RE: To Munch or not to Munch?

RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (Full Version)

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slaveluci -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/21/2013 7:13:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman The library. Hang out at one, read some books, go through out of town newspapers. And based on the number of people covering up their computer screens when I walked behind them, closeted kinksters without home-based internet [;)] Seriously. I know two librarians personally, and they are fun and interesting people. A possible scenario would be to find a suitable tome (kink is not usually advertised openly, but it is there), plop yourself down for a few hours and gauge the reactions of the 'wanderers' who snoop you as you're sitting there. Make sure you leave a book with a salacious title visible. I've been a librarian for over 10 years and, yes, I am very fun and interesting too [;)] Many of my co-workers in a large library system are free-thinking "wild child"-types, artistic and very open. I imagine several of them are "kinksters" as I am. The salacious title, though, doesn't really weed out the kinky from the non, though, now that everyone and his granny has read the dreaded "Fifty Shades" trilogy[8D] luci

littlewonder -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/21/2013 7:15:57 PM)
quote: So if not a munch, what? I gave an alternative option....just meet one on one and get to know someone the old fashioned way....dating. I've met men absolutely everywhere....grocery store, friends of friends, childhood friend, blind dates, different online sites other than just bdsm ones, work, social places like festivals and carnivals and such, and even just sitting in the park and a guy sees me reading a book and starts a conversation with me. But like I said, I don't really understand the whole bdsm community thing and how it is supposed to be of some kind of help. I just don't understand whatever happened to meeting people the normal way.

Missokyst -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/21/2013 7:35:56 PM)
I think that began to die out in the 90's. I remember dating and not fucking my date. Now if you date more than one man at a time it is assumed you are having sex and like it or not, people tend to be very judgemental. lol Once here I suggested dating more than a few until you can whittle it down to the one you want and I swear the replies I got were mostly horrified. Apparently people believe they can only date or fuck "the one". I never understood how anyone can find that mythical person without the process of dating first. I do see the value of meeting at places of kink, because of that value judgement. Me.. I like the work of getting to know someone. quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder But like I said, I don't really understand the whole bdsm community thing and how it is supposed to be of some kind of help. I just don't understand whatever happened to meeting people the normal way.

MasterCaneman -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/21/2013 8:50:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman The library. Hang out at one, read some books, go through out of town newspapers. And based on the number of people covering up their computer screens when I walked behind them, closeted kinksters without home-based internet [;)] Seriously. I know two librarians personally, and they are fun and interesting people. A possible scenario would be to find a suitable tome (kink is not usually advertised openly, but it is there), plop yourself down for a few hours and gauge the reactions of the 'wanderers' who snoop you as you're sitting there. Make sure you leave a book with a salacious title visible. I've been a librarian for over 10 years and, yes, I am very fun and interesting too [;)] Many of my co-workers in a large library system are free-thinking "wild child"-types, artistic and very open. I imagine several of them are "kinksters" as I am. The salacious title, though, doesn't really weed out the kinky from the non, though, now that everyone and his granny has read the dreaded "Fifty Shades" trilogy[8D] luci All it's for is to subtly advertise (the person in question)'s predilections. And not everyone has read The Book That Shall Not Be Named. Zero interest for me. Think of them as tasty bait for a sensual trap of sorts, and coupled with a few other subtle hints as to the reader's "secret" pastime. Of the two librarians I know, pretty sure one is into the scene, although she plays her cards close to her chest. My other friend is more laid-back hipster, but you can't read a book by it's cover...

MasterCaneman -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/21/2013 8:53:48 PM)
No, I meant taking everyday items and turning them into kinky hardware.

