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RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 3/31/2013 11:12:08 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

Personally, OP...everything I've seen you write indicated that you like to make life way more complicated than it really is. And perhaps a little bit of you thinking you are way more important to the lives of others than you really honestly are. Lets face it, you had random one night stands with meaningless people you met off CL. What a coincidence...they had random one night stands with a meaningless person (you) too.

I honestly doubt that there are masses of people pining away for you and will be upset that you are leaving a lifestyle you were never involved in. You sound like you are making a big deal over something that isn't a big deal. And I'm kinda getting the impression that you like to have attention focused on you quite a bit. It's super easy...if you are done, you can be done. If people were going to shame you for your past indiscretions, they would have done it already.

I maintain a home life and a private life very successfully. Many of us do. You aren't the only one in the public eye in one way or another.


This.
Are you talking more about any future wife material finding out that you what you were up to in this phase of your life or perhaps she'll find out that you like men? If that's what you're worried about, that you'll be rejected by the future wife for being bi and dabbling in kink, then just make sure she knows ahead of time.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 3/31/2013 3:04:04 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

Well, you just leave. There's no special form to fill out.

Also, you'd be surprised at how many of us live "normal" lives. You can have the house, the dog, the hot wife that bakes cookies and drives the kids to soccer. But if you feel this stuff isn't for you, I wish you well in your departure.


Au contraire mes amis, there is a form, it's $35.00 and it's non refundable.

I'm sorry...you may not leave until you've filled out the proper forms, had them indexed and punched.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 3/31/2013 4:28:27 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		Well, if you could waive my fee, I'd greatly appreciate it.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 3/31/2013 4:33:13 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

Well, you just leave. There's no special form to fill out.

Also, you'd be surprised at how many of us live "normal" lives. You can have the house, the dog, the hot wife that bakes cookies and drives the kids to soccer. But if you feel this stuff isn't for you, I wish you well in your departure.


Au contraire mes amis, there is a form, it's $35.00 and it's non refundable.

I'm sorry...you may not leave until you've filled out the proper forms, had them indexed and punched.

I like the "blood in, blood out" line, as well as the roving gangs of lifestylers. Sounds like fun. Seriously, dude, it's a "meh" decision. From your own admission, you've done some "questionable" things, but it's not like there's bodies in the desert, right? Right?

It's easy: just stop doing it. I was active-active in the mid-80's to '93, clubs, scenes, all the bells and whistles. I also had other, more pressing problems, and it was part of my solution to pack up and walk away. No somber speeches, nothing. If it doesn't do it for you, why bother? Good luck.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 3/31/2013 4:56:14 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think this is like the Mafia, or any kind of organized crime, where someone will come after you for???
Good luck, M

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(in reply to Poloboi234)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 3/31/2013 6:50:40 PM   
njlauren


Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline 		not even sure what you mean in your case, you weren't in the lifestyle, you had anonymous kinky trysts with people. Even if you were lifestyle, lived in a D/s, went to play parties, etc, 'leaving' has no repercussions, no one would say "ooh, that evil SOB, he went and left us, let's get him". People come and go all the time, It has been a while since I could be called lifestyle. People have changes in life circumstances, they are too busy with family crap, or simply at a phase of life where it doesn't interest them, it happens...and while if lifestyle there may be people who miss you (and likewise, people I miss a lot), people know and understand.

As others have written, a lot of lifestyle people lead 'normal' lives, they have families, jobs, kids, mortgages, evil birds, hobbies (the number of BD/SM people I have known into model trains alone is kind of interesting...). For most people, it is no big deal, and even for people who play publicly, the only people there are going to be fellow people mostly, or curious people. I could see as a celebrity someone being more cautious, but that is true about dating and other things, too. As far as your anonymous encounters, the odds of one of them remembering you is pretty near zero, and most of them are too embarassed to ever out you, they wouldn't be on CL if they were out BD/SM people. I also think being into BD/SM these days would be a yawn kind of thing, it would titilate people, you deny it, it goes away *shrug*..and if a behind the scenes person, no one would care, either.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/1/2013 10:21:16 AM   
NotBragging


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/9/2011
Status: offline 		The FBI keeps a database of all members within the Life...

...if you leave, they will publish your name in the local paper and release tapes of your play sessions (look under your bed for the bug)...

Sorry, but once you join, you can never 'quit'..

