tazzygirl
Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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quote:
With all due respect, Tazzy girl, sometimes the gripes against FinDoms sound an awful lot like angry men bashing sex workers.
And as a feminist, it does make me extremely uncomfortable to read some of the things written about FinDoms (and I'm saying this as a man who is INCREDIBLY critical of MANY of the FinDoms that I've encountered, and I've written extensively about this, too, and won't deny that there are MANY things that I think need to be changed about FD).
I am a feminist and I have no problem raising the questions. If we dont keep ourselves in check, you end up with the feminist movement that is what it is today.. which for me, is in a sad state of affairs and rather disappointing.
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The thing is, when I'm critical of FinDoms, I'm critical of individual sex workers. I'm not generalizing. There are some that are unscrupulous, and there are others that have hearts of gold and are truly amazing people, both as FinDoms and as human beings, if you ever bothered to get to know any of them (like I have) and met their families.
I count among my friends here a few findommes who are sweet and good hearted. They dont come across as raging bitches on the rag (forgive my crudeness, but its the best description for some I have seen).
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Tell me, would you bash prostitutes for "abusing" johns? I'm not likening FD to prostitution, but there is a point here: FD, more often than not, IS a form of sex work. Yes, it's closer in form to "phone sex" than "prostitution," but most FinDoms identify as "sex workers" (although quite a few don't).
The majority here will insist its not about the sex. Yet you are saying it is. I have long felt prostitution should be legal. They should be taxed. They should be protected as any other worked in the US. And they should be legal to get rid of the pimps.
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Anyway, the point I'm making is this: it takes an awful lot of self-righteousness to bash sex workers indiscriminately, especially from someone who makes it a point to "belong" to an alternative lifestyle such as this. I mean, you identify as a submissive women. How many feminists would say that you're PART of the problem. Of course I don't agree. I support all women, including submissive women, and don't really see it as a bad or a good thing, it's a personal choice. But that's the whole point that I'm making: why cast stones, why be judgmental of FinDoms, as a group, as though what they are doing is so god-awful, so illegitimate, that they must be shamed out of town? Prostitutes get treated better. Honestly. And I'm saying this as a man who was nearly ruined by financial domination.
And there is my issue with the current day feminisits. Feminism is about the right to make that choice. I made mine. I am happy with my decision. Its not for everyone. But I dont have someone telling me I HAVE tio be a slave, or that I HAVE to be submissive, or that I CANT be what I am. Now, I have to ask you. Why woudl a feminist who believes a woman can be anything she desires tell me I am half the problem? (Not saying you did). The movement has been co-opted by male bashers who want to make females the superior race. Not going to wash in my world. And, as you can tell, I have no problem speaking up on this topic. Why are we exchanging one superiority based solely upon sex for another?
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By the way, since we're on the subject of making generalizations, how do submissive women tend to react to submissive men in their midst? Warmly?
I have many submissive males as friends. Some I admire greatly. What I choose not to have is males who are kink oriented. And I shall explain why.
Inevitably, without fail, I get some male sub messaging me to dominate them. They are that horny they are begging a woman who identifies as a slave to dom them sexually. If thatw as my kink, I would be listed as a domme, or at the very least a switch. They are seeking that quick orgasm, that chance to prove their male subbiness long enough to get off. When they are spurned, they turn into outrageous assholes, slamming the submissive females. These are guys who are into the sex only aspect, and, in my opinion, they are complete time wasters. They dont bother to read a profile. Yet they continue to badger and beg like a dog after a bone.. all puns intended.
And why are they messaging me? Because they are horny and often broke so the FinDommes wont give them the time of day, the Dommes wont have anything to do with them, and that leaves the submissive women for them to hope to cop a.. well.. you get the point.
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Or, interestingly enough, how do submissive women tend to react to any man who is not their Dominant?
Friendly in the beginning. Their actions will determine the continuation of that friendship or not. Thats with any man, not just dominant.
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The answer, of course, is that they react with an abundance of caution, especially online, and a "guilty until proven innocent" posture that makes communicating with them almost impossible. And yet, I can understand it, at least from the perspective of the submissive woman: She assumes that every man who contacts her is propositioning her, in some way, shape, or form, for sexual play.
Wow, you really think we submissive women believe its all about us? lol... I have many male friends. They know we are simply friends. I tease and flirt, flatter egos, and enjoy myself. Being a natural tease has its benefits and its drawbacks. but, I am also deeply secure in who I am and what I need from people. Step over the line, and I will draw them up short. I have no issue with blocking people either. Off line, someone crosses theline, and I guarantee you, one look on my face and they wont cross that line again.
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And quite often she's right about it, too. Nevertheless, the generalization doesn't hold true for all submissive men. Nor does the "guilty until proven innocent" posture apply to all submissive women. It's time to stop bashing.
I made no generalizations, not in the stance you are taking. I did say these are people I have watched closely, been in contact with, and know something about. I also said that I cannot speak for everyone.
My post...
Here is my limited experience from watching some on line findommes in action, and the submissives who seek them out. They are all a needy group. And money is the foundation.
If you dont have money, you dont have a relationship. I am not speaking for all, just the one's I have seen in action in video chat, so I cannot speak for all the people who interact as a fin-relationship.
So lets keep the generalizations out of the discussion. I was quite clear on who I was referring too.
< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 5/30/2013 9:57:23 PM >
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