PM

FrostedFlake

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34,758 comments = modern pillory.

I have no idea how this has affected her feeling for her parents, but I hate them.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 5:15:06 PM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

The point is, public humiliation of a teen causes bullying. Worse case scenerio, bullying leads to suicide and/or school shootings. Best case scenerio, it leaves long lasting emotional scars. Any punishment that causes a child or teenager to be bullied is abuse.

Worst case scenario........

Best case scenario, kid learns a lesson and turns out awesome, someone her fav uncle would be proud of.

Quit making pussies out of our young folks. Growing up is hard...life is hard....consequences for bad choices suck.....so what?

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 5:21:48 PM

LadyPact

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Fast reply with sarcasm included........

Nah. Let's just let the kid never have any consequences for her actions. I'll bet that will erase any problems where the other students are concerned. They'll think she's really cool because she gets away with all of her bad behavior.

And, five years from now, when she's ripping off a car, people can bitch about the parents never disciplining her.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 5:25:08 PM

DarkSteven

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The kid did something unacceptable and is being disciplined for it.

It's possible the punishment is too harsh. Also, that it's too lenient. Also, that it's exactly the right level.

Since I don't know the girl in question, there is no way I could gauge that. I'll simply need to defer to the parents. After all, it's their responsibility anyway.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 5:28:14 PM

breagha

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this is the first time ( that i have seen ) that this type of punishment has gotten such results. i have seen a varied number of reasons for being punished this way, from lying to stealing from a store. i honestly don't think the punishment itself is a bad idea. having to publicly own up to what you have done. literally owning it and having responsibility for it.

as for her grief being a factor, i personally think that after 15 months it can stop being used as a reason to treat her differently as a parent. At some point life has to return to normal. The grief can still exist of course. i still grieve for my grandfather and it has been 12 years.

i think that the media attention and the world wide commenting will definitely have a play in how effective this punishment is and what effect it will have on the child. had it not blown up to this level it may have worked very well. now? i don't know

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 6:46:15 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

The point is, public humiliation of a teen causes bullying. Worse case scenerio, bullying leads to suicide and/or school shootings. Best case scenerio, it leaves long lasting emotional scars. Any punishment that causes a child or teenager to be bullied is abuse.

You have some proof of this other than your opinion? There is NOTHING in that article to indicate that the girl would have problems resulting from it. In fact, she apologized to her parents and she knows her behavior is out of line.

Your concept that there are punishments that will lead to abuse has absolutely nothing substantial to back it up.

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 6:50:00 PM

LafayetteLady

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By the way, the police investigated the incident and spoke with the child. They don't feel she is being abused, and they are professionals. What are YOUR credentials for deciding what is abuse or not, especially since you have nothing more than a news article to base your opinion on?

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RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents - 3/22/2013 6:50:05 PM

littlewonder

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aaaww....poor girl...her parents made her stand outside with a sign to teach her a lesson and now she's gonna be bullied! Bad Bad parents!!!! They should get the electric chair!

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