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Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 10:22:14 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		As many of you know, I am a leather person. One of the beliefs that I hold as a leather person is that a collar isn't owned by the person who is wearing it. A collar belongs to the person who put it on someone's neck. This is also the reason why I believe the M-type*** holds the responsibility for purchasing/crafting the collar. While the collar itself is going to be purchased/made with a particular person in mind, at the end of the day, it really does belong to the M.

With this in mind, about a month ago, I wanted some repair work done on a collar I had bought some time back. Originally, My intent was for the person wearing the collar to have the opportunity to learn about working the leather. I'm a "get the hell out of the way" kind of gal when it comes to knowing that someone else can do a better job at something than I can. To make a long story short, in the end, I basically had a situation where I commissioned the third party for the work on the collar, which I must say was an excellent job. Serious props to the person who did the job. It looks better than new.

In the meantime, the person who was wearing the collar no longer had earned the right to do so. (It's another leather thing.) I now have this beautifully restored collar and I am in the process of deciding what to do with it.

I am fully against saving it for the *next* dynamic. That's just outright tacky to Me. It's not some kind of heirloom. It's also not a keepsake. I'm not sticking it in a box somewhere or wanting to preserve it in relation to positive memories. It's just not that to Me, so those options are out.

I've come to two thoughts on the matter. One is to donate it to some fund raising cause or another. Since it's been properly restored, it could absolutely find a fitting situation at auction for charity. It most certainly does have monetary value.

My other thought is a little more wicked. It absolutely would serve well as a play collar, and would do particularly well for leashing scenes. No, I'm not big on play collars but I have no aversion to dragging a person about on all fours. I happen to like that kind of thing and a person doesn't really have to be Mine for Me to engage in it.

I was curious about people's thoughts on this and what you would do/have done with old collars.




*** M-type - No offense to those who prefer the D label. Since this thread, in part, is about My beliefs as a leather person, I'm going with M.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 10:36:40 AM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
If you keep the collar and use it for play, it continues to be in your ownership and it has memories attached to its use.

If you donate the collar, you put it out in the world for someone else to make decisions about its use and enjoy in the future.

Which would make you feel best?
(I personally like the 2nd choice because some things are better when we donate/give them away.)

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 10:37:15 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm not an M but when a collar has been left with me at the end of a relationship, no matter what the monetary or symbolic value was of the collar, I threw it away. I did not want the memories around since I no longer had any love or value for the person it was attached to and I had no interest in trying to pawn it off on someone else or sell it or donate it or whatever. I'm too lazy to do that since I'm not really involved in "The Scene" anymore.

Now those M's I've known in the past, always kept the collars around and did one of two things with them...they either were tacky and put it on another slave to own or they kept the collars around as play collars and personally for me, when they put that play collar around my neck, I felt "icky" about the collar. It felt like wearing someone else's engagement ring.

I would say to probably donate it to some kind of bdsm group or something since a lot of work was done on it and it would be closer to a new collar now than really a used one.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 4/21/2013 10:38:08 AM >

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RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 10:50:19 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I remember when I was a submissive and my Daddy Dom was killed by the train in fall 2009, I was left with his collar. I still have it carefully wrapped up in my top drawer. It has precious memories for me and I will probably never use it for anyone if I ever collar someone.

NBMG

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Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 11:31:45 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Interestingly enough I had almost this same dilemma. The collar I owned through my last relationship was one that I greatly admired as a thing of beauty, I didn't want to just toss it. It was on the costly side of things as well. When I had it, I always loved looking at how finely it was crafted, and it made me happy to wear what I considered to be a work of art. I was torn about what to do with it at the end of the relationship. It seemed a crime to throw it away, although I knew I'd never wear it again, what to do?

I settled on asking a member of these boards that I'd written to in the past, and who I admired, to see if they could use it in any way. As it happened, they said they would be glad to give it a new home, and they had been looking for something of that make. I packed it up and sent it off. I have no idea what's happened to it, but i was left with the satisfaction of feeling that I'd re-homed something that deserved to be used, and additionally had given to people that were anticipating it's arrival as a positive thing. I feel good about my decision to give it away.

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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 12:11:48 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I never really saved the leather collars. When a relationship with a slave ended, I took them out in the woods and buried them or threw them in the ocean (the collars, not the slaves). The physical act, the ritual ending the collar’s service closes my owner/caregiver mindset and sets the new framework in place.

Once I had issued an upgrade to my slave's collar and a pair of dancers close to us wanted the old collar to live on in their stage act . . . and it did.

In your case, I am all for the letting it live on and “dragging a person about on all fours”!


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I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 12:21:52 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		I just don’t understand LadyPact…if the collar has no emotional attachment to you but you feel it inappropriate to give again then it is just property.