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/1/2013 12:12:09 PM   
IBandit


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/30/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NotBragging

The FBI keeps a database of all members within the Life...

...if you leave, they will publish your name in the local paper and release tapes of your play sessions (look under your bed for the bug)...

Sorry, but once you join, you can never 'quit'..








(in reply to NotBragging)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/1/2013 12:35:00 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Not sure where your fear of leather is based, but if you want a "hobby" that evokes paranoia, perhaps spy games is an avenue you should explore?





Attachment (1)

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I give good thread.

(in reply to Poloboi234)
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RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/1/2013 1:00:01 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		Here's the nitty gritty.

No one cares.

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Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/1/2013 3:00:04 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NotBragging

The FBI keeps a database of all members within the Life...

...if you leave, they will publish your name in the local paper and release tapes of your play sessions (look under your bed for the bug)...

Sorry, but once you join, you can never 'quit'..






Attachment (1)

(in reply to NotBragging)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/1/2013 3:32:58 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		^ I love the violent gay biker and his little twink lover from Mad Max Road Warrior. He was soooo wild he had to be kept on a leash... and he was the top!

This is what happens when you join the lifestyle. You get dressed up in leather, get some cute little submissive and and have a power exchange dynamic.


The power exchange dynamic gets you all pumped up, you become a real bad ass and pull stunts like this . . . which gets the attention of the FBI. Once the FBI notices you, they start keeping a file on you and watching you. The more people they have to watch, the more funding they get.


When the FBI is watching you, you become paranoid that someone will out you, so you try to leave the lifestyle. This is what happens when you try to leave the lifestyle. The FBI who is watching you finds out. They don't want to loose funding so as an act of job security, they get some bigger, badder, more vicious, more dominant dude like Lord Humungous to come and put a leash on you, making you his prison wife.


Don't end up as Lord Humungous's bitch,
stay in the lifestyle!



< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 4/1/2013 4:05:00 PM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/1/2013 4:58:19 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I don't know about leaving the "lifestyle" but I do know I can not rid myself of my submission.I am too "hard wired" to change at this point anyways,nor would I want to change.I am very comfortable in my own skin.I tried years ago to ignore this part of who I am,only to realize that I was making myself suffer even more by denying to myself who I really am.

I've read self-help books,talked to therapists,talked to people in and out of the "Lifestyle".Theres no reason why someone can't have the white picket fence and still liked to be tied up or tying someone else up.I would rather wait to find the right Domme,who will accept me for who I am.Rather than just settle for any "girlfriend" who may not be into this stuff.And that's okay too.This way of life isn't for everyone but I know this is certainly the life for me.

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(in reply to ResidentSadist)
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RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/2/2013 8:32:56 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

There was another person discussing that they "have a lot to lose" if they were outed, because they were some big shot entertainer. I will tell you what I told them -- get over yourself. If you are so scared about losing your livelihood, use non disclosure agreements with your future partners.

Really though, you aren't the only "almost famous" person we have come into contact with. I say, if you have something to hide, you can choose to live in the closet or not let fear rule you. The choice is yours.

Hell there are several of us that know, have played with etc people that are famous enough to already be on TMZ today getting coffee, walking kids to school, running with the dog. I agree with ac, big fuckin deal!!! $ome famous person likes to turn their dick into balloon animals, so what!!
Personally I would be more concerned about the newbie that IN GRAPHIC DETAIL has listed their sexual preferences now says "I'm famous"...this is the internet, attention whore is what comes to mind waaaaaaaaay before "I wonder if its x famous guy with the unique face, bet money can be made". Guarantee myself & others keep kinky secrets on people that if you really do have an "entertainment career" have bought & sold you more than once.
So much for special snowflake

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(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/2/2013 8:42:09 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		If I could tie my dick into balloon animals, I would be famous, thank you very much.

Yeah, it has always bothered me how that if you are outed, all the families on earth with the children and everything would know you fuck.

Famous Amos 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/2/2013 8:49:02 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

If I could tie my dick into balloon animals, I would be famous, thank you very much.

Yeah, it has always bothered me how that if you are outed, all the families on earth with the children and everything would know you fuck.

Famous Amos 
Yeah, I was kind of thinking that, too.

Let Me know when you'll be on Letterman.





_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/2/2013 8:59:08 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

If I could tie my dick into balloon animals, I would be famous, thank you very much.