Ayla77 -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/23/2013 7:06:41 PM)
I'm throwing a munch in Bay Ridge , Brooklyn Friday, May 31. I know what you mean about not being great to meet people for play partners. If u don't like talking to people online and prefer meeting them in person other than parties, dungeons what choice do u have. Personally I think ur better off meeting play partners at parties and clubs/dungeons b/c there u may be able to play right then or at least u know the people there want to play otherwise they wldn't be at a play party. Problem with munches is yes many times it's the same group of people. Also many of the people are newbies with little or no experience themselves. So it's like the blind leading the blind.

thishereboi -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/23/2013 9:20:30 PM)
In the 13 years I have been doing this I have met 100's of people. Some I have developed very close friendships with. I've played with a lot of them. Served even more. Out of all those people I have met 2 of them through the internet. One was my first mistress and the other I saw once and then she dropped out of sight. The rest I met at munches, play parties and events. One of my closest friends wasn't having luck meeting anyone online and was told she should attend events and volunteer to help at them. She did and met her partner. They have been together for about 12 years now. If there were nothing around, I would drive 2 hours to find one. I used to drive an hour to pick up my mistress and then drive another 2 hours to go to the Flint munch. It really wasn't a big deal. The farthest I drove was from Detroit to Memphis to attend a play party at Impact. It was well worth the trip.

thishereboi -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/23/2013 10:20:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman No, I meant taking everyday items and turning them into kinky hardware. I belonged to a group that had educational events every month. One of them was on turning everyday items into toys. It was a lot of fun and I learned some really cheap ways to have fun. I learned a lot from that group and made a lot of really good friends. I was lucky enough to get on the board for a few years. That led to being a demo bottom for some of the presenters and the opportunity to try a whole range of things. Interestingly enough, I doubt I would have ever heard of it if I hadn't gone to that one munch.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/23/2013 11:42:34 PM)
Hi lostnlooking9, When it comes to meeting somebody this site or other BDSM sites ironically are not exactly the best place. The same may or may not hold true of Munches. This site and other sites have a Large number of people on it, many guys chasing after women. (meat market that tends to wear on people's nerves and expectations... a lot of messages to deal with). Munches on contrast are extremely small social groups. So this is one extreme to another. Don't rule either one out. However, don't have any high expectations from either. Use other social networking sites and services. Be it craigslist to Adult Match making sites or even Vanilla ones. You can write a profile that has what you're all about without sounding like an extreme freak. However, anybody that's into this will "Get it" and understand enough to take the bait. Also, you are removing the element of having to deal with all the so called "fakes". I'm a male Dom, so I've not had the additional frustration of dealing with the Female Financial Doms looking for Tribute just to talk/chat. However, I understand the same frustration and constant disappointment. The webcam girls, the girls driving membership traffic to specific sites and etc.. are all on the same par. Fuck it, I myself only have so much time to devote to these same kind of disappointing results. I recently Changed up my own Game! Literally recently!! I had a melt down a little over a week ago. I made a quick jump to the Vanilla Channels... Quickly Skimmed and made 3 responses, which lead to a series of email exchanges. Chatting online, and no big deal connecting on facebook, and taking things voice. They were not fearful of me being a big bad Dom out to stalk and literally fuck 'em up. They also were not jaded from dealing with 101 previous Dominants. LOL Well, you get the idea. A very easy to chat with and refreshing after being back on here for a month. This Sunday... I'm going to be spending the whole day with an extremely kinky (and clearly submissive girl) who does not personally identify with this Lifestyle. She's really not vanilla she just has not personally identified and associated herself with the BDSM sub-culture itself. It's really that simple. Also refreshing was talking about vanilla things, Extremely kinky things and also about relationship mindset. The whole ball of Wax. I don't know how everything is going to work out in the days and weeks to come. Just that this got me out from behind the Computer screen, onto the real scene of being up close and personal. I had limited my search down to within a couple of hours drive for me. Dealing with Reality!! I'm not spending any more time on somebody that's extremely LD from me and many other things. Yes, I was away from CM for awhile. My last couple of hook-up's came from meeting women in the real world and simply talking. Not from online. Anyways, I walked away from this madness and was going with What has and continues to Always work!! Just the way it is, at least for me. I don't know about you or anybody else. Good luck with your search.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/24/2013 6:26:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder But like I said, I don't really understand the whole bdsm community thing and how it is supposed to be of some kind of help. I just don't understand whatever happened to meeting people the normal way. Nothing wrong with meeting people the normal way. However, when you meet people the normal way at a vanilla location (e.g. the library, grocery store, or even a night club) there is a high probability that they're going to be freaked out when you tell them that you prefer to be tied down and pissed on, then made to suck the cocks of complete strangers, before actually going home to your cuckold husband whom you haven't had sex with in years. But if you say that at a munch or play party, you'll likely get a bored response from most people (because they're actually thinking, "amateur"), and one or two people who will say "that's what I like to do too!". THAT is why meeting people in the normal vanilla way is not typically the best approach for meeting a kinky partner.

