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RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/14/2013 8:58:08 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry54

Had to briefly look at your profile as I read your remarks to Steven...

You have never been to a munch, a play party...nothing, yet you know so much?

Maybe it`s time to get your feet wet before making those kind of accusations to a man who has contibuted so much to the scene where he is at! Its not that easy to have an impact on groups!

I`m sure your remarks will give him a good chuckle!

Now back to what the Lady asked...

Aren't you sweet? You obviously missed my point entirely, which is no surprise. I made NO accusation of Steven at all. Steven does have an great reputation within his community, but compared to the reputation that LP (the OP) has, his reputation is simply not even on the same level.

Not only that, you obviously missed the main point which was that thinking you are "bullet proof" is a mistake.

Whether I choose to play publicly or not is irrelevant, no one and I do mean NO ONE should consider themselves safe from having their life blow up in smoke from someone else's accusations. And groups are group, so whether it is some kind of fetish/kink group or some other type, they all function basically the same, because they all contain people.

But I'm so glad that in your week here, you feel that you can make determinations about posters who have been on the site for nearly a decade or so.

(in reply to ThundersCry54)

Post #: 21

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/14/2013 9:03:21 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I'm sure you have an excellent reputation, Steven. So imagine LPs which is on a national level, not simply local.

The whole point is that it can happen, and everyone should be prepared for it. Sometimes the people who least think it can happen to them, get hit the worst. And while you have a reputation in the community, that wouldn't mean all that much to police.

To be clear, I'm not saying you have done anything or anything like that. But to think you have so good of a reputation that you are immune to such a thing is flippant and not a very wise thing.

Are you specifically referring to rape allegations, then?

I'm sexually monogamous with my sub. If the cops were to come, I'd be considered innocent until proven guilty. And she'd have none of my semen on her.

If it came to allegations of assault, I'm still not worried. I don't play that hard on a first session.

And my sub's a lawyer.

Part of enjoying life is to not worry about things that are not concerns.

Actually, I'm referring to any kind of allegations, although LP seemed to be more implying those that have a legal ramification.

I think you are being unrealistically flippant about the whole thing, because have you have seen yourself, "innocent until proven guilty" will only apply to a conviction. The court of public opinion doesn't work that way.

Just a reminder.....many rapists were involved in "monogamous" relationships also. I realize that you are very unlikely to do such a thing, but we weren't talking about people who actually DO something, rather those that are falsely accused.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 22

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/14/2013 9:16:59 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I thought the post was to LafayetteLady, about her post to Steven.

Ah my bad, I think I misread by leaving of a "to" that completely changed the context.

ThundersCry54, my apologies.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 5/14/2013 9:17:49 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 23

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/14/2013 10:50:29 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

All you can do is try to live your life in a manner that outsiders can't complain about.

Considering that I like beating women, that option is pretty much lost to me. Best I can do is hide it a bit.

LP has options I don't have. So as selfish as it seems, I'll protect my girl*. The rest of you are on your own.

* That includes lasers and magazine capacities that make California officials blanche.

(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 24

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/14/2013 11:41:51 PM

SoulAlloy

Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry54

Had to briefly look at your profile as I read your remarks to Steven...

You have never been to a munch, a play party...nothing, yet you know so much?

Maybe it`s time to get your feet wet before making those kind of accusations to a man who has contibuted so much to the scene where he is at! Its not that easy to have an impact on groups!

I`m sure your remarks will give him a good chuckle!

Now back to what the Lady asked...

Have to say I agree with La Fayette Lady here - I've been on the public scene six years and have seen many explosions. When allegations are thrown between two well liked members of the scene everything is divided, regardless of your own reputation - friends support friends and it gets very messy. There have been more than a few clubs closed down this way as people vote with their feet away from the conflict.

No idea what allegations are being thrown at LP but hope they get resolved ok.

_____________________________

"Better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without" - Confucius

"It'll be alright in the end - if it isn't alright, it's not the end." - unknown

Kinky crossdressing Whovian

Host of the Preston (UK) Munch, 2nd Wednesday each month

(in reply to ThundersCry54)

Post #: 25

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/15/2013 12:57:31 AM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

I'm sorry, LP, that you have reason to think about these things.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to SoulAlloy)

Post #: 26

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/15/2013 1:54:45 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Lots of things to reply to here so I'm going to do some quoting and trimming. I'm want to assure everyone that I'm fine. I've just been working on the very things that I put up in the original.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
I'm guessing this has something to do with taking down your dungeon, no?

