Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/16/2013 3:12:39 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Okay, the Dommes who happen to be Pro get a lot of crap on these boards and that is NOT my intention. I am totally NOT trying to open up a can of worms for Pro bashing or anything. I really AM genuinely curious. I checked in the Professional Services forum and they don't allow actual Discussions, so......

What actually goes into being a Pro Domme? Like for instance:
What laws are applicable to the profession?
Do Pros have free-standing dungeons, or is the dungeon a room in the Pro's home?
What sort of clothing expenses are involved?
What sort of toys/equipment expenses are involved?
How do you advertise? Other than on CM discussion boards of course.

Do you actually make a living at it?
If you have "lifestyle" sub(s) too, is it hard to differentiate the two in your own mind?
What made you decide to go Pro?
Do you just do it for the money? Or do you enjoy your job too?
Is there anything I've missed?

NBMG

< Message edited by NiceButMeanGirl -- 4/16/2013 3:25:48 PM >

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

Post #: 1

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/16/2013 5:36:24 PM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

Hey NBMN

I am going to try and answer all of your questions.

I have worked as a proswitch on and off since 1994, both as an independent and in several dungeons. Working in a dungeon is totally different than working as an independent.

What laws are applicable to the profession?
MY sessions are non-sexual.
I am not even nude in my pro sessions.

There are sessions I turn down because they are requesting bodily injury or things such as blackmail. Both are a to high of a legal risk for ME. There are some who think having someone sign an injury waiver is enough during a session. It's NOT to ME.

Do Pros have free-standing dungeons, or is the dungeon a room in the Pro's home?

I currently have a dedicated play space in my home but I haven't always had one.

What sort of clothing expenses are involved?

The clothing depends on the type of sessions I am doing, I like to be sexy but comfortable. I do have a large assortment of corsets, heels and things of that nature and I have even more clothing, wigs, and breasts for feminization sessions.

What sort of toys/equipment expenses are involved?

I have tons of toys, from stuff for a newbie to the experienced player.
My dungeon furniture isn't exactly "typical" but that's because of the type of sessions I offer and b/c my play space and toys are also used in my videos.

Plus, as I said I have a LARGE variety of stuff for feminization and sissification sessions.

How do you advertise?
I obviously use CM. I also use fetlife, twitter, and tumblr.
I get a lot of my sessions from men who have seen my videos and want a private sessions.
There are also sites like Eros and other's dedicated just to professionals.
I also get referrals from other lifestylers and pro's.

Do you actually make a living at it?
My pro sessions are not my bread and butter. Doing my videos and working for other fetish sites is how I make a living.

If you have "lifestyle" sub(s) too, is it hard to differentiate the two in your own mind?
I have those that I see as a proswitch, those that are video subs and I have personals.
For ME it's easy to keep them straight, they each have a lane and stay in that lane. It's MY job to let them know exactly where that is and make sure they stay there.

What made you decide to go Pro?
I was living in California and I was asked to host a fetish bachelor party.
I host A LOT of private fetish parties of various themes.
From there I worked as an independent for a while, then I got into a dungeon in Vegas.

I have had other jobs including teaching and owning my own Japanese animation store.
However, at this point in my life. This is what I want to be doing.

Do you just do it for the money? Or do you enjoy your job too?
I LOVE what I do. I am not just a proswitch, I am also a lifestyle switch. I am in a poly relationship.

I feel like as a pro I am giving someone who may not otherwise have an opportunity to experience something that chance. There are a lot of people for what ever reason aren't comfy with munches or public dungeons. Pros are another option for those people.

I will also add....

There are a lot of pros like myself who also have videos sites. I admit when folks say fetish videos are mocked and not real it pisses me off because there are people like me who do REAL sessions in our videos.

I will also mention that many pros, myself included attend or even host educational events on various types of play.

I am also CPR and first aid certified.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 4/16/2013 5:49:59 PM >

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/16/2013 5:45:07 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Thank you so much TheLilSquaw.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)

Post #: 3

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/16/2013 5:52:25 PM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

You're welcome.

Btw.. there are A LOT of prodom/me, subs and switches who advertise on backpage as well.

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/22/2013 1:11:35 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

What actually goes into being a Pro Domme? For the most part the same things that go into being a domme for anything else, there are just more rules.

What laws are applicable to the profession? They vary state to state and it is a good idea to be aware of them.

