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Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 3:46:15 AM   
suburbanslave


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/20/2007
Status: offline 		Being fascinated by slavery, and hoping one day to experience it in some form or another I have a question. ''Is it necessary to be a masochist to be someones slave and does being a slave always involve severe punishment?
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 3:53:08 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I would first like to clarify for you that being a masochist has nothing to do with punishment.
And no, being one is not a requirement for a successful D/s relationship.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to suburbanslave)
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 4:36:56 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Is it necessary to be a masochist to be someones slave?

Not at all. Your question is, is it necessary to enjoy the slavery? The answer is no, you don't need to like it. However, you DO need to enjoy the fact that you're serving another and giving them what they wish.


and does being a slave always involve severe punishment?

It doesn't even need to involve gentle punishment.


Slavery is serving. It's making someone else fulfilled. It's acceding to their control. If they feel you should be punished, so be it. If not, not. If pain is part of the relationship, so be it, whether you enjoy it or not.

Edited to add: So, lemme ask you a question. You're fascinated by slavery - what's your understanding of it? What are your sources? Are they clips of Masters and Mistresses beating people?

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 4/11/2013 4:38:24 AM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to poise)
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 8:40:30 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: suburbanslave
Being fascinated by slavery, and hoping one day to experience it in some form or another I have a question. ''Is it necessary to be a masochist to be someones slave and does being a slave always involve severe punishment?

For the sake of BDSM discussions I consider Carol my slave. We do not have a punishment dynamic -- I just expect her to obey. For someone who's agreed to obey I don't think that's asking too much. She doesn't need to be a masochist because I'm not a sadist.

HOWEVER... not everyone here agrees that Carol is my slave. There is no universal definition for that word. DarkSteven thinks it's about "serving". I think it's about control/obedience. Lots of other people think it's about some internal mental state. What that means is that it's up to you to figure out what you mean by "a slave" then find someone else who sees it the same way. You may or may not have an easier time finding non-sadistic masters in the vanilla world than the BDSM one.

This ties into DarkSteven's last question. He's trying to get you to see what YOU mean by "slavery" because in the end it's going to come down to that.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to suburbanslave)
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 8:45:06 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Not all dominants are sadists. If you don't like pain, find someone who doesn't get off on giving it.

We don't have a punishment dynamic. That's too much drama for us. We prefer to problem solve. Why did this happen (or not)? How can we fix it for next time? What kind of changes need to be made to allow for this to happen?

The only constant I can see here is not the enjoyment of doing laundry but the willingness to do mind numbing loads of it. And having meals I can produce in an instant. Normal, boring stuff that everyone else deals with.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to JeffBC)
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 9:12:29 AM   
iamalive888


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/12/2013
Status: offline 		Some beat, some don't. Not everyone is okay with pain. I know myself, I have a very low tolerance for pain so it's not pleasurable to be hit or smacked. But there are pain sluts out there that live for it. That's something that would be discussed upfront so limits are understood.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 9:13:34 AM   
Pyramus


Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Is it necessary to be a masochist to be someones slave?

Is it necessary to be a hedonist to be someones slave?

(in reply to iamalive888)
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 9:19:32 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		By our own personal definition, I am Master's slave. He is a sadist and I am a masochist. I deliberately sought out a sadistic dominant because I need to feed my masochism.

Having said that, we also have a punishment dynamic. If I screw up without good reason, I get punished. It rarely happens though - maybe twice in the last 3 years. The first time the punishment was physical and extremely unpleasant. The second time was worse - I wasn't allowed to drink any caffeinated drink or alcohol for a month.

Punishment does not have to be a beating. A creative Dominant can make it far, far worse

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to suburbanslave)
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 10:11:26 AM   
Subano


Posts: 101
Joined: 1/15/2013
Status: offline 		All that is necessary is the willingness to serve.

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 10:34:15 AM   
Rattenkonig


Posts: 25
Joined: 2/22/2013
Status: offline 		No, not all D/s relationships involve severe painful punishments. It depends on what you discuss with your partner and what you're both into and agree upon.

(in reply to suburbanslave)
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 10:38:29 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Subano

All that is necessary is the willingness to serve.