Yes, it does, but not in it's entirety. These are also thoughts that are related to two other threads on the boards right now.

Heck, I could see a post from a third party that mentions they were calling the ASPCA because I was mistreating My dog. Having a dungeon up might not be a good idea when somebody is implying they are trying to get authorities to your house.

(Terribly exaggerated, but you get the drift.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1
This sort of remorse retaliation just isn't called for under any circumstances.

Agreed. I think it's worthwhile to discuss it because we can't always know how someone will react after the fact.

quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu
I know you can't know for sure if someone's not going to lash out at you when they're feeling hurt.

No, you can't. It's unfortunate but the truth of the matter is a person might do a complete character change. Nobody starts a play relationship with the person who says, "when this arrangement ends, I'm going to try to screw you over".

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
I didn’t have the time nor inclination to chase papers so I refused and said that he should let it play out, the cream always rises to the top in time and I would see him there.

real life . . . shipping is here. To be continued

You may not have been willing to chase papers, but it might be the smarter move. Tangible evidence can help to support your version of what might be going on.

I do hope that you'll come back to add more thoughts to the thread. Particularly because you are also pre-net kink/leather and I feel you recognize the difference between local "talk" and the potential of world wide false information.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Two weeks later, the police show up at our door. She had filed a police report saying that he was threatening to beat her and kill her. Luckily, or not really luck since his past experiences had taught him about her....he had saved every email. It saved his butt.

That's what I'm talking about right there. Having those records can save your tail. Thank you for your contribution.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK
He sounds like My Hubby...very careful.

Smart move. I hope you'll encourage him to continue.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Pfffft.

I have a good enough local rep that I'm not worried. I have:

introduced several newbies into the local groups. (And been in a position to take advantage of them and not done so.)
topped numerous women, in plain view and fully consensually, checking in with them every so often to see how they're doing.
hosted several kinksters from out of town.
helped some kinksters, and had my sub help quite a few.
given advice to locals trying to salvage the Colorado Mentors Program.
maintained good relations with ex subs that became strong members of the community.

In short, I have done things that have built up a solid reputation. If someone made accusations, she'd have to have a damn good local rep to make an impact.

Steven, I kept your entire response in tact because this is exactly what I'm talking about. You're thinking that your local rep is going to protect you. It might, up to a point. It won't protect you with everyone and it's not going to matter when things start happening outside of your local kink community.

There's not a thing protecting you if one person starts accusing you of abusing your sub. All it takes is one call to the Domestic Violence hotline from a throw away cell. Except for your word and that of your sub, what do you have? Your state has mandatory response to DV reports *and* if you just happen to be spanking her when cops arrive, you're rolling the dice on whether they will believe it's consensual or not. You're innocent until proven guilty by the legal system. Anything else? People will take what little they know, fill in the gaps with what they think (good and bad) and it will roll from there. Hell, the dude who made the original call, without ever saying he's the one who started the whole thing, might lead the charge to have you banned from the community because now, you're an "abuser".

What protection do you have for yourself if one of your out of town guests goes back home and starts posting that their "host" during their trip did something horrible? Keeping their emails where they say how nice of a guy you are could help in that situation.

Yes, some of this might be seen as reaching, but I think these possibilities exist. I think tops need to think about covering their butt.

Very late in My time zone. More later.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 27

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/15/2013 3:19:45 AM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Sadly, we want to believe the best of our "friends" & we forget what happens when that same person becomes our antagonist. We don't think twice about deleting those generic "great to meet you, had fun..let's do it again soon" emails which could prove at least the other person is talking from both sides of their mouth. You are so right about DV laws--all it takes is showing the police red marks or bruises especially in certain areas of the body & you admitting that you were the one that put them there to get yourself an overnight stay in a holding cell. I kind of forget what the Dom is risking when agreeing to accommodate me. Let's face it..if I have red marks or bruises on my throat, fingerprint bruises on my upper arms & file a sworn complaint with the police...they have to err on the side of caution and arrest the Dom. I don't even know if having a signed waiver or agreement (anyone remember when some men were having women sign pre-sex agreements saying they were willingly engaging in sex to protect themselves from rape allegations?) would prevent being arrested.

