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Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 9:22:49 AM

desertratmike

Posts: 14
Joined: 3/22/2013
Status: offline

I am fairly new to all of this and i am finding it very hard to meet someone who is real, how is the best way to go about doing this? I have done the munches and was fairly active in the community where i used to live but for some reason a lot of people i have met on here since moving either show no interest or are complete fakes.I know this sounds like a " Woe is me moment" but i am actually curious about this. So what is it, do i have newb written across my profile..lol! Seriously though, any advice, criticism or comments will be welcome, hey i cant fix it if i don't know what is broken!

Post #: 1

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 9:25:53 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Yeah, I dunno, but this is not of general interest to any of us, I can assure you.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to desertratmike)

Post #: 2

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 9:31:40 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: desertratmike
So what is it, do i have newb written across my profile..lol! Seriously though, any advice, criticism or comments will be welcome, hey i cant fix it if i don't know what is broken!

I would start by losing the "True". It tends to paint the user of the word as someone based in fantasy, rather than reality.

What is "true" to me, may not be "true" to you. There are some that would not view me as "true submissive" or Master as a "true Dominant", but yet we've managed to have a happy D/s relationship for 13 years.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to desertratmike)

Post #: 3

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 9:32:29 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You haven't read the FAQ in Ask A Mistress. I strongly recommend that as well as reading the other threads there.

But your profile doesn't read that you want a domme, but a kinky third to play with you and your wife. You talk only about sex and offer nothing of value for the domme. No, nobody is needy to play with you and have sex with you as you imagine.

Your expectations are unrealistic.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 4

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 9:34:08 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

There are lots of fakes everywhere. None of us know how to help, and there are lots of threads talking about this. Check out FAQs, and you'll find answers for days.
I might be fake, not sure today. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to desertratmike)

Post #: 5

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 9:46:27 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm going to go easy on you this morning. (Which I didn't need to type since the thread was moved during My reply. Thanks, Mods.)

What you don't mention is being active in your BDSM community since you moved. Are you going to munches and such now that you are in your new location?

I've moved several times since I got into kink. (CO to GA, GA to CA, CA to AK.) Every time, you basically start over in a new community. Some of My reputation carries over from place to place because I present on topping skills and such so it's really easy to check My references, but I still have to get out there and meet people. Getting on the net and saying you were active in your last community doesn't help a whole lot. You have to carry that over and be active in your new community.

From where you are located, I'm guessing there isn't a munch that is in your town, so you may be looking at the next town down the road that is a bit larger. Plenty of people do that, Myself included. Our 'local' munch is two hours away in Fairbanks. In CA, we attended the Bakersfield munch that was three hours away before we got a decent group going in San Luis Obispo.

Some people do meet via the net and I'm not discounting that. However, that's a put all of your eggs in one basket type of thinking. If you want to meet people, it's good to try multiple avenues.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 6

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 10:02:36 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

fr

Truth is, you are looking for something incredibly rare. Female dominants are much less common than male subs. Females looking for a casual play partner/fuck buddy, and females happy to be involved with a married man, are much less common than females seeking relationships. The fact that your wife will verify that she is on board goes your way, but you're still fishing in a very small pond. You've only been on this site for a few weeks, it would be surprising to me if you had found someone that quickly.

On the other hand, what you are offering - kinky sex on your terms - is incredibly common. So when a woman comes along who is looking for something like this, she has thousands of offers to pick from.

Don't misunderstand me - there's nothing wrong with what you are seeking, but you need to be realistic about your odds. I would venture that your odds are worse online. Why aren't you joining the community in your new hometown? Sites like this have even more skewed numbers, and are populated by a large number of wankers who are clueless, or only looking for dirty talk, or make no effort. So when you approach a woman, you are starting at a disadvantage because you need to a) stand out enough for her to bother to reply and b) undo the work the wankers have done to put her off guys on this site.

In the community at least people can see that you're serious, and (hopefully) interesting, fun and trustworthy. They might be more inclined to give you a chance. And possibly even recommend you to each other.

