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RE: if - 3/25/2013 4:55:34 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hairpullinggal

this was not a scene. it was a public meeting. and was walking to car when he did this as I turned to say good night and good bye

Now you know the difference between a Dom and an idiot. Discussion of limits doesn't even enter into this. NOBODY with half a brain would spit in the face of a relative stranger, kink or no. If you do, you risk unexpected consequences.

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Post #: 21

RE: if - 3/25/2013 5:04:56 PM

MsGypsey

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/23/2011
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I'm not a master, but if someone I didn't know spat in my face when I wasn't expecting it, I'd have reacted in the same way. Probably worse. So I don't think your reaction was wrong.

As to the last question: does he know other Doms to tell? Judging from his action, I'm wondering whether he knows anyone with common sense. Therefore, I wouldn't worry about who he might tell. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you'll meet someone else who will show a little more restraint on a first meeting.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 22

RE: if - 3/25/2013 5:17:07 PM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
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Oh how sexy. I just love a man who spits a hocker on me instead of a kiss goodbye, who needs dessert.

What the hell? TO date I have never experienced that, but there is always tomorrow.

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Post #: 23

RE: if - 3/25/2013 6:26:03 PM

muhly22222

Posts: 463
Joined: 3/25/2010
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FR

How does a person think that's appropriate behavior at any time (except a scene when certain conditions have been met)?

I know, I know. He's an idiot. I still don't understand. People baffle me sometimes.

OP: You were within your rights to punch him, as long as you stopped there. If you knocked him down, kicked him in the head, and then jumped on him and gave him the bizness until you had to be pulled off...I'd say you went too far. One punch...he should take his black eye and go home. I can't speak as to what will happen in the community. Not only am I completely oblivious as to who is in your community, I'm not even active in mine (if there is one...it's rural Ohio, after all).

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(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 24

RE: if - 3/25/2013 6:29:51 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hairpullinggal

If hard and soft limits not discussed and this Dominant spit in my face, how wrong was I to react by punching him in face? Even if was reaction? Will that get around to other Doms?

It was a wonderfully well deserved pop in the face. As far as, "getting around to other doms", if he runs his mouth and spoils your chances with his buddies, I'd say he did you a favor.

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(in reply to hairpullinggal)

Post #: 25

RE: if - 3/25/2013 6:53:22 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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Personally I just would have walked away.

I would say next time before you play with someone, get to know them since it doesn't seem that casual play works very well for you.

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Post #: 26

RE: if - 3/25/2013 7:12:09 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Personally I just would have walked away.

I would say next time before you play with someone, get to know them since it doesn't seem that casual play works very well for you.

But, she didn't play with him. She had a public meeting and was walking to her car....

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 27

RE: if - 3/25/2013 7:19:54 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Again, she should have just gotten in her car and drove off while flipping him off and never speak to him again.

Then again, I'm the type who just never feels any kind of need ever to be confrontational no matter the situation. It's easier to just walk away and just never be in their company ever again.

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Post #: 28

RE: if - 3/25/2013 7:24:28 PM

MadamAsianDom

Posts: 153
Joined: 5/28/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamAsianDom

But that's because there was a time in my life (about 25 to 30 years ago) when I would have reacted that way if someone had done that to me.

Nice to know that when you were a child of 10-15 you acted like a child (profile says you are 40?).

Yes, at the age range you mentioned I had problems with my temper. I was being abused at home, and if someone came at me wrong at school, instead of walking away, I got into fights. Thankfully I managed to get that under control (prior to joining the military when I graduated high school) and self reflection helped me to realize why I was doing it in the first place.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 29

RE: if - 3/25/2013 7:27:12 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Again, she should have just gotten in her car and drove off while flipping him off and never speak to him again.

Then again, I'm the type who just never feels any kind of need ever to be confrontational no matter the situation. It's easier to just walk away and just never be in their company ever again.

I would have been very tempted to call the police. California considers it assault and I would want to make sure that he knows that it's not acceptable.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 30

RE: if - 3/26/2013 7:37:54 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hairpullinggal

this was not a scene. it was a public meeting. and was walking to car when he did this as I turned to say good night and good bye

He sounds like an asshole to me and certainly not a Dominant. And in my state (Washington) spitting in someone's face is assault.

NBMG

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(in reply to hairpullinggal)

Post #: 31

RE: if - 3/26/2013 7:43:46 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hairpullinggal

this was not a scene. it was a public meeting. and was walking to car when he did this as I turned to say good night and good bye

So my question is, was this part of a scene? Maybe he thought you would enjoy it as the ending to your sceneing? Maybe he thought it would turn you on. Some poeple are into such a thing. Unless you told him specifically "no spitting in my face", how was he to know it was a limit?

You know on such little and limited information I'm not going to go outright and blame this guy.

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Post #: 32

RE: if - 3/26/2013 7:54:43 PM

bamabbwsub

Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
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Daaaaaaamn!

I've had some less than stellar first meets, but nothing even close to that (thankfully).