LP, you have my sincerest hope that you are able to quickly & cheaply (we all forget the cost involved in proving ourselves innocent!) resolve this matter

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 28

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/15/2013 3:25:59 AM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

I have no clue why I need to fear magazines (which ones...Time? People? The Economist?) but glad I am on your side. Save this as my consent to being a willing party to spankings, beatings, being voluntarily detained with handcuffs or ropes, bitten... And sadly, after reading this thread, I am only partially joking

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Post #: 29

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/15/2013 7:04:36 AM

LizDeluxe

Posts: 687
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Steven, I kept your entire response in tact because this is exactly what I'm talking about. You're thinking that your local rep is going to protect you. It might, up to a point. It won't protect you with everyone and it's not going to matter when things start happening outside of your local kink community.

There's not a thing protecting you if one person starts accusing you of abusing your sub. All it takes is one call to the Domestic Violence hotline from a throw away cell. Except for your word and that of your sub, what do you have? Your state has mandatory response to DV reports *and* if you just happen to be spanking her when cops arrive, you're rolling the dice on whether they will believe it's consensual or not. You're innocent until proven guilty by the legal system. Anything else? People will take what little they know, fill in the gaps with what they think (good and bad) and it will roll from there. Hell, the dude who made the original call, without ever saying he's the one who started the whole thing, might lead the charge to have you banned from the community because now, you're an "abuser".

Yes, some of this might be seen as reaching, but I think these possibilities exist. I think tops need to think about covering their butt.

It's not reaching at all. It doesn't always have to be a disgruntled sub, either. It could very easily be another top. Perhaps one who was pissed off when he finds out another local top is warning women away from him based on gossip.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 30

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/15/2013 7:10:18 AM

ThundersCry54

Posts: 71
Joined: 5/6/2013
Status: offline

No problem..I knew you had misread it..
I have been coming here on and off for years and don`t take any of this personal...take what I can use and leave the rest...
Same name just had to add a number behind it to get back...
Thanks, though...

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 31

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/15/2013 7:18:12 AM

MistressJude

Posts: 89
Joined: 1/8/2005
From: NC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Sad, but true.

In today's world of BDSM, tops, Dominants, Masters, and Mistresses all have to be aware of the position that they are putting themselves in to be the brunt of false allegations. Whether you meet somebody for one night of play or you enter a dynamic that lasts for years, once whatever you do is over, you are now open to false allegations about the time together.

<snipped for space.
1. Keep your records. Don't delete your emails or your chat logs. Save absolutely anything and everything that implies consent for play or shows erratic behavior from the other party. Set your yahoo or AOL messenger to archive your conversations.

2. Save tangible evidence. If you have handwritten letters, notes, or even post-its, don't throw them out. These can help to support your position in the same way, even better, than electronic communications.

3. Request help from kink related social sites. Protecting yourself is exactly why certain clauses are included in the TOU. Remember that "deleted" for member's view doesn't always mean "deleted" in the real sense. Ask for permission to reprint journals and/or threads. You may not get it, but at least you have a record showing that you were trying to defend yourself.

4. If you are a member of the public community, ask other people for their records, too. Remember, you are compiling evidence, not being worried about who might be choosing sides.

5. Ask people to stand by you. Yes, this can backfire. You may be accused of being a drama llama. At the same time, you have to remember that protecting you and yours against false allegations is the goal here. The worst they can do is say no.

6. Remember to let people in. Don't hide! Don't be silent! Don't sit back and just let someone "do this" to you. You can't sit back and refuse to stand up for yourself.

Opening the thread up now for discussion.

This has happened and it's bound to happen again. Thankfully the extent that it's happened the few times in my community has never been all that bad and both parties were essentially left to fuss it out together and go their separate ways. There's a surprising level of gossip and shit-stirring in such a close community but nothing to the extent that it could infringe on a person's job or home life (i.e. kids) except for one particular incident when we discovered an RSO and some of the folks rallying to support them threatened to out non-supporters to the public. But that's not really the point of the post. I have had three incidents in the last 2 years where one person will blabber to the community about all these things I said and while at times they were things I actually did say they were so out of order or out of context it made me seem like a complete ass. I simply offered up my email exchanges and they were quickly made to look the fool.

I think you have nailed it with # 1 and #2. Document everything. Try to keep the communications within mediums that are easy to save such as email. For other things that can easily be altered like forum posts or FB wall posts - screen shot those and save the images.

With #3, #4, and #5 you begin to tread a slippery slope. Despite the level of closeness in a community I have found most people will avoid getting their hands dirty or fear backlash if it's found out they helped you in anyway. If you are innocent and the person is crazy enough to start this type of attack there's little doubt they'll go after others too. When you start maneuvering people like pawns to one side or the other most will wipe their hands of the entire situation.