By all means keep looking but don't think you can just put up an ad and get a lot of interest. You will have to do the pursuing. Read profiles, send interesting and personal messages based on what you see there. And yes, improve your profile. It seems to be mostly about what you want her to do for you. Show that you are an interesting person. Even if you are only looking for sex, show you have some other qualities and interests to set yourself aside from all the other penises.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 10:09:59 AM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

Mike, Mike, Mike... are you really so clueless that you don't know what you're doing wrong or what the problem is? No, you don't have a newbie sign... but every other sign... yup... you got it goin on. You haven't even been here a month and with your profile, you expect someone to be needy to top you? Dude...

I can't even feel good about telling you about the local munches or how to contact them. I won't do that to my friends. Figure it out, fix it and try again.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 10:22:56 AM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

I second what Athena said. You are seeking a dominant lady interested in NSA sex with a married man? Good fucking luck!

I think you should look into your local swinger community.

By the way, your profile lists you as weighing about 400, which is likely a problem for many women. If the weight is incorrect, then fix it. If it is correct, then take down the misleading photo.

< Message edited by Baroana -- 4/10/2013 10:27:49 AM >

(in reply to Rawni)

Post #: 9

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 10:42:25 AM

desertratmike

Posts: 14
Joined: 3/22/2013
Status: offline

Ok, so I asked the question and am not complaining at all about what was replied, Rawni, you are right about what you said and i do admit that, however i am not looking for someone "needy enough" to top me, first of all all i was looking for and asking about was meeting some one, nothing more.
So for everyone that responded i do thank you for everything you said, it has given me a lot to think about and examine exactly why I am here and put things in perspective for me.

(in reply to Rawni)

Post #: 10

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 11:44:38 AM

desertratmike

Posts: 14
Joined: 3/22/2013
Status: offline

Wow, I cant believe some of what I have read, that last response was in a word just "Bitchy" first thing, i do not have the need to hide who i am , what i look like or any other details about me from anyone. As far as the weight issue goes, the wrong button was checked and thank you for bringing that to my attention in the most snarky way possible.
I posted my question in the hopes of actually getting some advice on how to improve what i am trying to say to the site about myself, i did receive some very good points that i had not thought about and am seriously thinking on now. As far as the rest of them, I know what dynamic i have with my wife,it may not be the one some are into, but we all have our own areas of interest.
The post was not intended for this board, i don't know why or how it was moved but that does not matter at all now. as far as advice, yes i do ask for it, I don't think I am above asking a question about something I am just getting into.
so thanks for all the "good" advice i have received it is very appreciated, as far as the responses that contained nothing but attitude, maybe you might want to ask a bit more about me before just deciding to bust my ass in a forum.

(in reply to desertratmike)

Post #: 11

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 12:25:38 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

All right damn it... I will step into it, but someone is cleaning my shoes.

The bottom line is, whatever you have going on with your wife, isn't the issue here. What is an issue is that you are impatient and wanting a woman to service you, objectifying women in your profile and sound creepy. You say nothing about the type of relationship or connection you want. You do say how much you love, love, love pleasing a woman and are quite fond of breast.

You have to consider who your target audience is. Dominant women. We are not play toys typically. We don't typically like impatient men that want to get their kink on, wife or no wife and do so all the while objectifying them and plying them with what you think will please them to the tune of... I love, love, love pleasing women and breast. Okay... now... you take this for what its worth to you. You want to play... then show us something worth playing with. You offer what most men offer... I will leave my opinion of that for another time, but I am sure you can assume pretty much what I mean.

It starts with a little clue, respect and not that online automatic calling us mistress/goddess... oh superior one. You are talking to women that are not service oriented and expecting us to be... right away.

(in reply to desertratmike)

Post #: 12

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 1:12:39 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: desertratmike

So what is it, do i have newb written across my profile..lol! Seriously though, any advice, criticism or comments will be welcome, hey i cant fix it if i don't know what is broken!

