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RE: What skills? - 4/14/2013 11:22:47 PM

msj2u

Posts: 37
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

What skills...hmmmm

I must have honesty, yes the good and the bad. Another thing is ask Me questions like I'm going to ask you. If you don't have interest in getting to know Me, how are you going to serve Me?

The list only gets longer...LOL

I'm the One your mother didn't warn you about

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 21

RE: What skills? - 4/15/2013 1:22:44 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've advised a few male subs that the key to getting a Domme's interest is in being able to hold a good conversation. Which is clearly my impression.

And then it hit me - I haven't had that vagrant opinion validated!

So, ladies, is that in fact a major issue, getting men with conversational abilities? And if you were to make the statement "If only I could find a man who was able to <fillintheblank>", what abilities/qualities would go in the blank?

Thanks!

I take it as a given that I'm not going to be very interested in having uninteresting conversations with anyone so gender/orientation don't really enter into the mix per se. I'm drawn to interesting and/or quirky as a general rule.

Skills that would interest me:

Driving
Lift & carry
Reach stuff I can't reach (which is almost everything!)
Put bugs outside if you can, kill them if you must
Kitchen prep
Quote "Ode to Spot"

Bleed for me

That's the short list. :D

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 22

RE: What skills? - 4/15/2013 10:35:19 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

It's not that the sub has to be a brilliant conversationalist - but a man has to realize that until they are in a mutually agreed upon power exchange, he's responsible for at least maintaining his end of the conversation. This goes for email or internet conversations as well. I can't tell you how many men online think that exchanges are all about the femdom asking questions and him sitting there just waiting to be "probed" - and it's not that he may think he's not "allowed" to ask questions - it's the fact that apparently he does not even care who this woman is - what music, movies, interests she has....a submissive man often does not know how to engage in conversation outside of being asked questions or responding to inquiries.

I don't buy the excuse that he believes it is impolite to ask - or the woman is in charge. It's just a getting to know you stage. If I am doing all the asking and he does none, then I am happy to let the email exchange fizzle to nothing if I ask less, and he goes "what happened"? well - duh. You never even bothered to ask me one thing - do you not even care? Apparently not. They know everything they need to know - she's kinky!

Outside of that - what skills I think a submissive needs - is just competence - in ANY area - a hobby, something he is passionate about, gets excited talking about, excels at. I think women - and dominant women especially - enjoy seeing a submissive man who is exceptionally talented at something and confident in it.

Akasha

_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 23

RE: What skills? - 4/15/2013 12:45:01 PM

shebsheb7adretek

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/3/2013
From: cairo, egypt
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressEllen444

know the difference between fantasy and reality and which is appropriate when...

What? I have a hard enough time typing with one hand and masturbating with the other and now I have to keep track of the difference between fantasy and reality?

Sheesh!

LOOOL !!!

your right man !
submission is hard

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 24

RE: What skills? - 4/15/2013 1:16:50 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

This thread looked so interesting, I just started a thread asking the guys what they'd like in a Domme.....
http://www.collarchat.com/m_4420035/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4420035

NBMG

I see no male subs have been brave enough to post "tits, ass, and a whip" on your thread yet, NBMG!

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 25

RE: What skills? - 4/15/2013 1:32:48 PM

shebsheb7adretek

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/3/2013
From: cairo, egypt
Status: offline

very interesting thread, yet very confusing to me !

i do have each and every skill mentioned above except for what BitaTruble said, i'm not into most of what She mentioned, leather is not my thing too as i prefer the look of the Girl/Woman next door !
but else than that, its just me !

now how come i'm still looking ?

is it that i'm just not compatible with local Femdoms ?
no, really, i mean, i've lost many convos coz i'm "talking back !" or i "dared to ask !" without a permission !

i'm really surprised, AND puzzled now !!!

(in reply to shebsheb7adretek)

Post #: 26

RE: What skills? - 4/22/2013 6:29:19 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've advised a few male subs that the key to getting a Domme's interest is in being able to hold a good conversation.

Steven ... while I send congats on your Orchard Planting .... threads like this really GET under my skin!

I have used this technique .... with great success over the years!

Indeed, it is novel, brilliant, innovative and a true disruptive technology ....

I would like to say, Patent Pending, but they won't issue one to me for this.

So all I can say to all the guys asking how to meet a Domme, here on these threads, this IS the SILVER Bullet.

Now, all seriousness aside ... Steven, good luck with all the new tree's.

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 4/22/2013 6:31:32 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 27

RE: What skills? - 4/22/2013 6:38:32 PM

Dreamless

Posts: 104
Joined: 7/30/2010
Status: offline

Let me see.

Good conversation skills. Decent writing skills when in this medium. And enough reading comprehension to figure out from my profile that I really don't like it when you start off with "hi, Mistress, may i submit to You".

