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RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 3/30/2013 5:56:52 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		Freedom,
I have to agree wth Lizi, you seem to be saying, 'no one goes there, it's just too crowded'. If no one ever left their area to do anything, the streets would be less congested and taxis would be cheaper (supply and demand, unless there's a government subsidy devoted to keeping taxi prices high). I'm not interested in someone who can't be bothered to go to a munch, just like, I'll meet you at the local coffee shop, but if that's too expensive, we're going to have a problem.

OP, this didn't used to be true in my personal experience, but sine the web is much less of an exclusive club than it used to be - I now get stood up for 9 out f 10 first dates. I now make first dates somewhere I don't mind being even if he doesn't show up, or I ask him to pick me up. And I'm a female sub - and there are a lot more male doms on here, from what I understand, than female subs. If I were you, I'd make arrangements to pick her up, plan where you are going to take her, and then plan what to do by yourself for a nice, pleasent evening if it falls through. Don't fall into the habbit of spending the evening stewing - make sure you have a nice night.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 3/30/2013 6:14:53 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske
Freedom,
I have to agree wth Lizi, you seem to be saying, 'no one goes there, it's just too crowded'.

No, I'm saying that unless you happen to be travelling on one of the main routes in/out of central London it is just too expensive and takes too long just to go to a munch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske
If no one ever left their area to do anything, the streets would be less congested and taxis would be cheaper (supply and demand, unless there's a government subsidy devoted to keeping taxi prices high).

The streets are very crowded at the sort of time most 'munches' are organised for.
Most of those I looked at within 100 miles of us are pretty much evening times.

Taxis and 'private hire cabs' are £8 as soon as you book one.
A simple trip to our local shops (barely 2 miles away) costs a further £8 for the journey (one way).
If it's a late munch, trying to get a taxi after 11pm is like searching for hens teeth!

It's not a case of supply and demand - the rates are governed by the authorites.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske
I'm not interested in someone who can't be bothered to go to a munch, just like, I'll meet you at the local coffee shop, but if that's too expensive, we're going to have a problem.

If that can be organised from an internet contact/chat - yes I would agree whole-heartedly.

But what we're talking about here is just going somewhere on-the-offchance of possibly meeting someone.
That's not quite the same as going to something you've arranged for yourself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske
OP, this didn't used to be true in my personal experience, but sine the web is much less of an exclusive club than it used to be - I now get stood up for 9 out f 10 first dates. I now make first dates somewhere I don't mind being even if he doesn't show up, or I ask him to pick me up. And I'm a female sub - and there are a lot more male doms on here, from what I understand, than female subs. If I were you, I'd make arrangements to pick her up, plan where you are going to take her, and then plan what to do by yourself for a nice, pleasent evening if it falls through.

Yep - I agree... once you have made that initial contact AND they have agreed to meet.

OP's post is saying that he starts the convo and when he tries to arrange a meet they just vanish and he gets nowhere at all online.

If he said he was spending hundreds of £'s or $'s every week trying to meet invisible no-show girls you'd all be jumping on him to keep most of his cash in his pocket and not to be so silly.

The sheer logistics and costs on this side of the pond, particularly in London, are nothing you could imagine in the US.


< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 3/30/2013 6:20:29 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 3/30/2013 9:55:05 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

No, I'm saying that unless you happen to be travelling on one of the main routes in/out of central London it is just too expensive and takes too long just to go to a munch.



I, too, would suggested munches as a way to go. Even if you don't meet anyone you can socialize and network (networking is vastly under-rated).

This is from his profile...

"I enjoy socialising, museums, exploring London and eating out."

It doesn't appear as though attending a munch is outside his means or ability.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 3/30/2013 11:06:07 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1
The sheer logistics and costs on this side of the pond, particularly in London, are nothing you could imagine in the US.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Dude, I live in Alaska. My 'local' munch is a hundred miles away on what is basically a mountain road. In the winter, that hundred miles gets a lot longer. Gas here is one of the highest prices in the nation. A trip to the munch and back is roughly sixty bucks on fuel alone. That's before the cost of the munch or dungeon itself. Half of the months out of the year, it will be dark when we leave and dark when we get back.

When we lived in California prior, we were at a munch group that was three hours away for the munch and dungeon night every month. We went to parties that were in the Los Angeles area that was four hours away from our home AND dealt with the LA traffic.

In Georgia before that, we did have a munch group in our town. We still drove to the public dungeon in Atlanta that was over two hours away at least once a month and often, it would be multiple times a month. We hit a lot of the munches that were in South Carolina on various occasions and those were always two hour plus drives.

