RE: Findom makes it hard for subs.

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RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 1:27:20 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub

It seems that 8/10 dommes here are all about money. There's nothing wrong with serving your Mistress with your wallet amongst other things, as a true sub seeks to please his domme any way possible. I feel,however, that Findom takes away the integrity of our lifestyle and attracts the wrong women/scammers. If I message 30 dommes right now, 25 will say something along the lines of: tribute me, send me amazon giftcards, etc. They don't care who you are, or if you're even submissive, as long as you tribute. It's like prostitution without having sex which attracts any attractive girl to make a profile and demand money as if they're dominant. Femdom is turning more into a business venture than a lifestyle and that's not good for young subs just entering the lifestlye. I'm not bashing Collerme, or even Findom. Findom used correctly, gives the Mistress ultimate control which I believe in. But the effect its had: fakes, scammers, picture stealing, and women looking for a quick payday is not good for us true subs and dommes.

I'm sorry, OP, but I really have to ask: what the fucking fuck?

Have you taken any of the advice anyone has given you on the Ask A Mistress threads you started?

Your complaint is such an incredible non-issue. Unless you genuinely have no brains at all, or have some deep social anxiety, you'll be able to find a kinky woman. Go to real-life events, hide the profiles you don't like, and ignore the emails you don't want. It just isn't that big a deal.

Seriously. Stop standing in your own way, and take somebody's advice. Jesus.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

Post #: 21

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 4:24:55 PM

njlauren

Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline

The reason so many findommes are out there is there is money to be made from it.....I would question whether every findomme who is out there on collarme or elsewhere, is really into being a domme but rather are doing it to make money (much as there are pro dommes who do this as a way to make money, but aren't necessarily into it themselves, they in effect play out the domme side with their clients to satisfy them...). Whatever it is, they exist because there is a market for it.

I never got into the fin domme stuff, and quite honestly, I would never get into an online thing with someone and give them tribute or whatever you call it. I used to play with pro dommes who I liked, and I would give them things from time to time that they needed, it was not demanded, but they were friends, taught me a lot, and were really cool people, and I felt I wanted to show them appreciation...but that is different then someone saying "give me x dollars a week' or whatever goes on with that.....In a sense, what you pay a pro domme as 'tribute' could be seen as that, but with fin domme the money isn't payment for service, it is simply giving money as part of the fetish..

Don't like it? Delete the messages, like I delete the stupid e-mails I get with text of 'hi', or 'hey baby' or 'u r hot'...like, that is going to get me? If you get fin domme e-mails, delete them and block them. Put it this way, given the nature of how male sub/female dommes play out, you could probably delete 100 of 100 messages from supposed dommes, assuming they were solicitations by pros of some sort of another, and you would likely not miss any genuine offers. Female dominants are relatively rare, and they don't have to troll for subs like that, and even if a sub has great pictures and a great body, it is unlikely that they would get approached by a female dominant on here looking for a sub, they are prob spending too much time weeding through the many offers they get from male subs to bother to surf......

It is why online can really suck, there are genuine people on here, but many of the 'genuine' people i.e lifestyle people into this in some way or the other, probably are on here more to socialize and chat with others than find someone IME.....obviously, you can meet people on here, people who post regularly have, but in most likelyhood you would have to search for dommes on here and woo them, they aren't going to come to you. Your profile is more about something the domme can check if you contact them, rather than being bait to bring in someone first hand:)

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 22

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 4:42:45 PM

samdarella

Posts: 222
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline

What's the difference between a Findom and a professional Dominatrix? No this isn't the opening line for a joke. It's a serious question. Maybe there isn't one. In my mind a pro Dominatrix is someone performing a real life service for pay and Findoms are mostly females that know that some men are desperate suckers and will pay for online abuse. No offense meant to anyone. I was a titty dancer when I was young and if the Internet had been around back then I too probably would have cammed for a fee and pretended to be a domme for the money.

It does kind of suck for the guys that are really looking for someone to serve. I have an acquaintance that is in that situation but he is married. I suggested a pro. Not a specific one because I don't know any.

I was going to ask if there were fin subs. But I guess in a way there are. They have the profiles that read I won't do this and you must be or do that. Me me me. That seems to be their only interest in a Dom. They really just want a top.

< Message edited by samdarella -- 5/12/2013 4:45:56 PM >

_____________________________

Take me to the edge.

Pain is....

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 23

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 5:05:44 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

So op, since you seem to think I threw you under the bus or something from your email you sent me, I'd say you still have not taken any advice anyone here has given you and you are just bitter and angry that you're not getting what you want.

Good luck with that.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to samdarella)

Post #: 24

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 6:22:40 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: samdarella

What's the difference between a Findom and a professional Dominatrix?

