RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (Full Version)

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BlkTallFullfig -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 2:43:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The heck with that. It's threads like this that make Me glad I'm not a male top.
You're absolutely right, but I was trying to be sensitive to Steven's dilemma.

What I really think Steven is, there may be some jealousy inspiring some of the rumors. These are all just rumors, and entirely not fair to the man being accused. I'm sure he irritates plenty of people, when he comes in showing off/picking up more lovelies. Keeping one lovely happy is daunting enough. Trying to keep 4-6 women happy, is a difficult proposition, and I've no doubt some left in utter disbelief that they couldn't turn him into a one (or two) woman man.

Bottom line, I would stop encouraging/spreading rumors, and if you ever actually see a damsel in distress, you can step in and help her out than. M




OsideGirl -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 2:53:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Wendel27

 Peon apprently it's three women who've written it down and the o.p. has seen this and two others who have said nothing at all. At least that's how I understand it, though that might not be right.


The woman who posted the anonymous writings of one of the women said that she has been approached by more than seven women that are making statements against this man.






PeonForHer -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 3:03:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
The woman who posted the anonymous writings of one of the women said that she has been approached by more than seven women that are making statements against this man.


Well, hmm. That really is rather a lot of smoke for there to be no fire at the root of it, isn't it?




zpenguin -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 3:43:59 PM)

[sm=popcorn.gif]




evesgrden -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 5:33:30 PM)

Ishtar, The issue is just as black and white as I've protrayed it to be, and I've walked a mile in both shoes. I've had my reputation falsely tarnished, and I've been sexually assualted.

While I can only speak for myself, you are wrong nine ways to Sunday. The latter was unquestionably tougher to endure, both during and after the fact. It was over 30 years ago and the physical consequences are still with me today. My reputation.. is not only quite intact I'm sought out for input on ethical issues.

Your logic needs a little work. Steven asked about duty to warn and I responded to his question. You're offering a straw man.




TheLilSquaw -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 6:20:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Butt out. Leave it be. They're big girls. You are not their protector, their rescuer.

As for the the person who runs the parties, her house, her rules. If you don't like it, don't attend.

Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty. As of right now all you have is a guy who likes to casually fuck and play and girls who say he raped them but yet they have not gone to the police and they still hang out at the same group and they advertise their rape on a fetish/sex site. For all you know, all these women allowed it to happen because they decided they were too horny at the time and then changed their minds afterwards or they all are drama llamas and this guy has a thing for attracting crazies.

Right now all you have are rumors and you feeling like you should be the the one to save all these women from nothing more than rumors and a man who likes to love em and leave em.



This. 1000xs this.




TheLilSquaw -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 6:30:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Clarification:

I have written posts from three women alleging rape, and another post alleging that two others are known but choose to remain anonymous.

I have the evidence that the guy's exes invariably unfriend him when they break up.

This evidence is more than sufficient for me to consider him a poor choice for any woman looking for a match. It is enough for me to say his reputation is horrible. It is not enough for legal action. It is far easier to have one's reputation destroyed than to be convicted in a court of law. Entirely fair, since the consequences are smaller.

The community DOES police itself. Several party owners will bar people they have heard bad things about, or who give off creepy vibes to them.


So because 3 women posted allegations of rape on a social media site and the guy and his exes don't appear to be friends that makes him guilty of rape? Lol

Seriously?


I have 1 ex on my fetlife friends list and he is only there so I can keep track of his BS. Lol
Other exes have fetlife but we aren't on each friends lists.

Private events, are just that.

Those hosting the party/event can choose not to let Marvin the Martin in for any reason at all. It's their event and presumably their property. Again just because someone isn't invited or is uninvited to an event doesn't mean they are guilty of a criminal act yet alone rape.

Where is the PROOF that this man raped anyone yet alone multiple people?
If there is none you are on a witch hunt, slandering his name, and seeking out women he "might" approach is stalkerish and just creepy on your part IMO.








LizDeluxe -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 6:32:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
The woman who posted the anonymous writings of one of the women said that she has been approached by more than seven women that are making statements against this man.


Well, hmm. That really is rather a lot of smoke for there to be no fire at the root of it, isn't it?


Yet nobody is bothered enough by it to call the fire department.





littlewonder -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 6:52:07 PM)

quote:

My understanding is that they did indeed say no and the continuation was not consensual.


Nowhere did it say they all said "no". They all just said they were raped. For all we know they all decided afterwards they regretted what they did or he pissed them off because they didn't like the way he played or found out he is a player or something else. Who knows. But if you can find anywhere where they said "no" I'd like to see it.




MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 7:02:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

My understanding is that they did indeed say no and the continuation was not consensual.


Nowhere did it say they all said "no". They all just said they were raped. For all we know they all decided afterwards they regretted what they did or he pissed them off because they didn't like the way he played or found out he is a player or something else. Who knows. But if you can find anywhere where they said "no" I'd like to see it.