Put it in the trash…sell it on eBay…give it away…I can’t see why it is a hard decision. It is not the collar that is important but the obedience it represents. Those memories are with you like it of not and the collar will be only a reminder. If you don't want to remember or the memory is not important then there should be no significance to the collar beyond material value.

Butch

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I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 12:24:37 PM   
ladysekhmetka


Posts: 94
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		I would give/sell it and let it live a second life.

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 1:38:20 PM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline 		I say donate.

I know the relationship is over, but do you really need to keep a reminder around, and do you really need to be exposed to that reminder even if only in a play situation? You have a history of that collar being paired with that person, and it evoked a variety of feelings and behaviors in you. While I trust that you can control yourself, why expose yourself to reliving something? It's not like we're talking about a favorite single tail or flogger. This collar was loaded with meaning, and ergo memories.

I tend to evaluate things on a "cost of error" basis. Why keep it? Only good things can of donating it. On the other hand, energy (for lack of a better word.. better than 'trigger' or 'discriminative stimulus' for the purposes of our discussion) that was associated with someone else does not belong around the neck of someone with whom you're about to be intimate. You don't need to look at it or entwine your fingers around it and the submissive/bottom doesn't need to be thinking of what the previous owner meant to you. Why risk your focus? I really see it as potentially detracting from your pleasure. It might not, buy why even go there? Let some good out of it as it sounds like it could bring great pleasure to others as well as raise money.



< Message edited by evesgrden -- 4/21/2013 1:40:04 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 1:50:15 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I would donate it, or sell it on ebay. I feel it is like a ring, except for the understanding that it is your property to place, or remove as deserved/earned. To keep it for play, would remind me of the person it was used for all of the time.
So I would not keep it personally. M

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 2:47:05 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		I'd say keep it, but I don't associate things with people as much as I used to. Use it for play, because wouldn't that cause it to disassociate from the person? That's how I see it.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 4:16:22 PM   
StrictnSaucy


Posts: 363
Joined: 1/6/2005
Status: offline 		I would pass it on for sure. I would be likely to pass it on to newcomers. Give it a new lease of life. If its a thing of beauty, it deserves that.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 5:21:02 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I have the collar my late dom gave me. I will never wear it again.

Given this, i couldn't use it as a play toy. It has too many ...... associations.

I would donate the collar to a organisation that you have positive feelings for and allow someone else to use it.

(in reply to StrictnSaucy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 5:41:52 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I think you should donate it and get a cheap play collar for play scenes.

Now, what the heck am I going to do with my wedding ring? (I left him in 2001 and we've been divorced since 2005.) Fortunately, it's small and I have no idea where it is.

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 5:52:12 PM   
FelineRanger


Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline 		The real decision you have to make is how much of your emotion is wrapped up in that collar. If you think of your former sub every time you look at it, I would say donate it to the next charity auction. If you can dissociate the subs actions and see the collar solely as an object, then keep it for play. I know all I did was restate your options. Hopefully the simplicity will help you make the decision.

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Bill

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 6:48:02 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		I personally can't see selling it, or donating it, because I can't imagine wearing leather that's been in such close contact with another human's skin, sweat and dirt for such a long time. Leather is too organic to me for that.

I have no problem reusing metal collars, but leather is different, so I would trow it.

Though, if you can find people interested in it, donating or selling it makes sense. I wouldn't keep it around as a play collar though, not if the collar in and of itself ever held emotional/symbolic meaning to you. It would be too hard to not drag that emotion into a session, even if it's just used for play.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 8:56:13 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Donate for fund raising.

Personally I'd be squicked if I was playing with someone and discovered he was using his ex's on me. Collar, lingerie or whatever. It's too intimate imo.

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/21/2013 11:29:28 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		. . . get a large dog. Problem solved.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/22/2013 9:39:43 AM   
UnholyBear


Posts: 661
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

I never really saved the leather collars. When a relationship with a slave ended, I took them out in the woods and buried them or threw them in the ocean (the collars, not the slaves). The physical act, the ritual ending the collar’s service closes my owner/caregiver mindset and sets the new framework in place.





Yanno RS, I am laughing here at the vision of you throwing a former slave ion the ocean!!!!

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Donate or keep for play - 4/22/2013 9:48:02 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UnholyBear


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

I never really saved the leather collars. When a relationship with a slave ended, I took them out in the woods and buried them or threw them in the ocean (the collars, not the slaves). The physical act, the ritual ending the collar’s service closes my owner/caregiver mindset and sets the new framework in place.





Yanno RS, I am laughing here at the vision of you throwing a former slave ion the ocean!!!!

I was very damn tempted to once.

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Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

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Profile   Post #: 20
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