A pro-Domme does real-time sessions that usually include floggings, etc. Sometimes they will specialize in a particular fetish, like AB/DL (which, I understand, is quite lucrative). A FinDom/me's kink is controlling the wallet. The fin-domme thing isn't just "send me amazon gift cards". There really is more to it than that.

< Message edited by searching4mysir -- 5/12/2013 6:24:56 PM >

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to samdarella)

Post #: 25

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 6:27:04 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

I'll admit you have a point.

However, fair is fair...if we wimmin have to deal with more than 8 out of 10 males sending us letters (better make that 98/100) that are from married guys cheating on their wives or significant other, guys offering us $500 to put cigarettes out on their dangly bits, etc., and guys only wanting some quick and easy sex with no relationship strings attached...then why should males have it easy? Both sexes have their crosses to bear at BDSM sites.

Some "female sub" wrote me this week asking me to beat her cuckold every day of the week he would be visiting Bluefield, WV. Not a switch, not a Domme, not someone who knows me from one of our munch groups nor bothered to read my profile in any way (as my profile clearly states that I own someone and I don't top others anymore). The "fem sub" was probably a male using a ruse to get a free no strings hook up while he was in town on business. The dude, er, "fem sub", after I said a polite NO, sent another letter telling me that the cuck would be a gentleman and would even take me out to restaurants. (ROFLMAO!)

My slave got a letter this week from some young chick in another state far far away who sent something like, "On your knees slave and dig out your wallet cuz I want tribute! I'ze a Princess and want me some Amazon gifties!" LOL, he knew to just use the delete and report as spam button.

quote:

Femdom is turning more into a business venture than a lifestyle and that's not good for young subs just entering the lifestlye.

Hopefully more newbies will find their way into the message boards, where they will be advised to read non-porn, non-fantasy BDSM educational books like SM 101 by Jay Wiseman, etc., and how to find their munch groups so they can get to know their nearby fellow kinksters...and maybe be lucky enough to have a dungeon nearby that gives newbie classes.

Findommes have contacted me and it's not like a werewolf bite; it didn't make me rush out and start demanding tribute from guys.

Hang in there. This is the internet so be prepared for aggravation, childish behavior (after all, we're just pixels on a screen so anything goes, right? *rolls eyes*), and all kinds of stupid demands from people claiming to be on either side of the kneel. Whoever you are looking for...she's out there somewhere. I started searching around ten years ago (this is not my first profile), something like eight years before I knew that bo (wonderfulbo1) existed. Back then he wasn't at CM because he hadn't had his epiphany and he was still married to his first or second wife.

Just because there are a bunch (so okay, a MOUNTAIN) of pebbles to sift through doesn't mean that diamonds aren't there at the same time. I found mine with...a lot of patience.

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

Post #: 26

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 6:57:20 PM

czarski

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/29/2012
Status: offline

About right, 80 percent of "dominant women" here are financially motivated. Fine. Fine with me. But make them easily identifiable. Can be done. Should be done. Sometimes I spend half an hour going through money-domme profiles because bumping into a genuine domme. And then half an hour of other cash-seekers. Surely many folks have quit the site because of that. That's what I'll do.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 27

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 6:58:43 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

bye. Good luck elsewhere.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to czarski)

Post #: 28

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 7:37:47 PM

LoyalBlackSub

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/7/2013
Status: offline

I've been thinking about quitting the site. I do plan to go to munches and events but figured starting online would give me some practice communicating with dommes, however in order to do that here, I have to go to a munch first or send an amazon gc to "dominateu73". Wow

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 29

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 7:54:46 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: czarski
80 percent of "dominant women" here are financially motivated.

Wow. Then I must be one of the "few" 20%. This really super nice sub guy I've started seeing started to tell me all about his income and I told him "Wait! Wait!! I don't need to know that. I'm interested in you and not in how much money you make." He was really happy about that.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to czarski)

Post #: 30

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 7:57:15 PM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

Honey, all dommes aren't the same. Some want to be addressed formally; others don't. I stand by my initial advice.

Meet one in person and ask her how she wants you to address her. If you want to be foolish and mess with the ones who just want money from you, by all means. You're getting some decent advice here, but you seem to want to just whine and rant. Good luck, in any case.

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

Post #: 31

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:01:25 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Whining and ranting in a sub, or in anyone for that matter, is highly unattractive. Just sayin'. Anyone at all can go click the second "button" on the upper left of your profile right above your picture and check your forum posts. Yours are littered with whining and ranting. Again, not attractive.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to czarski)

Post #: 32

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:03:10 PM

LoyalBlackSub

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/7/2013
Status: offline

Everyone just keeps sandbagging me. Why? You can't touch me! You can't get me fired!

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

Post #: 33

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:05:14 PM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

You opened the door into your world by posting. Don't become upset just because the responses aren't what you expected.