Except for presentations that I did at our home munch group in GA, every single presentation that I have ever done has been at least two hours away. The furthest away was in Anchorage which is roughly six hours away in one direction.

Oh, yeah. We're also the same people who drove hours out of our way during a cross country move to attend Thunder in the Mountains. (Colorado) We did that in a u-haul.

So, you'll have to excuse Me while I laugh about how difficult it is to drive to a munch in London because the streets are too crowded.


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 3/30/2013 11:35:27 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		When I started to get into all this I lived on an island where there was nothing happening.  However, through CM I had made some friends who attended a munch that was 240 miles away from me.  I'd save up my vacation time, save up my pennies and a every few months I'd get someone to drive me 45 minutes to a town where I could catch a train for a 5 hour ride.  I'd spend a couple days visiting with my friends, attend munch, make new friends at munch before taking the train back home. If there is a will, there is a way to solve any problems. 

For anyone who is unwilling or too impatient to dig through mud to find a wonderful diamond, munches and face to face meetings are the only way go. 

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 3/31/2013 1:56:20 AM   
thezeppo


Posts: 441
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

London has a pretty active scene. Why aren't you out meeting real people who actively want to meet partners and show this by going to munches and dungeons etc?

Possibly because it's a very dense and heavilly populated area??

Unlike NY, it can take hours to traverse London even though it's only 35 miles across.
I think most of the munches and dungeons are in the 'burbs so unless you're fairly local to one it's a real bitch to travel from A to B inside London.
Easy to travel in & out of london in all sorts of directions - like the spokes of a bike wheel.
But travelling across a couple of neighbourhoods across the grain is either expensive (taxis aren't cheap here, nor reliable) or it can take hours by car. And if you happen to drive just one yard past the congestion charge point in a road that's another £8 or so you have to pay.
Parking anywhere is also a real ass-ache (if you can find anywhere) and walking the streets of a strange neighbourhood isn't reccommended either - so you're forced to use a Taxi or drive yourself.




Underground/overground seems to be the preferred method of transport within London. Fetlife says 71 upcoming events within the City of London. Some people must be attending these things, or they wouldn't be happening. Your rejection of attending munches is very subjective, if something is too expensive/time-consuming for you it doesn't follow it would be too expensive for anyone else. I can't help but feel you are overstating the case somewhat here.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 3/31/2013 2:27:46 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

The sheer logistics and costs on this side of the pond, particularly in London, are nothing you could imagine in the US.



I drive 6 hours... single trip... over the Rocky Mountains... to go to the nearest play party.
The nearest munch is "only" 4 hours away, but rarely has more than half a dozen regulars attend.

I can't go to BDSM events without driving for 12 hours through the mountains, getting a hotel room and paying for at least 5 meals for 2 adults.

Yeah... driving through London rush hour traffic sounds like nothing I can imagine...

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 3/31/2013 8:19:41 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Being let down is a part of being human, not a dom.

Instead of feeling let down, why not just go with no expectations? If something happens, great. If not, no big deal.


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 4/6/2013 8:34:07 AM   
MattXLondon


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/27/2013
Status: offline 		Hi Matt,

Sorry to hear your struggling mate. There are a couple of munches reasonably centrally in London. There is certainly one in the city off Fenchurch street once a month which you might want to check out.

It's worth remembering that a lot of amazing submissive girls are "off scene" - in short they would not dream of going to a munch and the only way you will get to meet them is online.

I agree with a lot of the comments on here. There are a load of fake subs and Doms who are online to see what it's all about or just seeking a quick thrill. You seem like you are after the real deal and want to from a comitted relationship, so you need some way of screening those kind of people out.

It's not an easy task, but chatting to someone online for a while should give you a sense of what they are really after and if they are genuine. A few questions once your some way into the conversation can help shed light on that. Submissive's (real ones) have very strong motivations for wanting a D/S relationship; usually around a really deep need to please and be recognised for pleasing their Dom. I think once your talking in that space you can spot some of the fakers. Also it's quite neat to talk about past experiences, previous Doms, how it was for them etc. ... again fakers can easily trip up in that space.

Voice speaking on Yahoo Messanger Skype or such is quite a good idea before meeting. It's still discreet and does not involve giving out numbers ... but should let you get more of a feel for the person and their sincerity.

Overall you do need to put in real effort online and genuinely be willing to be open, get to know the person ... and just accept that legwork is part of it.