Well, if he tied and GAGGED them, kinda hard for them to say ANYTHING. And I know GUYS who were raped this way too, TRUSTING someone they thought was safe to Play with.




littlewonder -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 7:07:59 PM)

quote:

I have the evidence that the guy's exes invariably unfriend him when they break up.


How does this make the guy a bad man? I've dated men who I unfriended and many others who dated them had. It had nothing to do with him being a bad man but simply incompatible and the women just had nothing enough in common to bother with him anymore. They simply moved on with their lives and never kept in contact with the guy anymore. I don't talk to my ex-dom anymore. I don't have him listed as a friend anywhere. I don't hate him and he's not a bad man. I just have never found a reason to keep him as a friend if I don't even talk to him.

I think you're grasping at straws to justify your feelings toward this man based on what women say about him through rumor. I get that you are a daddy type of Dom and I think this is coloring your feelings on the entire situation imo. I've noticed in pasts posts of yours that you do seem to stick up for women more than men and you have a soft spot for them overall and in general. I personally think you might not see things objectively.




DarkSteven -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 7:58:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

I have the evidence that the guy's exes invariably unfriend him when they break up.


How does this make the guy a bad man? I've dated men who I unfriended and many others who dated them had. It had nothing to do with him being a bad man but simply incompatible and the women just had nothing enough in common to bother with him anymore. They simply moved on with their lives and never kept in contact with the guy anymore. I don't talk to my ex-dom anymore. I don't have him listed as a friend anywhere. I don't hate him and he's not a bad man. I just have never found a reason to keep him as a friend if I don't even talk to him.

I think you're grasping at straws to justify your feelings toward this man based on what women say about him through rumor. I get that you are a daddy type of Dom and I think this is coloring your feelings on the entire situation imo. I've noticed in pasts posts of yours that you do seem to stick up for women more than men and you have a soft spot for them overall and in general. I personally think you might not see things objectively.



By itself, it means nothing. It's just a minor piece of the puzzle. Having almost all of someone's exes on bad terms with them, is a small red flag.

Like I have said, I feel certain that SOMETHING happened. I'm trying to keep objectivity and say that I'm not 100% sure what it was.




njlauren -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 9:33:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: Wendel27

It's not bullshit to suggest that rape victims might not want to go through the ordeal of an examination, interview and possibly trial yet be able to tell other people about it Ishtar.


Ah, that's absolutely plausible.

However, that has got nothing to do with being too traumatized or intimidated to talk to the cops, which is what I called bullshit on.

You may be leaving out something significant here. It is very, very hard for women to report rape as it commonly happens, whether at gunpoint or where someone won't take no for an answer, or has sex with someone who cannot consent (like the Steubenville, Ohio incident, where two dumbass, middle america jock types decided they had the right to do what they wanted to a girl who was passed out,and would have gotten away with it if it weren't for a blogger cutting through the coverup the cops and coach did). ..but there is something else, and that is that they may be afraid to report it for fear it will get out what they were doing. We might claim to be living in the 21st century, but people are still very afraid of their lifestyle getting out. Technically they would be covered by rape shield laws, but as wonderful rags like the NY Post demonstrate, or Fox News, somehow names 'slip out'...plus they also fear the cops will make them the guilty party, or look the other way because if they were sub, they must be asking for it or something. BD/SM in some ways is kind of like what happened with rapes years ago, when the victim and their lifestyle became fodder for defense attorneys. Bad tops know this, it is one of the reasons they feel empowered to do things, because they know the victims won't come forward. Not all that many years ago, men having sex with men who were abused or raped wouldn't report it, in large part because they didn't want it getting out, and also knowing that cops were (and in many cases still are) homophobic assholes. Posting on fetlife is pretty easy because it is anonymous, and they may have felt while they couldn't go to the cops, that they could warn others.

One note about rape, the definition of rape is such that it doesn't matter what the person did, despite what the defenders of the assholes in Steubenville say. The girl was stupid to drink like that, or to go off with the players, but it is still rape, despite those who say it was her own fault (being stupid isn't a crime, taking advantage of someone's stupidity is).

In this case, it can be really hard to determine what is really rape and what is part of consent. There was a case in NYC where a grad student was convicted of multiple counts of sexual assault after a weekend of scene play with her, when apparently the girl had second thoughts about what she did, freaked out and called the cops. The DA had e-mails squashed that showed she had agreed to their tete a tete, and the judge agreed it was irrelevant because you can't consent to assault.........(and this was NYC, not the court of Roy Moore in Alabama)....it was overturned on appeal, they appeals court ruled that suppressing the e-mails was a judicial mistake (too bad they didn't rule misconduct and get the judge removed from the bench, the ADA retired), and the District Attorney himself dropped all charges..so crying wold does happen (In case anyone wants to read up on it, it was called the Janovic case). Does the guy blow through safewords and do things the subs don't want, or did they just freak out? No way to know, but the fact that multiple women are complaining tells me there may be more there, but that isn't proof. One woman freaking out could be simply that, but more then a couple? If anything, this guy may be stupid enough to think being dom means doing anything he wants, because even if not rape, it sounds like he is taking inexperienced subs too far, which may not be a crime, but could be pure stupidity and arrogane.