Sure I have skills I'd LIKE from a partner in crime. Massage giving, dish washing, food chopping, an awesome reading voice, loves driving, metalworking, writing, steampunk... but all this stuff is negotiable. If you're not intelligent enough to hold a conversation... we won't get to a point where that stuff matters.

I am definitely drawn to interesting, intelligent, quirky, and alt.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 28

RE: What skills? - 4/23/2013 4:37:38 PM

shebsheb7adretek

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/3/2013
From: cairo, egypt
Status: offline

i cant agree more Dreamless !
if we dont have that "link", no activity will have any meaning, at least to me !

(in reply to Dreamless)

Post #: 29

RE: What skills? - 5/23/2013 9:18:51 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've advised a few male subs that the key to getting a Domme's interest is in being able to hold a good conversation. Which is clearly my impression.

And then it hit me - I haven't had that vagrant opinion validated!

So, ladies, is that in fact a major issue, getting men with conversational abilities? And if you were to make the statement "If only I could find a man who was able to <fillintheblank>", what abilities/qualities would go in the blank?

Thanks!

Well, conversation is good, but not if it involves self-centered topics like dick, cock, cum, masturbating, milking, etc., which MOST want to talk about (and get the instant BLOCK for). But no, I don't put conversational abilities at the forefront. Conversation IS important to establish compatibility, and certainly if it were a ROMANTIC relationship it would be, but more importantly I prefer a "naturally yielding nature" and "eagerness to Serve", not this "gimme gratification" attitude that so many "subs" have.

Often a gently quiet sub, one with an eager "open to instructions" attitude is what is desired and appreciated.

There is great importance in them having REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS, and unfortunately many males get their "femDomme education" from porn...which is so vastly different from what a lifestyle Domme is about (we've beaten this dead horse to a pulp in several other threads). Conversation is nice...but if that's ALL he's doing he's not SERVING. Also, if the Domme practices Protocol, a sub should be able to suppress the urge to chatter unless spoken to. It of course depends on the Dominant's wishes and their D/s dynamic.

To put it shallowly, talk is cheap, but can he clean/repair/chauffer/cook while his yap-hole is flapping? LOL! (Awww, yes I said it!)

--MM

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 30

RE: What skills? - 5/23/2013 10:04:38 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

It's not that the sub has to be a brilliant conversationalist - but a man has to realize that until they are in a mutually agreed upon power exchange, he's responsible for at least maintaining his end of the conversation. This goes for email or internet conversations as well. I can't tell you how many men online think that exchanges are all about the femdom asking questions and him sitting there just waiting to be "probed" - and it's not that he may think he's not "allowed" to ask questions - it's the fact that apparently he does not even care who this woman is - what music, movies, interests she has....a submissive man often does not know how to engage in conversation outside of being asked questions or responding to inquiries.

I don't buy the excuse that he believes it is impolite to ask - or the woman is in charge. It's just a getting to know you stage. If I am doing all the asking and he does none, then I am happy to let the email exchange fizzle to nothing if I ask less, and he goes "what happened"? well - duh. You never even bothered to ask me one thing - do you not even care? Apparently not. They know everything they need to know - she's kinky!

Outside of that - what skills I think a submissive needs - is just competence - in ANY area - a hobby, something he is passionate about, gets excited talking about, excels at. I think women - and dominant women especially - enjoy seeing a submissive man who is exceptionally talented at something and confident in it.

Akasha

I've run into this on occasion, the other end of the spectrum where they DON'T talk. If they are AFRAID to ask questions for fear of alienating the Domme and losing the conversation, it's best to ASK what is expected of him at this point. When in doubt ASK. I love subs to ask questions, how else are they going to know what I want, how I want things done? I don't want to sit around barking orders and then realize I FORGOT something and he just went along with it silently not daring to ASK "how/when" to get the little details right...and yes of course, getting to KNOW one another while establishing whether a D/s dynamic can even HAPPEN is important...but then once the D/s is established it should be more down to business.

So, Conversation to get to know each other, YES.
having it all be about HIM, definitely NOT.
Conversation/questions to fine-tune Service, YES.
Yapping incessantly so it interferes with sub's Duties, NOT.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 31

RE: What skills? - 5/23/2013 10:19:10 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I like your list, NBMG, but I have to add 'have a good sense of humor.' That's really important to me. I'm always, always going to be more attracted to someone who can make me laugh.