sexyred1 -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/24/2013 7:42:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: So if not a munch, what? I gave an alternative option....just meet one on one and get to know someone the old fashioned way....dating. I've met men absolutely everywhere....grocery store, friends of friends, childhood friend, blind dates, different online sites other than just bdsm ones, work, social places like festivals and carnivals and such, and even just sitting in the park and a guy sees me reading a book and starts a conversation with me. But like I said, I don't really understand the whole bdsm community thing and how it is supposed to be of some kind of help. I just don't understand whatever happened to meeting people the normal way. I agree, unless you live in some really remote place where there are no public places to meet people. I am old fashioned, I am meeting someone for a drink tomorrow afternoon in person. If I like him, I will hang out, if I don't, I will leave. Same as in vanilla dating. Like I said earlier in the thread, the kinkiest guys I met were in old fashioned vanilla ways. No munch necessary.

NuevaVida -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/24/2013 8:29:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact No, I don't do anything in life with the purpose of "meeting someone". Do you honestly do something for fun with that as your ultimate goal? When you play baseball, is it with the purpose to find an intimate partner in the stands? If you volunteer at the local homeless shelter, is it with scoring chicks in mind? Was your incentive to joining your local book club to find eligible females? That's not living. That's waiting. [/color] This, a million times over. quote: Actually, I'm of the mind that a person should be happy with themselves first, rather than put the priority of meeting a partner. And this, a million times over. So here's my take. Whether it's a munch, a ball game, a book club - whatever - I think people should go do what they enjoy doing. When you're off enjoying life, you attract the kind of people who also enjoy the same shared interests. And by "people" I mean just that - not partners, not anything specific, just people who enjoy the same fun you do. For me, munches just aren't my thing, and that's because I have interests and passions that outweigh BDSM. Sure it's great that other people like D/s relationships and S&M type play, too, and I'm always open to chat about those interests, but right now my prevailing life interests are about Zumba, music, wine, good food, some new-agey spiritual stuff, and being active. I met the Mister on the other side of CM, but we connected through conversations about music and food. I do have a small group of close friends who live an M/s dynamic, and those are the folks I share "relationship stuff" with. My point is, piggy-backing on what LP said, if you find what makes YOU (generic you) tick, what makes YOU laugh and enjoy life, and then go do that with a happy spirit and open to possibilities of ANYTHING life might offer, that's when you start attracting friends, acquaintances and possibly more, of the kinds of people who also enjoy those things. Maybe a munch would do that for someone. Maybe a golf club would. The possibilities are endless. I'm convinced we attract what we are. If we say, "I'll never meet someone" then guess what? We probably never will. If we regularly complain about things, we meet others who also complain. If we are positive, we meet other positive people, and so on. In whatever walk of life we happen to be in. I know of a woman who decided to go to culinary school, because food is her passion. And she got to know several other students in her class, who share that passion for food. And friendships began, and they introduced each other to their own circle of friends, and their circle of friends grew. And through that circle of friends, oh guess what? Here's this really cool man, who likes kink, too....and so it goes. But she didn't go to culinary school with the idea of meeting a partner. She went to fulfill her passion for food. She went because it made her happy to go. I have another friend who checks Match.com every day, and every day she complains that there are no good guys out there, and that she'll always be single. She complains about these things as she sits in her living room, night after night, by herself, watching TV. I've told her the man of her dreams isn't going to just knock on her door. But she's convinced, even if she follows whatever her interests are, she'll never meet someone at this point. And you know what? I believe her. Her soured attitude will ensure that. I'm not opposed to people saying "Go to a munch" as a good idea/start. How else will someone know if they like them or not? But I'd couple that advice with, "Go do your passion" because that's where they'll find fulfillment and possibilities.

