RE: Do you need ??????????/

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 10:28:09 PM

myotherself

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Seeing several posts lately that say they aren't good slaves because they don't like pain, I am going to presume 50 Shades of Grey is even more fucked up than I heard it was. No, I haven't read it.

I have to admit I read it. It is truly fucked up. The author hasn't got the first understanding of a healthy D/s relationship, never mind consensual S&M.

I felt so sad and dirty afterwards, I needed a good flogging to get my head straight

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 10:36:52 PM

absolutchocolat

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FR

Fifty Shades of Fuckery is pretty horrible. Better off watching porn to gauge what kinds of scenes turn you on, but on other threads, we've discussed how problematic that can be as well. The best way to see what you like is to play in person, set boundaries, and stick to 'em. Then find someone who can provide you with the type of dominance you seek. Dom/mes are like snowflakes -- no two are alike.

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/11/2013 10:49:54 PM

TieMeInKnottss

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I am going to be unpopular for this...I LIKED the series!! Now, granted I also love Harlequin Romance novels (hey..I read Regulatory Compliance Laws all day! I need junk food for my brain!).. The thing is...you have to accept it for what it was (& yeah..a lot of crazy people thought it sounded romantic and fun and went out & bought handcuffs, grey ties, Ben-wa balls...) a FAIRY TALE! Just because it is a fairy tale doesn't mean you can't enjoy it...you just need to recognize its limitations...it is NOT a true-life account (read "Diary of a Submissive" by Sophie Morgan) or a non-fiction factual book like "Give Me the Thorns"!! I mean, come on, did people read "Lawrence of Arabia" and condemn it for being overly romantic? How many of us read "Gone With The Wind" or "The Help" and believed it was an accurate portrayal of life in the South before Civil Rights...?

Now I have "outed" myself and I guess Resident Sadist will never speak to me...and I so LOVE how he treats his dog!

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/12/2013 10:25:38 AM

LadyPact

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OP, there are a number of folks out there who are M/s (because you asked about slavery) who aren't into the whole BDSM thing. Heck, I even used to be one in My first dynamic. (Yeah, I know. That always surprises people who know Me now.) Like the other folks, I'd strongly urge you to put that pretty high on your list of compatible traits if you are looking for someone.

Same thing goes with the thoughts about punishment and how people view that. For Myself, My view is that if I own you, I have the right to punish you. It's an authority thing with Me. Of course, obedience makes punishment unnecessary.

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/12/2013 10:38:27 AM

kiwisub12

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OP - my first bdsm relationship lasted five years, live-in, and i was punished exactly twice.

Beatings were frequent, and enjoyed by all - and the point is, if you don't like pain, don't have a master who does.

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/12/2013 10:38:37 AM

ClassAct2006

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Yes, it was a pretty accurate description of a lot of D/s issues. It was about the problem where the girl is not sub but the man is - so a difficult issue for many couples where sexualities do not match. It was a pot boiler sort of classic love story too which are quite nice light reading anyway - reminded me of a summer as a teenager staying a house with books published by Mills & Boon.
It would also do men no harm to read it and learn - eg women like men who dress well, treat them right etc etc.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

I am going to be unpopular for this...I LIKED the series!! Now, granted I also love Harlequin Romance novels (hey..I read Regulatory Compliance Laws all day! I need junk food for my brain!).. The thing is...you have to accept it for what it was (& yeah..a lot of crazy people thought it sounded romantic and fun and went out & bought handcuffs, grey ties, Ben-wa balls...) a FAIRY TALE! Just because it is a fairy tale doesn't mean you can't enjoy it...you just need to recognize its limitations...it is NOT a true-life account (read "Diary of a Submissive" by Sophie Morgan) or a non-fiction factual book like "Give Me the Thorns"!! I mean, come on, did people read "Lawrence of Arabia" and condemn it for being overly romantic? How many of us read "Gone With The Wind" or "The Help" and believed it was an accurate portrayal of life in the South before Civil Rights...?