I wish you every sucess. Although there are more Doms than subs online I can absolutely assure you that a genuine Dom will stand out from the crowd and be spotted by the genuine subs. I am sure you will suceed :)

Matt

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 4/6/2013 8:58:19 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR

As a sub, I've no idea if this is true, but isn't it the case that femsubs might be more likely than malesubs to look for potential partners outside of BDSM groups?

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 4/6/2013 9:20:03 AM   
MattXLondon


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/27/2013
Status: offline 		I think Peon has a valid point. I have a good few sub friends who simply would not go to an event, especially not alone. That's what I meant by "off scene". I think it would actually apply to the vast majority of fem subs.


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 4/6/2013 9:21:39 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: online
quote:

ORIGINAL: MattXLondon

I think Peon has a valid point. I have a good few sub friends who simply would not go to an event, especially not alone. That's what I meant by "off scene". I think it would actually apply to the vast majority of fem subs.



I would agree with this (as a fem sub). I know I "should" go to events and munches, but I'd be going alone, and I can't imagine myself doing that. So CM it is

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 4/6/2013 9:54:06 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I actually found that most of the male Doms in my area in the age range I was looking for (40s and 50s) tended not to go to events either.

I was an active member of my local scene for several years and didn't meet any eligible (by my criteria) male Doms, whereas I had many coffee dates with Doms I met through cm, eventually finding Master

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 4/6/2013 10:06:49 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Plus many people just date and when they feel simpatico, they talk about what kind of relationship they seek and what they need sexually to be fulfilled. Assuming you aren't dating Seventh Day Adventists, nobody should be running out of the restaurant screaming. Probably they'll say they aren't into that, but that's no different than the rejections the op is getting now.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 4/6/2013 10:43:18 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2


quote:

ORIGINAL: MattXLondon

I think Peon has a valid point. I have a good few sub friends who simply would not go to an event, especially not alone. That's what I meant by "off scene". I think it would actually apply to the vast majority of fem subs.



I would agree with this (as a fem sub). I know I "should" go to events and munches, but I'd be going alone, and I can't imagine myself doing that. So CM it is


I thought so too, before I went to the first one. After that, I had no problem going alone. I made a ton of friends and was even introduced to Master at one. People tend to think that it's going to be some overtly sexual, predatory event when really it's just a bunch of people socializing while eating and drinking.


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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 4/6/2013 10:47:05 AM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		I have never not turned up on a pre arranged date (London) nor had anyone ever not turn up on one for me. Sometimes people cancel the day before but that is fine, better than wasting your time on the day.

However I tend to pick men who are on a par with me, who run busy business lives, are utterly reliable and successful and have had a family, so are organised people, not from the group of people who live utterly unorganised lives, cannot hold down a job nor a relationship and do not know what a watch and a timetable are. So perhaps that is part of why I have had a nice history of reliable men.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 4/6/2013 10:54:04 AM   
MattXLondon


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/27/2013
Status: offline 		Well there is that point Class Act. Picking people who have something about them is pretty much the key to the whole thing. I too value the idea that somone is together and has the maturity and good manners to keep an appointment. I remain convinced that you can tell those things about a person by chatting online.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 4/6/2013 11:05:39 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Its the internet. ALot of people simply playing on here. And once you get serious, abrakadabra!...................they are gone.

I dont think its you. I read your profile and I think its very attractive. It would be something I would look for. Its the people you are encountering. Keep trying.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 4/6/2013 1:47:32 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Plus many people just date and when they feel simpatico, they talk about what kind of relationship they seek and what they need sexually to be fulfilled. Assuming you aren't dating Seventh Day Adventists, nobody should be running out of the restaurant screaming. Probably they'll say they aren't into that, but that's no different than the rejections the op is getting now.



I've never run out of a restaurant screaming, but I did escape from a coffee shop by climbing through the bathroom window

But yes, I met maybe 20 guys over a couple of years. Dated two of them, which left 18 guys I didn't feel any compatibility with, or they weren't into me. It sucks to be rejected, but it's all part of the dating game.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is being let down part of the job of being a Dom - 4/6/2013 4:09:47 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MattXLondon

I think Peon has a valid point. I have a good few sub friends who simply would not go to an event, especially not alone. That's what I meant by "off scene". I think it would actually apply to the vast majority of fem subs.




True. I went to one munch once and that was enough for me. Yes, there are great sub females out in the world who do not attend events.

(in reply to MattXLondon)
Profile   Post #: 40
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