CynthiaWVirginia
Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
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quote:
What is the longest D/s relationship you have ever been in? And for those of you long-termers who are happily coupled, what are the secrets of your relationship's success? (Aside from the things I already expect to invest, such as trust, honesty, loyalty, obedience, etc., once I find a true connection.)
It is embarrassing to answer that first question, because I will have to say they averaged six to seven months each. I only discovered there was a name for what I felt ten or eleven years ago...back when I was deep in the trenches of my cancer wars. (Needed chemos four different times and the last two didn't work.) I thought I was going to die soon and just didn't know when, so it seemed better at that time to choose relationships that would not last a long time.
Past BDSM relationships were a "success" because they went according to my plans and dissolved naturally. No ugly scenes...I'd even encourage them to go after some other woman (if they felt sparkage) and wished them well and sent them on their way. In between relationships I topped newbies and friendly bottoms.
Anyway, long story short, I've been in remission for something like five or more years now and right when I was lining up half a dozen guys to top (flogging is funner than sit ups) for the sheer exercise and fun of it...the one I thought I would never find came into my life.
I found my male wife. (So okay, he found me.) He's only been collared for almost two years...so until we have held this together for ten or more years I feel that what I'd have to say doesn't really amount to a hill of beans. My two cents though? Each day is a gift. So is someone's trust. F*d up and crazy times won't last forever. Don't vent when royally teed off, but wait until either side has cooled down and have...educational discussions, lol. Don't give up. Take care of what's mine and spell out clearly what I need. Give positive reinforcement and not just take having him in my life, serving me, for granted. He has to trust me not to run this 'ship onto the rocks, tell me everything I need to know, turn toward me with his issues/problems before turning to others, and...try to listen to me instead of those bad old tapes that keep playing in his head. Oh, and he's gotten used to sleeping on the couch (snoring issues, I'm a light sleeper). Basically, we try to grow toward each other instead of growing in separate directions; it's not always an easy/effortless thing to do.
We don't know how long we will be blessed by each other's company...not taking that for granted is something I try to be mindful of. In the about two and a half years that I've known him I've had a cancer scare or two (unfounded, thank God), and I was in the hospital for ten days that time over birth control pills having given me dozens of clots in my lungs. He could have lost me. Several nights that first year he nodded off behind the wheel, waking up rubbing the guard rail. I could have lost him.
(Btw, I don't allow him to drive at night anymore, nor if he's tired.)
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What is your longest serious relationship in the lifest... - 
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The secret to our happiness is intimacy and in-depth communication and basically enjoying one another's company and how each other's minds and personality works. We function from the same ethical platform and have a similar world view so there are lots of complimentary aspects to our traits and goals. Another thing that comes to mind is conflict resolution. We have a compatible desire to talk things out and really listen and respect one another.
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