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

Post #: 34

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:23:59 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub

I've been thinking about quitting the site. I do plan to go to munches and events but figured starting online would give me some practice communicating with dommes, however in order to do that here, I have to go to a munch first or send an amazon gc to "dominateu73". Wow

God you're whiny. No one really cares about your success or lack of. Get a grip and some perspective, this is a site for adults. Act like one. It's not sandbagging if people are telling you what you're doing wrong and you're too invested in whining to see it- that's stupidity, you should learn the difference.

When you came to this site did it say it would provide you with someone? That part is on you. There are some men that have accomplished what you want, if you haven't, what does that say about you?

How is it that you don't get thus far that if you want a lifestyle Domme that you shouldn't be sending out things to the gift card askers? What would you get? Hint: It wouldn't be a lifestyle Domme. Stop getting so hung up on the fact that you think you're supposed to hand over money...everyone keeps telling you how to circumvent that and you aren't listening. So now you're all pissy about having to go to a munch. I guess if you want something you'll have to work for it. Stop being an entitled little twat and try to be someone of substance that another person would actually want in their life and I bet you might find what you're looking for.

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

Post #: 35

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 8:36:18 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

You really do need to stop whining and get out to munches and local kinkster gatherings. You really really do. I do and I have about three guys I've met and only one of them I met through collarme. The other two I met in real life venues.

Now I know you will say "But you're a Domme, Dommes have it easy." That's not the point I'm trying to make. The point is, sometimes you need to get out and circulate in real life to meet real people. Capiche??

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

Post #: 36

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 9:21:59 PM

LoyalBlackSub

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/7/2013
Status: offline

I'm leaving this spot. Peace out folks. I'm a sexy ass dude and I ain't taking no more shit from you. All you do is bring me down to make yourselves feel better but I shall no longer take this. You jabronies don't know me! Where I came from! How I grew up or shit! Yet you have the damn audacity to try and put me down you selfish pricks? Well fuck that! Ban me dammit cause I just don't give a fuck. You all can go suck a dick..

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 37

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 9:31:05 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Suggesting you go to a munch is giving you shit? Wow. Just wow. If you're going to post on the message boards, you need to develop a thicker skin. You can ask whatever you want, but you get whatever answers you get, you can't pick and choose who's going to post. You are nice looking, I'll give you that, but your personality BLOWS.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

Post #: 38

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 9:32:18 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoyalBlackSub

I've been thinking about quitting the site. I do plan to go to munches and events but figured starting online would give me some practice communicating with dommes, however in order to do that here, I have to go to a munch first or send an amazon gc to "dominateu73". Wow

LoyalBlackSub, just to make sure we're on the same page here, a "munch" is a group of kinksters in your area that will meet up once per month at some restaurant. Nobody outs anyone, there's no roleplay or spankings going on at the Chinese food buffet, Mexican restaurant, steakhouse, etc.

You would like to see kinky people face to face and say hello, right? We have all sat at our own respective tables after the initial hellos, and sometimes linger to talk in the parking lot afterward. With another munch group we all sat at some large conference type table and were more inclined to talk with each other during our meal. It was nice. Some folks exchanged phone numbers, and a time or two bo and I were invited to some play party afterward. Munches are really not a big deal, something you'd need to practice for.

You ARE having some practice communicating with Dommes...and it's not costing you an AmazonAnything.

Starting what online? Practicing exactly what, if THIS (right here right now) doesn't count as communicating? Would you feel your needs were being met, your BDSM baby teeth being cut if we all had you get naked before some web cam, down on your knees before anyone gives you the time of day? If this is what you are looking for, CollarMe has some roleplay chatrooms...do you need help finding them? There are also video chatrooms.

Newbies often get "sub frenzy" and forget their manners. Here's some unasked for and probably unwanted advice. Slow down, behave like a gentleman, and order off some non-porn, non-fantasy BDSM educational book from Amazon.com or Ebay (like SM 101 by Jay Wiseman) and read it from cover to cover.

Folks suggesting munches were trying to help you. When I had my own epiphany...there was no genetic memory that kicked in that showed me the ropes and made me instantly know how to find my local munch group. (I didn't even know kinky people met up once per month in restaurants, nor that their groups were called munches.)

Good luck with your search.

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

Post #: 39

RE: Findom makes it hard for subs. - 5/12/2013 9:37:16 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

I've got to say...you throw a better tantrum than my child did at 2 years old. I would say "congratulations," but Im not really sure that beating a child at throwing a panties twisted all up in the ol' ass crack hissy fit is really all that complimentary.

When you ask yourself why you can't find a dominant to serve, ask yourself this while looking in a mirror because that will give you the answer to the question of what is holding you back.

(in reply to LoyalBlackSub)

Post #: 40

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