Now I have "outed" myself and I guess Resident Sadist will never speak to me...and I so LOVE how he treats his dog!

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/12/2013 10:40:01 AM

ClassAct2006

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As for masochism and punishments if a submissive is masochistic you'd hardly physically punish her as that is giving her what she wants.
In most relationships I have wanted to please so non compliance is not that frequent and I am not sure if beating people for real punishment whether they are your employees or wife is ever too great an idea to bring the best out in people.

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/12/2013 10:55:33 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006
As for masochism and punishments if a submissive is masochistic you'd hardly physically punish her as that is giving her what she wants.
In most relationships I have wanted to please so non compliance is not that frequent and I am not sure if beating people for real punishment whether they are your employees or wife is ever too great an idea to bring the best out in people.

Just as a side note, you absolutely can administer a corporal punishment that a submissive who is also a masochist will not enjoy. If you are talking about an honest to goodness punishment, the head space is totally different and the pain isn't necessarily pleasurable. While not a universal rule, I've found it to be true often enough.

The sensation of a hard paddling is felt differently under two different scenarios. If the person is used to being warmed up and the endorphins are flowing, the brain will interpret that in a much different way than an out of the blue paddling. In the latter scenario, the chemicals of the brain haven't cushioned the blow, so to speak. (Sorry about the pun.)

Also, you have to take into account that, even to a masochist, not all pain is 'good' pain. If you've got one that hates the way a cane feels, for example, you've got yourself the perfect punishment instrument. It might be something that you never use for play, so it has no good connections associated with it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/12/2013 10:56:24 AM

LittleGirlHeart

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I disagree. I am a masochist, and it is indeed possible to use physical punishments on me, and it would in no way shape or former"giving me what I want" Nor will it be enjoyable.

I'm not the only masochist who feels this way either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006

As for masochism and punishments if a submissive is masochistic you'd hardly physically punish her as that is giving her what she wants.

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/12/2013 11:27:30 AM

myotherself

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006

As for masochism and punishments if a submissive is masochistic you'd hardly physically punish her as that is giving her what she wants.

There are many, many ways to physically chastise a masochist so that she gets no pleasure of it. Trust me.

quote:

In most relationships I have wanted to please so non compliance is not that frequent and I am not sure if beating people for real punishment whether they are your employees or wife is ever too great an idea to bring the best out in people.

Then you don't really understand the nature of physical punishment. For many (myself included), letting down our Dominant is a dreadful feeling. They are angry/hurt/upset and so are we. Punishment in my relationship is a way of acknowledging the transgression, dealing with it in a very immediate way and then gaining the forgiveness afterwards. Talking to me about what went wrong is ok up to a point, but I do tend to dwell on it, wondering if he REALLY has forgiven and forgotten or whether it's still there, festering. It never is, but that's the way my mind works. The physical punishment lets me know it's really, truly over with and he's harbouring no negativity about the situation.

It may not work for you, but for many I'm sure it's the ideal way to deal with an issue and bring out the best in both people.

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/12/2013 11:29:46 AM

UllrsIshtar

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Not only is it possible to use physical punishments on masochists, it's possible for people to become aroused during a punishment while STILL being punished (as in deterred from repeating the action).

Women who get raped sometimes get aroused by the action. A body reacting to a stimuli has got nothing to do with how the mind process that experience.

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/12/2013 1:38:33 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Just as a side note, you absolutely can administer a corporal punishment that a submissive who is also a masochist will not enjoy. If you are talking about an honest to goodness punishment, the head space is totally different and the pain isn't necessarily pleasurable. While not a universal rule, I've found it to be true often enough.

That's such an interesting point. I stopped and thought about it for a minute and I decided I could administer hugs, kisses and snuggling as punishment to Carol. If she knew that the headspace was "punishment" not "love" those actions would make her horribly horribly uncomfortable. My guess is she'd come out of it in a near panic rather than full of oxytocin & dopamine. So yeah, it seems kind of obvious that headspace matters.

