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rudykimmy -> RE: looking for a second mythical unicorn ? (4/1/2013 2:50:00 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
Nah not at all. Most in my family already suspected as much.
I think you overestimate the negative reactions you'd get to outing yourself, even as a commercially active individual... most people in the BENELUX just don't care about what other people do between the sheets. If you lived in the Bible belt it'd be something else, but at home people just don't care. Especially now that 50 shades has made kink "in".
Now that we got the definition of "extreme" out of the way... as far as the unicorn search goes... (and it's just a "unicorn" you're looking for, not a "mythical unicorn"... a mythical unicorn is a horse with a horn on it's head that does't exist and is therefore "mythical"... the type of "unicorn" you're looking for is very real, and does exist, and is therefore very much not "mythical"...)
What do you have to offer to a girl who you'd want to be your unicorn?
It's very easy for you guys to consider why you would want a girl to join you. What you need to do is place yourself in her shoes and figure out what you have to offer to her.
After you figure that out... now picture the fact that there a literally hundreds of couples out there looking for the exact same girl as you are. And there are only a few girls looking for couples like yourself. So step back again, and figure out what you have to offer her, that's different from what the other couples offer her, which would make her want to pick you, instead of another couple.
After you figure out what you have to offer her, and how that's better than what the other couples have to offer her... step back again and figure out the compromised and changes that you as a couple are willing to make to your own relationship to accommodate this new person in your life. You are already asking her to compromise a great deal and take a great deal of risk (she's moving, she's not going to be loved, she doesn't have the security of being in a primary relationship, she'll have to obey). The situation as it is right now is one in which you're expecting her to take all the risk, make all the compromises, and where you take none.
No sane girl will go into that type of situation, because she'll be laying everything on the line, and have everything to loose, while you guys risk nothing, compromise nothing and have nothing to loose... it's just not a good "deal"... so you need to figure out how you're willing to compromise for her, so that you're equally laying your cards on the table, and the relationship can start on stable grounds.
Figure all those things out, and maybe... just maybe... if you're patient... and you're willing to sacrifice... and you're willing to put in the time and effort... and you're willing to deal with the frustration and disappointment of girl after girl after girl you talk to not working out... maybe in a couple years you guys will actually find a unicorn that will fit with the both of you.
You really got us thinking there !
We even sent your text to our former slavegirl via facebook to help us out a little with her perspective on this and what she replied actually surprised us. Here it is (my translation from her Dutch) :
When I arrived at your home, I was a typical, rebellious, "lost-teen". I had no self-respect, no sense of duty, no "drive", no character, no ambition and I didn't know the first thing about true love. My mom literally threw me out of the house (in your direction, luckily).
Now, after only a year and a half with you, Master & Mistress, I feel so much more comfortable with myself.
I have learned to respect people who are superior to me (whether it be in intellect, knowledge, experience or just status) and learn from them.
I have gained self-respect in realising that there really are things I'm good at and thanks to your system of punishment and reward, I have even perfected them. Before I was with you, I never persisted in anything but because you pushed me to keep going at everything, I've become accustomed to that attitude and now use it in my daily life.
Thanks to you, I now realise that there are things that just NEED to be done so one can achieve things in life, make life better or just feel better about the time off and enjoy the rewards from the efforts I've made.
The way you taught me how to work for my living was unique to me. Before I just held out my hand and expected people to just provide for me because it was their job (my parents, my teachers, the government, ...). Now I know the pleasure of taking care of oneself and even though I haven't mastered the trick to make as much money as I did when I was in your service, I know I'll get there eventually, if I persist.
And last but not least : LOVE ! I have never in my life felt as loved as I did when I was with you. Even though mistress always said that true love is reserved for you as a couple (and I could constantly see the unique love you have for eachother), I really felt how much you loved me. How every thought was there to help me be a better me. Even when you were angry with me and even when you punished me or even when you just hurt me for your own satisfaction or when you gave me to your friends, I still felt loved. I always saw in your eyes that you loved me, that you did not want things to go too far, that you knew/felt/respected my boundaries.
I love you both dearly and miss my time with you. I have to work at my relationship with my mother now, as you know, but thanks to the lessons you taught me, I think we'll be able to work it out.
I have mixed feelings because I hope you find someone you like, but at the same time I hope you don't so my place would still be free when I decide to come back for good. Because I miss you and because, even though I'm much more independant now than I ever was, I still need/crave your guidance. Every time I have to force myself to do something, I always imagine you're there to order me, punish me, reward me ... and that keeps me going.
With all my love and respect,
her name omitted for privacy
All this was really surprising to us and even quite emotional I must admit. My husband hasn't seen any of this yet (he's off on an assignment) but I'm sure it'll be a shock to him too. I guess he and I will have to re-think everything. I'm at a bit of a loss actually.
So ... thank you VERY MUCH for your insightful reactions to our awkward original question, they've really made A HUGE difference !
xxx
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