He deserved the punch, and then some.

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 33

RE: if - 3/26/2013 8:54:32 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: hairpullinggal

this was not a scene. it was a public meeting. and was walking to car when he did this as I turned to say good night and good bye

So my question is, was this part of a scene? Maybe he thought you would enjoy it as the ending to your sceneing? Maybe he thought it would turn you on. Some poeple are into such a thing. Unless you told him specifically "no spitting in my face", how was he to know it was a limit?

You know on such little and limited information I'm not going to go outright and blame this guy.

No, lw, it was not a scene, it was their first face to face, no play.

As for unless being told specifically, I can honestly say that unless someone asked, I wouldn't think to tell them not to spit in my face. I was raised to believe that is one of the most disgusting things you could ever do to a person.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 34

RE: if - 3/26/2013 9:37:36 PM

saundrakitty

Posts: 148
Joined: 9/11/2012
Status: offline

Same here i have seen a few blow it at first meets, but if that happened to one of the Dom's from our group and the OP punched Him and We found out- sorry he would have been outed from our group, but if that had happened in the parking lot of one of our Munches........sorry after She dealt with Him( or had not even hit him an walked away )We personally would have dealt with it ourselfs. We have very low tolerance for bad behavior.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 35

RE: if - 3/26/2013 10:31:10 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

Agreeing with all that has been said that you did nothing wrong, and have nothing to worry about about your reputation, I will also add, if you are asking if it will get around cause he threatened you wth having you 'blackballed' in the kink community, or told you that 'He'd tell every Dom he knows', or anything like that, that is a very common scam to try to get newbie subbies to do what a wannabe wants. Just using that line shows he probably has no friends or activity in the kink community

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Post #: 36

RE: if - 3/27/2013 2:45:05 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I guess I'm different. Master has spit in my face. I never thought to make it a limit. I never thought much of it at all but I didn't tell him it was off limits. Instead I would have said "I know I never said it was a limit so I can't really put any blame on you, but could we discuss this as a limit?".

Even if it was their first face to face, that's not to say that the dynamics between them came naturally to that point somehow. It happens. They may have no played but just the way they interacted together could have lead to it.

I mean, I can't see what would lead him to spit in her face without some kind of preceeding interaction to begin with. The way she explains it, they had a decent meeting and as she was getting into her car, he spit in her face. I don't know anyone who would just do that for no reason whatsoever. What did she do to make him react in such a way? Is there something more she is not telling us? Was there more of a power dynamic involved that we don't know about? If he just did it out of the blue with nothing to provoke it, then she should have just got in her car and drove away and thanked her lucky stars that he acted in such a way. She could strike him off the list.

Without having been there and heard their conversations and the way they interacted, there really is no way to know.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 3/27/2013 2:47:09 PM >

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Post #: 37

RE: if - 3/27/2013 3:36:07 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hairpullinggal
f hard and soft limits not discussed and this Dominant spit in my face, how wrong was I to react by punching him in face? Even if was reaction? Will that get around to other Doms?

There's something funny about your OP. You write as though you're already in a limited dynamic with this guy. As in, "I agreed to sub to him for the night, but we didn't have a limits discussion yet." You make it sound as though you were already in an ongoing scene, or metascene.

This doesn't jibe with the notion that he didn't mean anything to you, and was just walking you to your car to be a good munchhost or something.

I think it's likely that your ability to communicate boundaries is not great. Maybe you don't know where your own boundaries are, so you can't verbalize them to others. And, fortunately, you just learned one of them: "No spitting in my face unless I give you a clear green light." So congratulations on finding out a bit more about yourself.

As you get better at communicating your wants and needs in a crisp, unambiguous fashion, you'll find it easier to have great BDSM experiences. Have fun!

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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(in reply to hairpullinggal)

Post #: 38

RE: if - 3/30/2013 5:52:53 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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No limits discussed and he spits in your face? Hell yes I would have punched him. And if he threatened to "tell on you to other doms", I can only assume he is a weenie. Come on.
If you are playing with no real understanding and exploration of each other then BOTH of you deserve what you get. He wasn't ready for your reaction.

And whoa... reading further I see it wasn't even a scene... Then, I hope you drew blood, I would have.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 3/30/2013 5:55:37 PM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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(in reply to hairpullinggal)

Post #: 39

RE: if - 3/30/2013 6:04:11 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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As someone who has run a group I can tell you it does happen. I had one man who believed if we were not physically wearing a collar we were open for the picking. And with that belief during a local munch that was held in a private residence, he felt it was perfectly ok to reach out and touch. After our polite explanations did nothing to deter him after lunch, we *coff* surrounded him and made sure he understood he was out of line. Once he stopped cowering he left, never to return.
These things happen. People have odd ideas of power dynamics.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

The way she explains it, they had a decent meeting and as she was getting into her car, he spit in her face. I don't know anyone who would just do that for no reason whatsoever. What did she do to make him react in such a way?

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 40

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