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RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/10/2013 2:16:53 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
think his point is that everybody has difficulties and that focussing on what your specific set happens to be gets you nowhere.

It's easy to say don't focus on race, because we all have our crosses to bear, and if you just forget it, and go about your life, it won't be a major issue.

I'd never focused on race, until people began letting me know I'm different, and my skin color IS an issue. I don't approach most men, unless I've maybe gotten to know them by their words here. I get approached a lot by people who want the black experience, but not the black girlfriend. This isn't like a haircolor choice, or even sexuality, which unless I tell someone I'm gay or straight, they don't know many times.

Plenty of people deny my humanity when they approach me, and don't tell me, it's like everything else. M

Ugh typos. NM the rest

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 4/10/2013 2:22:06 PM >

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Post #: 61

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/10/2013 2:19:01 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

how about mine?

Your point is clear to me now... Wasn't before.

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Post #: 62

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/10/2013 2:21:54 PM

submandibular

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Ok, I'm glad I could clear it up .... I seem to have trouble conveying my points clearly in text, hopefully it a bit of practice will rectify that.

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Post #: 63

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/10/2013 2:22:59 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
think his point is that everybody has difficulties and that focussing on what your specific set happens to be gets you nowhere.
It's easy to say don't focus on race, because we all have our crosses to bear, and if you just forget it, and go about your life, it won't be a major issue.

I'd never focused on race, until people began letting me know I'm different, and my skin color IS an issue. I don't approach most men, unless I've maybe gotten to know them by their words here. I get approached a lot by people who want the black experience, but not the black girlfriend. This isn't like a haircolor choice, or even sexuality, which unless I tell someone I'm gay or straight, they don't know many times.

Plenty of people d my deny umanity when they approach me, and don't effin tell me, it's like everything else. M

I'm not saying don't focus on race. Hell I made a post earlier indicating that I know race is a factor.

I was merely giving an interpretation of SailingBum's post, because it looked lik him and submandibular where talking passed each other.

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Post #: 64

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/10/2013 2:38:38 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

I agree with you that people have to get on with life and rise above certain difficulties they may face, but it doesn't mean that the difficulties do not exist.

I think his point is that everybody has difficulties and that focussing on what your specific set happens to be gets you nowhere.

You pretty much nailed it. However being a black male thinking finding a domme is more difficult just cuz he is black is a non starter. To my mind that is like saying I can't find a girl cuz my teeth are not straight and perfect. Sheesh. Some ppl just like to whine.

BadOne

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Post #: 65

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/10/2013 2:46:12 PM

submandibular

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I think you are bringing some of your own issues about race into this conversation. You sound like you are having a pretty good whine right now.

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Post #: 66

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/10/2013 5:37:28 PM

DesFIP

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Having just now read the op's profile, one of the other things not in his favor is his age. He's extremely young. I'm not sure how many groups allow under 21s, I know it's not uncommon to limit TNG groups to 21 -35.

I don't know what age group he's seeking, but older women usually want someone who isn't closer to their kids ages than their own. And how many experienced 20 year old dommes are there?

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Post #: 67

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/10/2013 8:15:50 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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~FRing it~

Not wanting to step on any toes, but I've read what OP had to say in this thread...and Im just not seeing where he is whining about his being black. All he asked was if it was harder for black subs. That was it. So Im not 100% sure where he's whining about anything. Since I myself am not black, I have to look at this situation through the eyes of those who are...like Roch and BlkTallFullfig. And I gather from what they shared, it has its share of struggles. So I personally am grateful for the insight into issues that I myself don't face.

OP, I'm honestly not sure what advice I could offer. I wish I did because you seemed genuine and sincere to me. I too echo the advice to start networking within your local kink community. Yes, it's true that some have had bad experiences with it that have left them pretty fucking bitter, but the experiences of a few are not always he experiences of all. Please keep your eyes on the prize and keep moving forward. Good luck to you and I hope the best

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 4/10/2013 8:16:36 PM >

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Post #: 68

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/10/2013 8:40:02 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

What I can't/refuse to tolerate is someone that complains poor me for whatever I have not heard any other person define race as a limitation to finding a suitable partner on CM and I been reading the boards for 6 years.

Sure you can go ahead and pick any group of ppl jews, christians, muslims gay, and say life is so difficult because of it.
I for one am tired of the poor me syndrome.

I understand your perspective, but I happen to disagree with it. IMO, talking about the issue is a worthwhile endeavor. By doing so, we can all gain a greater understanding of one another.

For example, I don't think anyone would label me a whiner. Nor can I be accused of suffering from "poor me syndrome". Yet, I shared several experiences that many others (particularly whites) will probably never experience. I wasn't complaining about the experiences. I simply shared them so others could learn from a perspective that is different from their own.

Frankly, that type of exchange of perspectives is the only reason I come to these boards.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 4/10/2013 8:45:15 PM >

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Post #: 69

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/10/2013 8:49:41 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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Thank you SeekingTrinity.
There is nothing better than having an open heart and mind, to familiarize oneself with just about anything one isn't familiar with, or knowledgeable about. Dismissing what you are unfamiliar/uncomfortable with as unimportant, is usually what keep us trapped in ignorance, and divided IMO.