I'd say this is the first step, not the journey.

Many believe they are willing to serve, but find that after a while the willingness goes away and serving becomes a chore.



_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Subano)
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 10:42:41 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: suburbanslave

''Is it necessary to be a masochist to be someones slave


Well, it certainly doesn't hurt (pun intended) but, no, it's not a requirement.

quote:

and does being a slave always involve severe punishment?


Not when you behave.



_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to suburbanslave)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 10:56:01 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		I have said this here before and I'm sure I will say it, again (even after this time): Punishment doesn't necessarily mean "physical".

I believe in "the punishment should fit the crime". Therefore, the only reason for me to inflict pain on my lady is because she's inflicted pain on me. Well, that doesn't happen because if she inflicts pain on me, we're done. She's gone.

Some woud say (and I'm about to get slammed) that my way is even worse. When I asked a lady to have the dishes washed in time for dinner (which I was cooking) and the dishes weren't washed, I washed a plate and some silverware for me and put her food in the dog dish. That's punishment too but I haven't caused pain.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 11:00:28 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Subano

All that is necessary is the willingness to serve.



Or not.

Not all of us are interested in being served. Some people are wired for obedience. Others for emotional transparency.

I have zero interest in serving. He doesn't much care about it either.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Subano)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 12:39:38 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Seeing several posts lately that say they aren't good slaves because they don't like pain, I am going to presume 50 Shades of Grey is even more fucked up than I heard it was. No, I haven't read it.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to suburbanslave)
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 2:50:36 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I have said this here before and I'm sure I will say it, again (even after this time): Punishment doesn't necessarily mean "physical".

I believe in "the punishment should fit the crime". Therefore, the only reason for me to inflict pain on my lady is because she's inflicted pain on me. Well, that doesn't happen because if she inflicts pain on me, we're done. She's gone.

Some woud say (and I'm about to get slammed) that my way is even worse. When I asked a lady to have the dishes washed in time for dinner (which I was cooking) and the dishes weren't washed, I washed a plate and some silverware for me and put her food in the dog dish. That's punishment too but I haven't caused pain.

Peace and comfort,

Michael


I'm going to assume that the fact that there were consequences for disobedience was understood and she had no good reason for not obeying and not slam you


_____________________________

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 2:51:01 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Seeing several posts lately that say they aren't good slaves because they don't like pain, I am going to presume 50 Shades of Grey is even more fucked up than I heard it was. No, I haven't read it.

I've never read 50 shades but I certainly understand the OP's question. It is specifically the absence of the SM bit that makes me agree with LadyPact's thinking... Carol and I are D/s but not BDSM.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 3:08:40 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Haha!!! The worst punishment I EVER received was NOT being able to talk! I would have probably preferred some nice physical...get it over with now...physical pain and I AM NOT a masochist ..... Still think of that horrible, horrible day every time I hear the word!
And the Dom/Master I was involved with was very experienced...which was probably he was able to pick out the most torturous thing possible for me as opposed to what he saw in a porno, read in a book or thought would be fun for him!

< Message edited by TieMeInKnottss -- 4/11/2013 3:14:37 PM >

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 8:10:42 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Seeing several posts lately that say they aren't good slaves because they don't like pain, I am going to presume 50 Shades of Grey is even more fucked up than I heard it was. No, I haven't read it.
Yeah, that book/series sounds like it reeks of desperation.

suburbanslave, you absolutely do NOT have to be a masochist, in order to be a slave. You should be very careful when seeking a relationship/doing your bidding, to try and avoid those dominants who are sadists. You may very well be subject to punishment in your relationship, if you fall short on expected behaviors/assigned tasks, but even than, it doesn't have to be whipping you unsconcious. Once a dominant gets to know you, he/she will hopefully learn what you dislike, or outright cannot stand, for his/her use as needed. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 8:32:43 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

No, OP...you honestly don't have to be a masochist to be able to be a slave. You just need to find a dominant who isn't a sadist. Don't try to live up to an idealized concept of what a "slave" should/shouldn't be. Just figure out who you are and what you're about...and then look for a dominant partner who shares your view on what M/s or D/s or BDSM means to you both. Good luck in your search


(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 20
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