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RE: What skills? - 5/26/2013 4:25:07 AM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

For me,what has helped me the most lately,is just sitting back and reading threads like this.I am one sub who's not going to leave Collarchat after alittle bit of advice and pretend I have all the answers.Reading threads like this help me to better understand what it is Dommes truly seek.

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Charley aka Sub Guy

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(in reply to Charles6682)

Post #: 41

RE: What skills? - 5/26/2013 5:43:36 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've advised a few male subs that the key to getting a Domme's interest is in being able to hold a good conversation. Which is clearly my impression.

And then it hit me - I haven't had that vagrant opinion validated!

So, ladies, is that in fact a major issue, getting men with conversational abilities? And if you were to make the statement "If only I could find a man who was able to <fillintheblank>", what abilities/qualities would go in the blank?

Thanks!

My chances of meeting someone local, seemingly vanilla but ending up being into D/s was about as likely as being sucked up in a space ship by aliens. My only choice was to search online. How could I possibly have a chance of having my interest sparked if the man didn't seem to be INTERESTED in having conversations with me? My typing several sentences or paragraphs and getting a yes or no or text speak back in return...would simply make me yawn after a while and move on.

Btw, I found someone here who was beyond my expectations. I expected the D/s, kink, and relationship stuff, but...
1) my guy kills bugs
2) he can fix most appliances
3) can do a lot of car maintenance and repairs (yessssss!)
4) can do house repairs
5) he...surprises me. In ways that I need and sometimes in ways I didn't know I need.

We would never have gotten anywhere if he hadn't kept writing me.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 42

RE: What skills? - 5/26/2013 1:15:04 PM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

My short list:

Good communication skills (able to listen and talk openly but respectfully)
Honest
Good manners
Good personal hygiene (no dirty girls or stinky boys)
Not camera shy
Cameleon
Able to multi-task
Able to follow instructions
Able to sit down and STFU

Bonus skills: Graphic skills, can give a pedicure, or ability to work with wood.

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LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 43

RE: What skills? - 5/26/2013 2:08:13 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Another contribution to the quick exit is the guys just aren't meeting anyone on this site.

The ones that do a quick exit seem to always complain about the 'fakes' and when they send emails it's always 'hi, i like anal. will you fuck me?' or some shit that's closely similar.

Then there are men who pull their heads out of their asses and talk to others like they're human beings and they not only get to meet other folks, there are some people who positively lust after them and would take them (in every sense of the phrase) in a heartbeat if they could manage the distance. Peonforher is a great example. I'm lusting after his tush and abs years after I first saw them. And that whistle!

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I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to Charles6682)

Post #: 44

RE: What skills? - 6/7/2013 4:14:15 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I've concluded that I'm clearly lacking in skills and or "whatever 'it' is." Here is the data on my own pet project to establish a friendly connection to another femdom. (The bar is actually lower: just a few msgs back-and-forth, like strangers meeting on a train.)

I have written 18 private messages to femdoms. Everything has been random and friendly. A profile pops up upon sign-in. I read it, and then I send a friendly message.

Data:

18 messages sent

0 replies

4 unread

2 deleted unread

-----

Maybe the stats would be better if I had more skills, a better profile picture, was younger, taller, and single/available. I just don't have the energy to create a dummie profile with a more jazzed up background and emphasis of having more to offer to cross check if that would generate different results.

Seriously, if I was seriously looking, I'd invest more time in having better profile pictures. (That would be my first thought.)

P.S. There were no findom issues b/c these ladies were on the lifestyle side of the fence (as best I could tell.)

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 6/7/2013 4:19:02 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 45

RE: What skills? - 6/24/2013 1:20:51 PM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Greetings

I would think the list would be rather similar whatever it is a male or a female sub and whatever gender Dominant they are trying to attract. Just a few skills I would recommend a sub learning of the top of my head are.

Cooking,
Housekeeping,
Things like doing taxes, handling bills and other paperwork,
How to do grocery shopping smartly,
How to hold a good conversation including reading up on several topics so one have something to talk about,
Massage of some sort,
How do draw a good bath, tend hair and nails and other such bathroom duties,
How to be handy around the house, fixing tings and so on,
A willingness to learn new skills to suit the individual Dominant one is looking to serve,
How to tend to clothing, making small repairs and so on,
How to tend to toys, how to best clean them and keep them in good repair,
How to be a good host and be able to entertain guests.

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 46

RE: What skills? - 7/3/2013 10:00:43 AM

Darkersided

Posts: 10
Joined: 6/1/2012
Status: offline

A subs skills would be varied.He would be able to communicate with me..I need a good communicator.Great company.
He would need to be good at massage,nails,hair.
Polishing rubber clothing,leather thigh boots.
Could cook, specially if he rented a cottage for a few week days for us.
Nice if he could sing,play an instrument.
Woodwork mmmmm make our own fetish furniture.
Latex/leather dress maker..would be handy..