M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 4/10/2013 8:53:52 PM >

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Post #: 70

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/13/2013 9:55:40 PM

Torabora

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It's only harder on the ski slopes

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Post #: 71

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/14/2013 4:22:56 PM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
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I don't think this is as much an issue about race as male submissives of all races have trouble finding "Dommes"Most of it I think it due to the Domme/Sub ratio.I don't deny that there are racists in the kink community,as there are racists everywhere.I personally can't stand intolerant people period,but that's just me.I did use to sub to a Black Lady a few years ago.We got along great.I liked her because she had a great personality,not because she is black.I've come across profile on here where a "Domme" is looking for a male submissive who ISN"T white.I guess everyone has their own likes.Me personally,i don't care about race anyways,I care about who the person is.

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Post #: 72

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/15/2013 3:51:43 AM

ClassAct2006

Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
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More likely it is an issue of being hard for male dommes to find someone. Most men even if not dom quite like the idea of a woman who does what she is told and/or is into kinky sex or even unlike their ex wife actually wants sex.... so it's not that hard starting as a female sub whatever your race. It seems harder for male dommes.

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Post #: 73

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/15/2013 9:02:29 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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Keep in mind that its a tricky and difficult landscape (as indicated by many responders) and not you in particular. In the online universe, its an achievement to simply get your message across to a potential F. At times, like the one responder described, you can feel like Linus in the pumpkin field waiting for the Great Pumpkin to rise while all the other children go house-to-house cashing in on Halloween.

You picked a cool screen name IMO. That will give you a leg up on itsallabouther and toiletslaveforever.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 4/15/2013 9:04:22 PM >

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Post #: 74

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/16/2013 1:05:40 AM

jovannacherry

Posts: 23
Joined: 12/2/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

I agree with you that people have to get on with life and rise above certain difficulties they may face, but it doesn't mean that the difficulties do not exist.

I think his point is that everybody has difficulties and that focussing on what your specific set happens to be gets you nowhere.

You pretty much nailed it. However being a black male thinking finding a domme is more difficult just cuz he is black is a non starter. To my mind that is like saying I can't find a girl cuz my teeth are not straight and perfect. Sheesh. Some ppl just like to whine.

BadOne

.......and then there are those you will just never get it.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 75

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/16/2013 6:55:38 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackOne

Despite being contacted by male dommes(I'm straight) on a regular basis, I can barely get any interest from female dommes. Its frustrating when you know you're submissive but you're forced to have vanilla relationships. I want to serve. I want to please. I want to worship my Goddess. What mistakes am I making? And any tips?

Well yeah, I suspect the whole race thing is hard to avoid, it can be hard enough trying to explain why you need another person to kneel before you, if they're Black, you're just asking for trouble, if it's a White Domme - Black Domme's, I don't know, I believe Machismo is still alive and well in the African American community just as it is in Anglo Culture, I also don't know how Domina's in general relate to each other submissives.

Can't get around the fact that culture is comprised of symbols and corresponding roles, or rather you have to be pretty slick to get around it, a lot of people just don't question it: race, gender, etc., etc., it's maze, and we're alternately reifying and attempting to transcend it.

Then again, maybe you just need to try a different tack, might be making it too easy, I suspect a lot of male subs do. I don't think biology changes all that much regardless of who's on top: as a man, you're still there to protect and provide, whether you're top or bottom, and as a man that means taking care of business - women are not expected to have to anything but sit around and look pretty and make sure you got clean drawers, though I better note that many do take it upon themselves to act more proactively.

Some women want a chick with a dick, I'm sure, but for many, I suspect that part of the allure of being domina is the challenge of dominating a man against all the cultural odds stacked against it - hard to say - women can get away with acting like children a lot easier than a man can, you don't expect a femsub to compete with you, but I would expect some competition and/or independence from a malesub, I really don't know, most guys I've known are cattier more devious than women.

< Message edited by xssve -- 4/16/2013 6:58:52 AM >

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Post #: 76

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/20/2013 1:37:27 AM

Dreamless

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Hm.

Well, I happen to be corresponding with one black male sub right now. But I'm Canadian and my first thoughts are never "is this going to be constituted as potentially racially offensive?" but rather, "...his legs look fucking nice in white lace."

I hold this is a Domme/sub ratio issue. There aren't too many available dommes!

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Post #: 77

RE: Is it harder for black subs? - 4/20/2013 2:41:18 AM

MaamJay

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Well I for one appreciated the helpful posters on this thread, particularly Roch and BlkTallFullFig, who are speaking from positions of knowledge and direct experience. There were some good insights, thank you all.

To the OP:
As others have said, there is more than skin colour against you at the moment - your youth and the ratio of Dommes/subs in general. But what you have going for you so far is your great attitude, positive screen name and willingness to listen. I note you have ticked some non-bdsm things in your profile now which is good (but do fix the typo!).

I echo another poster who suggested changing your picture, and not just because its low resolution. My first reaction to it is that it seems quite a macho pose which may not convey what you are trying to convey. Now I realise you are not the grovelly type of sub and trust Me, not everyone wants those either, but you need to be aware of body language. So avoid the hand pointing near your crotch (which has a "look at what I've got" message) and try for a pic with your arms down and relaxed, and a bit of a smile is nice. Try to speak with your eyes, think about how much you want to find a Goddess to serve when the pic is taken. Many Dommes just love a pair of submissive eyes ... Me for One LOL! But sadly you aren't in Australia! And too young too!

I would echo what others have said, persevere with online AND try the real community, though you may have to wait till you are 21 for that. Yes there may be some idiots out there but then there are in ANY group I've ever been with, bdsm, vanilla, church, work, students ... you get it. Be helpful, polite and able to hold a good conversation and you will be a ways in front of some!

Good luck,
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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