I'm just going to quote this from your OP. You received advice, criticism and comments. Apparently they weren't welcome. I didn't notice anything bitchy going on. I don't understand why you were so upset by someone pointing out the weight mistake - there was nothing snarky about that, she pointed out that either the photo or the number were clearly wrong and that people would be put off. If she noticed it, who knows how many other people noticed and passed you by because of it?

If you don't want feedback, don't post asking for it. If you do, you'll have to accept that you might not like all of it.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to desertratmike)

Post #: 13

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 1:22:15 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: desertratmike

The post was not intended for this board, i don't know why or how it was moved but that does not matter at all now.

It was moved by the Mods because General BDSM was not the correct forum.

I'm going to give you a second piece of advice. Dominant women get an inbox full of offers from male submissives to engage in acts the fulfill the submissive's fetishes and kinks regardless of whether those things are what the Dominant is looking for.

They have no problem getting sex or getting a play partner. You're basically offering more sand to someone that already lives in the desert.

If you want to connect with a female Dominant, I would suggest that you work on presenting a situation that she actually wants.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to desertratmike)

Post #: 14

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 1:44:35 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I'm going to give you a second piece of advice. Dominant women get an inbox full of offers from male submissives to engage in acts the fulfill the submissive's fetishes and kinks regardless of whether those things are what the Dominant is looking for.

Funny, really. I have as many fetishes and kinks as anyone, I'd guess, but I've always tried to keep quiet about them. None of them are as much fun in my fantasies if my imaginary-femdom *knows* that they turn me on when she's 'demanding them' of me. In real life a femdom would find out soon enough, no doubt - but I think I'd enjoy the time before she does so.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 3:23:17 PM

atoyslave

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline

@Rawni He was just asking for some advice! It is interesting to see all the positive responses to his question. You can say what you want about him but, he never ever disrespected you and he was only looking for a little advice. If this is the warm welcome we are going to get from "local munches" i would not want to deal with them anyways. Luckily i have spoken with some very nice people in the Missouri local scene to know that are not all so rude to a person just asking a question. Being in the scene since i was 19, i can say that how are people supposed to learn anything if they do not ask any questions? You never had a time when you just wanted to know and were not sure where to go.

(in reply to Rawni)

Post #: 16

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 3:28:35 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: atoyslave

@Rawni He was just asking for some advice! It is interesting to see all the positive responses to his question. You can say what you want about him but, he never ever disrespected you and he was only looking for a little advice. If this is the warm welcome we are going to get from "local munches" i would not want to deal with them anyways. Luckily i have spoken with some very nice people in the Missouri local scene to know that are not all so rude to a person just asking a question. Being in the scene since i was 19, i can say that how are people supposed to learn anything if they do not ask any questions? You never had a time when you just wanted to know and were not sure where to go.

LOL. I do not represent all munches or people in the area. I am friends with people that run some and I am not referring someone that I find questionable. I sure wouldn't want to sit next to a guy that is in a hurry to meet, greet and dig in and your husband comes across as just that. Thus the thread about how to find a 'true' dominant after such a short time of being on the site. I can only go on the words of your husband and I find them lacking and responded to them. Just as you responded to my words.

Your husband asked some questions and we tend to look at the profile, often times before we respond. I saw a hungry, impatient man that wanted to get his party on and nothing more than that. If your husband and apparently you, do not wish to get an real evaluation from true dominant women... maybe he shouldn't ask.

(in reply to atoyslave)

Post #: 17

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 3:28:55 PM

atoyslave

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline

@Baroana He is trying to explore the wish and want and need to please and serve another woman.
He made a mere mistake putting his weight in Kilos by accident.
His pictures are real. You are are ready to hang someone out who is brand new to the scene...i sure hope your first experience was better then the lovely welcoming Mike got here!

(in reply to Baroana)

Post #: 18

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 3:33:13 PM

atoyslave

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline

There is a difference between being mean and giving advice.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 19

RE: Finding a True Domme - 4/10/2013 3:35:49 PM

atoyslave

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline

Honestly i was writing his profile for him in hopes total honesty would work out. I guess I was wrong. Live and learn we are good people just trying to get one foot into the local scene here and have some fun.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 20

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