Yeah, it has always bothered me how that if you are outed, all the families on earth with the children and everything would know you fuck.

Famous Amos 
Yeah, I was kind of thinking that, too.

Let Me know when you'll be on Letterman.




I'm flashing back to the Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson sex tape.....where he basically DID make balloon animals out of his dick.


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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/2/2013 9:21:01 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		OK, this is it.  I will miss you all, I am leaving the lifestyle so I can concentrate on tying my dick into balloon animals.  And when I am famous, all you fuckers are gonna be sorry.



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/2/2013 9:39:55 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I've left the 'lifestyle' a few times. Grown bored with it, become busy with other things. I've never felt the need to announce the decision; it just sorta happened organically. I didn't make any definitive choice to do so - I just found my focus on other things.

Regarding being outed. It happens. Not everyone is supportive of alternative lifestyles and some are willing to actively oppose it.

Back around 1999, I was one of the founding members of a BDSM club and ended up having to testify as a witness in a discrimination/unlawful eviction lawsuit our group had filed. Sitting on the stand, surrounded by a Judge, jury and courtroom full of people - that is pretty outed.

Around 2004/2005? I lived, as a slave, in a houshold that held a yearly BDSM event (Whipstock) and one of the neighbors found out about the event. They worked with the township to change ordinances to prevent the event from taking place. They also called the news. My home, and a story of our BDSM event was aired on the news (several times) and a map to our home was printed on the front page of the newspaper.

Honey, you don't get any more outed than that. Today, no one in this town remembers or cares.

Know what I tell people? "Yes, I'm kinky. So?" It isn't that big of a deal. No one I know really cares.

Basically, love me, love my freaky mind. Don't? That's cool, what does it matter to me if someone doesn't agree with me? I'm not out proselytizing for the 'lifestyle' and I'm not feeling any need to justifying my activities.

No shame, no blame.

WinD

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussi... - 4/2/2013 10:29:39 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Poloboi234

We'll I'm leaving the life style (never much got started)

But want to know who has left it before.. why did you leave? why did you come back? Also any repercussions good or bad?

I mean in the sense of former subs, slaves, masters etc.. outing you in life, family, friends etc...

I am scared a bit, because of my field. But I decided if it comes up a simple I was into "S/M" for a bit in my college years is what I'll answer, but it does scare me. I mean people don't quite understand the lifestyle. I did it more for an experience and to explore myself... I think I found out what I wanted to know. (I like control and power, into S/M, like regular sex, not gay or bi.. but don't mind it at all.. (sexuality is for a person to themselves don't care))

But, I feel for me the lifestyle though fun in some instances. I have too much to lose in my normal life (family, friends, business, life style etc...) on a basically a "hobby" for me. I haven't done much (in terms of life style) But I have had play dates with upwards of 15 people. (some randoms on CL, some people I'm friends with..) I have a friend I may occasionally role play with but it will be only him and very rare as we are getting older and moving on in life.

I want to know the negatives and goods of leaving, as well as the problems of people in the lifestyle calling you out, or confronting you in front of others.. (if it happens). I don't mean it being a "hobby" as negative to anyone here, that's just how it was for me in my life. I am kind of ready for the dog, a fence, and a regular wife... haha though I will have times I wish I could tie her up... probably won't happen though..

We'll, discuss.. haha


First the possible repercussions:
Will going vanilla satisfy you, or would you prefer someone long-term with whom you can get your kink on?
Only you can answer that.

There are many people who come to CM with this secret they have been keeping from their significant other... and they seek to play with someone outside of their committed relationship.
Do I think that could be you?
I have no idea.

I am wondering what has made you suddenly skittish of participating in your chosen kink?
As far as I can tell, given the popularity of the 50 Shades 'franchise', kinky sex is more open than ever in a way that is more accessible to the public.

So, why would you want to give it up, when the chances of eventually finding a kinky bedroom partner are probably pretty good?

I think that most people in the world at large are unlikely to be interested in your sex life, unless you endeavor to make it their business.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to keep you sex life behind your bedroom doors.

How to leave?
I don't think having a Going Away party is necessary.
I think you just stop engaging within that environment and people for the most part won't even notice you are gone, perhaps except in passing moments.

Are you maybe perceiving yourself as a little more important than you are?


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(in reply to Poloboi234)
Profile   Post #: 40
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