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 47

RE: What skills? - 7/3/2013 4:11:52 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressEllen444

know the difference between fantasy and reality and which is appropriate when...

Having seen your photo (which I presume to be real), I'm of the impression that if you and I were to become something....you'd ride that motorcycle into the bedroom, essentially nekkid.....

Is that too much to expect?

(in reply to MistressEllen444)

Post #: 48

RE: What skills? - 7/27/2013 2:05:55 AM

TotalDomina

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/10/2010
Status: offline

... "use his brain", obviously.
Remember, it is all between the ears !
But the again, you may accuse Me of finding intelligence sexy.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 49

RE: What skills? - 7/27/2013 5:57:51 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've advised a few male subs that the key to getting a Domme's interest is in being able to hold a good conversation. Which is clearly my impression.

And then it hit me - I haven't had that vagrant opinion validated!

So, ladies, is that in fact a major issue, getting men with conversational abilities? And if you were to make the statement "If only I could find a man who was able to <fillintheblank>", what abilities/qualities would go in the blank?

Thanks!

Steven, while I am not a Domme. my experience is that I have no difficultly meeting one, or getting to know one, WHEN I focus on maintaining a good conversation.

Typically, all the VERY SAME skills one uses in vanilla life.

And when you focus on the conversation, treat a Domme as a Lady ... the result would shock many who just don't know.

_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 50

RE: What skills? - 7/29/2013 3:14:02 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Maybe the stats would be better if I had more skills, a better profile picture, was younger, taller, and single/available. I just don't have the energy to create a dummie profile with a more jazzed up background and emphasis of having more to offer to cross check if that would generate different results.

I like your profile picture and journal entries. However, your initial email would have to be killer to overcome your current four word profile text. And are you really in New Caledonia?

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Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 51

RE: What skills? - 1/3/2014 6:02:03 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Let's amend that to 'have a conversation about something other than his kink/sex life/fantasies.'

Women, not just dominant women, like men who talk to them, who have a good sense of humor, who know how to behave like a gentlemen (and when not to).

We like men who make it clear they like us, not just as sex objects but as people. I could go on but the rest is really common interests and chemistry.

_____________________________

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 52

RE: What skills? - 1/3/2014 11:04:58 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

Have good conversational skills & intelligence.
Have some common interests, both vanilla and kink, with me.
Be charming and engaging when necessary.
Have good manners.
Dress presentably.
Have good hygiene.
Be honest/have integrity.
Be a manly man and not a sissy.
Really want to submit.
(Have a willingness to)Learn.

On the "Really want to submit" part, that would be to me only not to anyone else (which is how you probably meant it).

A great list of mandatory attributes, with Hard Limit bolded, which could apply to any gentleman, along the lines of ChatteParfaitt's statement "Women, not just dominant women, like men who talk to them, who have a good sense of humor, who know how to behave like a gentlemen (and when not to)."

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

Steven, while I am not a Domme. my experience is that I have no difficultly meeting one, or getting to know one, WHEN I focus on maintaining a good conversation.

Typically, all the VERY SAME skills one uses in vanilla life.

And when you focus on the conversation, treat a Domme as a Lady ... the result would shock many who just don't know.

Whether male sub or not, this is good advice for single men.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 53

RE: What skills? - 1/3/2014 11:57:20 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Different strokes......my knees would begin to get weak over a guy who had a kind enough heart to catch bugs and spiders and put them outside!

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 54

RE: What skills? - 6/8/2014 5:24:58 AM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

The thing I hear over and over from my FemDom friends is the ability to know when it is not about your dick.

What that means is that they provide service and be a companion beyond any of the sex or play.

Wait a second.....there is a time when it is not about my dick

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 55

RE: What skills? - 12/23/2014 4:17:54 AM

sissycdmiranda

Posts: 19
Joined: 11/26/2014
Status: offline

all the sissy forums have me overly excited

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 56

RE: What skills? - 12/23/2014 2:06:11 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've advised a few male subs that the key to getting a Domme's interest is in being able to hold a good conversation. Which is clearly my impression.

And then it hit me - I haven't had that vagrant opinion validated!

So, ladies, is that in fact a major issue, getting men with conversational abilities? And if you were to make the statement "If only I could find a man who was able to <fillintheblank>", what abilities/qualities would go in the blank?

Thanks!

The BEST connections I've EVER made with fabulous women have been when....we've just talked.

And those today are still the most awesome women I've ever met.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 57

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