Do Pros have free-standing dungeons, or is the dungeon a room in the Pro's home? We have a country space, a town locker, and from time to time do "outdoors" I do not allow clients in my home unless I have known them for years.

What sort of clothing expenses are involved? I'm a clothes horse and dress "weird" anyway so the job doesn't really add to expenses

What sort of toys/equipment expenses are involved? These have added to expenses though. I like to use new when it comes to new people. Everything throw away. What it costs depends on what kind of work you do.

How do you advertise? I don't, here or anywhere else. Word of mouth for what I do keeps me working.

Do you actually make a living at it? It keeps the bills paid.

If you have "lifestyle" sub(s) too, is it hard to differentiate the two in your own mind? I do and no it isn't. There is a world of difference between a client and a pet.

What made you decide to go Pro? Years ago someone suggested that I might be good at it. I enjoyed it so I still do it.

Do you just do it for the money? Or do you enjoy your job too? I enjoy what I do.

Is there anything I've missed? I don't know, is there anything else you want to know?

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 4/22/2013 1:12:36 PM >

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/22/2013 3:26:05 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

While I am not the audience You address ... I might have something to share, that is of interest. That is because ...

Once upon a time ... I was the personal of a Lady who was both, Pro and Lifestyle.

There are lots of laws involved, and the exact ones vary based on Law Enforcement. Meaning ... is it a local election year? Is there a wide spread crack down ... or is a time of plenty ... money, real crime and so on. I never put any stock in the "I don't do anything illegal, like have sex stuff .." the authorities don't care. It is their mood, swayed by need for publicity that drive law enforcement of moral "issues".

Free standing Dungeons are really an inevitable invitation. Some may exist for years .. but they get attention when ... well see #1 above.

There can be lots of money invested in toys, clothing, equipment etc but some don't do it. Then too, they don't attract a lot of repeat clientèle either.

Advertise? LOL it is getting tougher and tougher ... especially with the Internet. How to do it today ... I will pass on this. I will just say pre-Internet .. there were a couple avenues that no longer exist today.

At 200 or 300 an hour .. it is not difficult to make a modest living, if one is good enough to have enough repeat clientèle. But it is one heck of a lot of work to get there, and maintain it! In vanilla terms ... it is like a constant job search ... when you don't have a few billable hours.

To give you a sense and perspective .. and I am not implying in anyway, a Pro Domme as an Escort ... but across the river from me, in call Escorts are legal, provided they are licensed and tested. Prior to 9/11 there were almost 50 working in that place. Now, after border crossing tightened and two economic downturns ... today there are only four. This should give you a perspective of the difficulty of finding and keeping clients, even when things are legal. (Again, see #1 above.)

The lady I knew, really ENJOYED Her job ... it was Her life ... and as she explained to me several times ... as soon as she totally wore me out (and i mean, wore me out) ... she immediately needed another, fresh sub ... because it was like a drug to her ... the high of Domination. So in Her mind, being a Pro Domme was a need, too.

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 4/22/2013 3:38:45 PM >

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/22/2013 3:57:07 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

Okay, the Dommes who happen to be Pro get a lot of crap on these boards and that is NOT my intention. I am totally NOT trying to open up a can of worms for Pro bashing or anything. I really AM genuinely curious. I checked in the Professional Services forum and they don't allow actual Discussions, so......

What actually goes into being a Pro Domme? Like for instance:
What laws are applicable to the profession?
Do Pros have free-standing dungeons, or is the dungeon a room in the Pro's home?
What sort of clothing expenses are involved?
What sort of toys/equipment expenses are involved?
How do you advertise? Other than on CM discussion boards of course.
Do you actually make a living at it?
If you have "lifestyle" sub(s) too, is it hard to differentiate the two in your own mind?
What made you decide to go Pro?
Do you just do it for the money? Or do you enjoy your job too?
Is there anything I've missed?

NBMG

Hey NBMG, different places have different laws so depending on where I am is depending on how things go in sessions. To a certain extent anyways. There is NEVER any sex involved.

I did have a dungeon in memphis, but I switched locations. Now I use a private room in a club. Like an actual private room where I can set up.

I tend to do the whole dress up thing when doing real time sessions. Online, not so much. The expenses for clothing is not cheap. Boots are at least a hundred or so...my outfits are custom made from a lady in memphis. So a lot goes into that.

I have furniture/ toys that I bring. And I'm all the time buying new things. I normally have subs take me shopping for toys etc.