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/12/2013 1:56:51 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Just as a side note, you absolutely can administer a corporal punishment that a submissive who is also a masochist will not enjoy. If you are talking about an honest to goodness punishment, the head space is totally different and the pain isn't necessarily pleasurable. While not a universal rule, I've found it to be true often enough.

That's such an interesting point. I stopped and thought about it for a minute and I decided I could administer hugs, kisses and snuggling as punishment to Carol. If she knew that the headspace was "punishment" not "love" those actions would make her horribly horribly uncomfortable. My guess is she'd come out of it in a near panic rather than full of oxytocin & dopamine. So yeah, it seems kind of obvious that headspace matters.

Bingo. I was really really upset once and he was not too thrilled either (but less upset because he saw the bigger picture that I didn't) and he wrapped himself around me in a HUGE bear hug and oh boy did I try to squirm out of that one. Hated it. Just let the frick go of me already. I actually tried to fight him off. He just squeezed tighter until I had to relent.

I wouldn't call it a punishment, but it was definitely effective in getting my attention, and I was certainly NOT in the headspace for snuggles.

Conversely, as much as I love a good whopping, if he was pissed off at me he could tap me with a feather and it would hurt. OK maybe a bit of an exaggeration but you get the idea.

To answer the OP:

No, you don't need to be a masochist. Some sadistic masters would prefer that you're not - and would enjoy inflicting pain on someone who doesn't like it. Some masters don't wish to inflict pain at all - it's not their thing.

No, M/s does not require "severe punishments" unless of course you belong to someone who does require it. There is no hard and fast rule for all M/s relationships - the relationship is however it's designed by those in it. The most "severe" punishment I received was having to kneel in front of the toilet, looking at a sign he taped to it which read, "Binging is as unhealthy for you as eating out of this toilet." But that was more of a lesson/smack upside the head to get my attention, rather than a punishment.

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/12/2013 3:06:34 PM

DomZathrus

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Even for a masochist, there can be some forms of physical punishment that can be effective.
Something that is not favored by either Master or sub/slave. And ritualistic in that it conveys disappointment.
A particular unusual position (not something you'd only see in Cirque du Solei)
One particular implement that is only used as punishment.
And of course the words of disappointment.

Punishment is not fun.

I have always said that punishment is always a double punishment.
You not only have transgressed. You have forced me to take the time to do something I get no joy from.
Thus you have taken away from my pleasure twice.

Of course it is also a matter of the punishment fitting the crime. Minor things don't necessarily require ritual.
My ex slave at times would forget herself and start speaking to me in the form of a command than a request.
All I would do is say "Yes Mistress".........she hated that. And it got the point across.

I once took that as far as getting on my knees and saying "Is there any other way that I may serve you Mistress".......she nearly freaked out at that.
In her eyes that was pretty severe.

So punishment can be physical or psychological....although with the physical there is always a psychological component.

As far as Masochists are concerned....for me in general........

How does a sadist torture a masochist?
He takes his whip and just stands there.

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/12/2013 3:08:46 PM

mnottertail

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A masochist could stand in a flower pot all day and emulate a plant to enhance my life.

They can be placed on the floor.....however, we don't give a fuck, covered with a blanket, immoble, and be ignored all day.........their nothingness would be an enhancement to my life at that point.

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RE: Do you need ??????????/ - 4/13/2013 1:16:34 AM

RaspberryLemon

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It's not necessary to be a masochist. I am not a masochist at all, and my Master is not one bit sadistic. Thus, we are compatible. That being said, that's something you want to think about when you get into a relationship with somebody. If you feel you can't or don't wish to endure pain for someone's pleasure, don't form a relationship with a sadist.

Punishment doesn't have to be a factor either. It just depends on how your relationship is set up and what dynamics there are between you. While my Master, because he owns me, certainly has the right to punish me if he so chooses, we have both found that punishment is unnecessary. I strive to obey and it makes us both happy; so when I do do something to mess up, the feelings of failure at having disappointed him are all the "punishment" necessary to get me back on track.

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