The best I can say beyond documenting everything you can is to make sure your own reputation is beyond reproach. I have had to bank on my reputation on a few occasions and while a few trickled off I have remained with the bulk of my friends when the dust settled. My opinion about those who fell off - well, if they're that unreliable as a friend I really didn't need them anyway.

_____________________________

Sir Jude
*Don't be afraid to go out on a limb... that's where all the fruit is*
**The best way to make a dream come true is to wake up**

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 32

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/15/2013 8:21:16 AM

FelineRanger

Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline

LadyPact's advice isn't just good in the BDSM world, it's good advice in general. Unfortunately, I have a felony record because I did something inexplicably stupid and repulsive long before I ever even thought of getting involved in the lifestyle. But I am still subject to rumors, lies, harassment, even physical attack and additional false arrest because of what I did almost a decade ago. So now I have to cover my ass with everything I do, even to the point of keeping convenience store receipts to prove where I was against the inevitable accusation that I had repeated my offense. Am I paranoid? Yes. Am I scared of the reprisals I outlined? Yes. Am I doing everything I can to avoid those reprisals? Absolutely. I've been fortunate thus far in that I haven't had to prove my whereabouts against an unfounded accusation. But I will be prepared if and (I believe) when it happens.

_____________________________

Bill

(in reply to MistressJude)

Post #: 33

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/15/2013 8:44:14 AM

ThundersCry54

Posts: 71
Joined: 5/6/2013
Status: offline

I will agree with you that nobody is safe from character assasination within any organiztion they belong to or participate in...theres alot out there and I belong to enough already

10 years ago someone I thought trustworthy, turned out not be be, goes to my pastor and tells him I am into bdsm and belonged to bdsm groups at one time. Its like really now, thats the best you can do! Was I asked to leave...no, but it sure did grind on me for awhile! Thats one kind of *organization*...

Being involved in *bdsm groups* is a whole different thing. Your putting yourself out there as a this or that, and if your sadistic and like to beat people, you better understand who your dealing with cuz your right it can backfire, and my perception of LP`s question is dealing with those kinds of *issues*. And having that hanging over your head that hey, this person may call the po po on me really is not a great place to be. It sucks.

It`s how one handles such accuastions that makes you or breaks you.

to believe going into bdsm groups and find honor,respect and all those other words people use to glorify this lifestyle, your going to be in for a huge surprise...because the problem with these kind of groups and with any other groups is the consist of two types of people, men and women, and there will be personality clashes, confilts and drama. Thats only my experience.

And I get that where many people do not like munches, play parties,groups etc. I do understand that, its not for everyone.

I do apologize for coming across so harshly towards you, that was uncalled for on my part.

All that being said, I do not agree that ones reputaion is any different on a national level or a local level, as thats all one really has when it gets down to it, you either stand within your own dignity and stand firm!

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 34

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/15/2013 9:23:47 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Thank you for the apology. As you realize now, I wasn't even implying anything negative about anyone's reputation or things they might have done, but believe no one should ever think they are untouchable. As you say, stand firm in your own dignity, however, it certainly sucks when you must do that to defend yourself.

As LP said, no one says that if/when the relationship ends, they will become an asshole (ok, I paraphrased, lol). I have laughed silently many times when people have said if they every split with their partner, it would be very amicable because neither person was like *that.* I worked for 20 years in Family Law, and people come up with all sorts of things because they are hurt and angry. While not the subject, look how many people have had to deal with accusations about hurting their children or doing all sorts of horrible things when relationships end. Usually false allegations, but having to fight them at all is stressful and exhausting.

What I have found is that the people who least thought they would ever have to deal with such a thing tend to be the least equipped with having to fight such allegations.

(in reply to ThundersCry54)

Post #: 35

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/15/2013 9:45:27 AM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu
I know you can't know for sure if someone's not going to lash out at you when they're feeling hurt.

No, you can't. It's unfortunate but the truth of the matter is a person might do a complete character change. Nobody starts a play relationship with the person who says, "when this arrangement ends, I'm going to try to screw you over".

That's true!

But I have seen people (Dom, sub, vanilla, whatever) ignore warning signs and upfront bad behavior, because they found the other person attractive or the sex was good or were just lonely and willing to take whoever was willing to be with them. And then things inevitably blew up in their face, in one way or another. That's what I meant. There's no guarantee, but.... if you use good judgement you can at least reduce the likelihood of having to deal with crazy.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 36

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/15/2013 10:15:14 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm glad this thread is bringing forth discussion and even getting folks to consider some things that maybe they hadn't before. That's the goal here.