MasterCaneman -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/24/2013 9:19:05 AM)
I have another friend who checks Match.com every day, and every day she complains that there are no good guys out there, and that she'll always be single. She complains about these things as she sits in her living room, night after night, by herself, watching TV. I've told her the man of her dreams isn't going to just knock on her door. But she's convinced, even if she follows whatever her interests are, she'll never meet someone at this point. And you know what? I believe her. Her soured attitude will ensure that. This sums up everything people have been trying to tell the OP. It doesn't matter what avenue you choose to find your desire, it's that you actively seek it. There is no right or wrong way, as long you try.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/24/2013 1:12:26 PM)
What Rochsub2009 said makes the most rational sense to me. I was struck reading this thread by how many people offer a lecture that we should be able to meet kinky relationship partners in vanilla settings, or pursuing our vanilla hobbies and passions, when they themselves met their LTR partners on a kinky sex website, primarily this one. WTF?

sexyred1 -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/24/2013 2:07:58 PM)
You know what? None of this discussion addresses a very important point, and actually the only important point. You cannot predict whether you will meet your kinky partner of your dreams at a munch or in the library or at the movies, or volunteering, or white water rafting or at a BDSM club. You can only put yourself out in the word doing what you like and also try and seek out like minded people to match you kink wise. However, whether or not anyone has met their partners on Collarme or another kink site or even a vanilla site has no bearing on what you REALLY need to meet someone right for you: LUCK.

ThundersCry54 -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/24/2013 3:17:22 PM)
I`m am guilty of suggesting to people here, to try going to a munch..Not often but I have. I have been to them... if not, I have no bizz encouraging others to do so. Just folks getting together for lunch or supper...no big deal I did not go to find someone...I went out of curiosity, and most there, I would not hang out with... I was told years ago, in the place I live,the chances of me finding someone out and about was and would be much easier...how true that is... To try and just build a relationship on the foundation of just bdsm never worked for me. Thats a fantasy... So I agree with the OP, just attending munches may leave peope very alone. I observed way to many...that way. So hungry and so alone....so disappointed... Whatever rings your bell....