Yes I advertise. I have my cm profile, and a few other profiles on other sites. I also advertise when I dance.

I make tons of. Money at it. I love it.

It's not hard at all to separate the two. My lifestyle slave is female and lives here. My male subs do not.

I have a business mind, always have. So it was just a choice of getting paid or not. I do it for the money and I love it. I genuinely get a rush when I am in a session.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/22/2013 4:29:15 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I would think a good Pro Domme couldnt do this if she didnt enjoy it. Even an hour session would be too draining.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 8

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/23/2013 3:51:10 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

I would think a good Pro Domme couldnt do this if she didnt enjoy it. Even an hour session would be too draining.

I quoted this so I could talk about something that is very rarely brought up. The fact that there does have to be something other than just the money when it comes to doing a job like this. I more than once have tried to explain to everyone from a livein to friends to clients that this sort of job does quickly grind down many that try to do it. There is often a, mostly online, reel of talk that says nothing about this job ever bothers anyone. That is infact a lie. I am more than willing to say that anyone who has/is/wants to do this kind of job for more than a three year period will find things about it that annoy, disgust, and make a person question the things they believe in. There are things that bother most fewer than other things....verbal abuse, play pain, service, and things that bother some more than others...real pain, blood, mental issues. Nicebutmeangirl be aware that if you are asking these questions because you are thinking about turning pro that you need to truely know what your limits are and you should expect them to be pushed as soon as you start to work.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 9

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/23/2013 11:32:29 AM

njlauren

Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline

I am not a pro nor a domme, but I played in that space for many years, and who the dommes are and why they do it vary.

There are really good dommes out there who aren't lifestyle, to whom this is role playing and so forth, who don't do it in their private life (some have told me playing with clients satisfied their needs, others said it was just acting).

There are lifestyle dommes who have real life subs and slaves, but also work professionally at it. How they handle it seems to vary, some of them have decided walls with that, others don't see it as all that much different, depends on them.

Independent dommes either have play space in their apartment or may rent it from a pro house. In NYC there is a large mix, those who work independently then a lot who work for the houses. I haven't played professionally in many years, but last I checked, there were a lot less houses than there were back in the early to mid 90's; don't know if they have gone independent , or if simply wasn't that much demand.

There are also 'fake' dommes out there, after medusa came out with her 'sex' album there were a lot of 20 somethings getting into the business who did so because they heard you could make money and medusa made it 'cool' *gag*.....many of them devolved into the hooker with a whip kind of thing IME, because they didn't have the tools.

The dommes I worked with regularly were lifestyle and I think it showed. Maybe because I was looking for more submission then being topped, but for me the lifestyle dommes gave me something more, several of them became friends and helped mentor myself when it became lifestyle.

One thing they will all tell you, you have to have a thick skin and also expect a lot of costs. Sadly, a lot of the clients, at least in NYC, were these upper class executive types, who came to be dominated, and they didn't necessarily check the alpha male at the door, they often treated the dommes like crap, to be honest (ironic, I know). The top ones, who had a loyal clientele, could tell them where to go, but most couldn't afford to be that picky, not at 250 an hour or so.....lot of them were really whiny, they would say they wanted to enact a rape scene, then bitch about the size of the dildo, or if they wanted to be dressed up like a slut and used like one, they would complain about being treated like one.....:).

For me, it is like in any profession, the good ones are a joy, some are okay, and there are also a lot that leave a lot to be desired...but that is true of all fields I think:)

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 10

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/23/2013 3:31:19 PM

NakedHouseboyJE

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline

"What laws are applicable to the profession? "

I would recommend that you obtain qualified legal counsel to get the answer to this question.......what some think is not illegal may in fact be illegal for reasons they do not understand. Talk to a real lawyer, not an amateur lawyer.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/23/2013 7:57:40 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain
Nicebutmeangirl be aware that if you are asking these questions because you are thinking about turning pro that you need to truely know what your limits are and you should expect them to be pushed as soon as you start to work.

Thank you MIP, but I'm way too new of a Domme myself to even consider going Pro, I have way too much to learn still. I was just curious about it all. So many people give the Pros shit and never take the time to ask what all really goes into being one.

