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RE: Being Too Submissive? - 5/21/2013 9:53:30 AM

chatterbox24

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I think it runs both ways.

IM a little of both.

I am 5 foot 11, and if I have something to talk about I am very assertive and opinionated, a bit loud and forceful when I talk, and that can be a major turn off to men. THey are like God damn I aint messing with that.
Put me in a social situation where I feel uncomfortable and feel out of place I am shy, I don't make eye contact, and people find me unapproachable and unfriendly. If they start a conversation with me though, I am okay.

Forcing yourself to make eye contact even for a brief holding moment and a quick smile really does work. Any man I was gah gah over, I put the word out I was interested, away from a social setting because I was to embarrassed to say so then! ANd they contacted me later if they were interested. I asked them later " would you have contacted me?" They said no< had no idea I liked them because I put off no positive vibe in fact they thought the opposite. Most of the men I liked the best I had to take the initiative in some way. They didn't approach me because they didn't want rejected, I heard that before too.
If you are online dating, bit of a different animal there but still don't be afraid to approach someone you think will turn your crank. That's really not a dominant trait that's just trying to take your destiny in your own hands. After the first contact, let him do all the rest.

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RE: Being Too Submissive? - 5/22/2013 8:35:08 AM

JeffBC

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I'm conflicted in how I might answer this.

On one hand, Carol certainly had trouble meeting people. Neither of us chalked it up to "submissive" though. We both chalked it up to "introverted and never leaving her house". Certainly when I did meet her she was her usual agreeable (socially submissive) self. I certainly did not overlook that. In point of fact I believe it's one of the hooks which drew me to her strongly even before I knew of such things.

On the other hand, I'm not a neanderthal. I'm not the guy who's going to walk up to some random woman and say, "Wanna fuck?" If I'm speaking with a woman and I get no signalling at all then I'm going to assume she is uninterested or otherwise already engaged so I'm going to keep the chat at a platonic level. I'm not a big believer in subtle game playing like "eye contact". Is there something wrong with, "We should grab a cup of coffee some time."

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RE: Being Too Submissive? - 5/22/2013 5:08:43 PM

littlewonder

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I never saw the eye contact thing as game playing. I just admit I can be very shy when it comes to me talking to a man I find hot so for me the only way I know to show interest is with the eyes, batting them towards him with a smile, glancing away only to peek at him again until he gets the point and comes over and asks me if I want a drink or talk or whatever.

Plus I'm a traditionalist and have always believed in the man asking the woman and a woman not being pushy. It's just those type of men I'm attracted to.

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RE: Being Too Submissive? - 5/22/2013 7:22:46 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I'm conflicted in how I might answer this.

On one hand, Carol certainly had trouble meeting people. Neither of us chalked it up to "submissive" though. We both chalked it up to "introverted and never leaving her house". Certainly when I did meet her she was her usual agreeable (socially submissive) self. I certainly did not overlook that. In point of fact I believe it's one of the hooks which drew me to her strongly even before I knew of such things.

On the other hand, I'm not a neanderthal. I'm not the guy who's going to walk up to some random woman and say, "Wanna fuck?" If I'm speaking with a woman and I get no signalling at all then I'm going to assume she is uninterested or otherwise already engaged so I'm going to keep the chat at a platonic level. I'm not a big believer in subtle game playing like "eye contact". Is there something wrong with, "We should grab a cup of coffee some time."

See...my problem has always been that "signaling interest" combined with being shy...I have a hard time signaling interest (fear of rejection?) forever and, maybe clueless...but I rarely meet men who express interest in me.

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RE: Being Too Submissive? - 5/22/2013 11:35:37 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I never saw the eye contact thing as game playing. I just admit I can be very shy when it comes to me talking to a man I find hot so for me the only way I know to show interest is with the eyes, batting them towards him with a smile, glancing away only to peek at him again until he gets the point and comes over and asks me if I want a drink or talk or whatever.

Plus I'm a traditionalist and have always believed in the man asking the woman and a woman not being pushy. It's just those type of men I'm attracted to.

I am not shy at all but I never approach a guy, they need to show interest first.

But I do the same, I call it the sidelong glance of promise. :)

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RE: Being Too Submissive? - 5/23/2013 5:57:15 AM

chatterbox24

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Whats wrong with it being a bit of a game?

It truly is a game until you know for sure someone is interested. You don't play, you don't have a chance of winning. I always liked the man to approach me too and if he didn't , and if I wanted him to bad enough, I would put the word out, to make sure he got the message. If he contacted me, great! Since I put out the message he wouldn't get rejected if he contacted me, and if he contacted me, I didn't get rejected either. I guess it was my way of easing rejection, without the face to face, "Sorry no I am not interested"........................OMG mortifying to me!

SO bat those eyes, and smile! Come hither baby..........lol.

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Post #: 46

RE: Being Too Submissive? - 5/23/2013 6:13:45 AM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I received "you play too close to the vest & no man will ever approach you because they never will know if you are receptive." It then gave suggestions on catching the man's eye & how long to hold & when to do it again...I dismissed it at that time...but now wondering if that is why I have always been the "wallflower". So...do other subs/slaves have similar problems in meeting men (vanilla or kinky)? Do you get overlooked for the ones willing to be more aggressive in their pursuit?

I am not in the least bit submissive. Tried to wrap my mind around the idea, and find it makes me restless and crazed. Having said that, I am also very shy... I'm too old at this point to stand or sit in one place, and not initiate a conversation, looking retarded. So I either socialize with people I know well, have common interests (social justice literature/politics), or tend to avoid new situations.

If I have to, I don't so much mind going to places where no one knows me, because I don't have to talk to anyone. I do find it stressful to go to places where I only know a very few people. Being shy/wallflower typish of course, the overbearing/dominant personalities zoom in, and go for me. I attract exactly the opposite of what I hope to, and the people who do approach me, end up surprised that I'm not receptive to the approach in the least. Let us face it, men who tend to be well balanced, or submissive, have finesse for days. Strong, manly men sometimes miss the class on how to approach most women who don't respond to "I'm here, come here byotch!"

M

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Post #: 47

RE: Being Too Submissive? - 5/23/2013 6:34:02 AM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I never saw the eye contact thing as game playing. I just admit I can be very shy when it comes to me talking to a man I find hot so for me the only way I know to show interest is with the eyes, batting them towards him with a smile, glancing away only to peek at him again until he gets the point and comes over and asks me if I want a drink or talk or whatever.

Plus I'm a traditionalist and have always believed in the man asking the woman and a woman not being pushy. It's just those type of men I'm attracted to.

This is me.

Even if I weren't so shy, I still wouldn't make the first move other than flirt. I want men who take charge, and that includes taking the first step.

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RE: Being Too Submissive? - 5/23/2013 6:23:26 PM

ThundersCry54

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I do believe some people are just naturally subservent...Doesn`t make them less that at all...

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Post #: 49