littlewonder -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/24/2013 3:48:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: So if not a munch, what? I gave an alternative option....just meet one on one and get to know someone the old fashioned way....dating. I've met men absolutely everywhere....grocery store, friends of friends, childhood friend, blind dates, different online sites other than just bdsm ones, work, social places like festivals and carnivals and such, and even just sitting in the park and a guy sees me reading a book and starts a conversation with me. But like I said, I don't really understand the whole bdsm community thing and how it is supposed to be of some kind of help. I just don't understand whatever happened to meeting people the normal way. I agree, unless you live in some really remote place where there are no public places to meet people. I am old fashioned, I am meeting someone for a drink tomorrow afternoon in person. If I like him, I will hang out, if I don't, I will leave. Same as in vanilla dating. Like I said earlier in the thread, the kinkiest guys I met were in old fashioned vanilla ways. No munch necessary. Exactly. The same has always worked for me as well in the same exact way. Rochsub, I guess I must be different then. I've never had a man freak out on me because I liked to submit to him but then I also don't really have any weird fetishes or kinks. Every guy I've ever met has some kind of kink or fetish and the types of men I have dated are all dominant personality men, not Doms. I guess if all you are looking for is kink and fetish and the playing is what does it for you, then I guess you're stuck going to munches or just sticking to sex sites online. quote: NuevaVida: For me, munches just aren't my thing, and that's because I have interests and passions that outweigh BDSM. Sure it's great that other people like D/s relationships and S&M type play, too, and I'm always open to chat about those interests, but right now my prevailing life interests are about Zumba, music, wine, good food, some new-agey spiritual stuff, and being active. I met the Mister on the other side of CM, but we connected through conversations about music and food. This, just this. My passions have always been stuff other than bdsm. Bdsm is fun and all but for me my life passions are books (not porn), my work which I'm loving and love learning more about it, spending time with Master not doing anything at all or just going hiking or seeing a movie or whatever, spending time with my daughter and catching up on her life, my spirituality, working on stuff around my home, learning to cook new things for Master, etc... As for having met Master here, yup, we did. But the difference is that I could have met him anywhere and I still would have felt the same towards him. In the two years we spoke online and never had any interest in him whatsoever as anything more than a can't sleep and it's 3am chat, I can't even remember us having ever spoken about bdsm at all. Our conversations always revolved around life stuff. I didn't have any interest in him until I saw him in person. Had I seen him out and about in town without having ever spoken to him, I still would have fallen for him. It just happened to be on here that I met him because at the time, thats where I was spending my time since I couldn't sleep. I've met men at grocery stores, work, bars, friends of friends. But I also don't need the bdsm play to be happy in a relationship. I can take it or leave it as long as he's an old fashioned dominant personality man. So I think that leaves one question; How important is bdsm play for you?

Missokyst -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/24/2013 5:13:25 PM)
Done in one word quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 LUCK.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/24/2013 5:34:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9 Hey all.. I've read a fair amount of posts here, and a large number of replies happen to come up as "go to a munch" "Find a play party" "go to a local group to meet people" Sometimes that seems to be the end all answer or solution for some. But what if someone has no group or munch nearby? What if they must drive 2 hours to get to one and for whatever reason are unable to get to one because of such? Is such ever considered when giving answers to people seeking such from peers on here? And that doesn't even take into account that munches or the public scene isn't for everyone. Secondly, I see a lot of posts from people looking for advice on how to find their perfect sub or Domme or whatever. And of course "go to a Munch" is a common answer. The thing is, from my understanding and my experience, it is not. For the most part, many munches are attended by the same group of people month to month. Yes, new people come on occasion and other people stop, but for the most part it is the same general group all the time. Attending a Munch with the hope of meeting someone would end in disappointment. YES, I know and understand that you cannot meet someone right off, and sometimes you may have to get to know them through multiple munches. However I see Munches as a place to meet people who are into the lifestyle, get to know them, talk and share experiences and have a good time, Not as a place to meet a partner. Yes you can, and yes it does happen. But does it happen often enough to really be good advice to offer people? Especially since not everyone lives in large cities where the munch attendance may be more volatile? Perhaps as a reflection, of all those or any of those who recommend Munches as a good place to meet a partner, how many d/s relationships of yours personally have come from such yourself? I know many will disagree with the above and I may be bashed, and so be it. I am reflecting on if it is really good advice to tell and give so many people the answer of "go to a munch" as opposed to an answer that may be helpful specifically for them. Perhaps I am wrong with the above and if so I would admit such, in any case perhaps it would make for a good conversation. thank you I have an unusual aversion....I diverge.

DesFIP -> RE: To Munch or not to Munch? (5/24/2013 5:47:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst I think that began to die out in the 90's. I remember dating and not fucking my date. Now if you date more than one man at a time it is assumed you are having sex and like it or not, people tend to be very judgemental. lol Once here I suggested dating more than a few until you can whittle it down to the one you want and I swear the replies I got were mostly horrified. Apparently people believe they can only date or fuck "the one". I never understood how anyone can find that mythical person without the process of dating first. I can only date one at a time. I don't recall being judgmental though. If I was, I apologize. I just find it's easier to only focus on one person at a time. But I have ADD and anxiety so that may well influence it. But by dating, I meant just that. No obligation to have sex until such a time as you both want to take the next step.

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