Thank you so much, everyone, for answering. I thought it was about time the Pros had a chance to tell the reality of it all, without being bashed and insulted.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 12

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/24/2013 4:44:15 AM

FilmWithMistrix

Posts: 35
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline

Laws vary from state to state and in some cases city to city or county to county. ts important you do your research before you set up shop, or tour. I don't do nude or topless sessions, which to some degree mitigates some concerns, but I have to be wary as to what jurisdiction I am in for acts like GS/BS. Strap on use is illegal in most areas, and is thus considered prostitution. It is wise not to offer it if you arent absolutely sure of its legality in your area, and of the person requesting it.

I own an entire building. My space is entered without going through my primary living quarters however. I also tour, and either rent space from other dominas, or work from my hotel suite depending on the availability of adequate play space in the area.

Clothing expenses? 10k a year minimum

Dungeon furniture/large items start up: $5k, Toys etc basic start up: $3k. Annual additions? $5k at minimum

Backpage, DDI, FL, CM, Twitter, various other online directories.. Eros is kind of shit for ROI to be honest (Ads $3k a yr)

I make a very nice living at it, but it is not my only/primary source of income.. I have several non kink businesses which occupy me as well. This is by choice, not by necessity.

Yes, I have lifestyle slaves, and a lifestyle primary relationship. There is a vast difference between lifestyle slaves, primary submissive partner, and a pro client. Boundaries are also MUCH different & clearly delineated.

I have always flowed between lifestyle and pro... i took my first 'pro' session when i was an 18 year old fashion model.. a vice president at a major bank paid me to take me shoe shopping. He met me at a fetish club in nyc and recognized me from my 'real' work & made the offer.

I enjoy much of it.. but like any 'job', sometimes you just dont mesh with someone who you accept an appointment with. If I dont see it being simply a nerves/1st session thing, and more fundamental.. I generally decline future requests. If I think it may be first session jitters, I give benefit of the doubt and a second session. If after that though, I dont feel a fit, I suggest someone else. My time & sanity are worth more than enduring someone I dont enjoy the company of to make a buck.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/25/2013 1:57:37 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FilmWithMistrix
Clothing expenses? 10k a year minimum

Dungeon furniture/large items start up: $5k, Toys etc basic start up: $3k. Annual additions? $5k at minimum

Backpage, DDI, FL, CM, Twitter, various other online directories.. Eros is kind of shit for ROI to be honest (Ads $3k a yr)

Holy frickin' crap!! WOW.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to FilmWithMistrix)

Post #: 14

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/30/2013 2:26:19 AM

FilmWithMistrix

Posts: 35
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: FilmWithMistrix
Clothing expenses? 10k a year minimum

Dungeon furniture/large items start up: $5k, Toys etc basic start up: $3k. Annual additions? $5k at minimum

Backpage, DDI, FL, CM, Twitter, various other online directories.. Eros is kind of shit for ROI to be honest (Ads $3k a yr)

Holy frickin' crap!! WOW.

NBMG

Bear in mind my huge latex habit, and couture latex ain't cheap... its worse than a f'n heroin habit I am telling you... and pjur cult is some expensive shit too!

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 4/30/2013 10:53:39 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

lol

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to FilmWithMistrix)

Post #: 16

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 5/2/2013 9:46:28 AM

Larissa1977

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/11/2013
Status: offline

Wow, after reading this, especially the expenses that are involved, I finally understand why most pro dommes charge so very high hourly rates, that's what always kept me back from enjoying a session with one unfortunately.

Well, maybe i get lucky here on CM and I just find the right girl or Tgirl and there's that certain spark, that leads to a kinky relationship.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 17

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 5/2/2013 7:28:56 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Larissa1977

Wow, after reading this, especially the expenses that are involved, I finally understand why most pro dommes charge so very high hourly rates

Besides just being curious about all the particulars I asked about in the OP, the above quote is one reason why I was wondering about the expenses. So many people bash the Pros and say they charge too much, but it seems no one ever thinks about the gawdawful expenses involved with being a Pro. This thread has really been interesting for me. Thank you everyone.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to Larissa1977)

Post #: 18

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 5/5/2013 1:57:30 AM

MistressZaraUK

Posts: 49
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline

At last, a sensible discussion on the costs of being a pro domme. It is expensive, in fact the start up costs are probably comparable to starting up any small business regardless of the product or service they offer.

Zara

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious - 5/5/2013 9:51:51 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

MistressZara, yes, I was wanting some real information instead of all the bashing without anything constructive, so that's why I started this thread.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to MistressZaraUK)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Asking the Pros....NOT Bashing, Genuinely Curious

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109