_____________________________

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 32

RE: What skills? - 5/23/2013 10:49:06 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

lol I actually have to add to my list the ability to kill and dispose of bugs. Bugs freak me out.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 33

RE: What skills? - 5/23/2013 12:27:19 PM

servuspet

Posts: 67
Joined: 2/3/2006
From: Detroit, MI
Status: offline

Maybe this is actually a topic where being shy helps.
I would never ask to submit to someone without it being brought up previously. Especially early on in the process of getting to know someone.
Even on the D/s side of interests, I don't bring it up until a conversation naturally moves in that direction.
When I start getting to know someone, my goal is just to be friendly and make a friend. I'll be compatible with a lot more people as friends, then I will be as a submissive.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 34

RE: What skills? - 5/23/2013 1:50:41 PM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

Although I am neither a Mistress nor a male sub, I'm surprised to not see "The ability to fix major appliances" on that list, along with "Able to capture, kill, or otherwise deal with vermin that freaks the lady out". Just a thought, ladies...

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to servuspet)

Post #: 35

RE: What skills? - 5/23/2013 5:38:49 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

Although I am neither a Mistress nor a male sub, I'm surprised to not see "The ability to fix major appliances" on that list, along with "Able to capture, kill, or otherwise deal with vermin that freaks the lady out". Just a thought, ladies...

Yes, that would be good skill also. The killing bugs just came to mind because that's major for me. I don't even want to hear or feel them squish

, which is why I need someone else to do it for me.

NBMG

< Message edited by NiceButMeanGirl -- 5/23/2013 5:39:20 PM >

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 36

RE: What skills? - 5/23/2013 6:19:35 PM

ThundersCry54

Posts: 71
Joined: 5/6/2013
Status: offline

Its really not that hard...To serve is an honor.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 37

RE: What skills? - 5/23/2013 8:49:29 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

One trend of the CMMB is that malesubs "asking advice" usually don't stick around long after receiving it. Much of the advice comes from others already in relationships and LTRs, and as such there tends to be a lack of empathy and a bit of impatience to the commonly asked question of, "How do I meet a FEMDOM."

The project is little bit like bird watching in China.

Another contribution to the quick exit is the guys just aren't meeting anyone on this site.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 5/23/2013 8:57:04 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 38

RE: What skills? - 5/26/2013 2:07:40 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I have to admit that being able to hold a conversation, or the lack of the ablity to, doesn't mean that much to me. When I speak to people I seek out information about them. I want them to speak about themselves for awhile so I have an understanding of what they really think about things. I know a lot of men that are not good at conversations and I have a habit of leading them. I ask questions they either answer or they don't....it tells me about them and what kind of a person they are.

Now to actually answer the question....fill in the blank...what do I want them to be able to do? That would depend on their age. Normally in younger men I seek out the rough and ready. Men that work with their hands and aren't afraid to get dirty. I love carpenters, and cowboys. Race car drivers and rough necks. In an older man I expect someone that knows how to relax. Someone that has his life in order before meeting me. If he can tap dance (yeah go ahead and try to figure out why that is important) I am already his fan. If he can juggle he gets extra points. At any age if they can quote Shakespeare they have my attention.....for at least a few moments.

*and on a side note* I don't care if a man is ruled by his cock and can't tell the difference between playing and the real world. If he spends enough time with me he will come to understand he can be controled by his dick but his dick will be controled by me (that is why they make cages don't you know)

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 39

RE: What skills? - 5/26/2013 3:12:23 AM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

This is an interesting thread.My issue is that I am shy around anyone until I actually get to know them.Maybe alittle bit of social anxiety.I do enjoy an intelligent conversation about almost anything.I read a lot,keep myself informed of the world around me.I can't speak for other subs,just myself.

I view ALL humans as equal.The Fem-Domme is great but at the end of the day,no one is better than everyone else.Its funny to think that what normally brings a "submissive" into BDSM(sexual urges),is the one thing that submissives have to learn to control.I'm been a sub for as long as I can remember.As I look back through my life,I can see where I have progressed in some areas and others I still need work on.

The sad truth is I think a lot of "newbie subs" do seem to get their "training" from porno.There clearly is a huge difference between fantasy and reality.Its not about the sexual submissive urges with me anymore.Although I clearly have them,I have learned to control my urges.For me,the act of being of service is what motivates me and gets me into "sub space".No,I don't mind cleaning the house,car,running errands,etc.I already did that for months with 2 women that I lived with.They even referred to me as their "maid",literally.I was cool with that.They knew I was sub.I guess they learned how to use that to their advantage.Nothing sexual ever happened there.Other than I realized that I do enjoy being of service without the "urges" to go along with it.

We're all humans first.We can start there.LadyPact mentioned it in a thread that I mentioned right here in the "Ask a Mistress" section.The question I asked was "how can one be a better submissive".LadyPact laid out 5 good points that I think any submissive could follow.First rule of thumb,be a good human being first.Makes sense to me.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 5/26/2013 3:23:10 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 40

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