RedMagic1 -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/5/2013 10:40:02 PM)

Wow. This thread started so civil, and then blew up. For better or for worse, I've skipped the last several pages.

I would like to say one thing, which is that I'm not too comfortable with the notion of "the community policing itself." I'm pretty sure one of the lessons of the Catholic Church scandals is that you shouldn't have a separate institution that will "take care of things," instead of the official one.

Frankly, DarkSteven, if you feel morally obligated to do something, I'm tempted to suggest that you find one of the women in real life, and offer to drive her to the police station and wait with her, or outside, while she makes a statement. She might appreciate a chaperone, or she might decline. And, if she declines, the way in which she turns you down might give you a better understanding what really happened.




VelvetOnSteel -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/6/2013 3:54:56 AM)

deleted




TheLilSquaw -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/6/2013 5:28:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


By itself, it means nothing. It's just a minor piece of the puzzle. Having almost all of someone's exes on bad terms with them, is a small red flag.

Like I have said, I feel certain that SOMETHING happened. I'm trying to keep objectivity and say that I'm not 100% sure what it was.



So NOT being friends with an ex is a red flag?
For me it's called moving on and moving forward. Simply because we aren't "friends" doesn't mean anything negative happened or that one did something harmful to the other ect.

Have you asked the man in question about the rape allegations or why he isn't "friends" with his exes?





LadyPact -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/6/2013 6:30:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw
So NOT being friends with an ex is a red flag?
For me it's called moving on and moving forward. Simply because we aren't "friends" doesn't mean anything negative happened or that one did something harmful to the other ect.

Have you asked the man in question about the rape allegations or why he isn't "friends" with his exes?

I have to agree. To be perfectly honest, I haven't spoken to My ex-husband since I moved from Colorado. It's not that he's a bad person or that I'm a bad person. It's just a case of that chapter of our lives being closed. There's no reason for us to continue involving each other in our lives.

I can still see the possibility of the guy just being some kind of player. How many threads do we have around here of the "Master stopped calling" variety where new sub suzie wonders why Domly Dave lost interest as soon as he banged her? No, it's not the nicest thing to do on the planet and it might even be the kind of thing that makes sub suzie not exactly want to be "friends" with Domly Dave after the fact.

There's a slew of reasons out there of why an ex is an ex. Some are very valid reasons for not wanting a person in your life, even in a friendship capacity. When I see threads about a dynamic that is no longer viable because of dishonesty, lack of trust, or similar issues, I don't expect the next thing to be 'oh, but we're still really good friends'.




LizDeluxe -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/6/2013 6:32:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
By itself, it means nothing. It's just a minor piece of the puzzle. Having almost all of someone's exes on bad terms with them, is a small red flag.

Like I have said, I feel certain that SOMETHING happened. I'm trying to keep objectivity and say that I'm not 100% sure what it was.


I will grant you that it does look suspicious. The hostess has spoken and has said that the guy will be welcome - period. If you are truly convinced that the guy committed the kind of infractions that the accusations and circumstantial evidence seems to indicate yet you still plan to attend future events.... I just don't get that. If you are truly trying to remain objective then I don't see how you can justify issuing warnings to female participants of future events. If you are actually just concerned that he is thinning the herd of prospective partners for you then I'm not even going to dignify that with a comment.




LillyoftheVally -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/6/2013 6:55:42 AM)

In my view, and I have to be honest I have just read the op and the last page, I would mostly stay out of it. If your spidey senses are tingling and this guy approaches a friend of yours then yeah, fine tell them what you know but don't send messages to people just because they are attending a party. At the end of the day you don't really know all that much. You don't want to get caught in the middle of this and people spread rumors all the time. I know you are a good guy and you have nothing but the best of intentions but others may not see it that way and you may end up adding fuel to a fire that doesn't really exist.

There are a lot of shoes you can put yourself into here, the guy who this is about, the girls and the strangers who are going to the party. Fundamentally though you have to do what you feel comfortable with.




chatterbox24 -> RE: What actions , if any, should I take? (5/6/2013 7:44:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

More clarification:

When I said he was good, that referred to the speed with which he took women in.

None of his exes have attended Scarlet Moons after the breakup. (This pisses me off, because he's removing women from my potential "playlist". Yeah, call me immature.)

RedMagic made a very good point, and it's been bothering me. I have seen him push the edge of consent, and have heard of him trying to pressure a woman into play with a third party. He's evidently skirting the boundaries between con non-con and simple nonconsent. While I personally would strongly advise against con non-con with someone who is not VERY well known, others do it. This falls smack between YKINMK and "that's not cool."


I read the bolded part above, in response to my post about the man being good getting women, and possible revenge jealousy by women, and thought what???
Considering the severity of the allegations, and the appearance of your great concern of the matter, that comment sounded ridiculous and pointed at possible jealousy of the man by you. I don't think Id admit that. LOL. IVe read tons of good posts by you, so that comment really surprised me.




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