Going on to the private vrs public thing, I think there are considerations for both. Playing in public does give you the benefit of having other folks around you to witness exactly what you do during play but doesn't help with any issues that arise once you leave. When the bottom gets drop the next day and starts thinking to themselves, "I didn't really want to do that", it can become something it wasn't. Playing privately, you don't have to worry about gossip that might happen in the community, but you also don't have anybody to confirm that a person never said "no".

Yes, I actually do remember those waivers that certain famous people were having the folks that they had sexual encounters with sign to specifically state that it was consensual sex. That's top notch CYA there. Then again, if I had to worry about being sued for a couple of million over a one night stand, it might just be worth it.

I think Liz made a very good point about it doesn't have to be the person that you played with who tires to cause trouble. It can be the person who wanted the play partner that you've got or the person who isn't your play partner because you chose somebody else. People make false allegations for some really twisted reasons sometimes.

SirJude makes another good point in that some people won't want to get involved and may not be willing to help. It's important to remember that some people will. If you've got emails from other people where the accuser goes from "it hurts so much that the Dom left" to "there is/was abuse going on," it takes some of the air out of the sails when it comes to credibility.

I particularly want to thank the folks who volunteered to share their stories about how easy this can happen. I liked the suggestion about taking screen shots for those types of media where things can be changed. The rest is simply a matter of don't delete.

I'm looking forward to the continued discussion on this matter.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ThundersCry54)

Post #: 37

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/16/2013 6:27:11 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

continued from reply # 5

Anyway, after rumors abounded, I ended up flying my ex back to visit and straighten everyone out.

Just reaffirming your good advice in the OP.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 38

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/17/2013 5:52:31 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I'm sure you have an excellent reputation, Steven. So imagine LPs which is on a national level, not simply local.

The whole point is that it can happen, and everyone should be prepared for it. Sometimes the people who least think it can happen to them, get hit the worst. And while you have a reputation in the community, that wouldn't mean all that much to police.

To be clear, I'm not saying you have done anything or anything like that. But to think you have so good of a reputation that you are immune to such a thing is flippant and not a very wise thing.

Are you specifically referring to rape allegations, then?

I'm sexually monogamous with my sub. If the cops were to come, I'd be considered innocent until proven guilty. And she'd have none of my semen on her.

If it came to allegations of assault, I'm still not worried. I don't play that hard on a first session.

And my sub's a lawyer.

Part of enjoying life is to not worry about things that are not concerns.

Actually, I'm referring to any kind of allegations, although LP seemed to be more implying those that have a legal ramification.

I think you are being unrealistically flippant about the whole thing, because have you have seen yourself, "innocent until proven guilty" will only apply to a conviction. The court of public opinion doesn't work that way.

Just a reminder.....many rapists were involved in "monogamous" relationships also. I realize that you are very unlikely to do such a thing, but we weren't talking about people who actually DO something, rather those that are falsely accused.

LL, I see two implied assertions in your post.

1. LP has a more widely known and stronger rep than I do.
2. She's worried, so I should be too.

I agree with the first.

I disagree with the second. I don't think that she has any cause for concern. She's got years of experience, and no claims thus far. I'd believe a claim against a newbie or someone who was not associated with the community far more than I would someone with an unblemished track record and associations with three communities.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 39

RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations - 5/17/2013 7:00:41 AM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Sadly, we want to believe the best of our "friends" & we forget what happens when that same person becomes our antagonist. We don't think twice about deleting those generic "great to meet you, had fun..let's do it again soon" emails which could prove at least the other person is talking from both sides of their mouth. You are so right about DV laws--all it takes is showing the police red marks or bruises especially in certain areas of the body & you admitting that you were the one that put them there to get yourself an overnight stay in a holding cell. I kind of forget what the Dom is risking when agreeing to accommodate me. Let's face it..if I have red marks or bruises on my throat, fingerprint bruises on my upper arms & file a sworn complaint with the police...they have to err on the side of caution and arrest the Dom. I don't even know if having a signed waiver or agreement (anyone remember when some men were having women sign pre-sex agreements saying they were willingly engaging in sex to protect themselves from rape allegations?) would prevent being arrested.

LP, you have my sincerest hope that you are able to quickly & cheaply (we all forget the cost involved in proving ourselves innocent!) resolve this matter

I have seen on reality police shows where some woman cries he hit me and even without any marks the police handcuffed the boyfriend and when he swore he never touched her they simply said tell it to the judge. It is rather scary that some areas the police seem happy to cart someone off to jail simply on the word of someone else.

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(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Protecting yourself from false allegations

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